Broke up after 5 Years!

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
FINAL UPDATE: we arrived the party at the same time. We hugged long time. He brought me chocolate from Switzerland.

We got our drinks. Talked about his work. We were the first ones arrived. He eventually asked me how am I coping with the break up. I said “it’s difficult but I need you to understand that I cannot be your friend. I still love you, I miss you everyday”

He said “ I don’t think we will get in a relationship again! I don’t wanna continue”

I asked if he has anyone in his life and he said no. And he asked me the same and I said “no way!”

I told him that he is my the man I dreamt to have and it’s just painful to break up from my dream man! I said “ I go to bed picturing you sleeping, I whisper your ear how much I love you and give you a kiss! I see you in my dreams and I wake up hurting. I don’t think I can move on easily but I know I need to let you go!”

He said” not even good morning?” I said no! He didn’t wanna continue talking. I tried to talk to him and even to cheer him up but he said I am making it even awkward. I said” we are here now! You are next to me and you know I care about you! So enjoy your drink and talk to your former colleagues”

he said “ no one cares about me! I said we all miss you and care about you!”

it was time to go home. I asked a colleague to drive him home. He accepted for me. We went to the car. I wanted to sit next to him. After some hesitation, he decided to sit in the front” we arrived his home. We hugged long time. As he will be in another city for the next 2 months , I said I will keep his keys and personal things until he is back. “ he said ok. We hugged one last time. He went to his home. It was just painful. After he left I cried some minutes.

with the help of alcohol, I kinda feel relaxed and relieved since I told him about my feelings.” I promised myself not to contact him.

so a 6 year relationship is over. The man of my dreams will become history. One day, I won’t hurt and might even have a new relation but he’d remain as a memory of omeone I love so much.” I guess difficult days are waiting for me but at least *I had the answer that I should not hope ,

anyone reason my posts, please don’t take each other as granted. Don’t let the person you accepted in life with so much love to become history!

Thank you everyone for supporting me during the most difficult times of my life.

THE END!
 
  • Like
Reactions: ipex

ipex

Sexy Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2023
Posts
22
Media
0
Likes
46
Points
13
Location
Sydney NSW, Australia
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
FINAL UPDATE: we arrived the party at the same time. We hugged long time. He brought me chocolate from Switzerland.

We got our drinks. Talked about his work. We were the first ones arrived. He eventually asked me how am I coping with the break up. I said “it’s difficult but I need you to understand that I cannot be your friend. I still love you, I miss you everyday”

He said “ I don’t think we will get in a relationship again! I don’t wanna continue”

I asked if he has anyone in his life and he said no. And he asked me the same and I said “no way!”

I told him that he is my the man I dreamt to have and it’s just painful to break up from my dream man! I said “ I go to bed picturing you sleeping, I whisper your ear how much I love you and give you a kiss! I see you in my dreams and I wake up hurting. I don’t think I can move on easily but I know I need to let you go!”

He said” not even good morning?” I said no! He didn’t wanna continue talking. I tried to talk to him and even to cheer him up but he said I am making it even awkward. I said” we are here now! You are next to me and you know I care about you! So enjoy your drink and talk to your former colleagues”

he said “ no one cares about me! I said we all miss you and care about you!”

it was time to go home. I asked a colleague to drive him home. He accepted for me. We went to the car. I wanted to sit next to him. After some hesitation, he decided to sit in the front” we arrived his home. We hugged long time. As he will be in another city for the next 2 months , I said I will keep his keys and personal things until he is back. “ he said ok. We hugged one last time. He went to his home. It was just painful. After he left I cried some minutes.

with the help of alcohol, I kinda feel relaxed and relieved since I told him about my feelings.” I promised myself not to contact him.

so a 6 year relationship is over. The man of my dreams will become history. One day, I won’t hurt and might even have a new relation but he’d remain as a memory of omeone I love so much.” I guess difficult days are waiting for me but at least *I had the answer that I should not hope ,

anyone reason my posts, please don’t take each other as granted. Don’t let the person you accepted in life with so much love to become history!

Thank you everyone for supporting me during the most difficult times of my life.

