Came here for some advise - Hi everyone

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Imported, Sep 5, 2004.

  1. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Pink5683: I'm with a man for some time now who happens to be very well endowed. But is seriously lacking in the "how to treat a girl" department. I don't know what to do? He belittles me around freinds, too many times to count! And I never understood why? I'm a good looking girl that's done nothing but worship this man! But the 'Blonde' jokes are constant! And he waits till I get upset and then responds with things like..."C'mere and let me stick a Big one in ya", or "I ruined her..Where's she gonna go?" He's never affectionate or sweet or considerate.
    And he talks about himself so much at times it's embarrassing. ( yes, he's very attractive, but not perfect) I'm hardly allowed to initiate sex, or be with him when I want him, but on the other hand, I'm not allowed to deny him sex when HE wants it.
    I don't know why he can't see outside himself?
    Is it a penis thing?
    An 'Ego' thing?
    I would really like to understand, because I'm ready to bolt! My 'Ego' was sacrificed to the crapper so that he could parade around as "God" all this time, and I don't know how to get it back? Any advise?
     
  2. ponybilt

    ponybilt Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2004
    Messages:
    511
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    Geez. Crappy situation.

    It could be his dick, or he could just be a dick. I've seen that behavior in guys with big, average, and little dicks though. I won't give you advice, but I'll tell you what I'd do: dump him. People with that kind of self-importance don't change. They make excuses... "I didn't mean it..." "See what you made me do..." "Give me another chance..." They belittle others to make themselves feel good. And if you take a chance because the poor fool has a low self-esteem, then you'll only subject yourself to it again. Only a trained psych should make him deal with his problems -- and if you're a trained psych, then refer him to someone else and break up until he can prove he's not out to use you as a ego-booster.

    Wish I could be more upbeat about it, but your sense of self shouldn't be tied to someone who degrades you.

    Good luck.
     
  3. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2002
    Messages:
    5,402
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Louisiana
    I agree with Pony. But I am curious about something: why are you with him? Very little you have said about him is positive, and those few little things are far outweighed by the negative. He obviously only cares about himself. Don't you think you deserve better? Don't take this the wrong way, but you allow him to get away with it. Unless people call him on his behaviour, he'll continue. Are you willing to continue being belittled, embarassed and treated like his personal whore? You said you're ready to bolt; do it and don't look back. It isn't a penis thing. There are plenty of decent men out there with enormous penes. It may well be an ego thing. He doesn't have a strong sense of self-worth and he tries to make up for it by being the ultimate sex god. Too bad he doesn't realise that it takes more than a big cock to qualify for that role. He confuses confidence with narcissism; confidence is sexy ... narcissism is not. The fact that he hasn't changed should clue you into the fact that he's going to change in the near future. Good things are waiting for you, but you won't be able to see them until you get out that disastrous relationship. Run. Run now.
     
  4. kurios

    kurios Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2003
    Messages:
    978
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Bolt and dont look back!
    A lot of difference between being "well endowed" and being a big prick. How much you have contributed to him thinking this behaviour is acceptable at this point doesnt matter. Just go!
    If anyone even remotely starts this crap with you in future relationships DO NOT STAND FOR IT.
     
  5. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
    Pink, honey, you are being victimized. I know it is hard to think of leaving your man because you feel you just can't make it on your own. You do have a place to go where people will help you.

    Have a look at the following and see how many of these situations apply to your relationship:

    Examples of abuse ...

    name-calling or putdowns
    keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
    withholding money
    telling a partner that they are nothing without them
    calling work or a friend to make sure they are where they said they were going to be
    uses drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing
    blame the victim for how they feel or act
    making the victim feel there is no way out of the relationship
    trying to keep the victim from leaving after a fight or leaving them them somewhere, to "teach them a lesson"
    putting down the victim's accomplishments and goals
    tells the victim or makes them feel they are unable to make decisions
    stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
    actual or threatened physical harm
    sexual assault
    stalking
    intimidation


    Do You ...

    Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
    Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
    Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
    Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
    Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
    Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
    Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
    If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue

    If you are being abused even emotionally, REMEMBER

    You are not alone
    It is not your fault
    Help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.


    1-800-SAFE (7233)
    TDD is 1-800-787-3224 and
    Canada is 1-800-363-9010
     
  6. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    yourclovergrl: I agree. You are being abused. Maybe not physically but more than likely that will come next. Are you agreeing to be his Sub? If not dont be. Be proud of yourself, stand up for yourself and dont let any man or woman use you, abuse you or belittle you. There is no person out there that deserves that. I agree that you should get out. This man brings nothing positive to your life from what you have said so go find something or someone that will bring yourself and your life back up. Good luck.
     
  7. naughty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2004
    Messages:
    12,837
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Pink Darling,

    Do you see why LPSG is such a groovy place to be? Sweetheart, YCG and the boys are right .You are loveable and capable. Any one who trys to make you feel otherwise is not worthy of you. Don't let him make you a statistic .Listen to the group. These folks are giving you some solid advise. Don't let your pride and embarassment take you down the road to ruin. Just put the keys in the ignition and back the car out of the parking space and go..... no more discussion. No one has the right to shatter your self concept and sense of wellbeing.


