Breaking a size issue with any potential girlfriend

[SweetLovesVick]

I'm going to chime in here too. You are normal. I've had smaller than what you have described and had mind-blowing sex. It is not your penis that's the problem - it's your shattered self-confidence. It's a shame, because you sound like a great guy - someone caring and giving. What your first lover said was about her - it had nothing to do with you. Sometimes, when you hear something so devastating from someone you think loves you, you believe it. You believe it because the one person who knows you better than anyone else says it. Again, it was about her insecurities or need to hurt or to feel powerful or whatever mean little reason she had. But holding onto that to what she said only hurts you and that's giving someone who is no longer in your life too much power.
As a woman - if a man was to "warn" me about how inadequate he was, I would run in the other direction. The woman who is going to be good to you is going to be a confident, secure woman who will be attracted to a confident secure man. Even if you don't feel that way yet, act like it. "Fake it til you make it". Eventually it will become true. Good luck!

I agree with everything said above it is great information for you and you should take it to heart. I think you need to go to Barnes and Noble and get some confidence building books. Your penis size is not the problem your confidence is so low and you need to build it back up. You sound from your posts like a wonderful person. And who says you have to date a girl from your small town? After getting a divorce I went on line met and dated a man from San Diego I am in Upstate NY. Now he lives here and we are married with two toddlers under 6yrs. So your girl is out there. Problem is your too worried about "size" instead of looking for her in every place you can think of including the internet. My husband and I never discussed size ever before we had sex. I think guys talk about size here but I doubt when they are trying to find a lover and dating they do not bring it up in conversation until after having sex. And you are not required to tell anyone your a virgin either when dating. Cheer up you have a great personality and someone out there will love you for that, most men have no personality so you beat all them out hands down!
(ESO: How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm by Dr. Alan P. Brauer and Donna J. Brauer)

I purchased this book above for my brother and found out my husband read it also.

 

[LaFemme]

If you believe that cock size is the basis for confidence in men - I'm not going to change your mind. You believe what you want. I'll just share what my reaction would be if we were going to have sex and you told me you were a virgin with a small penis. I'm personally cool with virgins and "deflowered" two - one was 26 and the the other was 35. It was awsome and I don't remember their cock sizes. But they were confident, funny and smart. So the sex was fun too. I have never had anyone "warn" me about cock size - big or small, so I can only guess what I would do. And that's to say - size really doesn't matter.

Btw. SweetLovesVick - I have that book. It's incredible!

 

[basincreek]

If you believe that cock size is the basis for confidence in men - I'm not going to change your mind. You believe what you want. I'll just share what my reaction would be if we were going to have sex and you told me you were a virgin with a small penis. I'm personally cool with virgins and "deflowered" two - one was 26 and the the other was 35. It was awsome and I don't remember their cock sizes. But they were confident, funny and smart. So the sex was fun too. I have never had anyone "warn" me about cock size - big or small, so I can only guess what I would do. And that's to say - size really doesn't matter.

Btw. SweetLovesVick - I have that book. It's incredible!

Ah, so it is small. Or are you just speculating that is how I would put it?

You deflowered two virgins? I thought women only wanted experienced men? Shoot a few months back I got set up on a blind date. That was important because when I ask out women they always say no and are usually pretty cruel about it (ever have a gal pull out an iPhone and demand you reask her out while getting you on video so she can laugh through the whole thing then end it by describing how stupid you were to think she'd go out to dinner with you? Well I have!). So, I get to this blind date and it turns out she wasn't even interested in me. She wanted me to hook her up with a friend of mine because he had banged......I don't about 80-90 gals that I could verify. That was very.......emasculating.

 

[garrettmoe09]

I want to say that this has been, by far, the most worrisome topic for me my whole life, too.
This conversation has been extremely enlightening and relieving.

Thanks SO much everyone!

 

[LaFemme]

Speculating.

 

[B_subgirrl]

So your main concerns are that you are a virgin and that you are average sized, right?

On the virgin issue: Most women really won't care that you are a virgin. Some will find the idea of 'teaching' a virgin immensely attractive. Some will be bothered by it.

