Came out to my best bud

[B_thickjohnny]

I has something similar years ago. I was living with a woman for several years but realized that I was gay. I guess I knew it but was just in denial like so many guys are when confronted with the idea of how to live as a gay man, etc.

Anyway, I sponsored a student from Europe who stayed with me for one full year back in 1992. The girl I was living with for 3 years had just moved out because of other reasons not related to my sexuality but rather because I wouldn't commit to marriage.

The student came, an 18 year old kid from Germany, and we had a great year together. I was a real dad to the kid; went to school functions, sports events, gym together and even a few times to a nudist resort in the Georgia mountains where my GF and I went for years.

Nothing NOTHING happened with the kid. But years later on a visit in Berlin I fessed up when he asked me why I never married. He immediate went ballistic and said I was a liar and that had he known this he would have never stayed with me etc. I reminded him that nothing happened and that the thought never entered my head! He didn't speak to me for about a year.

When we finally talked he apologized for over reacting and now, 12 years later we're the best of friends. He's married and has kids and he's met my partner (now ex) and since our break up he's been very supportive encouraging me to get out. One evening we were chatting on Skype and I told him I had a date and had to run. His reply was "happy rimming"! Can't beat that for acceptance!

 

[nashboy]

congrats...great story and a great friend

 

[_Edu]

Cheers!! You have a REAL friend, so now that you've taken this choise, don't waste it, because it's a BIG step!!! I wish you the best!

 

[zpacifico]

I was really glad to read this story. It brings me back to when I came out to my best friend. We've shared a close emotional bond since the first day I met him, even though he's probably 99% straight.

Before I was ready to come out to anyone, he'd already moved to a different state. He came back home for his first visit, and we went out to a bar to play some pool. I just couldn't let him leave again without telling him, but didn't think I had the courage to do it. So while he was trying to get us some drinks, I went out into the parking lot and wracked myself to tears trying to build up the courage.

A few minutes later he found me outside sitting on the curb. He thought I was sad that he was leaving again (I cried pretty hard when he moved away). After I came out to him, he just pulled me into his arms and told me that he already knew, wiped the tears off me, then we went inside and played some games.

That was ten years ago, and our friendship is as strong as it ever was. It feels good knowing that others can and do have friends who are really connected, too.

that is a nice story. congrats to both you and rheno!

 

[SeeDickRun]

I first came out to myself. That took a lot of courage. Then to a few friends. It felt like the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders. My two sons couldn't care less about it. I respected my marriage vows, as my wife was dying when this occurred. But may what a relief to admit it and tell others. No one in my family or in my circle of friends seemed to care in the least.
It's often a much better experience than expected.
Of course, those parents who throw their children out of the house/family are missing a whole lot, and perhaps weren't great parents to start with.

 

[280028]

I wish that people with my problem find solace and that their close ones are as understanding as my friend

very cool! i recently came out to a very good friend of mine. i however don't feel like a million bucks. maybe only, like, ...30 bucks.:biggrin1:

 

[Smaccoms]

See, my coming out wasn't to one friend and then the next, and that always seems strange to me when I read it like that. My sexuality has also developed since then, so I'm clearly not the same person anymore.
But anyway, I had a HUGE crush on this guy at school at the beginning of freshman year in high school. He played football, basketball, and baseball, and was in half my schedule. He surreptitiously found out I had a crush on him. The very next day, it felt like the entire school knew. That's pretty much what actually happened. It's good to know who you're real friends are that early. I think it gave me a head start on everyone else. It was a little tough at first, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger so.

 

[rheno]

I was really glad to read this story. It brings me back to when I came out to my best friend. We've shared a close emotional bond since the first day I met him, even though he's probably 99% straight.

Before I was ready to come out to anyone, he'd already moved to a different state. He came back home for his first visit, and we went out to a bar to play some pool. I just couldn't let him leave again without telling him, but didn't think I had the courage to do it. So while he was trying to get us some drinks, I went out into the parking lot and wracked myself to tears trying to build up the courage.

A few minutes later he found me outside sitting on the curb. He thought I was sad that he was leaving again (I cried pretty hard when he moved away). After I came out to him, he just pulled me into his arms and told me that he already knew, wiped the tears off me, then we went inside and played some games.

That was ten years ago, and our friendship is as strong as it ever was. It feels good knowing that others can and do have friends who are really connected, too.

