Butch Gay Dates

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by headbang8, Jan 28, 2005.

  1. headbang8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,272
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Munich (BY, DE)
    Many of us have been trying to help our good friend Cale out of the closet. One of his big hurdles seems to be the idea of dating another guy, being romantic with another male, and all that.

    It got me thinking. With no pressure from women to do this kind of stuff, how many men actually do it? I'm struggling to remember any occasion in my gay life when I went on what you would call a date.

    Whatever gay men do, I wouldn't call it dating. I'd call it sex, sometimes preceded by food. There's an old joke: gay men say hello with their dicks.

    Instinct Magazine runs a regular column called Going Blind, where they set two gay men up on an extremely expensive blind date. The success rate? Almost zero. It started out with the classic hetero model of dinner/show/nightclub. But the magazine had to start including things like visits to the gym, bookshops and sporting activities to keep everyone's interest up.

    Most of the time, gay "dates" are just two guys hanging out with each other in the way straight male friends would.

    One of my longest relationships was with a guy whom I met through mutual friends. We didn't date; rather, we knew each other through social events and first did the deed after a dinner party to which we were both invited. There was no real need for a date. Seeing each other fit into the natural weft and weave of an already active social life, and there was no need to contrive a sexual opportunity.

    Our first real "date"? (Meaning, private time not specifically devoted to sex where we got to know each other.)

    On weekends, he returned to his family farm, where he was renovating the old dairy as a bachelor pad. I drove there one Saturday morning, and we went to a cattle auction. (Before you ask, no we didn't buy anything. Did some tire-kicking, but didn't see anything we fancied.)

    We went back to his place and installed plumbing for the water heater; that boy is a dab hand with a welding torch (I'm sure we were supposed to have a license or something) and then went to the pub for dinner. When we got home, we we finally got around to sex.

    (You straight guys bitch about having to pay for dinner and a show to get laid!)

    What strikes me about the experience, in retrospect, was how easily it might have been two straight buddies spending the day together. In fact, my boy remarked that he'd spent the last Saturday with his brother-in-law doing much the same, minus the sex.

    In the days I tried to be straight, I hated dates. The little dance of seduction, the will-she-won't-she game, the fact that even amongst quite enlightened women, dates are always used as some kind of a test for men.

    My thinking...throw this whole hetero model of dating and romance out the window. And good riddance.

    If a male "date" arrived at the front door carrying a bunch of flowers, I'd give him short shrift. But if he arived at the door with a metric socket wrench, last month's Motor Trend, or a six pack, I'd invite him in and offer a Headbang Special in appreciation.

    So, have you and your sig others liberated yourselves from the oppressive heterosexist model of romance? Your advice for a young queer-about-town?

    hb8
     
  2. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    848
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I agree that the heterosexual "rules to dating" don't necessarily apply to homosexuals. I am however a very romantic guy. I love the whole wining and dining experience. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a hopeless romantic. Granted we are a dying breed but I love it.
     
  3. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2004
    Messages:
    3,174
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC but never stop traveling
    I love it, too, Kyle. This breed is not dying. One thing that keeps my relationship with an actor floating through all the tours and mismatched schedule is the prospect of hot Valentine's Days, escapes to the beach, or a late quiet dinner at home. It doesn't end with dating.
     
  4. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2002
    Messages:
    5,402
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Louisiana
    I'm a hopeless romantic as well. I'm all about candle light, roses, champagne, cuddling in front of a fireplace, soft music ... all very romantic preludes to bending him over and fucking him senseless.
     
  5. ziggity

    ziggity New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    193
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    bay area CA
    *swoons* :wub:
     
  6. txquis

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,831
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    I can see the validity of the article that was quoted, but to be honest...
    almost all of my first dates, or blind dates involved a quiet lunch or dinner.
    And..hey, i'm still accepting offers. ;)
    :D
     
  7. zzorus

    zzorus New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2004
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Rather than being a hopeless romantic, I am a hopeful romantic!
     
  8. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    848
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I love it, too, Kyle. This breed is not dying. One thing that keeps my relationship with an actor floating through all the tours and mismatched schedule is the prospect of hot Valentine's Days, escapes to the beach, or a late quiet dinner at home. It doesn't end with dating.
    [post=278597]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]
    I agree that a key factor to keeping a long relationship is to continue to "date" through out the relationship. It keeps it fresh and alive. :D
     
  9. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    848
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I just melted... :wub:

    *sigh*

    ...but that also got me kinda aroused as well! ;)
     
  10. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    848
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Jeff, your new avatar rocks! You look a little Puckish! Purrrrr..... :blush:

    PS: Puck as in "A Midsummer Night's Dream" not the nasty guy from MTV's "The Real World." ;)
     
  11. Orang621

    Orang621 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    My take on this topic is that you can't really make a blanket statement about it in any way.

    I agree, homosexuals have very different dating habits than heterosexuals. My boyfriend and I met and hooked up the first night, and have been together ever since. But after that first crazy night, we followed with many "dates" in the traditional sense: movies, dinners (we loooove to eat), bars, etc. Most (almost all) of our couple friends are straight, and we don't see much of a difference--except for our desire to copulate incessantly and ability to share clothes!!

    If I was going to look for a real big variation between heterosexual and homosexual dating, it would be that we have been taught by society that our relationships are based solely around sex. This country still avoids recognizing us as equals in the eyes of the law, and there are still so many powerful deranged lunatics who choose to look at us as immoral sodomites. They make it seem like we are a bunch of sex-crazed monkeys sticking it in anyone's butt we can (no offense to primate lovers out there)! These sorts of things, as well as media depictions of gay people as different, contribute to the variation in how we view dating, and relationships in general.

    My boyfriend and I are both lucky enough to enjoy all the things we love about being without giving into all of the stereotypes we are supposed to perpetuate... BUT EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT
     
  12. Kimahri

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    1,291
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bel Air (MD, US)
    This begs to be thrown in there.

    As a regular guy that is gay, a date for me is not much unlike chillin with buds. My best relationship, he and I met in a straight bar where he was hanging out with his friends. He was alot like me in most respects and the parts of each other we didn't share, we took a lot of time to explore.

    I can safely say because of the way I am, I don't end up with many romantic types. There is nothing wrong with them at all. Most are pretty sweet guys. I just have no had any experience with the type. I do my stupid high school stuff....cards now and then, maybe a rose, etc....but not good with the wining and dining.

    Though, I've had LOTS of bad experiences with guys, so that could simply be that I'm jaded. Be nice to get out of that though.
     
  13. Orang621

    Orang621 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think we also forget that if we asked a lot of straight girls out there, their boyfriends don't do anything "romantic" either. A lot of guys don't go to the trouble of romancing a woman by buying her flowers or writing love notes. Many of my girlfriends spend a friday night drinking beer and watching the Laker game with their boyfriends...
     
  14. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    lighthouse:
     
  15. jonb

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,308
    Likes Received:
    2
    (I think) Jeff Foxworthy said that if it weren't for the sex, he could be gay. Then it's just hangin' out with your buddies.
     
  16. rsny845

    rsny845 Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2004
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Beacon (NY, US)
    When I see my long-distance bf, we struggle to choose among a walk in the park, fucking madly, or just kissing and looking at each other - all good things. Sometimes we go after the passion first, then the walk, then a romantic dinner, then back to bed.
     
  17. Kimahri

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    1,291
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bel Air (MD, US)

    Never a bad thing. I'm still to close to my "straight" brothers when it comes to that sometimes. Not saying all straight dudes are butch dates....wait....that's no good.

    *ninja vanish*
     
Draft saved Draft deleted