Breaking-Up

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jay_too, Feb 2, 2005.

  1. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    All of us have stories related to breaking up....the nice way of saying, "I've been dumped." A few years ago, I got into it with my g/f at a club over me looking at another girl. Not guilty but convicted!

    By the time I got her home, we agreed to split. I asked to get my stuff and was told she wanted to be alone and certainly not see any more of me. "I'll call tomorrow when you can come clean out your crap."

    I got the call about 3:00 and went over to her apartment. As I walked out of the parking lot onto the grounds, I looked up and saw that the balconies in most of the apartments were filled with mutual friends. Suddenly I realized I was in for a drama. I looked up at the ex as she began to throw pink tees, briefs, shorts, and Nikes' down on me. Yup, shocked...then amused. I had never seen any Size 12 Nikes' in pink before. Friends threw down some plastic bags and and I stuffed my stuff in them and before leaving, said, "Thanks."

    I stewed for a few hours about an acceptable payback. I ended up calling mutual friends so that the ex and I ended up at the gym at the same time. She was on the stepper which was relatively close to the men's locker room when I went in to change. Yea, I slipped into my pink briefs and put on my pink socks and strutted around the locker room....looking in the mirror and asking friends, "Can't you see this with black net stockings? Etc." Yea, the guyz in the change room did not know what to think and then, they began to laugh and whistle. After about 10 minutes of being silly, I put on my pink Nikes' and pink tee...sorry no pink workout shorts.. and went out to begin my workout.

    People were bumping into things as they walked by. The full story got around the gym in seconds. I wore my pink outfits to the gym for about a week. Somehow, [wink, wink] the ex was always there.

    Within a week or two, three other friends broke up. Because of the timing we decided to have an anti-Valentine's Day Party....to celebrate one or more splits each of us had had. Yea, I was smashing in my tight pinkies.

    jay
     
  2. dfox7.3x5

    dfox7.3x5 New Member

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    Jay, wonderful story! And good for you!! I hope that since then you've found Ms. Wonderful (or, even, Mr. Wonderful!)
     
  3. txquis

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    I am all up for having an ANTI Valentines day party. that would make so many of my pals happy....

    But my breakup stories dont have anything amusing in 'em.
    I think it was SEX and THE CITY where somebody broke up by leaving
    a note on a post-it.

    Well.......

    I was broken up with on a note taped to the tv.
    :unsure:
    Sometimes I'm still scared of that tv when i come in the door. :p
     
  4. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    I wrote this when me and another person 'broke up' :

    Tears fell down from her face, making her beauty shine even more. Tormenting him. She was crying and he was expressionless. He couldn’t offer her any tears or even words, he wanted to more than anything. His only reaction was unspoken. A silent prayer. He prayed that the one he loved knew - as he did - how deep and treasured she was in his soul, how she contented him. He hoped she did. After all, she had stayed. Sat there for so long. Crying and hurting.

    For hours he had stood there, mute and empty. The shared emotions - so strong and so tearful - were draining them both. If they weren’t meant to be it was cruel. So it must be right. To suffer this hell and reach heaven, together.

    Yet he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Without her sunlight smile or repentant touch, deprived of her affecting words he couldn’t be anything. Except darkened and scared.

    Written in the third person but its true to life, what happened to me...
     
  5. mindseye

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    Ugh. I once got dumped *on* Valentine's Day.

    Joe and I had made plans for that night, and I had already made reservations at this nice place (and had to put down a deposit...) And then, starting around the 8th or so, I had trouble getting in touch with him; his machine was taking his calls.

    After a while, I started getting worried -- why would he be out so much without letting me know (or inviting me along)? So, anyway, by the 12th, I'm almost panicked; the 'big day' is almost upon us, and what's going on? Is he screening his calls? Is there someone else he's not telling me about?

    So, the 14th rolls around, and still no word. I call the machine, "Joe -- I'm not sure what's going on, but we've already made plans for tonight and the reservations are for 7:30. I'll be around to pick you up at 7."

