Can a break ever be good?

[D_Claude_Crowsfoot]

So I kind of know the answer to this, but I need some input and advice from the LPSG community.

I've been with my gf for 2 1/2 years. It's a serious realtionship. She's 21, I'm 23. We met in college, however, I graduated and went onto graduate school and she is still in college with one year left. We're still together after a year of doing a long distance relationship. The distance between us is 400 miles, so it is a short plane flight or a long drive to see her. I am able to visit her every 3-4 weeks, but that's not enough.

She has been struggling with the long distance relationship and is pretty much miserable without me. We are deeply in love, and there is no question that we both want to continue this relationship far into the future. However, she has had many complaints about being apart. One of these complaints is that she needs someone. She explained it as an emotional void. Usually when she needed to be comforted, touched, or talked to, I was there, but due to the distance, I can't be. She suggested a break so that we can get some time apart. We have both deeply discussed going on a break with the intention of experiencing other people. Basically her reasoning for this would be she would be able to fill that void. We're not naive, we know what happens on a break. We discussed it and she is leaning towards going through with it, but she's more worried about what, or who, I will find.

My question is...is this a good idea? She is by no means a slut, whore, etc. In fact, she is very quiet, doesn't drink or do drugs, and is a model student. So her personality isn't one that would be running around sporeading her legs for the first thing that came around.

Has anyone had experiences like this? Will going on a break really strengthen our relationship, or will it just hurt it even more. I'm looking for your opinion.

Cliff Notes: GF wants a break. Wants to see other people. Yes, no, maybe so?

 

[visceraltuning]

Thumbs up to a break. Long distance relationships are tough.

Taking a break is basically cutting the cord with your partner, which is essentially breaking-up on good terms. It can do a full range of things to a relationship, but the bottom line is if she is "the one" then you will get back together.

ETA: BTW, I can't help but notice the balls in a vice grip statement,

We discussed it and she is leaning towards going through with it, but she's more worried about what, or who, I will find.

and, in response, I would say that it is none of her business just as much as it would be none of your business to know who she is fucking while you are taking a break. Of course, more tactfully said.

 

[WhiteZombie]

Unfortunately, in my experience "a break" with the intentions of seeing someone else usually means she's already found someone else and doesn't want to feel guilty for leading both of you on. Even so, if what you have is truly great enough you'll have another chance. It might not be an obvious invitation, but one day she'll want to try again.

 

[Mr. Bungle]

I've had a couple other experiences like this - and it's been the same for me both times. If yer girl is saying she wants to see other people - hate to break the news to ya dude - but the odds are that she already IS seeing someone else, or at least has a VERY close prospect in the works, someone she's becoming close with and is about to go out on a date with. Long distance relationships are indeed tough, and it takes a HUGE sacrifice to make them work.

 

[lucky8]

Dude you sound JUST like me 2 years ago. I had been dating a girl for a couple years, we were madly in love, probly would have gotten married if i hadn't had moved away. We both loved each other so much, but it was so hard no being able to see each other when we wanted. We both knew in the back of our heads that me moving away would most likely kill our relationship, even though we didn't want it to. It worked alright for a year, then shit hit the fan hard. Well, i came home one summer just to hang out all summer and everything was awesome between us, we were still together at this point. However, a couple weeks after summer was over i had moved back to college, and got a phone call. "I met someone" was what she said. I was so heartbroken, i wish i had broken up with her instead of vice versa because there is still something in my head saying "what if i hadn't moved away?" Let me tell you, it SUCKS thinking "what if", because the distance was the only thing that broke us up. I know we'd still be together if i hadn't moved away. Her exact words when i asked why: "I need someone here. It's too hard, I need someone i can be close to and see when i want to" Just a little advice, if you take a break, she may not come back because it is SOOOO stressful being in a long distance relationship. If you take a break, make sure you're out meeting new girls, because she will most likely be out meeting new guys, and you don't want to be stuck with your head up your ass by yourself while she's off with some other guy. It sucks, i know, but it's something to think about. Best of luck to you mang

 

[notAlittleBoy]

My lady and I took a break about a year and a few months into our relationship. It's now 3 and a half years after the break, and we're still together. If you're both responsible and both actually want to stay together, you'll make it work.

The important thing to remember is, if she wants a break, what good is it going to be to say no? She'll still want a break, and you'll be the bad guy for not letting her.

 

[Pendlum]

To me, this situation is like being single, except with a funny hat. And to me, people who can't stand being single really annoy me, especially women (Sorry ladies, but it is personal). I'd think of a long distance relationship AS a hiatus in the relationship. What ever happened to I'll wait for you? No, you have to have someone. You miss your loved one so much that you want go off with someone else? That is is very short sighted way of looking at it. Way to go in for the long haul, believing in love and all that.

Some say go ahead and let her, if you don't you'll be the bad guy. But in who's eyes are you the bad guy? What about your own perception? Because this boils down to being selfish. I think that giving her the okay is admitting that you aren't mature enough to handle a relationship, that you don't really care. Someone might think I'm thinking of this selfishly, but really I'm not. I may be the only one who is thinking of you. This thread is about you more than her, and I don't think it is okay to agree to it because it's what she wants. This is a relationship, both people's feelings should matter. I don't know about you, but something like this could easily destroy me, put me on the edge. Why should you take a head dive into an emotional abyss to make her feel a little better about her thoughts?

 

[eastbaydude]

She suggested a break so that you can have some time apart. Dude, you're only seeing her every few weeks. How much time to herself does she need?

Sure, some people say they work.

In my experienec they do NOT work. If you're committed to each other and to the relationship, why take a break? What is that you're going to buy with a break?

During the break, what are you going to do? Find other partners? Is that OK? If you're committed, do you want her screwing other guys? DO you wnat her to do it an not tell you? Are you going to fuck around and expect her not to?

Trust me, it doesn't work. If you wnat it to work out, make it work. Good luck.

 

[RamIt]

Breaks are bad news bears. UNLESS you are both secure and not jealous, and you both truely care about eachother. If she is jealous, or you are, the whole thing is trouble. If she is insecure, its effed. The fact that she is so needy as to have to have someone around is a red flag.

Having said that, I knew a guy who went away for a year on a deployment and had his WIFE cheat on him with another guy while he was gone. She did it for what sounds like the same reasons your gf needs someone, for the attention and comfort. My friend forgave his wife, and with no more deployments or separations, they are happily married.

Only you know her and yourself enough to make the right call. Personally, Ive had breaks go way wrong, and would not recommend it.

 

[AlteredEgo]

If I want a break, he might as well never come back.

 

[Ed69]

Can a break ever be good? Short answer,no!I've read all the other responses and it's all negative.There are no breaks,she want's you or she does not.

 

[killerb]

in my experience, "breaks" have always turned out to be permanent...