That's quite moving... Something similar happened to me during those 3 days, time was short, I had to tell him before we left. I would spend hours grinding on the idea, watery eyed, thinking every possible scenario. A few times during those days, I tried, I really did, and he noticed it; there was something I needed to share with him.

The night I cracked, a few hours before I had to go pick him up (very early) I sent him a message and asked him not to let us go without me telling him something important. I forced myself, if he asked, I would be completely out of options, I would have to tell him or let him imagine what might be killing me, and I wouldn't be able to take that. Finally I told him, I didn't have to wait for him to ask, I decided it was better while we were alone in the car, to avoid making a scene if it happened.

Reliving the details gives me stomach butterflies

 

[matt1018]

Congrats man!.. Believe me I know how difficult this is. For me at least telling straight guy friends is always the hardest. I don't have a problem telling straight girl friends and telling my family wasn't that bad at all. They were very accepting. I know though that its different for every culture, every family and every person. My family isn't particularly religious so the whole religion thing was never an issue with my immediate family. The thing about telling straight guy friends is that there is always a fear with me that they are going to think that I secretly want to seduce them, even if they don't say that I'm always fearful they are thinking it and that things would then change for us. But it usually goes better than expected when coming out to straight friends, at least for me.

 

[B_Nick4444]

entirely too cool! :beerchug:
si yo estuviera allí con usted ahora, yo le daría un abrazo

 

[captainwhackit]

I am glad to read this. It is how it should be.

Not really how it should be though, is it?

I'm a little torn on this subject. I don't understand (and I never have) why we feel the need to explain something like this to others. We make it a far bigger deal than it needs to be by making "announcements" and leaping out of some imaginary closet with fanfares and confetti.

It's self-perpetuating. The longer society supports the idea of making a drama out of something as minor as this the longer it will be perceived to be an issue.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great he has a friend who now understands him. But the word "bisexual" is now forever attached to him in the mind of that friend. The perception is that if it was a big enough deal for a person to announce it, others treat it as a big deal too.

Sexuality is only a minor aspect of a person. It doesn't define who you are any more than your intelligence does.

While I think it's great that the OP now has a friend who understands him better, I still think sexuality is only relevant to those you actually want to have sex with. And even then, it would be far better for society in the long term to do away with the "us and them" mentality of difference and simply act on desires as and when (and with whom) we want to.

That's just my take on it.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for you (as much as strangers on a forum can be :biggrin1: ) I just have a different take on the whole "coming out" thing.

 

[B_Nick4444]

pretty much sums up how I used to feel about it, until I realized the reason I don't have gay friends is that their generic lack of character, as I see it, and as compared to my straight buds, probably arise from their collective need to hide that aspect of their persona from the larger society as they grow up

hiding oneself like that creates all sorts of personality distortions, and is probably what I see in the vast majority of gays; then keep in mind this was already a close friend, with whom he was already sharing a great deal of himself

as I was growing up, and realizing what my situation was, I pretty much accepted it without the stereotypical angst

recognize, also, the difference in the culture where he's posting from (it's not as if he's posting from the left coast); given that culture, a very real possibility existed that the outcome would have been much different

Not really how it should be though, is it?

I'm a little torn on this subject. I don't understand (and I never have) why we feel the need to explain something like this to others. We make it a far bigger deal than it needs to be by making "announcements" and leaping out of some imaginary closet with fanfares and confetti.

It's self-perpetuating. The longer society supports the idea of making a drama out of something as minor as this the longer it will be perceived to be an issue.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great he has a friend who now understands him. But the word "bisexual" is now forever attached to him in the mind of that friend. The perception is that if it was a big enough deal for a person to announce it, others treat it as a big deal too.

Sexuality is only a minor aspect of a person. It doesn't define who you are any more than your intelligence does.

While I think it's great that the OP now has a friend who understands him better, I still think sexuality is only relevant to those you actually want to have sex with. And even then, it would be far better for society in the long term to do away with the "us and them" mentality of difference and simply act on desires as and when (and with whom) we want to.

That's just my take on it.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for you (as much as strangers on a forum can be :biggrin1: ) I just have a different take on the whole "coming out" thing.

 

[larocca]

Always nice to read something that ends so well. Those type of moments really encourage people like myself. And surely I did a few months ago.

Thanks for sharing. It brings a smile to my face.

 

[lopo2000]

You are very very lucky to have found one best bud who accepts you the way you are. Hope your friendship stays til death do you part...