Breaking-Up

[Knight]

I think I'm better off for it. Losing one girl I cared so much for gave me the incentive and courage to make a move and get a real girlfriend lol. But the girl I broke up with, she's not doin too good

I want her to be doin good too, so badly...

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Don't really have any good break up stories - I don't think I have ever really been in love...Most of the girls in my past - I let them know up front that I was not interested in a serious relationship - for some reason some women think that they can eventually change your mind...It usually gets to the point where I move to a different city and change my phone numbers - plus I am horrible at breaking up w/someone - I can't bring myself to do it...But the last girl I really tried to make an effort to make it work and fall in love but it didn't happen...She had issues - she really wanted to change me into the man she wanted me to be - I mean she wanted to me dress a certain way, cut my hair a certain way and even kiss her a certain way (like I think she slipped and said like her ex-boyfriend)...I put up w/that shit for a year and even introduced this girl to my family - I had never done that before...I was miserable but couldn't break up w/her...So I did something horrible to make her break up w/me...One of my friends introduced my to her cousin and we hit it off and the group of us was hanging out and I took the whole group to my girl friend's birthday party and I think my girlfriend noticed the eye contact between the new girl and I and the new girl wanted to leave w/my other friends and I left w/them...Crazy thing about that night is that I met my girl friends sister for the first time that night when she came in town from Chicago - I really vibed much better w/her sister and had more in common - I didn't know it but her sis and I went to the same university at the same time...But the next day - my girlfriend came over and got all her shit and said it was over - you know I then got pissed because she broke up w/me first and was the first time I really got mad at her and told why I am glad we broke up...2 months after that - I started getting letters in the mail w/just the phase - I miss you w/no name or return address...Of course I played dumb like I didn't know who was writting them - she called me 2 weeks after that and like a dumb ass I like come over and not 10 mins after she gets there we have sex (we never had a problem there - that is the only thing I miss about her) and afterwards she was like your family is going to be surprised that we are back together...I finally got the courage and said no we are not - that was just sex and not make up or get back together sex...When we broke up - it felt like a weight had been lifted off my back literally (I guess all that stress built up)...Haven't had a serious girlfriend since and that has been a couple of years now...I really like been single now for some reason - I like having the option who I will hook up w/and not worrying about if I am hurting anyone else...

 

[Nienna]

I know I am better off for everything that happened to me when I was younger, whether it was self inflicted or not. I went through a lot in the years between then and now........

Then I was naive, young and inexperienced. Now I have a wonderful husband and two gorgeous brilliant children. With years of experience, learning and "life" , I have changed, not into someone new, but myself.

Life is good, and those people who screwed me over and broke my heart, just gave me all the different experiences that make me "ME".

*sounds cliche, but, I guess thats why*

 

[naughty]

HI,

I have a question. Are all bets off as far as correct behavior on the internet? It seems that people often tend to do things that they would not even think of doing to others in the light of day. I am putting the BOXING gloves on now. What exactly do you think of some one who emails with much vigor in pursuit of some one and then when they receive a response does not respond in turn to the email. TO me it the virtual version of "I'll call you" My answer to that is "Be a man ro a woman " Even if you do not intend to further the inquiry have the common decency to respond especiially after you have opened the door in the first place. For me it caused irritation with others it could be the beginning of an obssessive pursuit of closure.

Naughty

 

[jonb]

This isn't so much a break-up story, but a female friend of mine had recently found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her, so we set up this whole facade of us dating to make him jealous.

When we found out she was pregnant, I got the bright idea to pretend I was the father! Thank God we got the whole thing straightened out before the actual birth.

 

[13788]

carolinacurious: Naughty,

I think most of us have had a moment where people have treated us horribly and it does feel awful. But I remind you and everyone else here who now or in the future may be wondering, "What is it about ME for them to treat me this way?" -- NOTHING, such behavior says nothing about you and everything about them. Hard to remember when you're in the thick of it, but it's not a just a saying, it really is the truth.

 

[Pecker]

How can it be that the definitive song on breaking up was written by... umm...

 

[lapdog2001]

Pecker,

:lol: ^_^

 

[naughty]

Come on Pecker,

You can say it , Neil Sedaka! LOL!


naughty

Carolina Curious.

Thank you for your kind words. I am really not that upset about the major breakup story that I listed there.It was long ago and hopefully far away. As for my
comments about the net, I stand by my feelings. One should treat others as one wishes to be treated.

 

[13788]

Bongermann: I broke up with my girlfriend over the phone, then took her back a minute later... I could only break up with her online sadly... Now her and I are good friends and I'm trying to change myself so I can better suit what she deserves... Meh, just a tid bit there.

