Bromance Insecurity/jealousy

Growing123

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Have you ever had a bromance type, non sexual desire for friendship with another male where you felt jealous or insecure when they didn't reciprocate? Maybe you admire some aspect of this person (looks, competence, self esteem, self efficacy, sporting prowess, intellect, popularity). When they don't acknowledge you or favor someone else did you feel miffed? What did it feel like and how did you recover?

I'm just wondering if straight men also experience these scenarios. Did it make you question your masculinity or sexuality? Is it normal for straight men to experience such episodes of is it the preserve of gay men only?
 
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Teenage boys probably experience this most, when they first start to notice girls and the new “girlfriend” becomes the focus over their friends. To a lesser extent the same thing happens when a bunch of single men hang out and one gets a regular girlfriend or gets married.
 
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ronin001

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Men often consciously; or subconsciously compete in many avenues of their existence . Sports, Money, GF, Height, type of job, clothes, CAR, Etc. Nothing wrong with this unless it becomes a compulsion . This is not limited to straight or gay men
 

Growing123

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Men often consciously; or subconsciously compete in many avenues of their existence . Sports, Money, GF, Height, type of job, clothes, CAR, Etc. Nothing wrong with this unless it becomes a compulsion . This is not limited to straight or gay men
But there's a difference between solely competing and feeling pangs of jealousy, the latter of which speaks more to desiring a deeper connection with the guy. I guess it is true that when he goes and forms a relationship with a girl there is a sense of loss.
 

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Or inspires a sense of competition. There was a time that as members of a group settled down; and married, this inspired their friends to do the same . Rather than be the 3rd wheel and out of place. Why just focus on the girl. A male friend, can make other male friends and have less time for you , a friend can form work / after work friends - Form a professional circle of friends that you may not be a real part of.

People move away, go away to school , start families ETC. ONe can be jealous, to a point; but should also be happy for the person.
The friend who feels only jealousy / resentment toward a friends growth, may not be the best friend to have. This goes for Bro / Bromances as well.
 
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Growing123

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I know. I think what I'm trying to discern is whether gay people are inclined to feel a certain vulnerability to this loss of intimacy whereas straight men treat it more as a normal developmental trajectory which leads to constructive goal setting without feeling a frisson of heartache. Sorry if I'm not articulating it well
 
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I know. I think what I'm trying to discern is whether gay people are inclined to feel a certain vulnerability to this loss of intimacy whereas straight men treat it more as a normal developmental trajectory which leads to constructive goal setting without feeling a frisson of heartache. Sorry if I'm not articulating it well

Why would it be any different? Assuming the gay man had a Platonic relationship with the other person, if the amount of attention they used to receive from a person they cared about declined because it was being spent on another; it would be perfectly normal to feel some sense of loss or jealousy. I don’t think it’s a gender or sexuality situation, but a human one. I imagine women experience this too.

It might be more acute if there were unexpressed romantic feelings or sexual desire, but that’s a different set of circumstances.
 

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No me either.
I have had very close male friends that I loved and treated like a brother. Mutual respect and cared for. But as time goes by sometimes you grow apart whether it's because of marriage, a girlfriend, or any of a number of reasons. It's just part of life. Not jealous or resentful for growing apart. Life happens. You move on and make other friends.

Too, if you've got a family, your time becomes more centered on them. You find you have less and less time for guys night out and those sort of things. Although if your wives get along good, friendships like that can be maintained for years or even be life long. Not always but sometimes. Fishing and hunting bros. Just depends on a lot of factors.

Most people can count their real friends on one hand. True blue through thick and thin. Others may be friends but oft times more than not, they're fair weather friends. There for the good times. No where to be found in the bad times.
 

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As @Gj816 life changes over time. Mostly people's priorities change, some of us grow, mentally and emotionally. Some of us don't.

At some point, especially if you have kids, you find your priorities have taken a paradigm shift; some friends and the associated grab ass time with them starts to drop in prioritization. Some point in the journey you suddenly have some stupid time at some point, you test the waters, you go out and get fucked up and you wake up feeling like shit, the job is calling and the kids need a ride back from school.

Usually on that one day you realize the thirty something guy closing in on 40 something (quicker than you like), that is looking at you in the mirror has only a few years of trigger time at best, you're fucking body is a Motrin depository you realize right then that life has changed. You also see that some of the other guys that you ran the streets with are thinking they are still Peter Pan; out buying and new riding motorcycles, scuba gear, guns, weekends at Vegas and purchasing other man toys are on wife number 4 wondering why? They usually say shit like "I don't know why I can't have a stable relationship" "wow you're so lucky"? No shit really? It's called sacrifice and balance.

At some point in my thirties my mental and emotional calculus changed regarding friends and it became 1) we are not fucking, 2) you're not one of my mouths that depend on me, 3) you're not paying my bills, 4) you don't feed me or take care of me, 5) what you think of me as compared to drinking buddy a) or b) is meaningless. Most of my friends eventually had that same mental day of reckoning and even the ones that did not acquire all of the family get it, because chances are they had it, lost it and appreciate & respect how you balance your life. Most or all of them never put choices in front of you that could jeopardize your relationship because they get what makes you tick.

It may sound cold blooded, maybe ruthless; but you have to be reliable to the people who's lives your decisions impact the most, it's called responsibility. It's being a grown ass man and some men don't understand when it's time to be a grown ass man.
 

