bromance or flirting

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jonathan2/11, Dec 19, 2010.

  1. Jonathan2/11

    Jonathan2/11 New Member

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    So recently ive been hanging out with this guy and weve become really good friends over the past several months and well i kind of fell for him. He doesn't knw im gay he thinks i am but i haven't really told him yet and Ive thought about coming out to him for awhile but i dont want to ruin anything and i dont know how he'll take it so i haven't. Its just that he makes me feel awesome when were together.

    When we hang out i have an awesome time and it almost feels like he flirts with me a little like sometimes he'll play with my hair or he'll sit close to me and we play fight alot hes even slapped my ass. Our friends even jokingly say were together and it doesn't seem like it bothers him as far as i can tell. Oh and he has a girlfriend yeah its that complicated.

    So i dont really know what to do is this a ?bromance? and he just feels really comfortable with me as a friend or could he be interested in me as more then just a friend. I dont want to make the wrong move and ruin or friendship.
     
  2. Countryguy63

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    If you really value your friendship, and you don't want to chance ruining it, consider it a bromance until he indicates different.
     
  3. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think many of us are learning how to be with other guys in a way that doesn't cause emotional grief. After all guys are human too and have feelings. We don't have as much experience with each other as we do with women. At least that's my experience. I think mutual respect is a huge deal with relationships between men. The other guy doesn't want you to belittle or demean him. He wants to know that you care about him as he is. Also many guys are more self-conscious about being sex objects than women are. They don't especially like it if you think of them as primarily a "big dick" or a piece of meat. This isn't true for all guys though. Some guys get off on their sexiness toward everyone. Also if you think about it, how would you feel if another guy was interested in you in the same way you are with him? Close friendships are rare and valuable so my advice would be to be careful and give him a lot of space. No pressuring him to get more involved in a more intimate way than he may be able. Let it evolve.
     
  4. vanillablue87

    vanillablue87 New Member

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    Keep it as a bromance, man. I met a guy through work a few months ago and I would've bet money that he was trying to get into my pants. He was really cool, easy going, touchy-feely, like to stare, pretty easy on the eyes, and if I had been more forward, we may have even gotten a muscle worship scene going (he's a cross-fit trainer):p But we parted ways, and a few months later, got to hang out again, and he seemed as oblivious as ever that he turned me on! We continued to "flirt" and I dropped some hints, but when we teetered on the borderline of anything beyond friendship, he clammed up nervously and became someone I didn't recognize. Friendship was clearly a comfortable place for him, and I'd rather have around as a partner in bromance than to scare him off with my horniness.

    I know situations differ and personalities always add flavors to the mix, but consider what your friend might want and what they might be comfortable with. Of course you don't want to rob him of the choice to decide how he feels, but everyone's not as openminded as we'd like to be.
     
  5. noirman

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    Are you out with others, OP? If so, you should come out to him and let him determine the course of your relationship. A bromance based on secrecy is destined to end badly.
     
  6. madman411

    madman411 Member

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    i have the bromance/flirting thing going on at work. it's actually getting quite irritating. there are a few guys i work with, who are all good looking, that flirt a lot with me. i have a suspicion that at least one or two might be gay/bi. everything from hugging me, making heart-shapes with their hands at me, telling me they "love" me, to just staring and smiling at me. i take it all with a pinch of salt though because i think recently it's become quite a trend with younger guys to "play gay" with each other. it's interesting though because they do it more with me than each other... none of them are aware that i'm gay, although i'm sure they've suspected it, and it may be why they've started playing gay with me. i get a kick out of playing back though because they really are attractive guys.

    although it may be possible that one or two are genuinely interested in me, i will not act upon it. although i never initiate the play i try to take it as a compliment that they go out of their way to make me notice them when we're working.
     
  7. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    He plays with your hair? Outside of the barber's chair, the only time I've seen a guy touch another guy's hair was when the guy was freshly buzz-cut.
     
  8. rayray

    rayray Active Member

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    You dont say under what circumstance you met one an other.You say you have not told him you are gay but you think he knows..Plays with your hair, slaps your ass and sits real close to you...And he has a girlfriend? I think if he already thinks your gay and you have such a great friendship going, when the times right just verify to him what you think he knows.I remember these games when i was your age with a few guys. Age and maturity usually helps.I remember back in my 20's i had 2 female room mates, both with nice looking boyfriends..They knew i was gay and i'll be darned that once alone with either one of them they pursued me and both these boys were straight in the way i saw it. They just wanted to try something different. Some guys have a girlfriend and some guys have girlfriends..
     
