Can a Man be TOO attractive?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by midwestbeef, Apr 7, 2009.

  1. midwestbeef

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    The question is for women, and guys who have had this happen to them before. Women, can a man be too attractive for you to date? The reason I bring this up is that it happened to me just recently and I was completely stunned. Dont get me wrong, I dont think im some kind of model, which is why it threw me.

    Ive been seeing this women behind close doors now for about 3 weeks, and its going well. She is pretty, but not the type of women I normally date. Im just very attracted to her straight forward attitude and her amazing sexuality. She is very blunt and in your face. Normally I like the innocent shy women.

    After our last heated session, while she was leaving, i asked if she wanted to start dating in public, going out to places, seeing friends, etc. She said "no" and I said "why not", now i remember this next sentance word for word because of the impact. She flat out said "I wont date a guy who is more attractive than me." I didnt even know how to respond, so I remember just saying "ok", than she left. That happened this last weekend and I havent talked to her about it yet, we are supposed to be seeing each other at my place this thursday.

    Have any of the women of this forum ever thought anything like that, and if so, what does it mean really? Thanks
     
  2. D_Betty Beanbags

    D_Betty Beanbags New Member

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    I'm not into pretty boys, well I am not into boys very much anyhow, but I can understand not wanting a "pretty" boyfriend as being a preference. But I also wouldn't be fucking someone FWB and say something so rude. Would she have said that same thing to an ugly person? It is still hurtful and even though it is true that everyone judges people by their looks on some level, it is very shallow of her. I think she's either just not that into you or she was making a preemptive strike.
     
  3. AlphaMale

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    I had a very similar situation happen to me recently also. :mad:

    This girl who I really like and I'm very attracted to has been hanging out with me a lot lately. The normal stuff: dinner, movie, mall, theme parks, travel. Not really dating per se, just hanging out... and we have lots of fun.

    But when I was inquiring to her best friend if she likes me or not in a dating way, she said she only had good things to say about me to everyone... except that she said (this also hurt me so I remember it nearly word for word :frown1:) "She could never date you though, because she only dates guys that are less attractive than her because when she goes out and stuff she wants all the attention to be on her." :frown1::frown1::frown1:

    I've always been told by everyone that I'm good looking, but like the OP I don't go around thinking I'm a model in the back of my head or something so this really threw me for a loop. This girl is also kinda blunt when it comes to certain things but I'd never heard anything presented like that to me before. :confused:
     
  4. Enid

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    It's a very superficial thing for her to have said, and it implies she quantitifes attractiveness and can't look past that.
     
  5. HazelGod

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    ...says the amazingly hot girl for whom this would never be an issue. :wink:
     
  6. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    That is a new thing to hear lol, not agood girl then for you. quite selfcentrish of her.
    But try to see it as a compliment.
     
  7. Steve26

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    I've heard it said (I forget where) that "A handsome husband is a curse." I guess the implication is that an attractive man is more likely to cheat? Before hearing this, it had never occurred to me that some people might NOT want an attractive partner.

    Steve
     
  8. Enid

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    You're too kind, HG. Thank you.

    To the OP...what it means in simple terms is that she thinks of you as more attractive than herself, and this presents a problem to her for whatever reason (I can't fathom). To me it seems silly but a lot of people feel this way about attractiveness. They measure it and develop fear when they perceive an imbalance. Perhaps she fears you'll eventually leave her for someone more attractive, instead of approaching you on equal ground (as she should, IMO -- attractiveness is relative).
     
  9. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    I have personally witnessed two people to whom their looks became a curse.

    Both of these were gay men and both were the type of men that genetically everything came together in such a manner as to create something that had the power to make a gay bar literally stop and stare.

    The first fellow was 19 when we met. He was literally cursed by his looks. He was small in height at about 5'5" tall. He had the facial features of the best of male models. He had a body that looked like he spent hours per week in a gym and did everything absolutely right. He had blonde hair, blue eyes and had facial and body hair patterns that would do a Colt Model credit. In spite of his short physical stature, he was also very well endowed.

