Camming - Computer Infidelity or Interactive Porn?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SpoiledPrincess, Oct 7, 2007.

  1. SpoiledPrincess

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    Loads of people cam, I have done myself, but if you're in a partnership and your partner isn't aware of your fun and games how do you view it, is it infidelity or is it just a form of interactive porn with no real connection? Should you always ok it with your partner, have you caught your partner doing it when you had no knowledge they were doing it and how did you react? Or do you view it like masturbation, your partner doesn't need to know every time you do it?
     
  2. classyron

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    I have always viewed it as porn. As long the emotional line has not been crossed, it is just interactive porn.
     
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  3. SpoiledPrincess

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    That's how I view it too, there's no emotional connection and it's actually a narcissistic activity, if the people doing it aren't having any 'real contact' it's just porn, but I think if someone's married they should make sure their partner is aware of it, like anything that's not minor a partner has a right to know. I wouldn't have cared less if my partner had been doing it, and if it's in the case of a couple who've been together a long time I think it can have a positive effect on their sex life.
     
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  4. Gillette

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    Good thread.

    I had this question crop up a few months ago. I been having cam convos with a guy from here for more than a year. Sometimes he plays show and tell, other times we just talk. Since I've known him he has started seeing a girl, no difference to me, the likelihood of us meeting were slim to none. We still talk.

    However, a few months ago his GF found his messenger account open and IMed me wanting to know who I was. When she noticed what he used as his messenger avatar (you guessed it) she flipped. I did my best to reassure her that I was no threat to her being on a separate continent and all, and that maybe she should be having the conversation with him instead of me.

    From her IM to me the next day asking that I not tell him that she was on his account I'm guessing that conversation never happened. I suggested to him later (once I could confirm it was in fact him) that he should tell her about this site so that she might be less judgemental about it. I also insisted he change his passwords immediately.
     
  5. Principessa

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    Therein lies the problem. I think most men see porn & camming as just a way to get off; there is no intimacy or passion derived from it. Obviously it can be a huge ego boost if he is being viewed and commented on.

    When in a relationship with a woman and the man is caught camming or viewing porn, the automatic assumption is that he is having an affair of some sort. More importantly the female partner always thinks she has done something wrong or is somehow lacking and unable to please him. This is why it is so important to be up front and honest about this stuff at the begining of the relationship.
     
  6. SyddyKitty

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    I view it as infidelity. Go figure, eh? But you already knew I'd say that. x3
    If you're going to do this, while in a relationship, you must talk to your partner about it. Emotions do sometimes get involved with camming for some people, after all. Also:

    "What? So I'm not enough for you (visually, physically)?"
     
  7. HiddenMind

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    I just wonder how the people who think it's harmless would feel if they walked in and caught their girlfriend/boyfriend doing the same thing and they hadn't known anything about it?

    My opinion is that I know I could cam with another person and see it as an emotionless and safe interaction, but I'm not sure how I'd feel about a partner of mine doing the same thing.

    Therefore I wouldn't do it and keep it a secret.
     
  8. swoon

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    I have tried it, and for me it is more like happy, clear conscience porn, where I have the other person's express permission to look. I know they are not doing it for money, and have not been bullied or coerced into doing anything.

    Embarrassingly, I did start to develop feelings towards the person though, because he was seriously likeable, so I can't say that it wasn't infidelity of some kind. I don't know if the same thing would happen if I did it again, but I'm avoiding having that kind of complication in my life for now.

    My partner doesn't feel the need to report to me when he looks at porn, and even though I did tell him at the time, I still feel like camming is my equivalent to porn, because porn is much more likely to be a turn off for me than being enjoyable in any way.

    Whether it counts as infidelity or not might depend on how the other person in the relationship felt about it or would feel about it.
     
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  9. EllieP

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    Well, I guess I'm coming at it from a different angle. My husband and I used to cam with each other when he was on tour. And things used to get pretty racy, if I can use an old-fashioned term. So there was quite a bit of emotional attachment associated with it. We no longer do it. Security concerns scared us.

