Broke up after 5 Years!

ronin001

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I hope things work out for you both, one way or another

I have never used grinder, so I cannot comment about its content or use.
I am a member of LPSG since 2009, it looks like the OP had been a member for half a decade or so.
Did your BF, know / mind you had an account here. Did you suspend / reduce your activity for 5 years ?
 
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4_men

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I hope things work out for you both, one way or another

I have never used grinder, so I cannot comment about its content or use.
I am a member of LPSG since 2009, it looks like the OP had been a member for half a decade or so.
Did your BF, know / mind you had an account here. Did you suspend / reduce your activity for 5 years ?
Yes he knew ithat I was browsing here and we were checking together if we see celebrity. But that was all. We were very committed. Grindr is a dating app to find and chat, meet other gays.
 
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4_men

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Hi guys. Based on everything I posted, especially the post where met since the break up! Do you believe we might get back together?

I feel so bad and I really need to hear your opinions. Thank you in advance
 

4_men

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I am here for you if you need to talk more about it.
When you were with him for those many hours, did the question of if you two would possibly get back together come up?
No not really. But I several time mentioned that We belong to each other and We should not just become history to each other. He said you are right.

I mentioned several times about changing my lifestyle so we have a healthy relationship.

in any of my statement , he never rejected and agreed.
 

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It is hard to comment because we dont really have the full picture. I mean we dont know you, we dont know your ex-boyfriend and most importantly we dont know you two as a couple. So i will try to only speak for myself and be as judgment free as possible. Also keep in mind that it's not a black or white answer.

The way your ex handle the end of the relationship is a major red flag for me. If you choose to beleive that he didnt cheat on you, you must know that he as least was going to eventually. I mean it's Grindr...a hookup app. I'm not sure i would get over that. But then again, i understand you wanting to fight for a 5 years relationship.

You mention that your ex said he wanted you to seek therapy. While you should not do it for him nor for the hope that you two get back togheter. I would take a good look at myself and really try to see if it's something that could help me. If someone that know you very very well ( i assume) think that you need therapy...it might be worth checking it out.

As for any kind of grief, a heartbreak is a journey. There will be good days and bad days. You will probably change your mind a hundred time on what is the best thing to do. Just remember the key points: you deserve to be with someone that loves you and that you can trust. You can not control the way your feel about you+ he his allowed to make the decision he consider the best for him and you have to respect his decision and adapt to your new reality even tho it hurt.

If a friend would come to me in a similar situation, i would not advise them to try to get back with their ex, at least not before some real time as passed.

Finaly and it s the most important thing. No matter how bad you feel, dont ever harm yourself and seek professional help if you ever start having suicidal thought. I know it s extreme but it must be said.

I don't know you but i stilI wish you the best of luck friend.
 
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4_men

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It is hard to comment because we dont really have the full picture. I mean we dont know you, we dont know your ex-boyfriend and most importantly we dont know you two as a couple. So i will try to only speak for myself and be as judgment free as possible. Also keep in mind that it's not a black or white answer.

The way your ex handle the end of the relationship is a major red flag for me. If you choose to beleive that he didnt cheat on you, you must know that he as least was going to eventually. I mean it's Grindr...a hookup app. I'm not sure i would get over that. But then again, i understand you wanting to fight for a 5 years relationship.

You mention that your ex said he wanted you to seek therapy. While you should not do it for him nor for the hope that you two get back togheter. I would take a good look at myself and really try to see if it's something that could help me. If someone that know you very very well ( i assume) think that you need therapy...it might be worth checking it out.

As for any kind of grief, a heartbreak is a journey. There will be good days and bad days. You will probably change your mind a hundred time on what is the best thing to do. Just remember the key points: you deserve to be with someone that loves you and that you can trust. You can not control the way your feel about you+ he his allowed to make the decision he consider the best for him and you have to respect his decision and adapt to your new reality even tho it hurt.

If a friend would come to me in a similar situation, i would not advise them to try to get back with their ex, at least not before some real time as passed.

Finaly and it s the most important thing. No matter how bad you feel, dont ever harm yourself and seek professional help if you ever start having suicidal thought. I know it s extreme but it must be said.

