Can A Woman Be A Feminist If She Once Knowingly Dated A Sex Offender?

[Scarletbegonia]

If you feel she is so questionable for the office, what are you doing about it aside from typing online?

 

[BussyPhilipps]

A huge step toward living/existing as a feminist is unpacking decades of reinforced internalized misogyny. Clearly, this woman has some shit to work through.

Additional crank - since when does feminism require perfection? I mean dudes in the public eye often fuck up royally and are often awarded with a redemption arc. He was so brave!!!

Also. She did not engage an underage person in inappropriate txt conversation. The man did. This is his crime. Literally, a crime. No matter how forward and proactive the young lady happened to be, all fault lies in the assholes lap. He was the adult. He had an ethical and legal responsibility to shut this shit down. Even Boomers know how to block a number.

So, yes. She is a feminist. Yes, she used poor judgement and treated a young woman unfairly.

Also. Blaming Txt-Teen is awful. Same idjits who think Lolita is a star crossed romance

Ironically, one of my friend’s favorite books is Lolita. I believe her senior thesis in college was on Lolita. She’s also a big Woody Allen fan. Including Anthony Weiner, the last four guys she has dated have been 20-30 years older than her. She has previously admitted to me about having daddy issues, but she always has an excuse for not seeing a therapist or counselor.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

If you feel she is so questionable for the office, what are you doing about it aside from typing online?

I’ve told her that I think she has terrible judgment and that I don’t think she should be running for office because she should see a therapist first, but she ignored all my advice, and she says that writing to Anthony Weiner in prison and then dating him once he got out was just a one time case of terrible judgment and not indicative of poor judgment in general. I’m not sure it’s in my place to do anything more than that, and if I did, it would just lead to more drama and most definitely spell the end of the friendship. I started to wonder if I was being too judgmental and critical of her, though, so that’s why I asked about it on here. I wanted other people’s opinions.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I’ve told her that I think she has terrible judgment and that I don’t think she should be running for office because she should see a therapist first, but she ignored all my advice, and she says that writing to Anthony Weiner in prison and then dating him once he got out was just a one time case of terrible judgment and not indicative of poor judgment in general. I’m not sure it’s in my place to do anything more than that, and if I did, it would just lead to more drama and most definitely spell the end of the friendship. I started to wonder if I was being too judgmental and critical of her, though, so that’s why I asked about it on here. I wanted other people’s opinions.

with all the secondary stuff you mentioned, I wonder why you are friends with someone who does such things.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

with all the secondary stuff you mentioned, I wonder why you are friends with someone who does such things.

Because I’ve been friends with her since college. I never saw it coming that she would get romantically involved with Anthony Weiner of all people. Lots of people like the novel Lolita, and I just attributed it to the fact that she’s a big fan of Russian literature and culture. And lots of people like Woody Allen movies despite the allegations against him (for example, my mom still has an interest in new Woody Allen movies). And Weiner was the first of the four guys she’s dated in a row who have been 20-30 years older than her. I didn’t know there would be a pattern of troubling preferences and behavior.

One person I told about this said I need to choose better friends, as if I should have seen warning signs that something was off with her. I found that kind of insulting. I know there’s the expression “birds of a feather flock together,” but I’m not sure a friend’s choices should have any reflection on you. For example, if someone has a friend who is a drug addict, I’m not sure that should say anything about them. Most people have had at least one friend who was troubled, weird, etc. My mom had a friend who ended up joining a cult. They didn’t stay friends, but I don’t think my mom ever saw that coming.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

with all the secondary stuff you mentioned, I wonder why you are friends with someone who does such things.

The other thing is I don’t have many friends, so I’m kind of reluctant to make my number of friends even smaller. And I haven’t been able to make any new friends this past year due to the pandemic.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

A friend of mine uses the phrase, “your people picker is broken.”

I wonder if there’s a witty way to say the same about existing friendships and staying.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

A friend of mine uses the phrase, “your people picker is broken.”

I wonder if there’s a witty way to say the same about existing friendships and staying.

I will say that I have distanced myself from her over the past year. That’s partly because the pandemic has made it impossible to see her anyway since I moved back home to temporarily live with my parents, but I don’t even text or call her that often anymore. My guess is she can tell that I’m not currently invested in the friendship, but she’s also busy campaigning, so I don’t think she’s that invested in our friendship right now either. If it were possible to make new friends right now, I would probably be focused on doing that and just letting our friendship die naturally through not reaching out.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Woman picks/stays with questionable men = can’t be feminist based on what the men did, primarily, and her attempting to wrap her own head around it, secondarily.

Man keeps questionable friendship because he can’t make new friends.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

Woman picks/stays with questionable men = can’t be feminist based on what the men did, primarily, and her attempting to wrap her own head around it, secondarily.

Man keeps questionable friendship because he can’t make new friends.

I’m not sure I understand the point you’re trying to make. Are you implying that what I’m currently doing is similar to what she did, yet I’m judging her but excusing myself?

I didn’t write to an infamous creep who was in prison for sexting a minor, and then try to justify and excuse his inappropriate and criminal behavior by blaming the victim and vilifying the wife. Apples and oranges

 

[BussyPhilipps]

By your definition of a feminist, Phyllis Schlafly was a feminist, even though she actively campaigned against feminism.

@Scarletbegonia Also, you never responded to this. Earlier in this thread you said that “the right to campaign at all is working for women’s rights.” Well, Phyllis Schlafly was a woman who campaigned to keep women in the house, specifically in the kitchen and rearing kids. By your definition, I guess you believe she was a feminist, even though she actively opposed feminism and successfully campaigned against ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA)?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

@Scarletbegonia Also, you never responded to this. Earlier in this thread you said that “the right to campaign at all is working for women’s rights.” Well, Phyllis Schlafly was a woman who campaigned to keep women in the house, specifically in the kitchen and rearing kids. By your definition, I guess you believe she was a feminist, even though she actively opposed feminism and successfully campaigned against ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA)?

I don’t reply to red herrings.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

I don’t reply to red herrings.

It’s not a red herring. It’s a legitimate question based on the definition of feminism you gave. Apparently you believe that anyone who says they’re a feminist is automatically a feminist. And you took it one step further by saying that any woman who campaigns for something is working on behalf of women’s rights.

It feels like you’ve been awfully critical of me (and maybe even passive-aggressive towards me) in this thread. Based on everything you’ve said, you seem to think I’m a jerk and that I’m being too judgmental and critical of my friend, yet you haven’t said that outright.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

I’m not sure I understand the point you’re trying to make. Are you implying that what I’m currently doing is similar to what she did, yet I’m judging her but excusing myself?

I didn’t write to an infamous creep who was in prison for sexting a minor, and then try to justify and excuse his inappropriate and criminal behavior by blaming the victim and vilifying the wife. Apples and oranges

Also, are you gonna reply to this? You make comments that are kind of cryptic and vague. I’m not always sure how to interpret them or that I know exactly what you’re saying.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

If you care so much that she isn’t up to the job she’s seeking, do something about it