Calling all bi and gay guys...! need some assistance!

[dhsdad]

One of my best friends is supposedly "straight"! However, back in January he was bicurious or bisexual; and has always been interested in going to the gay bars and clubs. I keep noticing him staring at my crotch when sitting across from him or when laying down on his sofa. I have also noticed that he watches me when I am naked too.

He said things would be much easier for him if society was more fair, but it is not currently! He also told me that his parents are rather conservative, and that hinders his feelings as well. He has been in two long term relationships with women (one was 1 year and the other was a 3-4 year off and on relationship)but never seems happy with them, and only seems to keep them around as a friend. He also has expressed he does not want kids and wants that in his partner as well. He currently lives in NYC, but would consider a second home in San Francisco, Seattly, Chicago, Washington, D.C., where we lived previously, Vancouver and Portland Oregon. He wants me to go with him to South Beach this November, and also take a quick jaunt to the Keys.

When I talk to him my gaydar goes off BIG time and he always holds eye contact with me very well. I asked him where he is on the spectrum and he siad he does not believe in black and white, but shades of gray. He said at first he was a 90 on a scale of a 100 being completely straight. I believe he is more like a 20 or 30 than he actually purports to be, but he is deeply closeted at this time. As I stated before he enjoys the gay clubs and bars, and takes me to them when we go at times. He however, does go to the mixed clubs I prefer as well.

All of my gay friends thought him and I were having a relationship, because they thought or know he is gay and we hang out all the time. He is truly a wonderful guy, but he just needs some direction in life, to be a bit more comfortable with himself. He was never really into sports, but played football in M.S. and H.S. after he quit playing soccer. He also does not watch any sports and just likes to shop, travel, hike, run, bike, and go clubbing. I am trying my best to introduce him to the otherside. He has told me on many occasions that he has feeling for me and cares about me, but he just does not know how others would react! He enjoys being touched by other men whether it be just a back rub or holding his hand, and he has never pulled away.

Everytime I have introduced him to another gay friend or friends, they always ask, "is he in the closet or out"!

What should I do?

If you out him too quick, he may retreat and blame you for the negative experience. Let him step the pace. If he wants to go further, let him decide. It's not fare of you to try and "drag" him out the closet..although he is clearly a closet case.

 

[dhsdad]

He was raised Catholic similar to myself, at least the one side of the family, my other side is Jewish. Him and I however are Agnostic. You are correct, we wish for a deeper connection, but we do both like sex, but not just for sex, but to share our emotions.



I don't see him being "occasionally Bi", he is either gay, or bisexual, but he leans more towards men!

you really should let him decide.

 

[D_Iskepee_Longwoodee]

If you out him too quick, he may retreat and blame you for the negative experience. Let him step the pace. If he wants to go further, let him decide. It's not fare of you to try and "drag" him out the closet..although he is clearly a closet case.

Yes, he is a closet case...and I'm not trying to "drag" him out, I just want to offer him comfort thru the process!

you really should let him decide.

He has already decided he is not straight! He said he is bisexual...but most of our friends say he is gay! Time will tell.

 

[silvertriumph2]

Chance1826
Well, it's past the middle of October, and 2 week since you last posted.
Have you had your camping trip yet?
I'm still hoping for the best for you and Bryan.