THE END!
I know you might not see it this way but I believe you are idealising him. Even your language, such as "my dream man" and "the man of my dreams" indicates you are idealising him and putting him on a pedestal. But really, what is so good about him? I think you should give more consideration to his bad qualities and how he's treated you. He seems to want everything his way. He wants to end your relationship and wants you to accept that - but he doesn't want to accept that you don't want a friendship. He is even guilt tripping you with comments like "no one cares about me". He ia also still keeping things at your house, which is completely inappropriate in the circumstances.

I hope you can stick to not contacting him, because the longer you have contact, the worse your pain will be and the longer it will go. I know you probably still hold out some hope that he will 'see sense' and come back to you - but keeping in touch with him will not make it more likely (if anything, the opposite is true).

It's very painful when a relationship ends, especially after five years, but it wasn't for nothing. In time, you will see that it has taught you valuable lessons. Hopefully it has taught him something too. You'll be ok in time, and feel much better about this break-up in the future, as hard as it is to believe now. It will take months, maybe even a year or two - but one day you'll look back at this break-up and it won't hurt anymore, I promise.
 

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I know you might not see it this way but I believe you are idealising him. Even your language, such as "my dream man" and "the man of my dreams" indicates you are idealising him and putting him on a pedestal. But really, what is so good about him? I think you should give more consideration to his bad qualities and how he's treated you. He seems to want everything his way. He wants to end your relationship and wants you to accept that - but he doesn't want to accept that you don't want a friendship. He is even guilt tripping you with comments like "no one cares about me". He ia also still keeping things at your house, which is completely inappropriate in the circumstances.

I hope you can stick to not contacting him, because the longer you have contact, the worse your pain will be and the longer it will go. I know you probably still hold out some hope that he will 'see sense' and come back to you - but keeping in touch with him will not make it more likely (if anything, the opposite is true).

It's very painful when a relationship ends, especially after five years, but it wasn't for nothing. In time, you will see that it has taught you valuable lessons. Hopefully it has taught him something too. You'll be ok in time, and feel much better about this break-up in the future, as hard as it is to believe now. It will take months, maybe even a year or two - but one day you'll look back at this break-up and it won't hurt anymore, I promise.
Today I was feeling good. I didn’t feel the pain. I didn’t check his messages.

I am so happy that I got the closure. All this time, due to his hot and cold messages , I was creating so many scenarios about how to bring him back. But yesterday he made it clear that we won’t be together again!

However, I felt stronger when I made it clear to him that he cannot exist in my life as friend! I saw the sorrow in his face and eyes. Not the relationship but I dumped him as “friend” so I felt like we are equal!

I guesss I will send all his personal things to a friend and he can collect from her. I don’t want wanna talk to him after two months!

I might be hoping that he will miss me and ask to get back together after some months but keeping his personal stuff is not something I hold on to. I wanna get rid of them and enjoy my house with new memories.

After more than a month, I feel so good without pain and I don’t wanna feel the same pain again! It’s just too heavy.

I feel good and I want this good feeling to continue.

I really really appreciate each and every one of you for supporting me. You mean a lot to me !!

:)))
 

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Tomorrow it’s gonna be a week. He has never contacted me. I’ve never checked if he is online.

I no longer feel pain but of course I miss him a lot. I keep seeing him in my dreams so mornings are a bit hard for me.

I can’t really stay alone and my friends are supporting me.
I think today is the day I miss him the most. I gathered with my friends at my home. We cooked and right now we are still together having beer.
I posted a tiktok video and my ex watched it immediately.

So far so good. I am trying to focus on myself as much as I can and I hope time will heal me completely.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ipex and Kanashi

Kanashi

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 4, 2020
Posts
573
Media
9
Likes
1,391
Points
238
Location
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, US
Verification
View
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
So far so good. I am trying to focus on myself as much as I can and I hope time will heal me completely.
Good for you! It's so cheesy to say, but after the rain, the sun always comes out eventually. Proud of you for realizing that.
 

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Good for you! It's so cheesy to say, but after the rain, the sun always comes out eventually. Proud of you for realizing that.
Thank you so much.

I know I should be patient and I am know I will get better and these days will just remain as memories.

I just hope time flies faster and I just continue my life as usual but you know the habits and routine of almost 6 years is not easy to manage.

I wanna enjoy my house as I used to. Right now, I don’t feel good staying alone here.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ipex

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Today is another day that I am missing him so much I am feeling sad.

I am telling myself that this is normal and I am trying to accept these emotions.