Personally, I prefer non-virgins because I like to be dominated (even in vanilla sex) and those with experience are more likely to know what they are doing and have the confidence to take charge. But I wouldn't immediately turn you down because of it either. I think the best approach here is to just not tell them that you're a virgin until afterwards (if at all).

On the size issue: You have an average size penis. Most women don't care too much about size and average will be perfectly fine. You really don't need to be going around giving any warnings about this one :smile:.

The things most women DO care about are personality and confidence, as previous posters have said. Get those things under control and you'll get all the sex you want (within reason!).

 

[sandiasky9]

dude, great thread to start, made so by so much real feedback that was direct and helpful... i will throw my two cents out there as an old experienced guy with a penchant for making friends (not so much so making lovers - aarg) with the female gender... generalizations: the best penis size for a woman is that of her lover (in terms of relationships people make it work regardless, you will have lovers that don't orgasm as easily as others and you will, being sensitive, not think "what a drag", instead learn her and her body and enjoy every minute of it....
woman do have sex drives and the appearance of a large penis (on her lover) will be a sexy sight to her, but so would a nice flat belly! blathering, but make you your best you for her (and yourself) and will end with the real dealers up there focused on confidence and just the act of working to be your best you will get you going there

 

[basincreek]

So, if I do feel my 4 5/8 inch under-average girth is an issue I can possibly keep her from leaving (or cheating) by be being willing to do all sorts of extra things that maybe other guys are not willing to take the time to do? Like offer to let her "shim up" a small vibrator inside alongside me and stuff like that? Oh and paying extra special attention to what she likes out of oral stimulation?

 

[D_Ezdras Dingledonger]

Maybe it's just me, but I think confidence trumps dick size any day. That is to say, if you're a little under average, you can completely mask it by presenting yourself well and not making an issue of it. Dress well, smell good, groom yourself, be a man, get the situation under control. Instead of making a glaring neon sign out of your dick, know that you can be subtle, courteous and self-assured when it comes to sex, which will likely please her far more than you shoving an extra dildo up in there next to you.

I do think bringing up your penis size to her before the act itself is a mistake - it shows you've got insecurity on the brain which is a bigger dealbreaker than any small dick out there. Likewise, if you're constantly overcompensating by trying to eat her out and using toys on her, she'll pick up on your self-doubt and possibly run for the hills. So in essence, please her, but first and foremost, please yourself. People appreciate a degree of selfishness because it's what they expect from another person. It makes their motives clear instead of them seeming creepy and overaccommodating.

Again, this is all just my opinion and based on my experiences so far in life, but it's something to think about.

 

[helgaleena]

Until you and a potential partner are both in the act, you have no idea what HER equipment will be like! Some women have extremely tiny vaginas or shallow ones and have difficulty accommodating even an average penis. Do not let these 'what ifs' hang you up in advance of any sex you may have.

Fall in love with a woman first, and then see about how you two can treat each other with intimate caring of all styles. Heck, fall in love with a man, or a trans, or an it! And if you find that either of you do not have the equipment needed for complete pleasure, there's a toy on the internet somewhere that can fix the deficit.

Any woman who has specific 'inches' requirements for intimacy has hangups. Steer clear.

 

[mattsrod7]

a good relationship is def. a key priority

 

[basincreek]

Until you and a potential partner are both in the act, you have no idea what HER equipment will be like! Some women have extremely tiny vaginas or shallow ones and have difficulty accommodating even an average penis. Do not let these 'what ifs' hang you up in advance of any sex you may have.

Fall in love with a woman first, and then see about how you two can treat each other with intimate caring of all styles. Heck, fall in love with a man, or a trans, or an it! And if you find that either of you do not have the equipment needed for complete pleasure, there's a toy on the internet somewhere that can fix the deficit.

Any woman who has specific 'inches' requirements for intimacy has hangups. Steer clear.

I'm not going to have to many opportunities to get a woman. Being so crushingly shy and with all my friends girlfriends and wives having zero female friends my opportunity are greatly limited. I'm also not exactly handsome (if anyone wants a pic to confirm PM me) but I'm still working on getting into shape.

a good relationship is def. a key priority

Alas, I missed out on all the years when casual sex happens. So whatever happens will have to be a relationship. Which is alright with me.

