Calling it Quits

Scrappydoo1

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 19, 2011
Posts
539
Media
7
Likes
83
Points
163
Location
Atlanta (Georgia, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
I need some advice. I have been with my wife for almost 9 years. The constant nagging and her low self confidence is beginning to weigh on me. We have 2 kids together and they are under the age of 8.

I believe I am now to comfortable in my relationship. The sex is alright. Somewhere in my heart I believe I married to young. I seem to wonder if I was still single I will be better financially and excited about life.

What should I do? I am thinking of possibly seeing a counselor, but that can only go so far when she has her own insecurities that she doesn't want to face. Is divorce an option? My only concern and the only possible reason for me staying is my kids.

She asked if I will ever marry her again or renew our vows. I can honestly say I don't ever see that happening. Any advice is well appreciated.
 
Last edited:

JohnnyRoulette

Expert Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2013
Posts
451
Media
6
Likes
237
Points
328
Location
Currently on a cloud.
Gender
Male
Well scrappy, I think the logical choice is....

A marriage is a commitment to agree to. Having children only adds to it. You mentioned you're happy-ish and the sex is pretty good. If I was you, I'd get the therapy, individual AND couples, in order to express your thoughts to a professional, and see what they think would be beneficial for the relationship. It sounds like you and your wife BOTH have things that need to be discussed.

Especially with kids, you want to make sure that things go as smoothly as possible.

Good luck, try to pursue all your options BEFORE divorce.
 
Last edited:

omgurbig

Experimental Member
Joined
May 27, 2013
Posts
195
Media
0
Likes
11
Points
53
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Firstly let me say do not confuse being single to being divorced with children. Make no mistake if you think marriage is hard, wait till your divorce with children it's even harder still.

However, if you are going to leave, the day will come when your children look up at you with red eyes and ask why did you leave daddy? To answer this question with any type of integrity and dignity you have to have tried EVERYTHING

Once you have tried everything at it still isn't working GET OUT.

Good luck, divorce is not for the faint hearted
 

FuzzyKen

Sexy Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Posts
2,045
Media
0
Likes
97
Points
193
Gender
Male
Look my friend, get every kind of therapy and counseling you possibly can. Nine years ago you made a commitment that was supposed to last your lifetime. Divorces are absolutely a disaster financially, emotionally, and in practicality. Your kids will suffer a great deal especially if they are pre-teen because to them they see a breakup not as a failure of a relationship between two parents who love them but on a far more simplistic level. This is sometimes reinforced by the bad feelings when ends come.

On the renewal of your marriage vows, I would state that this is a definite possibility but it needs to be representative of a total reinvigoration and that the renewal needs to be a celebration of when the problems are solved and not a token patch to hold something together that is damaged. Tell her it can be fixed but that it is going to take an effort on both of your parts to do so.

I am nearly 61 and my parents divorced and remarried. Many years later they discovered to their stark horror that the real problems were not what they thought and by that time it was too late to go back. They had both been married a second time one then widowed and the other divorced. It was horrific and was a traumatic event for two who were then in their 70's. Do everything you can as has been said by others to save this not only for the sake of your children but for you and your wife as well.
 

Dell1962

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2012
Posts
340
Media
0
Likes
20
Points
53
Location
US Southwest
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
You really need to read what the people above me are saying. I have been divorced with kids now for some 20 years. It is not fun. As a matter of fact, if I had known then what I know now, I would have never married in the first place or had kids. I would have had that vasectomy in college I considered having.

That said. If your sex life is satisfactory and you have a relationship with your kids, then you need to work at the marriage before you consider dumping it.

If she has insecurities, you need to show confidence in her for her ability to deal with them. You need to see both individual and couples counseling. You did not specify where her insecurities lie. Is it physical, mental...you did not say.

Your absolute last choice should be divorce.

I have been married four times. I have divorced for various reasons, money, sex, just plain could not get along. My first wife just wanted sex to create kids. So we had sex just enough to create four kids. I have paid out right at 10,000 dollars a year of my money in child support for the past 20 years. My kids decided about ten years ago, they had camp, or church, or family commitments which always seemed to mean we could not spend our court ordered time together. I did not fight them, they are people too.

You may think, "I will get a divorce, it will give us some breathing room and we will still be friends..." I can tell you from first hand experience. This happens only very rarely.

Work at your marriage. Don't just chuck it away without a fight.
 
Last edited:

Scrappydoo1

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 19, 2011
Posts
539
Media
7
Likes
83
Points
163
Location
Atlanta (Georgia, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
After reading all the excellent advice. I am going to seek counseling before making my final decision. At times it does feel like we are just roommates that have sex at random. I get more pleasure hanging out with my friends than being home with her.
 

ryan25yo

Superior Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2006
Posts
1,304
Media
5
Likes
2,541
Points
268
Location
Florida
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
I need some advice. I have been with my wife for almost 9 years. The constant nagging and her low self confidence is beginning to weigh on me. We have 2 kids together and they are under the age of 8.

