D_Amyntas Lillydong
Account Disabled
i effectively minimized my dating pool by moving to alabama for career reasons.
Last edited:
Can a Man be TOO attractive?
- Thread starter midwestbeef
- Start date
i effectively minimized my dating pool by moving to alabama for career reasons.
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2007
- Posts
- 202
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 8,301
- Points
- 598
- Location
- Minnesota (United States)
- Verification
- View
- Sexuality
- 100% Straight, 0% Gay
- Gender
- Male
Wow, I appreciate all the responses and all the opinions. Ive been called nicknames before like "hollywood" and a female engineer at my work calls me "PBD" which means pretty boy dimples. So im used to having that sort of attention, I just never thought it would keep me from dating, I always thought that it could only help. Thankfully when people get to know me, they see thats its just my exterior and I dont act the way I look at all, which is why the engineer I work with doesnt really call me that anymore. Im not gonna get on a soapbox and ask for your pity of course, because women are judged much more harshly according to their looks, both the beautiful and not.
I think this is why a lot of unattractive girls end up with really hot men, because the hot girls bagged less attractive men. Not in ALL cases before I get trampled on.
You'd think she'd love to show off a really good looking boyfriend, not shun it. Some of the girls I've dated have been absolutely beautiful and for me, it was an ego trip to be seen arm in arm with them in public and amongst my friends.
Btw, not to be pedantic, but, swap the 'a' with 'e' and it'll be correct. :biggrin1:
Btw, not to be pedantic, but, swap the 'a' with 'e' and it'll be correct. :biggrin1:
Yeah I know, right!?!
I'm still trying to figure her out myself to this day - ha! :tongue:
We still talk and do stuff, but I don't feel like I really "know" her...
Men can be too attractive. Too pretty is a different situation. Men who are too pretty look like they spend more time in the mirror than I do and appear to be shallow & superficial, not to mention possibly a little femme. May not be the case, but sometimes it is... that is not really cute. Too attractive can be very manly, but may be intimidating to a woman who isn't totally secure in her looks or a woman who knows she isn't conventionally pretty. Everyone knows at least one person who dates "beneath" them to ensure that they are always in control & never have to develop a personality.... a person who feels grateful to be dating them will let them behave any way they want. Someone who is insecure or knows they're a "four" compared to the other person's "ten" may fear that type of relationship or may fear other's perception of the situation.
I've stayed away from some guys that I think are too pretty because I have a tendency to like quirky-looking guys, but sometimes the simple fact is that many very good-looking people can be arrogant and think they deserve something because of their looks. If I get the impression that a hot guy has a sense of entitlement, I'll avoid him at all costs unless something happens that proves otherwise. If a superhot guy that seems to be genuine shows interest in me, I won't automatically write him off for being gorgeous.
I've stayed away from some guys that I think are too pretty because I have a tendency to like quirky-looking guys, but sometimes the simple fact is that many very good-looking people can be arrogant and think they deserve something because of their looks. If I get the impression that a hot guy has a sense of entitlement, I'll avoid him at all costs unless something happens that proves otherwise. If a superhot guy that seems to be genuine shows interest in me, I won't automatically write him off for being gorgeous.
Yes, it is possible for a man to be too attractive. It is also possible for a woman to ne too attractive. The thing is most women know where they fit on the desirability scale where as most men do not. Men have no qualms about asking out a woman who is lightyears past their dating league, because all they see is the gorgeous woman, w/o taking into consideration their own status.
I don't think the woman is selfish though, I think she may be insecure. She may have dated a very hansome man before and he cheated on her or treated her badly.
From experience and observation I can tell you that ultra good looking men often cheat because slutty women throw themselves at them. Yes, the men should use his free will and say no, but I would imagine after a while they get too drunk and too tired to say anything but yes.:frown1:
No offense to NJ, but I would hope that most people don't look at relationships based on a 'desirability scale' and 'dating leagues' - call it whatever you want but I've personally never run into these "walls" when it comes to relationships.
I've also never thought a woman was 'too attractive' for me either. I've thought she might be too old for me or something else (Katherine Zeta Jones... *sigh* :redface
, but attractiveness has never been a factor.Also, can you please give an example of, "Men have no qualms about asking out a woman who is lightyears past their dating league, because all they see is the gorgeous woman, w/o taking into consideration their own status." ?