    *click* Joe picks up. Don't come around, he says, there's someone else, and he didn't know how to tell me without hurting my feelings.

    Anyway, that's my pathetic 'getting dumped' story. It was a long time ago, and there's a karmic epilogue:

    Years later, I find out that the situation between Joe and Michael (the 'other guy') got really serious for a few months, but then Michael started doing drugs and got really weird. Joe came home one day and found no Michael, and no TV, and no stereo, etc... Michael had cleaned him out and disappeared.
     
  6. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

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    I'm not a big celebrator of St. Valentine's Day. I just don't see why there is one day in the year when we tell our significant other how much we love them. To me when I am in a relationship I try to make everyday Valentine's Day. I also feel that there is so much hype built up for Valentine's Day that it is almost impossible to achieve that ideal day. I dunno, I guess I am just weird. :unsure:
     
  7. naughty

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    That is lovely, Knight.
    It really captures the mixed emotions that one feels on either side of a breakup. I tend to use poetry as a catharsis when something doesnt turn out at I would have hoped. Here was one of my favorites:

    Discography

    Life is many things.
    For some it is a marathon.
    To her, it was a record album.
    She implored me
    Not to get stuck in the grooves.
    Sample the selections.
    Her favorite had been a man named WT
    Like one of those insipid jingles
    with no redeeming value,
    it had created a niche for itself,
    marking the beginning and endings
    of fear, disappointments,
    being passed over and time marching by.
    It stayed because she had given it
    first class accomodations.
    For her, the romance of a chivalric love
    transformed a commonplace ending
    into a noble sacrifice.
    A second string legend
    chosen over the more available
    commonplace opportunities
    to end
    The extraordinary dream life
    of a Bird of Paradise
    living in cognito
    amongst plain, brown wrens.


    Naughty
     
  8. txquis

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    If I'd known this was going to be such an interesting thread, i would have gone into more detail.

    My heart goes out to anyone dumped, and even those who had to say goodbye.
    Most of us have been on both ends, and both are difficult.

    Jeep, i agree...i hate the hallmark holidays. I just blogged about that.
    I think these holidays make those who have noone feel inadequate,
    and those who have someone feel pressured.

    I still have the note from the tv. It is tucked away in a book, and not something i look at,
    but i just cant throw it away yet.

    It started out, "I am a coward" and continued with "i am sexually obsessed with you but i'm not in love with you" and it ended with "you deserve someone who will worship the places where your feet stepped".

    Five years, summed up in a letter. (sigh)

    Yeah, i think the rule of thumb is...dont break up in a note or over the phone.
    If you have the guts to leave, have the guts to face the person.
     
  9. RICKY_27

    RICKY_27 Well-Known Member

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    Hey Kyle!

    You are NOT WEIRD! You are just a loving, caring and romantic kinda guy! Too bad there aren't many more peeps in this world like Y O U !!