    He could never be taken seriously as a person. No matter what he did when he was living in West Hollywood he found himself again and again becoming a "boy-toy" and with people who wanted him around not for whom he was as a person but like a piece of jewelry. It was a horrific life. Everybody promised relationship, but every one became a possessive insecure idiot who nearly held him prisoner.

    I watched him try again and again and the same scenario repeated again and again. The minute he moved in with anybody it changed into a "kept" situation and he started to find himself a prisoner of his looks.

    Scotty died at age 30 in a drug suicide in Las Vegas, Nevada. He was a great person and his looks and the way he was used and treated because of them made him a target for people who only wanted him for that reason.


    The second fellow I met in the late 1980's. He had been an assistant to one of Hollywood's most successful clothing designers. The only relationship they shared was business. He lived alone in West Hollywood. We both shared an interest in collectable cars and belonged to a car club with that as it's center.

    At the time we met he was HIV sero-positive. Over time I became one of his best and closest friends. He was another one who had all the right genese in all the right places. The anabolic steroids he had taken as part of his HIV treatment had along with exercise given him a body that many men would be jealous of.

    We had discussed the curse of his looks several times. He went to a group of gay men and started talking intelligently. What I witnessed was incredible. He was absolutely ignored as if he somehow did not exist of he was intelligent with his looks. He went back to that same group about 15 minutes later playing the role of a "blonde-air-head" and the men fawned all over him as if he was the greatest creation since sliced bread. He repeated this same thing with a total of about six different groups of men throughout the evening. To be honest I knew many of the men who treated him in this manner. I have to confess I was apauled at this behavior. It was awful.

    We remained very close friends until his passing came from PML. I was at Cedars Hospital in West Los Angeles holding his hand along with his ex-lover when he left this world. I will never forget him as he was one of the most intelligent and best people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

    He was another to whom looks was an absolute curse. Nobody would take him seriously.

    I can't speak for everybody, but I can speak for this situation and say a total yes.

    I also had an experience in High School which says that women go through exactly the same thing. I had grown very close to a girl whose name was Lonna. Lonna developed early and by her Senior Year in High School looked like better than a Playboy Centerfold. Nobody would ask her out. The rumor mill had her dating this jock or that jock, or some College guy. The truth is that she was in spite of her looks and an incredible body, the lonliest girl in the school. The HS rumor mill had killed her deader than a door nail and she never could overcome it.

    We went out a number of times and became very good friends. She was bright, sweet, beautiful in every way and it all conspired against her.
     
  10. cougarblue

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    I think you should ask yourself why you want to start dating this woman when you've been fucking her for weeks. Shouldn't it be the other way around???? Date first, THEN fuck?

    Everyone knows if you fuck first, you ain't never gonna date. Sorry babe, it's just the way of the world. If you REALLY WANTED to get to know her, you'd date her FIRST. Allow the time to get to know her before becoming intimate.

    Don't misunderstand me....I am totally cool with jumping into bed as a way to get to know someone. But if I want it to LAST, I take the time to get to know them first before jumping into bed.

    Clearly this woman is someone who might have appeared to have a "straight forward attitude", but for whatever reason, she can't seem to express her real reason for not wanting to date you, and covers it up with "I won't date a guy who is more attractive than me."

    B.S. in my book.

    But then again, I'm not like other girls.


     
  11. B_FruitFly

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    lol. Picture yourself walking down the street with someone who is too ugly, now just reverse it and you have your answer.
     
  12. D_Barzillai Whackingsauce

    D_Barzillai Whackingsauce Account Disabled

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    I haven't dated in years because of this very issue.
     
  13. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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    Sirj i think maybe she was just to blunt in what she said. I do understand what she means because personally i prefer guys who are a bit rough on the edges. But if you 2 had been really getting along so well she should have been over "preferences" and liked you for who you are rather then what you look like.


    jwright your girl sounds like she has either to much ego or not enough
    .
     
  14. Principessa

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    Yes, it is possible for a man to be too attractive. It is also possible for a woman to ne too attractive. The thing is most women know where they fit on the desirability scale where as most men do not. Men have no qualms about asking out a woman who is lightyears past their dating league, because all they see is the gorgeous woman, w/o taking into consideration their own status.