I don't know you but i stilI wish you the best of luck friend.
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me.
Right now I am feeling good.

this morning I woke up so bad that I asked a close friend to work from her home. I couldn’t even work coz I was crying all day long. In the evening, she showed me a tiktok video that my bf shared.
In the video he says that “There are days that you wake up so sad because the one you love is not next to you and you woke up along. But overall, you are saying to yourself how happy I am that I left”

I cried so much. Especially after the amazing evening we spent together. I sent him the video and said “I didn’t know you were soooo happy that you left”. He said the video is not about us and don’t feel sad.

He said he just came from the doctor coz he’s been suffering with vertigo and added “by the way, thank you for asking how am I and what the doctor said! Tomorrow I have flight early in the morning, I will take shower and sleep. I will send you good night message and text you when I arrive Switzerland but please LEAVE ME ALONE! I have never said it before but give me some space!! “

This was the moment I felt like I got the wake up slap! Since we broke up and especially since our last face to face meeting. I never pushed him, I haven’t called or text him! I didn’t do anything to make him say LEAVE ME ALONE and give me some space !

Instead of apologizing that I might see & misunderstand his tik tok video and got hurt which by the way is totally about us! He again found a reason to blame me!

I texted him saying “ all the time and space is yours! “

After an hour, he texted me “ I am off to bed, good night and many kisses”

I always knew I have been with a selfish man but I didn’t know I was in love with a narcissist!

All the pain, suffering, missing emotions are totally gone! I realized I was in love and miss a narcissist who just values himself and keeping me as plan B in case he cannot find what he is looking for!

It’s time to shut this door and move on even though it might hurt!
 
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Brodie888

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You are just going through the stages of grieving for the death of your relationship.

This is normal and everyone is different on how long it takes.

But I will tell you this for certain. Your relationship is over and it's not worth trying to restart it. He has made up his mind a long time before you ever broke up. He's finished his mourning over the relationship and he's accepted that it's over.

Even if for some miracle, he comes back, it will forever be damaged and he will resent you for guilting him into coming back. Which is essentially what you have been trying to do all this time. You do not want this either.

You are better off closing that door in your mind. Build yourself back up and find someone more worthy of your love and devotion.

Until you close that door, you are going to be stuck like you are now. Life is short, don't waste it mourning for someone who doesn't deserve any more than what you have given.
 
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4_men

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You are just going through the stages of grieving for the death of your relationship.

This is normal and everyone is different on how long it takes.

But I will tell you this for certain. Your relationship is over and it's not worth trying to restart it. He has made up his mind a long time before you ever broke up. He's finished his mourning over the relationship and he's accepted that it's over.

Even if for some miracle, he comes back, it will forever be damaged and he will resent you for guilting him into coming back. Which is essentially what you have been trying to do all this time. You do not want this either.

You are better off closing that door in your mind. Build yourself back up and find someone more worthy of your love and devotion.

Until you close that door, you are going to be stuck like you are now. Life is short, don't waste it mourning for someone who doesn't deserve any more than what you have given.
He is making it so hard. I am trying to focus on my work, meet friends and move on. However, he is texting me good morning and good night messages. Updates about his day. Yesterday, he informed that he arrived to Switzerland. Then another text that he settled in the hotel and went for walk. Even the new number he bought over there.

He asked me to leave him alone and give him some space but he keeps contacting me and I cannot stop :(

I agree with everything you say but I just wish my heart would also agree coz I am so hurt and and the only time I feel like I can breath is with him.

Yesterday, he didn’t text me good night coz he met a salesperson from my city and he texted me about it. And I said “ tell him to leave you alone!”

One thing I know is that yes one day he will come back coz I see it. But you are also right that every day our relationship is being damaged even more !
 

Brodie888

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He is making it so hard. I am trying to focus on my work, meet friends and move on. However, he is texting me good morning and good night messages. Updates about his day. Yesterday, he informed that he arrived to Switzerland. Then another text that he settled in the hotel and went for walk. Even the new number he bought over there.

He asked me to leave him alone and give him some space but he keeps contacting me and I cannot stop :(

I agree with everything you say but I just wish my heart would also agree coz I am so hurt and and the only time I feel like I can breath is with him.

Yesterday, he didn’t text me good night coz he met a salesperson from my city and he texted me about it. And I said “ tell him to leave you alone!”

