Can a guy and a girl be just friends?

hungteen19921992

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Is it possible/reasonable/common to have close, intimate relationships with a member of the opposite sex without ever doing anything sexual?

Are most women aware of when a guy friend might have feelings for them, but they keep them within the "friend-zone" anyway?

If so, why? Attention? Is it knowing the fact that you are attractive enough for someone to have feelings for you - while at the same time telling yourself you are too good for this same person - which somehow reaffirms your sense of self-esteem? Is it fair to flirt with this person to make him think you are interested, while knowing full well that you will never allow the relationship to go to the next level?
 

Kotchanski

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Wow, that was somewhat loaded...

If I may offer a suggestion? Next time you want to ask a question about female behaviour, you may be best off leaving your preconceived ideas at the door and just asking the question. It is lovely that you want to know the answers, but when you follow it up with a bunch of possible reasons, all of which make us sound like game playing bitches, well, it probably isn't going to go well.

For what it is worth, I have several very close male friends with whom nothing sexual is ever going to happen.

One in particular is not only sexually attracted to me, but I am to him. Nothing is ever going to happen there because I'm married and he has a partner. We both love and respect not only our other halves, but each other far too much to risk causing any of us pain.

The others are a mix of there being nothing sexual on either side, to there being something on one side or the other.

Yes, we all flirt. Yes, we keep each other in the friend zone. No, we will never allow anything more to come of it. Yes, it feels nice knowing someone is attracted to me. No, I do not keep them around because I need my ego boosting, or my self-esteem reaffirming... I keep them around because they are a good and close friend.
 

Gisella

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Is it possible/reasonable/common to have close, intimate relationships with a member of the opposite sex without ever doing anything sexual?

Are most women aware of when a guy friend might have feelings for them, but they keep them within the "friend-zone" anyway?

If so, why? Attention? Is it knowing the fact that you are attractive enough for someone to have feelings for you - while at the same time telling yourself you are too good for this same person - which somehow reaffirms your sense of self-esteem? Is it fair to flirt with this person to make him think you are interested, while knowing full well that you will never allow the relationship to go to the next level?

Yes, it is possible if you are not attracted to.

I do know in seconds when meeting someone if I am attracted or not..if it is a friend material or romantic material. Most males are neutral to me and few are attractive to me to engage sexually.

I do not like to have men friends too close like I have my girlfriends close. Nope..I enjoy having men around me, real close only when I am romantically interested in them. Apart from that nothing from me will give impression to men I'm not interested in, that I do. Nope.

Yes, many females when very young and still maturing do play and use men. Its typical of the youth to do things like that to each other, play all sort of games..people are growing still learning, messing up and hurting others in the process. It's part of life lessons.
 

AlteredEgo

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So.e of my best friends are men. They have become like brothers to me. My brother, with whom I did not grow up, is also one of my closest friends. I am even friends with three men I used to date (actually, one of those I almost married). So I would even say attraction is fine. The most important thing for thos relationships has been clear boundaries.
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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I've had numerous male friends throughout my entire life where no sexual activity has been present. In fact, tomorrow night, I'm going to hang out with two of those dear friends. They are brothers, and I've known them probably five years. We hang out often, drink together, talk, laugh, discuss deep dark secrets, watch movies, game, whatever sounds good at the time. I've never once had anything remotely sexual with either of them. They're like brothers to me. We even hug and say "I love you" to one another - and yes, they are both straight. :tongue:
 

AlteredEgo

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I'd say...women think so but all the men I've question would bone their female friends.

There is a difference between "would bone" and "waiting to bone". Most of then men with whom I have talked about it agree that they would be all too happy to fuck their female friends, but they accepted a long time ago that ship had sailed. Some did say they had female friends about whom they were still holding out hope.
 

Twistbarbie

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There is a difference between "would bone" and "waiting to bone". Most of then men with whom I have talked about it agree that they would be all too happy to fuck their female friends, but they accepted a long time ago that ship had sailed. Some did say they had female friends about whom they were still holding out hope.

I guess that might be where the line is because I've not had sexual thoughts about my male friends.
 

EllieP

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I remember the first time I watched When Harry Met Sally and that scene where they were discussing about men and women being just friends. I asked my boyfriend if he thought that was true, and he told me that Billy Crystal was right. That was something of an eye-opener to me because I had a lot of boy friends who were just friends.

Even as an adult I come back to this over and over because I've had many male friends that were very platonic. My husband says that it's impossible. I say it's not.

He says that every man that I've known probably had some fantasy about me even if it was just a brief thing. That makes me feel kind of weird to think it might be true.

i still think it's possible though.
 

LaFemme

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Yeah, your question is just laded with bitterness. Yikes!

I have a ton of male friends. Whether they have thought of me sexually or not has never come up. If they have, it hasn't changed our friendships at all. I guess I assumed they see me as an aunt or sister - like family, just as I see them. They are like family to me. Precious to me, but totally non-sexual.
 

iluvshoe

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I want to say yes and no. Yes, you can be good friends with the opposite sex, but at the same time, you will never know if they want to be more than friends or not. I have a hard time b/c my friendliness can easily be mistaken for flirting. So when I'm thinking "oh, this could be a really awesome friendship" I'm usually wrong and find out they want to be more than friends.

Then I handle the entire situation badly b/c I'll feel awkward and get distant toward the guy from that point on. It's doable only if you know there is absolutely zero sexual attraction between you two. I have guy friends who I am absolutely not attracted to and I know I'm the same way for them...hope that helps.
 

AlteredEgo

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I guess that might be where the line is because I've not had sexual thoughts about my male friends.

I haven't had sexual thoughts about most of them. Some are exes, so... I once had sexual thoughts (and actions) toward them. One I used to jog and lift with was the only non ex, platonic friend I ever thought about. It was mutual. But we both knew it was just the post-workout hornies. We'd lock eyes, and simultaneously say I/you should go home now. Then we would laugh, and whoever wasn't home yet would get up and go. We talked about that time in our relationship a few months ago.

I spoke, some months before that, with another male friend who apparently was offended that I never once considered dating him. I was surprised, honestly. But no wonder his relationships never work out. If he is telling the truth that for a little while he was trying to figure out how to ask for a date, he is just terrible at knowing a bad match when he sees one. We woulr be a disgusting couple. Probably okay sexually, but all co-dependent and clingy, and disagreeable at the same time. When we met, he was trying to get my friend to notice him, and I was trying not to cockblock. Actually, I feel a little badly for him. That friend of ours married a woman, and I briefly had an affair with his sister.

If any others of my male friends have ever wanted to be romantically or sexually involved with me, they never let it interfere with our friendship, and they kept it to themselves.