    I don't think the woman is selfish though, I think she may be insecure. She may have dated a very hansome man before and he cheated on her or treated her badly.

    From experience and observation I can tell you that ultra good looking men often cheat because slutty women throw themselves at them. Yes, the men should use his free will and say no, but I would imagine after a while they get too drunk and too tired to say anything but yes. :mad::frown1:

    Until about two years ago I wouldn't date men that weighed less than me. Weird? Yes, but it's all wrapped up in my body issues. :redface: I was the same way when I weighed 125 lbs. Now that I am significantly larger I have effectively minimized my dating pool. :lmao:
     
  15. Jovial

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    Maybe she's insecure and thinks when people see the two of you, that they will know that she is only into you for your looks. That will make her seem slutty. Women aren't allowed to publicly admit they they like men for their looks. Does that make sense?
     
  16. dolfette

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    i dated a few models in my youth.
    but came to realise that i don't find the uberhandsome men attractive.
    it's not a confidence issue. it's just my taste.
    i look at mr uber and think. ooo, aren't you beautiful!' but there's no tingle at all.
     
  17. joyboytoy79

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    Being one who is NOT uberattractive, and with face pics in my gallery to prove it, I can relate to the OP.

    I personally find myself attracted to many "types" of men. I used to get all sorts of offended when I'd try to come on to a bearish type only to be told "I don't do pretty boys." Muscular "types" would tell me "I don't do twinks." Most offensive was when the blue-collar-ish gents would say "I don't like fems."

    Eventually, i got over it. I don't consider myself a pretty twinky girly boy. Some guys think I am. Well, those guys who think i am are probably looking for a specific quality in a guy, and are fixated on only that. That also explains why they're single. SirJ14, she may be great in the sack, but for me, the "i'm more interested in 'type' than substance" baggage would make her off-limits for relationship material. Maybe she'll get over it, but most likely she won't. I would suggest you enjoy her company for what it is - good sex - and move on.

    There are plenty of women out there who will be willing to step out of their comfort zone, much like you've done yourself, and those are the ones you really want.
     
  18. greatdickismydrug

    greatdickismydrug New Member

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    Women, can a man be too attractive for you to date?

    HELL NO!!!!

    From Cougar Blue:
    I think you should ask yourself why you want to start dating this woman when you've been fucking her for weeks. Shouldn't it be the other way around???? Date first, THEN fuck?

    Everyone knows if you fuck first, you ain't never gonna date. Sorry babe, it's just the way of the world. If you REALLY WANTED to get to know her, you'd date her FIRST. Allow the time to get to know her before becoming intimate.


    Well, this cougar respectfully disagrees. I always fuck first and date later. I don't waste time "getting to know someone" first. Nor, do I not want to get involved with someone who cannot make me happy in bed. If a man cannot appreciate that approach he is not the guy for me anyway. So, honey, do not worry...there are women out there that will fully embrace (excuse the pun) your gorgeousness and be happy to fuck you before dating.
     
  19. vergax

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    Men, according to one previous poster can try and date or hit a woman light years out of his looks league...

    True in a way, but nothing wrong with it, because for the most it works, men realize that looks matter much less to women, hence a man who is resilient at approaching women, will eventually get them, at the end women (most) just need to feel flattered.

    Most of the time, i get pre-nick names from gfs like "handsomeboy", "prettyboy" etc, meaning that they do consider me good looking. Well, I already know it.
    Won't they date me because i am better than them in the looks department or any other (intellectual, talents etc)?
    some of them won't, some have made some excuses to date me (that or that) i just simply go to the next one, no wasted time investing on women with their own issues.

    For me there is not an stablished order like date first and fuck later, or the other way around, it is all case by case.

    To the OP i'd say, go to the next or keep fucking only this one and find other women, if you are not on a serious relationship, the most effective way is to play many sides at the same time....well, you are good looking, even without much trying, you will end up with women hitting on you and some of them will fit you as dating material.
     
  20. nicenycdick

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    Thank you, thank you! I now understand why I spent all those years in my youth stuck in my parents bathroom with the latest issue of Playboy...
     
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