 

[Dr. Bubbles]

Zorrus, I am much better off than I was before. However, as Txquis put it... it still hurt and sometimes does still. I invested 9 years with this man..... that is a lot to contend with, especially considering we were never married. I loved him and will always have feelings for him.

Regrets, yes, we should have ended it earlier, particularly because of his behavior and his temper. Nonetheless, he taught me a lot for which I am grateful.

Naughty, I have been there, too. You would not believe the emails or pvts. I get from men asking for particular things to all of a sudden then disappear when I say no. For me, I let it go. It's there loss... that is how I see it.

Jonb, you were playing a very serious game, babe. I am glad you got it resolved before the baby was born, although I am sure the girl had a mischievous grin on her face saying that jon was the baby's daddy.

 

[godiluvabig1]

ok... quick run of my current story:
was living with a guy in louisiana who told me that when i leave for the navy it's over... i said fuck him and moved to florida to stay with my grandparents until time to leave... now he's tryin to get me back, and here's how i feel:

Confused
Like most young people my age
Confusion so thick
I’m locked in a cage

Feeling used
When we don’t talk
Feeling so used
I just want to walk

Emotions abused
You’ve hurt me so much
I don’t want an apology
Or to feel your soft touch

Actions unexcused
It won’t be that easy
Every apology
Just sounds so sleazy

Bemused
Don’t know how to act
‘Cause you seem so unsure
How should I react?

Yet amused
At every doubt
Can’t help but laugh
Day in and day out

Confused
Don’t know my reaction
So I’m just here
Sitting in stupefaction


I write poems very often as a way of letting out my feelings... so, now i've let all of you in on my life's current drama (does it ever stop?)

 

[naughty]

godiluvabig1,

At the risk of seeming to be the resident ghost of this thread, I think you have quite adequately captured the frustration, anger, confusion, and down right stunning nature of a badly executed break up! LOL! As a dear friends said to me t one point when I was at a similar place, "People do not do things to you they are just doing what is most convenient to them. They are not thinking about you at all. Most of what we feel for other people is really in our own minds." Every time something like this happens I attempt to put it in the proper perspective but damnit that does not mean I appreciate chicken shit behavior in myself , others or perpertrated on others.


Naughty

 

[godiluvabig1]

Originally posted by naughty@Feb 12 2005, 02:04 AM
godiluvabig1,

At the risk of seeming to be the resident ghost of this thread, I think you have quite adequately captured the frustration, anger, confusion, and down right stunning nature of a badly executed break up! LOL! As a dear friends said to me t one point when I was at a similar place, "People do not do things to you they are just doing what is most convenient to them. They are not thinking about you at all. Most of what we feel for other people is really in our own minds." Every time something like this happens I attempt to put it in the proper perspective but damnit that does not mean I appreciate chicken shit behavior in myself , others or perpertrated on others.


Naughty

[post=282242]Quoted post[/post]​

thanks naughty...

 

[titan1968]

Originally posted by Nienna@Feb 4 2005, 07:53 AM
OMG Naughty we must have dated the same guy ( or maybe a brother? lol)

I dated a guy things were going great, or so I thought, And then all of a sudden BOOM!! . He had left to go visit his mom, she lived out of town. He was gone for four or five days and when he came back he had a party at his place. New friends there I didn't know and his best friend (who dated my best friend). Anyhow he was acting like a big jerk off and I was like what is his problem? So his best friend and I walked to the store (we had been drinking) and had an in depth discusion. He was all "*** really loves you, you know, he would never do anything to hurt you, he would never cheat on you or anything, you know that right? "
I was like" YEAH right, then why are you trying to convince me so hard? I never doubted him until now."
So, the seed of doubt planted,among the rest of the shit that had happened, I wasn't in a good mood for the rest of the night, We (me and my best friend and her BF) slept as his house that night and the next day after I got home, he called me to break up. He had a lame excuse and totally broke my heart. I had never been so blinded by someone before. I threw things and smashed things, I screamed and hit the wall; all the psycho things you see on tv, but never really expect to think to do yourself. I was hurt.
THEN he has the odacity to call me the next night and want to play pool and have drinks? I was like buddy you just fucking dumped me and NOW you want to be nice? go fuck yourself. BUT my best friend was dateing his best friend so it was in inevitable that we met up. ( I also got my revenge but thats another long story)

Anyhow, a few weeks go by and I am babysitting ( late at night) and the phone rings, its his friend asking if I would consider getting back together with him, I was NO not in a milion years, and he asked why ( and by this time I had found out that while he was gone visiting his mother, he slept with not 1 but FOUR of his ex girlfriends!!!!!!! It was a rather lengthy discusion on the merits of truth and honesty and fidelity, but I told him not to bother calling me until hell has frozen over. *still hasn't called* lol

All this AFTER he tells me he wanted to marry me AND he wanted me to be the mother of his children. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I think that this was my first "real serious" heart break. I had been dumped before, and had done my fair share of dumping to, but with him I totally let myself be blinded and trusted him with everything I had in me. I felt so foolish afterwards and just plain doubfounded at my lack of better judgement. That it took me a long time to trust again.