    Naughty
     
  8. jonb

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,308
    Likes Received:
    2
    Definitely an ego thing. You should probably dump him if he keeps at it.
     
  9. Pappy

    Pappy Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2004
    Messages:
    2,416
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Outta Here
    Pink,
    All the above!!
     
  10. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Pink5683: Thank You so much! :D
    I feel better, in that I always believed his behavior to be disturbing and abusive at times, but I would like to mention that I also believe myself to be partially responsible, in that I allowed it to happen. It can't continue to be this way, that's for sure!
    I fell in love with him, because of how he makes me feel when we&#39;re together. ALONE. (which is most of the time) But over time, I started to recognize this side of him when we&#39;re around other people, and at first I said nothing. (my bad) I was way too confident a person to let stupid things affect me. But now, Geez....if I hear one more Blonde joke&#33; <_<
    I honestly wonder at times, if he&#39;s so &#39;anti-social&#39; that his hatred for being in public contributes to this disturbing behavior? We don&#39;t go out much, and when we do, I want very much to have a good time, and NOT be the brunt of any jokes, or brutal comments, and that just never happens.
    I go out alone now. And he&#39;s ok with that. He doesn&#39;t seem to have a problem staying home - ALL THE TIME. What do you call that? Could I be right about the &#39;anti-social&#39; thing?...
    I am in love with this man. The one thats WITH me most of the time anyway. I won&#39;t defend him or the way he treats me though, that&#39;s why this is tough for me. I don&#39;t deserve any crap. I would just like to understand some things and try to change them, before I do anything hasty though.
    I appreciate the help...and yes&#33; to whoever said this is a groovy place to be&#33;
    Thanx&#33;
     
  11. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    yourclovergrl: Okay here is the thing. Being female I have been there done that BUT....you are just making excuses for him. YOU CANT AND WONT CHANGE HIM. We are the way we are. He can change but only if HE wants to. It seems that you are wanting to hear something that no one is saying. No one will tell you to stay w/ him and if thats what you want to hear then dont ask. Sorry to sound so blunt but its just the way we are. We as women want to hear that its okay he really does love you. But if he did he wouldnt treat you this way. The only thing that I can say is that if you really want to stay w/ him try going to someone that you all can talk to and see if it changes. If he wont go or it doesnt change then either get out or learn to be his anger outlet. I mean this w/ the best of intentions. Im sorry if it comes across as mean or blunt but sometimes thats what we need to hear. Good luck.
     
  12. D_Barbi_Queue

    D_Barbi_Queue Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2004
    Messages:
    2,283
    Likes Received:
    1
    I agree that he won&#39;t change and it sounds that you&#39;ll be much better off without him. Initially you may have a tough time without him, but certainly you&#39;ll feel much better soon...especially when you find the guy that treats you right.
     
  13. ponybilt

    ponybilt Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2004
    Messages:
    511
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    Pink, this is actually the other way around. His anti-social behavior is a symptom of his need to keep you away from others in order to control you.

    That&#39;s abuse.

    Blame yourself only so far as not seeing it. You have the opportunity to see it ow. Accept it. Understand your options. Pick one and leave. You can do so much better.
     
  14. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,721
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    517
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    Pink, you need to RUN as fast as possible away from this asshole before he starts to physically abuse you.
     
  15. froggy

    froggy New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2004
    Messages:
    11
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    can anyone help me out with somehthing? about a year ago a guy came to my house to meet me and i was always busy. he came by twice and he felt me up at the bottom of the stairs. he was about six feet and about 170 pounds and good looking. i am a black guy here in fort collins colorado, i live in a white house around back in the basement. if this reaches the right person would you please call me on my cell phone at 970-391-2007 and tell me that you have been here. thanks
     
  16. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,014
    Likes Received:
    726
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    I definitely know you ought to get the hell out of this relationship there, Pink. Endowement aside, there&#39;s no excuse for that sort of behavior, and you&#39;d better believe me when I tell you it&#39;s only the precursor to other things.

    Do yourself a big favor and lose this but fast.
     
  17. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Pink5683: The reality check here is difficult.
    I&#39;m at a loss for words because I don&#39;t know what else I expected to hear?
    Why would a man who loves himself so much, ... say "he loves me", and have no ability to show it in public?? Simple answer:
    If he loved me - He would.
    I got the message. Can&#39;t help but feel sick about it though....
     
  18. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    str8_nnj: Pink,
    feeling sick about something is one thing
    getting over it is now the best thing

    str8_nnj
     
  19. hungthick

    hungthick New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2004
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    0
    PINK5683 unless you are a masochist get the fuck away from this guy&#33; I dont understand people that remain in abusive relationships. Get out. Dont except it as love, move on.

    Kick him in the balls first before you leave. Beat his ass or have someone else do it for you.
     
  20. Pappy

    Pappy Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2004
    Messages:
    2,416
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Outta Here
    Pink, here&#39;s what you should do before you kick him to the curb.....hehehehehehehehehehehehe&#33;&#33;
     
Draft saved Draft deleted