Tomorrow I will have session with the psychologist and looking forward to it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ipex

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Hi everyone.
My session with the therapist went well.
I feel way better. The only issue is that I keep seeing him in my dreams and I wake up quite sad.

I keep reminding myself that this is normal as I am grieving and trying to distract myself but sometimes it’s just too hard.

I thought about using a dating app but I also think it might be too soon and I might check if he is on the app so I’d probably feel bad.
 
  • Like
Reactions: funguy9988 and ipex

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Hi everyone.

It’s been 12 days of no contact. In the meanwhile I am working from the office and it’s really really busy. After work I am going to gym and my whole body is pain since I was not working out.

I keep seeing my therapist every Monday and it helps me a lot.

Weekends are the hardest. I feel lonely and I am always thinking about and missing him much.

I keep repeating myself that it’s ok to miss him but part of me is always focusing on getting back together after long time of no contact period.

I hope eventually this thoughts will also fade away.

Any of you got back together after a hard break up?
 

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Hi everyone.
Hope you are all doing well!

I am doing fine. Not great but good.
I go to gym almost everyday. I go out with my friends. No more pain apart from seeing him in my dreams every night.

It was 16th day of no contact! I went to hair dresser and he texted again;

“Hiii, how are you? It’s been long time we haven’t talked and I wonder how everything is with you!”

I haven’t read his message for 4 hours. I took shower, went to gym , came back home and replied him briefly : Hi. I am good. I hope everything is good for you too!”

Next morning he texted again: “ everything goes fine so far, I am at my home town and will be here until September”

I just texted him. “Glad to hear. Enjoy your time.”

Him texting again made me feel sad and angry. Coz I clearly told him that I don’t wanna stay friends coz it is too hard me. I felt like he doesn’t respect me.

on the other hand I felt happy that he thought about me but I reminded myself that he is just bored at his home town coz he can’t hook up there. Just like the time he was in Switzerland, he was all along and spent the whole week texting me.

I go no contact again coz I really want to heal although it’s too hard and I never stop hoping to get back together. My psychologist advises me to live my feelings as they are! If hoping to get him back makes me feel, then accept it! Keep doing things such as going to gym, seeing friends and time will heal me!
 
  • Like
Reactions: ipex

ipex

Sexy Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2023
Posts
22
Media
0
Likes
46
Points
13
Location
Sydney NSW, Australia
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Hi everyone.
Hope you are all doing well!

I am doing fine. Not great but good.
I go to gym almost everyday. I go out with my friends. No more pain apart from seeing him in my dreams every night.

It was 16th day of no contact! I went to hair dresser and he texted again;

“Hiii, how are you? It’s been long time we haven’t talked and I wonder how everything is with you!”

I haven’t read his message for 4 hours. I took shower, went to gym , came back home and replied him briefly : Hi. I am good. I hope everything is good for you too!”

Next morning he texted again: “ everything goes fine so far, I am at my home town and will be here until September”

I just texted him. “Glad to hear. Enjoy your time.”

Him texting again made me feel sad and angry. Coz I clearly told him that I don’t wanna stay friends coz it is too hard me. I felt like he doesn’t respect me.

on the other hand I felt happy that he thought about me but I reminded myself that he is just bored at his home town coz he can’t hook up there. Just like the time he was in Switzerland, he was all along and spent the whole week texting me.

I go no contact again coz I really want to heal although it’s too hard and I never stop hoping to get back together. My psychologist advises me to live my feelings as they are! If hoping to get him back makes me feel, then accept it! Keep doing things such as going to gym, seeing friends and time will heal me!
Glad to hear you're doing fine. I think you're handling things well. :) The response you gave to him was quite good. You didn't give him much, nothing to encourage further contact. If he keeps trying, I think you're well within your rights to not respond at all. He is being quite selfish contacting you, in my opinion, because it brings the trauma of the situation back again. I like your psychologist's advice, it sounds like they're helping a lot!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4_men

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Glad to hear you're doing fine. I think you're handling things well. :) The response you gave to him was quite good. You didn't give him much, nothing to encourage further contact. If he keeps trying, I think you're well within your rights to not respond at all. He is being quite selfish contacting you, in my opinion, because it brings the trauma of the situation back again. I like your psychologist's advice, it sounds like they're helping a lot!
Thank you @ipex I really appreciate your support.

it’s been a week since broke the no contact. You are right, he brought back all the trauma coz I am again just thinking of him. Checking if he is online on WhatsApp. Thinking if he is missing me and thinking to come back.