I believe I am now to comfortable in my relationship. The sex is alright. Somewhere in my heart I believe I married to young. I seem to wonder if I was still single I will be better financially and excited about life.

What should I do? I am thinking of possibly seeing a counselor, but that can only go so far when she has her own insecurities that she doesn't want to face. Is divorce an option? My only concern and the only possible reason for me staying is my kids.

She asked if I will ever marry her again or renew our vows. I can honestly say I don't ever see that happening. Any advice is well appreciated.
Put the childen first!!
 
D

deleted816494

Guest
You asked if divorce was an option. Of course, it's an option. But it doesn't seem like you're convinced that's the best one to explore.

You said you believed in your heart that you married too young. There's nothing you or a divorce can ever do to change that. It happened -- let that part go.

I agree with others and with you -- try to seek out counseling and see if you can work through some issues. Marriage is a huge commitment and is worth fighting to save. Based on the information you gave, it seems like yours has potential. Good luck to you.
 

Reddhott

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 27, 2013
Posts
1,728
Media
0
Likes
67
Points
83
Location
0, F, USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Can you talk to her? Tell her what you told us. Tell her you want everyone's life to be happier. Invite her to go to counseling. With or without you. She is your partner, please include her in your struggles, don't lock her out.
 

Geoffrey2_0

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 25, 2013
Posts
2,821
Media
40
Likes
4,943
Points
258
Location
Carbondale (Illinois, United States)
Verification
View
Gender
Male
Counselling seldom works. What you need to do is prioritize yourselves as husband and wife AHEAD of father and mother. The marriage needs to be most important--more important than the kids. I know this flies in the face of modern thought where children are sacrosanct, but without a strong marriage you can't be partners in parenting. Send the kids to the in-laws for a week and focus on yourselves--do things together--hiking, biking, dancing, rock climbing, bird watching--whatever you find enjoyable . . .
 

twoton

Superior Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2011
Posts
7,865
Media
1
Likes
8,301
Points
268
Location
Mid Atlantic
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
So it's not just your wife's insecurities, you're also feeling a little restless.

I think a lot of married people (probably most married people) feel this way once in a while. Life is full of what ifs.
 

NCGUY1972

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2013
Posts
362
Media
0
Likes
32
Points
53
Location
Holly Springs, NC
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Me and my wife went through a VERY rough patch a few years back. We tried counseling and it really didnt help us in my opinion. We both loved each other very much though throughout. What really helped us was a couple strait weeks of the most honest open discussion telling each other absolutely everything every feeling we had about everything. After that it was alot better and we seemed to rekindle a fire that had dwindled. even sex went from satisfying to unbelievable after that and that was 15yrs and 3 kids in. I am a strong believer in communication and listening. I dont think I could ever love anyone as much as I love her.
 

Scrappydoo1

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 19, 2011
Posts
539
Media
7
Likes
83
Points
163
Location
Atlanta (Georgia, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Me and my wife went through a VERY rough patch a few years back. We tried counseling and it really didnt help us in my opinion. We both loved each other very much though throughout. What really helped us was a couple strait weeks of the most honest open discussion telling each other absolutely everything every feeling we had about everything. After that it was alot better and we seemed to rekindle a fire that had dwindled. even sex went from satisfying to unbelievable after that and that was 15yrs and 3 kids in. I am a strong believer in communication and listening. I dont think I could ever love anyone as much as I love her.

I understand where you are coming from. We tried an open and honest talk. Eventually it came out to be everything about her. Every now and again she brings up things from that communication as an ammunition as to why I am not doing everything she wants me to. I am not abusive but just love to have a little time to myself. She would make it seem that is a sign that I don't want her talk or ask me anything. Just to that extreme.
 

Scrappydoo1

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 19, 2011
Posts
539
Media
7
Likes
83
Points
163
Location
Atlanta (Georgia, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
So it's not just your wife's insecurities, you're also feeling a little restless.

I think a lot of married people (probably most married people) feel this way once in a while. Life is full of what ifs.

More liked just tired of the same old B.S. I am too young to be feeling this way
 

NCGUY1972

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2013
Posts
362
Media
0
Likes
32
Points
53
Location
Holly Springs, NC
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
We talked about everything some shocking stuff! We decided ok lets talk say anything at all and there can be no ramifications. She knows everything about me and I know everything about her. the hard pert is staying that open as time passes when something bothers you again.