But just how big a difference might there be felt? I mean I'm reading so much material I'm not sure just how below normal my 4 5/8 inch girth is. If "normal" is in fact 4 3/4" (or 4 7/8" according to some places on the net) how much difference is there in terms of how that would feel compared to my 4 5/8"? Is it possible that if a girl has only been with strictly "average" guys with 4 3/4" girths that she may not even notice? Of will the only way she wouldn't notice is if she had only had guys slimmer than mine? However statistically unlikely that might be.

Slant says I can mask my issue by not mentioning it, is that only possible if she hasn't had any too much bigger? I mean do I only need to start panicking and expecting her to dump me or cheat on me if she's been with guys with 5+" girth? 5 1/2+ girth? Or what?

 

[B_subgirrl]

So, if I do feel my 4 5/8 inch under-average girth is an issue I can possibly keep her from leaving (or cheating) by be being willing to do all sorts of extra things that maybe other guys are not willing to take the time to do? Like offer to let her "shim up" a small vibrator inside alongside me and stuff like that? Oh and paying extra special attention to what she likes out of oral stimulation?

By the sounds of it, you are ALWAYS going to feel that your size is an issue, until you learn to look at it realistically.

I repeat (in capitals, since you seem to be missing the point):

MOST WOMEN WILL BE SATISFIED WITH YOUR SIZE!

 

[basincreek]

By the sounds of it, you are ALWAYS going to feel that your size is an issue, until you learn to look at it realistically.

I repeat (in capitals, since you seem to be missing the point):

MOST WOMEN WILL BE SATISFIED WITH YOUR SIZE!

I guess that girl in college really got to me. And all the ladies on here that won't do anything less than 6" girth really messed with my mind too.

I guess since I feel like I will have so few opportunities to be with a woman that I don't want any of the few that I will get to be ruined by anything.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I guess that girl in college really got to me. And all the ladies on here that won't do anything less than 6" girth really messed with my mind too.

I guess since I feel like I will have so few opportunities to be with a woman that I don't want any of the few that I will get to be ruined by anything.

I think the girl in college DID get to you. But remember - she was only one person, and a rather unusual one at that. Size queens are really quite rare, and rude or dismissive ones are even rarer.

If you work on your confidence a bit I'm sure you will have plenty of opportunities to be with women - most of whom will truly be happy with your size.

It may help your confidence a little if you post a few pics. You may be surprised at how many nice comments you get. Just don't be silly enough to post a 'Is my cock OK?' thread in Women's Issues - they don't go down too well. :smile:

 

[DeepDish]

subgirrl is right. Your college girl is not what most women are like. Seriously.

I believe you are seeing a therapist?

If so I hope you are talking about this penis issue with him or her.

Because your view of your penis does not square with reality.

Additionally your view of what women want does not square with reality either, because you are basing it on one women.

Best of luck to you.

 

[basincreek]

I think the girl in college DID get to you. But remember - she was only one person, and a rather unusual one at that. Size queens are really quite rare, and rude or dismissive ones are even rarer.

If you work on your confidence a bit I'm sure you will have plenty of opportunities to be with women - most of whom will truly be happy with your size.

It may help your confidence a little if you post a few pics. You may be surprised at how many nice comments you get. Just don't be silly enough to post a 'Is my cock OK?' thread in Women's Issues - they don't go down too well. :smile:

Well, that is me in my avatar.

Did you just mean regular pics of me? Where would I post them?

 

[DeepDish]

You've got an attractive face, and you have what I call "warm eyes" - they make me think you have a big heart and a warm personality.

 

[kurios]

Good god do you really think every woman is going to measure you before you jump her....You are fine. There are a lot of guys with a lot less and women that don't even give a shit.....I realize this may be a bit callous but get at it.

 

[ShowOff]

I feel for you brother, only because I can relate... we are about the same size and I too have heard some really harsh things from some women. .. and for a while I had the same complex as you do. It wasnt until I found a very nice, very little gymnast who could barely take what I had and my confidence went through the roof. It wasnt long after, it seemed as if more and more women started to like me - as previously stated, women want a confident man and until you realize that a relationship is more than the size of your penis, youre not ready start dating.

Sorry for the harsh words but its just the way I feel.