I arranged a 4 day trip to have a short vacation to change environment. I keep going to the gym and seeing my friends.

If he texts again, I will just remind him what I said at the party that I am not his friend and he should respect my wish of no communication. The only communication I can respond is him asking to get back together.

I know that day will come. I will keep focusing on myself and see how we will fix things between us.

I know it might seem as obsessive and needy but I believe in my heart that we will be back together.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ipex and Kanashi

ipex

Sexy Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2023
Posts
22
Media
0
Likes
46
Points
13
Location
Sydney NSW, Australia
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Thank you @ipex I really appreciate your support.

it’s been a week since broke the no contact. You are right, he brought back all the trauma coz I am again just thinking of him. Checking if he is online on WhatsApp. Thinking if he is missing me and thinking to come back.

I arranged a 4 day trip to have a short vacation to change environment. I keep going to the gym and seeing my friends.

If he texts again, I will just remind him what I said at the party that I am not his friend and he should respect my wish of no communication. The only communication I can respond is him asking to get back together.

I know that day will come. I will keep focusing on myself and see how we will fix things between us.

I know it might seem as obsessive and needy but I believe in my heart that we will be back together.
Can I ask why you want to be back together? (Or at least believe you will be back together?) What is so good about him? I admire your commitment to the relationship but considering his lack of commitment, don't you think you'd be better off moving on? If you want to be in a relationship again, I'm sure there are other, more suitable and more deserving people out there.
 

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Can I ask why you want to be back together? (Or at least believe you will be back together?) What is so good about him? I admire your commitment to the relationship but considering his lack of commitment, don't you think you'd be better off moving on? If you want to be in a relationship again, I'm sure there are other, more suitable and more deserving people out there.
Because during all the six years, I felt as whole. I felt complete. I am 41 and I had several relationships and heart breaks but either of them I felt complete. It’s true that I idealized him but it’s because I was with a man whom I loved head to toe. Even in our most boring or angry moment, looking at his eyes calmed me down and made me forget all my worries, anger and boredom.

on the other hand, I know he felt the same way. We broke up because of lack of communication and lack of having social life but we always loved each other. He wanted to change and was expecting me to join him to change our lifes but he wanted me to run and eventually he got tired because he was running for the change and we broke up.
 

ipex

Sexy Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2023
Posts
22
Media
0
Likes
46
Points
13
Location
Sydney NSW, Australia
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Because during all the six years, I felt as whole. I felt complete. I am 41 and I had several relationships and heart breaks but either of them I felt complete. It’s true that I idealized him but it’s because I was with a man whom I loved head to toe. Even in our most boring or angry moment, looking at his eyes calmed me down and made me forget all my worries, anger and boredom.

on the other hand, I know he felt the same way. We broke up because of lack of communication and lack of having social life but we always loved each other. He wanted to change and was expecting me to join him to change our lifes but he wanted me to run and eventually he got tired because he was running for the change and we broke up.
Well, I really hope it all works out for the best for you. :) And for him too. We all deserve love and to feel complete.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4_men

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Well, I really hope it all works out for the best for you. :) And for him too. We all deserve love and to feel complete.
Thank you so much @ipex !
I don’t and won’t lose hope! This “break” is an opportunity for both of us to appreciate each other and start a new chapter even stronger.
Hopefully the day will come and so I will update you all ❤️
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kanashi

Nabil.solo

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2022
Posts
288
Media
0
Likes
174
Points
53
Location
Algiers, Algiers,Algeria
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Don't be fool you are living a toxic relationship don't waste your mental health and your time for some one does not Care he wants to control you
You know all that but I don't understand why you insist to go back to him?
Even if you get back together he will cheating you because he knows you won't let him go he will make you suffer
 

4_men

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Posts
487
Media
11
Likes
5,443
Points
313
Location
Athens
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Don't be fool you are living a toxic relationship don't waste your mental health and your time for some one does not Care he wants to control you
You know all that but I don't understand why you insist to go back to him?
Even if you get back together he will cheating you because he knows you won't let him go he will make you suffer
It’s been a month that we haven’t contacted each other. I am no longer in pain. I am focusing on my self improvement, going to gym, seeing therapist. I am healing :))