Growing123

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@mr_avg great post. Even as a gay guy it resonated with me. I have no mouths to feed apart from my own but I have stared in that mirror after a mid-life crisis night on the town of denial and regretted it the next morning. No more denial. I'm an adult and I'm not able to be the old irresponsible me any longer as I have goals to achieve. That dawned on me in my late twenties.

I still think that, aside from binge drinking experiences with close friends, bonds can still form where pseudo bromances are the offshoot. They are straight in nature but have a emotional tug. They are unlike the stories on here (neighbor and I made out in my garage while our wives and kids picnicked in the park) but they still have a frisson of headspace closeness. Maybe I'm wrong and have been reading too many stories on this site.
 
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6inchcock

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@mr_avg great post. Even as a gay guy it resonated with me. I have no mouths to feed apart from my own but I have stared in that mirror after a mid-life crisis night on the town of denial and regretted it the next morning. No more denial. I'm an adult and I'm not able to be the old irresponsible me any longer as I have goals to achieve. That dawned on me in my late twenties.

I still think that, aside from binge drinking experiences with close friends, bonds can still form where pseudo bromances are the offshoot. They are straight in nature but have a emotional tug. They are unlike the stories on here (neighbor and I made out in my garage while our wives and kids picnicked in the park) but they still have a frisson of headspace closeness. Maybe I'm wrong and have been reading too many stories on this site.

One of my former military friends and I had long talk over a drink (vice getting fucked up) one night after meeting up with some other guys from one of our deployments on an impromptu re-union and other than the kids, which him and his partner (he had recently told most us that acted like adults he was gay) were talking about trying to adopt we came to pretty much the same conclusion.

Some of the guys (there were about 8 of us) that were with us were still acting like overgrown kids and seemed to be trapped in time.

Social media somewhat makes it worse because a lot of stupid shit that used to stay between their ears now comes out for all to see and I find myself asking "how the fuck did I hang out with such an overgrown dumbass",

Put the good times in a mental box and move on.

Life goes on, with them or without them.
 
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Growing123

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@mr_avg it is sad when certain guys don't get past that rite of passage. I just presume that they are unhappy and want to go back in time. But yes we have all moved on. I do miss the drunken nights, confiding in friends, receiving drunken validation. But would I go back on a drinking session for that purpose - no ways! My body couldn't cope. But I miss my "tribe" as the coinage goes. Being single I just miss those bromances. We were never a huggy group as it was all straight guys. When I see the nude bonding thread I love it but cannot relate to it as we didn't get up to those antics. But I do miss those days meeting my mates in the bar and a night of messing and laughter and memories would ensue.
 

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Why would it be any different? Assuming the gay man had a Platonic relationship with the other person, if the amount of attention they used to receive from a person they cared about declined because it was being spent on another; it would be perfectly normal to feel some sense of loss or jealousy. I don’t think it’s a gender or sexuality situation, but a human one. I imagine women experience this too.

It might be more acute if there were unexpressed romantic feelings or sexual desire, but that’s a different set of circumstances.
This is a perfect answer.. A friend of mine did this to me recently.. Best friends one day and the next ignored text phones calls etc. It hurts but once I realized this is a pattern of his.. Im feeling better. He has done this to other friends as well and regrets it but doesn’t change his behavior
 

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Have you ever had a bromance type, non sexual desire for friendship with another male where you felt jealous or insecure when they didn't reciprocate? Maybe you admire some aspect of this person (looks, competence, self esteem, self efficacy, sporting prowess, intellect, popularity). When they don't acknowledge you or favor someone else did you feel miffed? What did it feel like and how did you recover?

I'm just wondering if straight men also experience these scenarios. Did it make you question your masculinity or sexuality? Is it normal for straight men to experience such episodes of is it the preserve of gay men only?
Bromance it’s saying a lot to me strike the romance and we can talk.
Frienship can go stronger weaker or die, it happens, it can be for any reason your friend focus on his girlfriend can turn off the outside world.
Now questioning your masculinity? I think that’s impossible.
Questioning your sexuality because you miss your friend? Really? Since you are asking straight it was never a sexual thing. If you are mature you could process this with joy since he focus on what he loves, perhaps is a good time to find what you really really want and focus.
I can admire a friend but he can be my friend without been anything specially remarkable.
If this question comes because you had a crush with a man and didn’t work out, I can answer as I would do with a men with a woman, did you made your move and failed? Move on! Did you fall asleep expecting a magical coincidence and she move on? Learn and move on.
 

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This really doesn’t have to do with sexuality but more on a relational basis. For me, I’m the single bro in the group and I noticed that “fun time” was drastically cut down when each got married.
At first, I was upset because I “lost” my friend; but that wasn’t the case - our relationship was just shifting.
Soon our interest weren’t aligning, kids get involved, jobs, etc. and now we see each other every so often.
I was never insecure but I was jealous of what I was missing out. Jealousy isn’t a character I hold to, so I change my perspective - set some boundaries for me, and you just continue.
 

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Those are all signs of self confidence and self worth issues, and I think most younger people experience that and we get older it fades with a majority of men. I'm sure at one point I was like that, but I guess I've always been the type of person that feels if you don't want to hang out with me, then I'm not going to make you or ask you to.