Came out to my best bud

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by rheno, Aug 20, 2010.

  1. rheno

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    It was torture, for months, keeping this a secret. We shared so much together, we traveled, slept in the same bed more than once, measured each other's bodies for gym, etc. We even considered living together, renting an apartment so we can get out of our parent's place. But then I invited him to a trip at the beach, him and a couple other friends, all of whom cancelled, that I started to feel with my back against the wall. I felt that after all we've done, he deserves to know the truth, that I can't let more intimate things happen between us without him knowing. There's always the possibility that he would rather not go with me, that he'd think I was trying to seduce him all along, when my other friends cancelled, we would end up staying together.

    I couldn't sleep, for 3 days, thinking of what would happen if he found out at some other time, by some other way. Would he look back and think that all we've been through was just to get in his pants? Would he ever forgive me? Or maybe its just my imagination and he wouldn't mind. The third day, the morning when we'd leave for our trip, I had slept 1 hour. I had my back against the wall, I had to tell him or I wouldn't be able to sleep henceforth.

    The words were there, but the order was all wrong, so much I wanted to tell him and so little sense it was making. Lack of sleep or anxiety, I don't know, but in the end I cut to the chase, and told him, after a few hesitant moments, I was BI. Immediately after I exclaimed I felt so relived and that saying it was harder than it looked. He looked at me with a warm smile and almost giggling, he didn't mind at all, but just said he was straight and not to expect anything was going to happen.

    During the trip, which was great fun, he asked me specifics of what I thought and how, when, why did I know or find out. I finally had someone with whom I could be completely honest and really enjoyed letting the lid off. A little disappointed that he was completely straight, as he's pretty hot :rolleyes: but over this last week (I came out to him a week ago) we've returned to our old friendly standard, with some new jokes here and there.

    I wish that people with my problem find solace and that their close ones are as understanding as my friend :)
     
  2. anglerect

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    well done!!!your friend obviously realised that you r still the same guy.
    hus friendship is more valuable than having sex with him! play elsewhere!!!:wink:
     
  3. lpsg17

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    Hey great you have a good friend who understands. you must feel relieved.
     
  4. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    You are a pair of fantastic people! - you because of your desire for honesty, and your friend because of his reaction. You're lucky to know each other by the sounds of it. And it's so lovely to read a positive thread about coming out.
     
  5. thetramp

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    I am glad to read this. It is how it should be. Good for you that it worked out so well, and i am impressed with your honesty and feeling of responsibility.
    May this all be an example for many others out there.
     
  6. Tau

    Tau New Member

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    Awesome story - so happy to hear it went well!
     
  7. Hefty

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    Excellent!
     
  8. BikerBear

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    Fantastic! How wonderful for you.... I've been there. Some have turned out not so well (religious reasons), but most have been responses of "So.... big deal" Whew!

    I'm in a motorcycle club full of hairy, mean ass bikers.... and not one of them gives a shit that I'm gay. In fact, they/we usually have a giggle about it.... so refreshing that I don't have to worry.

    So, good for you Mate! He's a true friend!
     
  9. Mistik84

    Mistik84 New Member

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    Hot friends have hotter friends (that are bi or straight) ask him to help. He'll be happy to !!!
     
  10. rheno

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    It does feel as if I'm no longer carrying a heavy stone by myself, this experience helped me understand that a true friend will love you for what you've built together, not your appearance or social stigmas. And now I feel that telling a second or coming out to everyone is much simpler than I thought. Nevertheless, in the short term, I got what I wanted and needed, peace of mind.
     
  11. jjsjr

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    Congratulations. You should feel very proud of yourself.
     
  12. SpeedoMike

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    an old adage which kinda fits:

    behold the lowly turtle; he only gets ahead when he sticks his neck out.

    you certainly had to move way out of your comfort zone, but the result was rewarding.
     
  13. mj21045

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    Congratulations!
     
  14. D_Pubert Stabbingpain

    D_Pubert Stabbingpain Account Disabled

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    Very good post. Good for you!
    It use to be that most men would put themselves literally through hell their entire lives rather than honor and respect the nature of a true friendship -- Truthfulness. What does that say about someone who can't tell the truth to their best bud? IMHO it means the trust is not deep enough *or* the internal homophobia is so rampantly deep that it is over-riding that trust.

    If you and your bud can't 100% confide in each other I don't understand how you could be best buds.

    If there is any shadow of doubt, whatsoever, that your best bud won't accept you 100% for who you are, you seriously must look within to find out what fear drives you to withhold that essential part of yourself.

    Especially nowadays when being gay is really not all that big of a deal. Most young people today know that sexuality can run the entire spectrum from gay to str8 to everything in between and most don't care.

    One thing never changes though and that is the person who hides their sexuality and keeps themself in the closet or prison of hell, constantly obsessing and worrying about it, is often alone because all their friends and usually at least 1 of their parents have known for years. The typical reaction from a best bud "When did you finally discover that for yourself?"

    It really is great to see now so many male partners who post their arm in arm, embracing Facebook profile pictures for all the world to see. Role models are all around us now as are tons of support networks. Coming out has come a long, long way in the last 20-30 years. The stigma just does not exist as much any more.

    Just remember, if your best bud does not accept you, then he is not your best bud! "I would rather be loved for who I am rather than hated for who I am not." Kurt Bobain

    Again, great post and thanks for telling your story.
     
    #14 D_Pubert Stabbingpain, Aug 21, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2010
  15. killerb

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    for this reason & this alone, it is always best (FOR YOU) to be honest...
     
  16. rheno

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    I do feel like a million bucks :)
     
  17. luvmycock

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    happy for u
     
  18. Brodie

    Brodie New Member

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    great story......................:):):):)
     
  19. exwhyzee

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    You have a great friend, I hope you are able to maintain a good relationship for years to come.

    The first person I ever came out to was my best friend. He was supportive and even bought me a box of condoms!

    Thanks for sharing...
     
  20. CascadeMDG

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    I was really glad to read this story. It brings me back to when I came out to my best friend. We've shared a close emotional bond since the first day I met him, even though he's probably 99% straight.

    Before I was ready to come out to anyone, he'd already moved to a different state. He came back home for his first visit, and we went out to a bar to play some pool. I just couldn't let him leave again without telling him, but didn't think I had the courage to do it. So while he was trying to get us some drinks, I went out into the parking lot and wracked myself to tears trying to build up the courage.

    A few minutes later he found me outside sitting on the curb. He thought I was sad that he was leaving again (I cried pretty hard when he moved away). After I came out to him, he just pulled me into his arms and told me that he already knew, wiped the tears off me, then we went inside and played some games.

    That was ten years ago, and our friendship is as strong as it ever was. It feels good knowing that others can and do have friends who are really connected, too.
     
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