I started this thread a year ago. I have learned a lot in that time. As 2021 is upon us I want to share my experience with a dominant, HIV+ man whose spell I fell under and was considering having him seroconvert me.I want to preface sharing my experience by saying that this man will always have my utmost respect. Why, you might ask? He never once pressured me and insisted I fully understand what I was asking for.
It was May, 2020. My wife had passed away from terminal brain cancer twenty-six months previous. I have not been sexually active in years. I don’t recall the exact path that lead me to connect with this man, but I ended up on a forum that discussed men who were HIV positive and looking ‘breed’ negative men.
As I read through the many posts on this forum, this man spoke very openly and eloquently about his desire to infect a few men. I became entranced with his writing and I reached out to him directly. He took me on a journey and psychologically manipulated me from afar. I found myself asking for his guidance, convincing myself I was merely curious; but deep down I knew I was being pulled into his sphere of control.
He asked me to research HIV. He explained that I needed to understand the biology of HIV and how it attacks my CD4 cells and hijacks my own DNA to slowly destroy my immune system. I do not take HIV lightly, even with the advances in treatment. But I confess I found it fascinating to learn how, from a biological point of view, this virus seeks to promote its own life by destroying mine.
Next, he asked me to research the A3/02 strain of HIV, which is the strain with which he was infected. It is a very toxic virus that has been deemed to have originated in Western Africa. It proved resistant to PreP and appeared to have more resistance to ART treatments. His viral load was in the millions, despite being on meds. Once he was content I understood the end results and the risks, he moved on. He never asked me why. I believe he only wanted to find men who understood the risk. In one message he wrote in bold letters, “think about this very carefully.”
Each time he sent me on a task of educating myself, I became more addicted to the idea of allowing him to inject me with his sperm. He informed me that his process of seroconversion was very clinical when compared to other HIV positive tops. His process was well thought out and maximized the chance of infecting me with his toxic strain. He started by using a small brush to irritate the lining of my anus. The brush was covered in vegetable oil which helped it enter the anal cavity easily; but the oil also acts as a vector to carry his virus to my healthy cells where it would “replicate and crowd out (my) native chemistry and alter (me) for the balance of my life.”
When it was time to seroconvert me, he would remain dressed and merely take his cock out of his pants, requiring me to look at his cock and ask for his virus to be implanted in me. He assured me that this was only about my seroconversion, it was not about sex. He would only require five or six very forceful thrusts before he would deposit his load of virus laden semen into my body. His toxic seed would swim easily through the abrasions in my anus and quickly begin to attack my immune system.
He warned me that once he entered my anus, there was no stopping the process. That was the point where my own free will evaporated. Even though it might take up to thirty seconds for him to release his disease-producing germs into me, he would not stop until I was infected. He informed me that in those few seconds from when he first entered me, until I felt his sperm splash inside, I would feel an intense emotion that would cause my heart to race, only further facilitating his purpose of infecting me. He was correct, for even as I read his words, my heart was racing.
I became obsessed, spending hours thinking about HIS process and the consequences. He never once pressured me to proceed. This had to be my choice. It was my responsibility to ask for his help. I had to want this. I had to be ready.
I took some time and when I tried to connect again, he stopped responding. I am happy today that I did not proceed—perhaps he knew that I could not stop myself under his control and he sensed my hesitation was a sign I was not ready. I confess I am still drawn to him and not sure what would happen if he contacted me.