Can anyone relate?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever

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    I'm currently dating (as I mentioned in a somewhat recent thread) an Albanian girl named Denisa. We've been dating since late November and she's a pretty cool girl -- fun, sexy, loves going to clubs, whatever. It's not a particularly die-hard "serious" relationship...I mean, we're exclusive to each other and what not but -- for the most part, anyway -- it's not...like..."heavy".

    Since around late December, Denisa's parents have been pressuring her -- more or less -- to break up with me because I'm not Albanian. I've dated and bedded many, many Albanian girls throughout my young life....they're, pretty much, my preferred race of girls (Italian girls and PR girls are nice as well) and I've had this problem once or twice before. But for some reason, now in late February, this "pressure" is starting to annoy me. Her parents -- mostly her father -- are getting more and more adamant that we break up and just "stay friends". Denisa likes me, I like her, but she -- like most Albanians -- is quite family oriented. It's getting to the point where they're asking her if she's had sex with me yet (she has) and if she wants to have my children. I mean, c'mon...

    The one or two other times I experienced something close to this (both with Albo girls), I had to end the relationship because it became to stressful and aggravating. This situation is beginning to upset me. Denisa and I don't really have any plans to elope or wed, we're just enjoying ourselves, eachother and having a good time.

    On the other hand, all this is making me miss being with Elda, more and more. Her family were very cool and they liked me very much, never had to deal with such bullshit. All this makes me want to possibly...I don't know, talk to Elda...but I guess that's what happens when you fuck over the one you love dearly.

    ...Anyway, can anyone else relate to this mess? Have you ever been in a relationship that faced such horse shit? What should I do? Should I continue to stay with Denisa, see if it can still work and have some fun, or just leave before it escalates (like usual)?
     
  2. bigman_tn28

    bigman_tn28 New Member

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    wow, hard issue. Would think of the end result, marrying kind or option or fun option? if she might be the marrying kind then stick with it and hope love wins out, if fun only, ride it till it ends. Hard choices.
     
  3. B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever

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    She definitely isn't looking for marriage at the moment and niether am I, to say the least. She's a club girl...too much of one at times, if you ask me....but yeah...maybe I should just ride it out, enjoy it....I dunno.
     
  4. B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever

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    It seems more people are interested in being self indulging sycophants by discussing "when they first noticed they were 'big'" or if their "friends now they're 'big'"...walk away from your bloated egos and touching yourselves sheepishly to such threads and confront a real life situation.

    ....wow, sorry....frustrated mood = grumpiness, apparently.
     
  5. Highjinx

    Highjinx Member

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    The Old ones from Albania are very racist people and Im sure they dont want their daughter marrying out of the race. They may even shun her for marrying you and marriage. Not all Albanians are like that, But alot are and they have a very tight family connections. You should ask her how she feels about all of this to get your answer and if shes strong enough to break free from a tight family. Otherwise you will have to deal with her familys ways. Good Luck
     
  6. Stephenmass

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    If it were me, I'd separate the issue. First off, Denisa obviously doesn't feel the way her parents do or she would not be dating you. Second, Denisa cannot control the way her parents think. If the two of you did decide to become serious, Denisa would have to put her foot down at some point with her parents. But it sounds to me as if a part of you wants out and I'm not sure if it's this issue or the "thinking about Elda" issue. I think a lot of you is thinking about Elda and a lot of you is thinking about how Denisa may not be the right one anyway.

    Not sure if my take is accurate or not but throwing it out there for you to consider seeing that I don't really know you at all.
     
  7. hud01

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    You are only 20 so you are right about not wanting to get married yet. You have to be really sure and that is tough at your age.

    Personally I would just ride it out. I was in a relationship like that one time and i just ignored her parents when they would get like that.

    We stayed together for 3 1/2 years and it wasn't her parents that caused the breakup.

    I have to ask if you have talked to her about this and gauged if she if feeling the pressure.
     
  8. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    I know some Albanian folks, and they are very, very family oriented, almost like it's a sacred mission to continue their ethnic heritage by marrying early regardless of anyone's individual feelings about the situation.

    I would be frustrated, too, since in a tight-knit family like that, you can't ditch the parent's influence, no matter what your GF's feelings are about their opinions about her behavior and you.

    And I agree with hud01, I'd like to see you get some more life fun & experience and settling down! Perhaps you two can be each other's "support group" against their influence and meddling, and continue to have fun in spite of whatever stuff her parents come up with. Good luck. I'm an older guy who didn't get married 'til I was 28, and am so much better off that way!
     
  9. Steve26

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    IMHO this isn't really your decision to make; it's Denisa's.

    She needs to decide whether or not she agrees with her parents on this. If she does, the relationship will peter out at some point. If she doesn't, the two of you are on the same page and it really doesn't matter what her parents think.

    My wife is Jewish and I am not. We have faced the occasional murmurs of discontent from her parents over our interfaith marriage. But since she and I are on the same page -- neither of us is religious so it's not an issue for either of us -- we're able to present a united front to my in-laws, and it has literally *never* been a source of friction between us.

    Good luck!

    Steve
     
  10. D_Selmus_Swallow

    D_Selmus_Swallow Account Disabled

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    Boy, can I relate. At my former workplace there were Albanians all over. I managed to become friendly with them after I revealed some of my knowledge about Albania to them; they were genuinely shocked that I knew so much about them and their culture.

    Anyway, the hottest girls there were Albanians, but as the guys explained to me, even as much as they liked me, it would be nothing but impossible for me to get anywhere with them, because their families would be thinking of nothing more than wanting to stick me in an oil drum, because no matter what I was not an Albanian (though it should be noted that this applied far more loosely to Albo guys than girls: most of them were dating non-Albanians). I'd had a roughly similar experience when trying to ask out an Albo girl in high school, who shot me and everyone else down mercilessly because there was no way she would go against her family and go outside her ethnic group.



    This really isn't too different than any other old-school traditionalist culture with a strong sexual double-standard against pre-martial sex for women or for dating outside their race. I've had the same thing happen with Mexican or Indian or Chinese girls from tradtional cultures and families.

    Frankly, not going to lie, the situation is bleak for ya with this one.


    All of this makes me somewhat glad that my family was for the most part neglectful or hostile or just plain old distant. Made me give less than a shit about almost anything they had to tell me.
     
  11. B_doc23cm

    B_doc23cm New Member

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    Do you have to hang out with her family and hear their racist drivel? If not, just enjoy hanging out with your girlfriend. At the end of the day, it will be up to her if she will do as her family asks.
     
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