One thing I know is that yes one day he will come back coz I see it. But you are also right that every day our relationship is being damaged even more !
He may be concerned for your well being. He does not want to harm you. But that is not the same as wanting to get back in a relationship with you.

You holding out hoping he will change his mind will block you from finding someone new and being whole again. It's a very destructive path you are choosing.

As I said, life is short. If you choose to stay stuck, that's on you. He is actively looking for other men so don't forget that.
 
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4_men

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Just because we text each other , all the pain I am feeling is less intense.

yesterday, he met a former colleague of mine in Switzerland and he sent me photo of themselves. He said they are talking about everything nice about me.

I just replied that I am glad he has someone to spend time over there.

min the evening he texted apologizing that he forgot to tell me good morning coz he got excited to meet a person I used to work with. I just left a heart but didn’t reply him. He didn’t text me anything else.

Next week on Sunday, my company will arrange a beach party and I know he’d join if I add him as plus one. Our friends are telling me to invite him so that he’d remember and realize how much fun we were having together. I am not sure if I should invite him.

What do you guys think?
 

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My
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me.
Right now I am feeling good.

this morning I woke up so bad that I asked a close friend to work from her home. I couldn’t even work coz I was crying all day long. In the evening, she showed me a tiktok video that my bf shared.
In the video he says that “There are days that you wake up so sad because the one you love is not next to you and you woke up along. But overall, you are saying to yourself how happy I am that I left”

I cried so much. Especially after the amazing evening we spent together. I sent him the video and said “I didn’t know you were soooo happy that you left”. He said the video is not about us and don’t feel sad.

He said he just came from the doctor coz he’s been suffering with vertigo and added “by the way, thank you for asking how am I and what the doctor said! Tomorrow I have flight early in the morning, I will take shower and sleep. I will send you good night message and text you when I arrive Switzerland but please LEAVE ME ALONE! I have never said it before but give me some space!! “

This was the moment I felt like I got the wake up slap! Since we broke up and especially since our last face to face meeting. I never pushed him, I haven’t called or text him! I didn’t do anything to make him say LEAVE ME ALONE and give me some space !

Instead of apologizing that I might see & misunderstand his tik tok video and got hurt which by the way is totally about us! He again found a reason to blame me!

I texted him saying “ all the time and space is yours! “

After an hour, he texted me “ I am off to bed, good night and many kisses”

I always knew I have been with a selfish man but I didn’t know I was in love with a narcissist!

All the pain, suffering, missing emotions are totally gone! I realized I was in love and miss a narcissist who just values himself and keeping me as plan B in case he cannot find what he is looking for!

It’s time to shut this door and move on even though it might hurt
 

MAG1795

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My ex-guy is a narcissist as well. The guy he's chasing has his eyes on someone else. I've watched numerous videos by a Dr. Les Carter. You should look for his videos on YouTube. It will help you understand what you are up against. Narcissist don't have empathy like most people. They don't feel things like real love or guilt like most people. I did make contact with my guy. He saw me leaving the gym last Sunday. Remarked on how good I looked. We texted a bit back and forth on the 4th of July. He was having a cookout. I was not invited although our other mutual friends were. I'm gonna leave him alone. If He wants to contact me again then it will be on him. You should go No-Contact with your guy. If things don't go well for him in other relationships, then he will hoover you back in. Just know that he will never have the same feelings for you as you do for him. As soon as he finds someone else, he will drop you again. Educate yourself and be careful and God Bless.
 

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My ex-guy is a narcissist as well. The guy he's chasing has his eyes on someone else. I've watched numerous videos by a Dr. Les Carter. You should look for his videos on YouTube. It will help you understand what you are up against. Narcissist don't have empathy like most people. They don't feel things like real love or guilt like most people. I did make contact with my guy. He saw me leaving the gym last Sunday. Remarked on how good I looked. We texted a bit back and forth on the 4th of July. He was having a cookout. I was not invited although our other mutual friends were. I'm gonna leave him alone. If He wants to contact me again then it will be on him. You should go No-Contact with your guy. If things don't go well for him in other relationships, then he will hoover you back in. Just know that he will never have the same feelings for you as you do for him. As soon as he finds someone else, he will drop you again. Educate yourself and be careful and God Bless.
Thank you so much. I will check the videos.