    So I cannot cam with strangers because I see it more than just porn. There's a line there that I just don't want to cross. Pictures are one thing. There's no intended interaction there. But camming constitutes some type of virtual relationship that devalues my commitment.

    Just my thoughts.
     
  10. keenobserver

    keenobserver Well-Known Member

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    BINGO! We have a winner.
     
  11. techpump

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    are we talking like purely one on one camming, or something like MFC, or both?
     
  12. Exbiker

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    Does anyone remember the TV show "Time Tunnel"?
     
  13. swoon

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    No, I do not remember the tv show "Time Tunnel". Are you being a bit facetious? Can you have a unique and interesting viewpoint and opinion and be facetious please? :p
     
  14. Exbiker

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    Look at the dates on the last few posts.

    :)
     
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  15. swoon

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    Ah yes, 2007 was in the olden days.
     
  16. nicettech

    nicettech Well-Known Member

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    When it comes to the subject of infidelity I file it in the same category as any other theft or cheat. When confronted with a moral dilemma that involves theft, cheating, or dishonesty. When evaluating such things of this nature 99% of the time if you find you are asking yourself, "is this wrong?" The answer is yes. If you find you are asking others if you are wrong chances are once again 99% that you told yourself yes this is wrong and you did not like the answer. So you are in hopes that you can collect a yes from someone else. This is done hope that a 3rd party not effected by said action will give you justifiable permission to continue ignoring your better judgement.

    As a general rule anything I can do or would consider doing that my wife would be offended by or upset by when and if she finds out is wrong and I have no business doing it if I want to respect my self, my wife, and our marriage. This is the most honest and direct answer I can give from the bottom of my heart. Now apply that to the frame work of the activity you may be considering and see how it all fits.
     
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  17. Oxnard

    Oxnard Well-Known Member

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    If a partner did this without telling me first, I would probably flip out. This is different from porn because you are interacting with another person, even if physical contact can't or won't happen.

    Would I be OK with it if a partner told me first? Can't honestly say. At least on some level, I would feel like I failed her as a lover and she felt the need to get something from other people that I was not providing for her.

    As for going in the other direction, I'm not in a relationship right now and I don't cam with people. I can't imagine doing that if I were in a relationship.
     
  18. Brisler

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    To me it's pretty simple. You really can't determine for yourself whether you're cheating or not. It's up the your partner to determine that. If you feel there's a chance that your partner will consider something cheating, you should clear it with your partner. And as nicettech wrote, if you have to ask the question, there probably is a chance that your partner will consider it cheating.

    So always clear it with your partner. And if you fundamentally disagree on what constitutes cheating, maybe you're incompatible.
     
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  19. Brisler

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    Oh, and to answer the question: I don't know if I would consider it cheating, but if my girlfriend was camming with some guy behind my back, I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with it, and the fact that she felt she had to keep it a secret from me would make me doubt her if she said that it was nothing more than interactive porn for her.
     
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  20. Ki_re478

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    So reading all of this i decided i should ask for some advice. ive been dating a guy for about 8 months now and i am absolutely in love with him. Overall our relationship is great; hes sweet, caring, supportive and helps me in every way possible. We even recently moved in together. Our only issue is that he has a major camming addiction. We have fought about it countless times and even broke up over it once for a little while. He keeps telling me he knows its wrong and hes trying to stop, but that its been a big part of his life for many years (his first long term relationship and hes 27) and its hard for him to just stop. He does seem to be trying, i really think its an addiction and/or compulsion rather than him just not wanting to stop. Im trying to be understanding and patient but its causing a huge amount of anxiety and stress, especially now that hes visiting family and back to being alone a lot of the time. He promised he will tell me when he goes on, and he admitted to it once already since he left a week ago, and i found out that hes been on again since then which he hasnt told me about. I just dont know what to do.... i love him and dont want to lose him but this is so hard for me.
     
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