I understand if you mean like asking out the Queen of England or something if you were an average joe... but in America, I don't really feel like we have those barriers... and you make it sound like it's all so 'looks only' based?
Last edited:
No offense to NJ, but I would hope that most people don't look at relationships based on a 'desirability scale' and 'dating leagues' - call it whatever you want but I've personally never run into these "walls" when it comes to relationships.
I've also never thought a woman was 'too attractive' for me either. I've thought she might be too old for me or something else (Katherine Zeta Jones... *sigh* :redface
Also, can you please give an example of, "Men have no qualms about asking out a woman who is lightyears past their dating league, because all they see is the gorgeous woman, w/o taking into consideration their own status." ?
I understand if you mean like asking out the Queen of England or something if you were an average joe... but in America, I don't really feel like we have those barriers... and you make it sound like it's all so 'looks only' based?
Maybe Lyle Lovett asked a BJ from her, I'd be pretty traumatized too, and would start to think that when boxes don't fit the person the internet breaks.
Last edited:
I think it was absolute hogwash to make her issue your fault. I know it may have hurt but better you know now that later. I don't think she was completely honest with you about her intentions from the beginning and just used that as an excuse.
I have personally dated some pretty attractive guys and never thought once they were too attractive for me. I also don't believe in that crap about not dating/marrying an attractive guys or women because they will cheat. I know this is a bad example but have you ever seen what crawls across the stage on Divorce Court or Maury Povich? Most of the stories involve infidelity and none of them are close to being attractive. Yuck!
Everyone has the potential to cheat and what I've observed most women who throw themselves at an attached man usually are motivated by the fact that someone else is with them. I think she just wants an open relationship. If you want that too, I say go for it, but if not, move on. You deserve far better.
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2007
- Posts
- 14,086
- Media
- 70
- Likes
- 20,556
- Points
- 668
- Location
- United States
- Verification
- View
- Sexuality
- 60% Straight, 40% Gay
- Gender
- Female
uhmmm....youre almost too perty (it kills me to look at a perfect body such as yours) makes me want to become a hardbody too.
"Everyone knows"... excellent argument :wink:
So let's see, guess these didn't actually happen to me:
-Screwed a girl on the first date, spent 6 years dating her, lived with her for 2.
-Met an older woman for a no-strings-attached screw, dated her for 4 years, met her kids and family, hung out for holidays, etc.
-Met a woman for a date, had sex with her on the beach that night, dated her for almost a year.
-Currently dating a woman I met on an adult-website chat. We had sex within about 15 minutes of me showing up at her place. Been dating for 7 months.
hmmmmmm..... I must have been dreaming!
Yes, it's called having confidence and not being intimidated just because a woman might have the physical attributes and facial qualities of angelina jolie, halle berry or gwyneth paltrow.
Plenty of average or even unattractive men get amazing looking women because they're confident of their personality and sense of humour and have the balls to approach the woman and start chatting. And many if not most women love a confident man as I'm sure you would agree. Those women can often see past the looks unless they're incredibly shallow or are just looking for a handsome sex toy. There's also a lot of women who have fantastic looks but don't have much going on behind the eyes, nothing much to say for themselves. They're happy to date someone who's intelligent and funny even if their looks aren't quite george clooney. So saying someone is out of someones dating league doesn't really hold and just sounds incredibly arrogant.
I agree with this to a certain extent. Men often pigeonhole themselves too high or two low. I think 1/3 of men will ask anything with tits out and get shot down over and over and over. 1/3 know the type of women they can pull. And the last 1/3 think of themselves lower that they are, and end up dating chicks who are beneath them.
But yes I think women know what "league" they're in better, since it's been drummed into them their whole life. Men only know after they've asked out dozens of chicks. If a guy never asks chicks out, he can't know what league he's in, because so few women ask men out under any circumstances.
sirj14, I think there are several possibilities here. One is that she thinks you're vain or too "high maintenance." Perhaps she thinks you spend too much time on your appearance--whether it be working out, shopping for clothes, or getting ready to go out--and she wants a guy who is more casual and laid back. (Not everyone like the perfectly groomed type.)
