It is hard to comment because we dont really have the full picture. I mean we dont know you, we dont know your ex-boyfriend and most importantly we dont know you two as a couple. So i will try to only speak for myself and be as judgment free as possible. Also keep in mind that it's not a black or white answer.
The way your ex handle the end of the relationship is a major red flag for me. If you choose to beleive that he didnt cheat on you, you must know that he as least was going to eventually. I mean it's Grindr...a hookup app. I'm not sure i would get over that. But then again, i understand you wanting to fight for a 5 years relationship.
You mention that your ex said he wanted you to seek therapy. While you should not do it for him nor for the hope that you two get back togheter. I would take a good look at myself and really try to see if it's something that could help me. If someone that know you very very well ( i assume) think that you need therapy...it might be worth checking it out.
As for any kind of grief, a heartbreak is a journey. There will be good days and bad days. You will probably change your mind a hundred time on what is the best thing to do. Just remember the key points: you deserve to be with someone that loves you and that you can trust. You can not control the way your feel about you+ he his allowed to make the decision he consider the best for him and you have to respect his decision and adapt to your new reality even tho it hurt.
If a friend would come to me in a similar situation, i would not advise them to try to get back with their ex, at least not before some real time as passed.
Finaly and it s the most important thing. No matter how bad you feel, dont ever harm yourself and seek professional help if you ever start having suicidal thought. I know it s extreme but it must be said.
I don't know you but i stilI wish you the best of luck friend.
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me.
Right now I am feeling good.
this morning I woke up so bad that I asked a close friend to work from her home. I couldn’t even work coz I was crying all day long. In the evening, she showed me a tiktok video that my bf shared.
In the video he says that “There are days that you wake up so sad because the one you love is not next to you and you woke up along. But overall, you are saying to yourself how happy I am that I left”
I cried so much. Especially after the amazing evening we spent together. I sent him the video and said “I didn’t know you were soooo happy that you left”. He said the video is not about us and don’t feel sad.
He said he just came from the doctor coz he’s been suffering with vertigo and added “by the way, thank you for asking how am I and what the doctor said! Tomorrow I have flight early in the morning, I will take shower and sleep. I will send you good night message and text you when I arrive Switzerland but please LEAVE ME ALONE! I have never said it before but give me some space!! “
This was the moment I felt like I got the wake up slap! Since we broke up and especially since our last face to face meeting. I never pushed him, I haven’t called or text him! I didn’t do anything to make him say LEAVE ME ALONE and give me some space !
Instead of apologizing that I might see & misunderstand his tik tok video and got hurt which by the way is totally about us! He again found a reason to blame me!
I texted him saying “ all the time and space is yours! “
After an hour, he texted me “ I am off to bed, good night and many kisses”
I always knew I have been with a selfish man but I didn’t know I was in love with a narcissist!
All the pain, suffering, missing emotions are totally gone! I realized I was in love and miss a narcissist who just values himself and keeping me as plan B in case he cannot find what he is looking for!
It’s time to shut this door and move on even though it might hurt!