FWIW I think you're asking an important question that deserves a real discussion, but I don't think you're going to get it here. The paradox about this comm is that though it's a great way of trying to get people to look at men (not just their cocks) and try to figure out what the hell does all of it really matter, you're more likely to get a lot of responses that stick with the traditional expectations and roles.
In other words, a lot of people will ask some great questions, but for the most part, you'll never find any real discussion or responses. At the least, you *can* ask the questions openly, if not to get the answer.
With that said: male identity and male *expression* are complicated. Since I come from the female side (yes, bitch away, pun allowed) who has been doing a lot of thinking for a long time what all this shit is about, your answer is important. But it isn't as easy as a one answer fits all.
I would tell you my own specific thoughts on particulars, but mostly from the female side (why do some lesbians get all butch etc.), but it may not have the same implications, as well as not necessarily indicative of what it might be like on the male side.