Or, perhaps she is the one who is vain and in some sense she's afraid you're competition.
Or she's insecure about her looks and worries that you're "out of her league," that you'll never really be satisfied with her the way she is, and that you're only with her until you find someone better, and that eventually you're going to leave her. By putting limits on how far your relationship goes, she's trying to protect herself by not getting too attached to you. I think this is the most likely option.
As a general rule, I think it's safe to say that attractive people get more attention (although not always positive attention) than more ordinary looking people. When one member of a couple is more attractive than the other, in various social settings they often get more attention than the more ordinary looking member of the couple. (And it doesn't have to be a couple, it could just be a pair or group of friends.) Speaking for myself, my looks are average enough that I've sometimes been the best looking person in the group, but I've also been the least attractive person. I can tell you that it is no fun to be overlooked--or worse, ignored. Maybe it's shallow of me, but I'd much rather be the pretty one.
Sometimes the "pretty one" in a couple or group enjoys the attention they get so much that they are oblivious to the fact that other people are being left out. Maybe this is what the OP's not-quite-girlfriend is worried about. One of my college friends was all too pretty, and could be an insensitive jerk at times. He'd get caught up in conversation with some new and interesting person he'd just met to the point of ignoring his friends.
I think we often assume that we don't have to compete with the person we're dating, but alas that isn't always true. If one person is better looking, more physically fit, more well-read, more travelled, more extroverted and/or socially connected, makes more money, etc., the other person may feel left out, left behind, or like they don't have as much to bring to the relationship. Maybe it's wrong to have those kind of insecurities, but it's also very human.
There's a guy I work with who is, as far as I'm concerned, the most beautiful man alive. He's the living embodiment of my idea of perfection. We're both 37, but although I've aged better than most of my peers, I look old and haggard compared to this guy. Also, unlike me, he's kept himself in very good shape. (I was never in good shape, even when I was younger.) Now as far as I know this guy is straight, but for the sake of argument let's assume he's not. If he asked me out on a date, of course I would say "yes," but I'd be very intimidated by his looks and his greater level of physical fitness and probably plagued by thoughts that I wasn't good enough for him. If things progressed towards physical intimacy, I'd be afraid for him to see me naked, and sure that once he did he'd realize that he made a terrible mistake and that he'd "just want to be friends." Even if we got past all that and things were going well between us, I'd still be worried that he'd lose interest in me as soon as he met a guy more attractive and physicall fit--in other words, a guy more like him--which, of course, would eventually happen.
Obviously, I'm a bit insecure. I realize that it's not healthy and it's not an attractive quality. I'm working on it.
I understand your point of view, but it doesn't always work that way, as I've tried to explain above.
Or, perhaps she is the one who is vain and in some sense she's afraid you're competition.
Or she's insecure about her looks and worries that you're "out of her league," that you'll never really be satisfied with her the way she is, and that you're only with her until you find someone better, and that eventually you're going to leave her. By putting limits on how far your relationship goes, she's trying to protect herself by not getting too attached to you. I think this is the most likely option.
As a general rule, I think it's safe to say that attractive people get more attention (although not always positive attention) than more ordinary looking people. When one member of a couple is more attractive than the other, in various social settings they often get more attention than the more ordinary looking member of the couple. (And it doesn't have to be a couple, it could just be a pair or group of friends.) Speaking for myself, my looks are average enough that I've sometimes been the best looking person in the group, but I've also been the least attractive person. I can tell you that it is no fun to be overlooked--or worse, ignored. Maybe it's shallow of me, but I'd much rather be the pretty one.
Sometimes the "pretty one" in a couple or group enjoys the attention they get so much that they are oblivious to the fact that other people are being left out. Maybe this is what the OP's not-quite-girlfriend is worried about. One of my college friends was all too pretty, and could be an insensitive jerk at times. He'd get caught up in conversation with some new and interesting person he'd just met to the point of ignoring his friends.
I think we often assume that we don't have to compete with the person we're dating, but alas that isn't always true. If one person is better looking, more physically fit, more well-read, more travelled, more extroverted and/or socially connected, makes more money, etc., the other person may feel left out, left behind, or like they don't have as much to bring to the relationship. Maybe it's wrong to have those kind of insecurities, but it's also very human.