  9. nashboy

    nashboy Active Member

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    i flirt with some of my straight guy friends...and the ones i flirt with...flirt/play back...but theres a line between a straight guy and closeted guy...lol
     
  10. RumperRoom

    RumperRoom New Member

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    Grab his cock then bend over for him, That will end it all. One way or another you'll know.
     
  11. texas41-38

    texas41-38 Member

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    I'll take bromance over hot closeted sex anyday.
     
  12. Jonathan2/11

    Jonathan2/11 New Member

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    well i have a moehawk so when i have it down he runs his hands through it and sometimes pulls it ....i hate it when he does things like that because it turns me on and it makes it harder for me to see him as a friend but then again i want him to do stuff like that and thats my big problem i want to be just friends but my feelings for him keep getting in the way and its hard to just throw them aside and act like they aint there....

    thnks for all yalls advice
     
  13. Jonathan2/11

    Jonathan2/11 New Member

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    im going to see him tmrrw so lets see how that goes.....

    thnks again for all yalls advice
     
  14. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    Hung Jon, I'm impressed with this advice from one with so few years!
    I hope he takes it. You are absolutely right. Close friendships are very difficult to come by.
     
  15. fratpack

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    Enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. I have several straight friends that I flirt with and it is totally fun. There is a great and warm feeling when hanging out with them and hey just being able to hang out and enjoy someone's company is an awesome thing. Don't put any pressure on aomething that may not be there. Just enjoy your friends and live in the moment!
     
  16. Justins_Thick84

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    I think Hung Jon said it best, but I'll echo the sentiment - I'd kill to have a buddy I could be close to and comfortable like that.

    I'd personally be careful about pushing things, you might end up unintentionally crossing a line and end up with nothing at all - if you're happy and enjoying where things are at now, I'd let things just evolve (or stay where they're at) naturally.

    On the other side of the coin, if you're developing more serious feelings for this guy, I'd think long about whether its fair to yourself to keep this sort of a relationship up, if it doesn't have the future you want, because in the long run you might end up getting yourself hurt.
     
  17. B_bxmuscle

    B_bxmuscle New Member

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    It's not uncommon for a young guy into guys to fall in love with a straight man, especially if it's a "first love." I'd come out to him when the time's right; not in the expectation of anything other than a friendship, but so that you're friendship can be put on a truer, firmer basis.

    Regarding your feelings: so long as your feelings and the time you spend with this man brings you joy they're healthy and to be treasured. If, however, you start to feel frustrated or deeply unhappy about an unattainable love-object, you should reconsider how much time and emotional energy you put into the situation. Feelings can't be turned on or off at will, but you have to act in ways that are mentally and emotionally sane and healthy. Either way, I def suggest you try to met guys who are emotionally and physically available to you. As I said, it's not uncommon for a young man who likes men to fall for a straight guy, but you don't want it to become a way of life!
     
  18. goodboygonebad98

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    I can totally understand the struggle. One of my good friends is 7 years younger than I and recently went through a divorce and has custody of his son. He is super cute, and I had a bit of a crush. Anyway...we were watching a football game last year, and he was complaining about his exwife. He and I had gotten much closer and I just told him. He was the first person I was friends with that I told. His reaction...."okay, so." It has actually brough us closer and his son calls me uncle. I really like his girlfriend, thought I did not want to....and the three of us hang out all the time. Actually, I am dating a new guy and the 4 of us hang out all the time now. My cute, hot, sweet straight friend, his gf, my bf and me.

    Actually, the other day, we went Christmas shopping together just him and I. We got some toys for his son, and then went jewerly shopping for his gf. I helped him pick out a very nice ring.

    I think stright guys and gay guys can be great friends. He is one of my best friends, is super hot and is super straight. He is an awesome person and is so supportive. I am pretty much over my crush now. But I am so glad I told him.
     
  19. Masonblake

    Masonblake New Member

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    you know whats going on.....he might not be as open as you are but he is probaly curious i can see the two of you hooking up once or twice but then you will fall off....let it go
     
  20. claty111

    claty111 New Member

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    How did your meeting go?
     
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