Today , he texted me asking how’s my day and wanted to talk. He called me and we chat about our works and day.

Eventually, I decided to open up. I told him that he is making it very hard for me. I said I never stopped loving you, missing you. Just because you keep texting me, I am feeling better and keeping my hopes high that we might get back together. But I see that you don’t consider getting back together, and explore your single life.

I said I wake up every single morning seeing you in my dreams. He said “ really?!!!”
I could see on his face that he felt uncomfortable when I said I have hopes. He said “ we can text each other good morning, good night , how’s your day? And about our future, we will see how it goes!”

I opened a tinder account and chat with a good looking guy but I realized I forgot how to talk to new people. I still feel like I am cheating on him. So I deleted the profile.

I guess I don’t have anyone but You guys in here to share my feelings and feel like someone out there cares about me :sob:
 

4_men

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Yesterday a lot happened.

I had my best friend for 15 years and we fall apart in new year coz she was going through really dark times and I was also depressed myself but I should have supported her. However I didn’t/couldn’t !! And we haven’t talked or seen each other for 7 months.

A colleague who heard a lot about her from me found her on FB and sent her a message that I am suffering and I need support. She immediately called me and came to visit me even though I am staying at my manager’s home to look after her dog during her leave.

We talked and cried a lot. She told me that my ex never loved me coz he is a narcissist and I was not able to see it!

I felt so happy that she was with me. I don’t know if we can manage to rebuild our friendship but I was happy.

Then my bf again texted me asking how was your day? I replied briefly saying I stay at my manager’s house.

in the morning , he texted me good morning and how was my night? He said he is on train to the airport.

We texted for about 15 minutes about Switzerland, my fear of flight, him being happy to return home. He texted me when he arrived. Then he texted me again that he is home.

I replied him “welcome back and enjoy your home” but it’s been 3 hours that he hasn’t even read my message.

Although I am happier that he texts me. Now I am getting paranoid that he probably has someone waiting for him at his home and now they are having sex!

These thoughts hurt me a lot. I guess another sleepless night is ahead of me.
 

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I would suggest you speak to a therapist.
Yes I started therapy from the first morning of break up. Although it’s been a month, the pain is growing even bigger. My therapist suggest me to see a psychiatrist to check if I need medication.

My boyfriend keeps communicating every single day but he stopped calling me by my name in his texts and started calling me “my boy” which we used to call each other and leaves hearts ❤️ to all my messages. I also started to call him “my boy” and he hearts it.

Today , early in the morning he texted me good morning and asked if I slept well and he was going to the beach with a friend of his. He told me that it’s really hot outside and I should be careful.

I started to cry coz his texts started to feel like he still loves me but he may still love me but not get back together. This hurts me very much. I keep praying God to bring us back.
 

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@Brodie888 your advice is spot on. I hope you don't mind me adding a bit to it.
@4_men I don't mean to be insensitive when I say this and I truly hope you don't take it that way. With due respect, you seem to be someone that clings to someone in a "needy" way. Stand on your own two feet guy and while you can grieve the end of the relationship, stop incessantly telling him over and over how you can fix yourself, etc. Chances are you don't need to fix yourself. Stand on your own and try to realize what you have to offer so you are not so dependent on him. Again, I don't say this to be cold and hope you don't take it that way. But even as I read your replies throughout this thread of yours, you come across as needy, dependent, and scared to stand on your own. Of course you are allowed to grieve the end of it all. But at some point you have to realize he is making no effort whatsoever to come back. Long story short, what that means is you have to brush yourself off, yes it hurts, but the hurt will fade with time, especially if you get back out there and stop being miserable at home. I think what you need to show him (stop answering his texts, if he doesn't chase to wonder why, he literally doesn't care). That said, he may love you as a person and doesn't want to hurt you, but he still apparently wants to move on from your relationship with him. You have to release your dependency on him and realize you have a lot to offer someone else, etc. You basically have to let go and like I said grieve it if you must. You obviously loved him but perhaps not in a healthy way. Learn from that and move forward. The right guy will want you as you are without strings, without a need to change, etc. I think the only thing you need to do is a disconnect from him and realize he's moved on. You can do this and in the short or even long run you just may find someone who appreciates you as you. I wish you well in time. Time heals.