    RICKY_27
     
  10. naughty

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    OK ,

    Here is a personal dumping story that sent me reeling and rocking for a while, but I finally came to see that it reflected on the dumper not the dumpee. The person I had been dating( and had dated for a number of years) came to pick me up for a pre-birthday celebration. The evening began with him arriving at my home 2 hours late. When I gave him a photograph of the two of us that my mother had taken a while back and thought he might like he looked at it and threw it in the back seat of his car. He the proceeded to drive in a funk that was thick enough to cut with a knife. When we arrived at the theatre where we were to see the ballet, he lept from his seat, slammed the door and proceeded to walk very quickly towards the theatre. He did not look back at me or seem to care if I were even within calling range of him.Mind you, this was in the winter and a very cold evening with ice on the ground. We had not had any disagreements prior to this occassion. Needless to say, I was stunned and clueless concerning his behavior. When I finally succeeded in catching up with him, he told me to hurry we would be late for the ballet. When we arrived we went to seats near two friends of his that I had never been introduced to prior. They looked at me and giggled but did not really feel the need to speak. All through the performance I watched his face from the side and finally had him hiss at me to watch the performance , he had paid enough for the tickets. When we were leaving the theatre his male friend held out his date's coat , my date took my coat and threw it over my head. in the middle of the theatre hallway ( mind the hall was filled with people) to which they again giggled. they walked quickly towards his car and he quickly after. I walked slightly behind absolutely stunned by his amazing rudeness. When we arrived at the restaurant where we were tp eat dinner. I excused myself and went to the ladies room to compose myself. I searched my face and clothing to see what could have possibly been so amusing or offending that I had been treated in this way. When I arrived at the table they were discussing people, places and situations that I was familiar with so foolishly I attempted to join the conversation. I felt that I was speaking in a foreign language, I was that much welcomed into the conversation. One comment from the man of the other couple when I remarked on some thing was without looking at me "I love when people that are not even involved in the situation feel they can comment" Another gem was uttered by the couple while looking at one another , " IT is always this time of year that people break up to save themselves from having to buy Christmas presents" and went into a gale of laughter. We left and all got in my date's car for the ride to their perspective homes. The couple's last comment was, as exiting the car, " X ,you need to take her home I bet she is mad at you" and broke again into peals of laughter. On the way home I looked straight ahead as not to have to look at him. When we arrived at my home I got out of the car and walked to my door. I then turned to him and said "I dont know what kind of games you are playing, but if you are trying to break up with me there are easier ways. " He shuffled sheepishly and mumbled something as he turned to go to his car. On my birthday there arrived a box of long stem roses which I left outside on he porch. I then received a phone call from him telling me that he was in a meeting in a city across the country but that he would call me when he returned. I have not heard from him from that day to this. This was someone who not long before had, unprovoked ,proclaimed his great feelings for me and asked me to spend my life with him. What a difference a day makes....



    Naughty
     
  11. lapdog2001

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    Naughty,

    I know you loved him, but he was (is) a low-life, selfish, rotten jerk. I could not even treat a woman I don't like that bad. Be very glad that this relationship is over. He doesn't deserve your love, or even your respect.

    My mind is racing with thoughts, but I cannot express them in type.
    You deserve much better.

    LapDog
     
  12. naughty

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    Dearest Lapdog,

    One can always rely on you for a word of kindness and graciousness. I will not lie that did take quite a while to get over , but in retrospect I would not have exchanged those life lessons for the world. Hopefully, they have kept and will keep me from treating anyone else in the same fashion. I learned a valuable lesson.When someone bestows upon you their esteem or affection it is not a gift to be taken lightly, whether welcomed or not. If a love match is not to be, the least any of us can do is to leave the other party with a modicum of decency and respect. Youth, beauty, status and wealth are variable and we can sometimes end up in places we least expect. So it is best to live by the golden rule. NO, I do not still love him, but I do not wish him ill.Life is too short and eternity too long for that.


    Naughty
     
  13. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    naughty..

    I felt your story in my gut. You are lucky to be rid of the jerk.

    jay
     
  14. madame_zora

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    Naughty, that was a perfectly horrible way to treat another person, I am so sorry that he chose to exit your realtionship in such a cowardly manner, I know you know (by now, at least) that you deserve so much more. I have to admit, if anything really gets under my skin, it's those unanswered questions that you never get any peace from. What would have been so hard about saying "We're growing apart" "I've changed my mind" "There's someone else" or SOMETHING! I would give that much respect to a one week relationship, let alone one of several years. That guy was a boner-biting-bastard (uncle fucker!). Sorry, I do live in South Park!

    You really struck a chord with me about saying you wouldn't trade those life lessons for anything, because that is about the greatest attitude I could conceive of having. People like you, who can use adversities to grow in compassion, experience, and wisdom continually develop character throughout their lives. People who don't learn these things become nasty and embittered. Mad props to you for taking the high road! Much love, Jana
     
  15. Nienna

    Nienna New Member

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    OMG Naughty we must have dated the same guy ( or maybe a brother? lol)