When you have your heart ripped out and stepped on, (along with your pride) you never are the same person again. Maybe you heal, but there is always that piece of your heart left on the bottom of thier shoe.

[post=279999]Quoted post[/post]​

Thanks for sharing your feelings with the group about something as difficult as breaking up. It has really hit home. Like most people here, I have had my fair share of break ups, but my last one is proving especially hard for me. My zest for life is gone. I don't trust people-or myself- as easily as before.

He was the first guy that I had ever fallen in love with. He meant the world to me, and I let him know it. I was there for him and he was always there for me. One year ago, everything changed: he bacame very busy with his job, and told me that he couldn't be there for me as often as before; I accepted the situation reluctantly. When I told him that I loved him last September, he stopped returning my calls or emails; when I was able to reach him, he made me feel uncomfortable-it was never like that before. I have not heard anything from him since, and I miss him terribly.

Why are some people unable to express their true feelings? If he was unable to return my love, why couldn't he have said so straight away? Was he afraid of hurting my feelings or his own? :angry: I might never know, and this is what hurts.

I know that the better thing to do would be to forget him, but it's very hard.

P.S.: I am seeing a psychologist to help me through this.

 

[naughty]

OH sweetie (Titan)!

I am so sorry you had to go through that ! Yes, as you can see from a number of our posts, though your experience was yet again a bizarre one, it was unfortunately not unique! I have come to refer to that type of behavior as "emotionally constipated"! When they want to make an exit, all orifices of communication clamp down, they moan, groan ,and make strange facial expressions, though they might wish they just cant seem to get it out! Actually, it is just good old fashioned self absorbed behavior! IF it is any comfort, they will run on blindly through life banging into person after person until they meet their "Waterloo" who will promptly 'clean their clock". This individual will leave them bleeding and stunned ,but in most cases they will not see a correlation between their own uncouth behavior and what they have just experienced.

Naughty

 

[titan1968]

Originally posted by naughty@Feb 15 2005, 09:02 AM
OH sweetie (Titan)!

I am so sorry you had to go through that ! Yes, as you can see from a number of our posts, though your experience was yet again a bizarre one, it was unfortunately not unique! I have come to refer to that type of behavior as "emotionally constipated"! When they want to make an exit, all orifices of communication clamp down, they moan, groan ,and make strange facial expressions, though they might wish they just cant seem to get it out! Actually, it is just good old fashioned self absorbed behavior! IF it is any comfort, they will run on blindly through life banging into person after person until they meet their "Waterloo" who will promptly 'clean their clock". This individual will leave them bleeding and stunned ,but in most cases they will not see a correlation between their own uncouth behavior and what they have just experienced.

Naughty

[post=283233]Quoted post[/post]​

Thank you Naughty for your insight. I hadn't thought about it in that way. I agree, the bugger is most certainly 'emotionally constipated' and self-absorbed. I would never have thought that a few months ago. I don't wish him ill, I just hope that one day he gets a taste of his own medicine. :excl:

There is not much more than I can do but lick my wounds and move on. I hope that I have learnt something from this.

Thank you again Naughty, you have been a great help. Hugs!

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Titan - sorry to hear about that...We guys definitely can be jerks sometimes...Just remember like the old saying - you definitely will become a stronger person after this...You are a brave soul though...I have enough problems w/women - so keep a stiff upper lip...Take care of yourself...

 

[titan1968]

Originally posted by Pene_Negro_Grande@Feb 15 2005, 09:22 PM
Titan - sorry to hear about that...We guys definitely can be jerks sometimes...Just remember like the old saying - you definitely will become a stronger person after this...You are a brave soul though...I have enough problems w/women - so keep a stiff upper lip...Take care of yourself...

[post=283352]Quoted post[/post]​

Thank you Pene! You are quite right, we can be jerks sometimes. In my last two relationships (with women), I was the jerk; when it was over, all I did was ignore them instead of talking it over, and I felt terrible afterwards. I promised myself never to do be emotionally constipated ever again, and to talk it over with my mate/ better half.

I must be getting better because I'm able to smile again. I'd like to thank all of you for helping me get through this.

 

[jay_too]

When I was 14 or so, I was devastated by being dumped.

My oldest bro was home from college and told me, "Get over it. Being dumped is a part of life. You learn from each relationship. From one you realize you were too controlling, another too trusting, one too attentive, another not attentive enough, and so on. Every person is different and because people change, a relationship is always in flux. When dumped, the secret is to find the good memories and move on."

Yeah, it is good advice; but it is easier given than taken.

jay