There's a guy I work with who is, as far as I'm concerned, the most beautiful man alive. He's the living embodiment of my idea of perfection. We're both 37, but although I've aged better than most of my peers, I look old and haggard compared to this guy. Also, unlike me, he's kept himself in very good shape. (I was never in good shape, even when I was younger.) Now as far as I know this guy is straight, but for the sake of argument let's assume he's not. If he asked me out on a date, of course I would say "yes," but I'd be very intimidated by his looks and his greater level of physical fitness and probably plagued by thoughts that I wasn't good enough for him. If things progressed towards physical intimacy, I'd be afraid for him to see me naked, and sure that once he did he'd realize that he made a terrible mistake and that he'd "just want to be friends." Even if we got past all that and things were going well between us, I'd still be worried that he'd lose interest in me as soon as he met a guy more attractive and physicall fit--in other words, a guy more like him--which, of course, would eventually happen.
Obviously, I'm a bit insecure. I realize that it's not healthy and it's not an attractive quality. I'm working on it.
I understand your point of view, but it doesn't always work that way, as I've tried to explain above.
Principessa
Expert Member
Yes, it's called having confidence and not being intimidated just because a woman might have the physical attributes and facial qualities of angelina jolie, halle berry or gwyneth paltrow.
Plenty of average or even unattractive men get amazing looking women because they're confident of their personality and sense of humour and have the balls to approach the woman and start chatting. And many if not most women love a confident man as I'm sure you would agree. Those women can often see past the looks unless they're incredibly shallow or are just looking for a handsome sex toy. There's also a lot of women who have fantastic looks but don't have much going on behind the eyes, nothing much to say for themselves. They're happy to date someone who's intelligent and funny even if their looks aren't quite george clooney.Well if BBC America is any indicator that is because the United States has more drop dead gorgeous people per capita than you do over there.
I've also never thought a woman was 'too attractive' for me either. I've thought she might be too old for me or something else (Katherine Zeta Jones... *sigh* :redface
Also, can you please give an example of, "Men have no qualms about asking out a woman who is lightyears past their dating league, because all they see is the gorgeous woman, w/o taking into consideration their own status." ?
I understand if you mean like asking out the Queen of England or something if you were an average joe... but in America, I don't really feel like we have those barriers... and you make it sound like it's all so 'looks only' based?
So you wouldn't think it odd to see Steve Buscemi or Jason Alexander dating Kate Hudson or Gwyneth Paltrow? Cause I would.
What's really weird to me is that in NJ I was considered 'thick' or 'too thick' weight wise. But in Georgia I am considered almost anorexic. Most men down here like big girls. Not like the plus model Emme, more like Kirstie Alley who became nothing but boobs, butt and hair a few years ago.
This sounds odd to me. If many women do the same as you to attractive guys, then those guys will just think women don't like him that much for whatever reason. Why would the super hot guy then approach you or show interest in you when some many woman blew him off so many times? It seems like he wouldn't have any confidence.
It just sounds like you are playing some game of trying to teach men a lesson or something, trying to knock them down a peg.
Sorry about not quoting your whole post due to the length, but the insight in the first half of the post was brilliant. :tongue:
To comment on the last part, I say to definitely not be insecure. If he doesn't like you exactly for you then fuck him, seriously. There are other people out there that look just as good as him or better and the whole 'looks' thing is relative. There are also other people out there who will like you for exactly you, that also look good.
A good side example on looks is the Brad Pitt VS George Clooney. Some ladies like one, some like the other, some like both, some like neither. For everyone person you find who thinks they are attractive, you can find someone who doesn't necessarily think so - all relative. :biggrin1:
So you wouldn't think it odd to see Steve Buscemi or Jason Alexander dating Kate Hudson or Gwyneth Paltrow? Cause I would.
Yeah I guess that makes sense hehe... not so sure about who ole Steve is gonna end up with lol. :tongue:
I guess that sounds ok for an explanation on what leagues are.
I just look at it personally, and I don't want to be put in a 'league' or 'category' so much to the point where someone would say it's not ok to even like a girl because I'm somehow not in her 'category'.
Similar threads