    I dated a guy things were going great, or so I thought, And then all of a sudden BOOM!! . He had left to go visit his mom, she lived out of town. He was gone for four or five days and when he came back he had a party at his place. New friends there I didn't know and his best friend (who dated my best friend). Anyhow he was acting like a big jerk off and I was like what is his problem? So his best friend and I walked to the store (we had been drinking) and had an in depth discusion. He was all "*** really loves you, you know, he would never do anything to hurt you, he would never cheat on you or anything, you know that right? "
    I was like" YEAH right, then why are you trying to convince me so hard? I never doubted him until now."
    So, the seed of doubt planted,among the rest of the shit that had happened, I wasn't in a good mood for the rest of the night, We (me and my best friend and her BF) slept as his house that night and the next day after I got home, he called me to break up. He had a lame excuse and totally broke my heart. I had never been so blinded by someone before. I threw things and smashed things, I screamed and hit the wall; all the psycho things you see on tv, but never really expect to think to do yourself. I was hurt.
    THEN he has the odacity to call me the next night and want to play pool and have drinks? I was like buddy you just fucking dumped me and NOW you want to be nice? go fuck yourself. BUT my best friend was dateing his best friend so it was in inevitable that we met up. ( I also got my revenge but thats another long story)

    Anyhow, a few weeks go by and I am babysitting ( late at night) and the phone rings, its his friend asking if I would consider getting back together with him, I was NO not in a milion years, and he asked why ( and by this time I had found out that while he was gone visiting his mother, he slept with not 1 but FOUR of his ex girlfriends!!!!!!! It was a rather lengthy discusion on the merits of truth and honesty and fidelity, but I told him not to bother calling me until hell has frozen over. *still hasn't called* lol

    All this AFTER he tells me he wanted to marry me AND he wanted me to be the mother of his children. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    I think that this was my first "real serious" heart break. I had been dumped before, and had done my fair share of dumping to, but with him I totally let myself be blinded and trusted him with everything I had in me. I felt so foolish afterwards and just plain doubfounded at my lack of better judgement. That it took me a long time to trust again.

    When you have your heart ripped out and stepped on, (along with your pride) you never are the same person again. Maybe you heal, but there is always that piece of your heart left on the bottom of thier shoe.
     
  16. zzorus

    zzorus New Member

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    What a collection of horrible stories.
    I feel for you.


    But looking at these stories objectively, aren't you all better off ( mostly?) being without these people?

    Basically all I can usefully say is that I hope you all get a better hand in the the next deal!

    Cheers, from zzorus who hates most of those holidays too: Valentines Day particularly has become so crassly commercial.
     
  17. txquis

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    Thanks.
    I suppose that most of us *are* better off without these people...
    I think the tough part of a breakup with someone longterm, is the lingering memory of the time when the person *did* love you....and coming to terms with losing the *former* reality...the happy times/loving times and the memories.

    I'm a "no regrets" person, so i would not do it any differently. Experiences like this just prove that i've lived and hopefully learned.
     
  18. naughty

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    Thanks Jay, Jana and Lapdog,

    It was a very stressful time in my life where I would have wished someone that I thought I could trust had been there for me , but I made it through anyway.
    Oh Nienna, darlin' I did have my moments. I dreamed about him. I took forks to pillows and tore the heck out of them, and I walked around like I had been hit by an atomic bomb. I was very, very, very angry.That is why I dont regret not dating for seven years .Too often I had seen men who got right back into relationships after a bad break up and used the next person as proxy for the person that hurt them. I dont regret that time of healing. I was not going to transfer that anger to anyone else.It along with the other traumatic experiences that were occuring in my life simultaneously caused me to shut down for a while. But I have a collection of gut wrenching poetry as a result of it, I can now truly tell a friend you will live when things like this happen, and I came to realize that everything and everyone that glitters is not gold. There were plenty more that I did not say, but I think you got the gist. IT was also at that time that I was able to put things into perspective about what is most important in life. My dear aunt who has now passed on, told me something that she and her friend used to say years ago when things like this happened. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and make a vow before Jesus and two other men that it wont happen to you in the same place again! LOL! I am blessed whenever I think about those poor families in southeast Asia, or the war torn countries in Africa, or the frightened citizens of Bagdad, my problems seem so very,very small.

    Naughty

    P.S. Nienna there is a book you may want to read it is called "He's afraid, she's afraid" Believe it or not the craziness we both experienced is classic of commitment phobic individuals. They will do everything and anything to be free. Even if they promised us the moon, they didnt have it to give .So, they had to leave before we fiound out the ugly truth, that is was only a paper moon. LOL!

    Zorrus I love Valentines day.I just use it to let the people that really matter in my life know how I feel about them.That takes some of the commercial stranglehold out of it. For a good album to listen to for Valentines day revisit Outkast's The love below, check out "Love hater", "Roses", and "Happy Valentines day". Heck, check out the whole album! You will have a great cathartic laugh !
     
  19. cypher13

    cypher13 New Member

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    My last "serious" relationship....

    She wanted to spend her life with me...bear children....see and do everything. I relocated from Manhattan - just before 9/11 - to Arizona, bought us a house.... bought her a Cadillac...bought her everything she wanted, except a sable coat (like she needs that in Arizona).

    We fought over that. Then she drops the bombshell....

    She has no uterus. "Well, we can adopt."

    "Why didn't you tell me this when I was still in New York?"

    "I thought you wouldn't want me anymore."

    Not true, but that is beside the point. I was really enamored of this woman.

    Her investments -some loony offshore trust that paid 20% a month - went sour soon thereafter and to her I became nothing more than a an ATM machine with a dildo of flesh attached. It got to the point where I could not ejaculate in this woman, then I could not get it up for her. I masturbated fine, just couldn'r perform with her. Then she started seeing another man, curiously a private investigator - the same person who told her that the loony investment was safe as there was a lot of money there. She got nastier and nastier toward me....and it got to where the very sight of her repulsed me...the smell of her repulsed me....she would crawl in bed with me (we had separate bedrooms by this time) and I just thought of her as a sweaty animal. The funny thing is that, at one point, I found that very arousing. It became repugnant.

    Mind you, I never married this woman, though, at one point, the relationship was headed in that direction. So, I started looking elsewhere and met angy. Everything clicked. I did NOTHING to hide this relationship with angy from the other woman and she found out....So she threw me out. I had put the house and cars in her name....and I told her she could keep them in exchange for my freedom from her. Her eyes lighted up. This was all she wanted to hear. She tried getting $10,000 a month from me for the three years we spent together....she did not succeed. I mean, none of my children get anywhere near that much and I LOVE them. She ended up getting a one-time payment of $25,000 just to get her out of my life. Ostensibly, it was to pay bills...she used the money to go to Europe for two weeks with that man. I hope they enjoyed themselves!

    I got my most of my things (she held my passport hostage for several months!) and the only things I ended up with that I did not bring into the relationship were two goosedown pillows of which I was fond. "You may have those," she said, as if she was giving me a kidney.

    They cost me only about $350,000 each.

    Some Lessons learned:

    1) Do not fall for a woman because she has beautiful breasts. There has to be something else, too. The beautiful breasts blinded me to the fact that there was nothing else there for me...or us. Mea culpa.

    2) Do not relocate cross country for a woman until you are reasonably certain she is "the one."

    3) Do not put a house bought with your money in her name.

    4) If you are coming into a relationship with resources, get a pre-nup. If she refuses, walk away. Strange how angy, who cares not a lick about money, readily agreed to the pre-nup but this other one wouldn't have any part of it. I know, it sounds suspicious....even evil. I think of it as realistic.

    There are other lessons, too. I could list tham all day long...but at the moment I am disgusted with myself. At least there are lots of resources she still doesn't know about. I wonder if that man is as "good" a lover as he is a private investigator?

    Ha ha ha ha
     
  20. naughty

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    Wow Cypher,

    See this type of emotional terrorism really makes me angry. I would like to take all of the takers and emotional moray eels of the world and put them together to feed upon one another. That is outrageous. I am really sorry that happened to you. But you brought up a good point. Surrendering all of your chips for the physical is a bad risk at best .You are paying for a commodity with diminishing returns .


    naughty
     
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