Can comparing ruin friendships ?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Aug 25, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    bih20: Hey

    Not too long ago, friend and I were talking, we got to talking about porn, anyways we got to the point where we said our sizes.

    At first he was saying that he was small, not sure if he was joking, then I said I was 8' or so.

    Then he said his was about 6.

    Could be true.

    Anyways, this was a strange conversation because I would never expect to talk to this particular friend about something like this. He would be one of those people that would usually brush something like this off, make a joke about it or something to totally change the subject.

    He talked before how he was intimidated by me.
    I guess just my presence, we haven't seen each other naked or anything like that so cant be that.

    Latley, I kind of see him ignoring me more, I dont know if its just coincidence or if there is something to it .

    What do you guys think ?
     
  2. Imported

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    2big: this is too funny. well, too cliche. let the guy get over himself. once he realizes that he is okay with is size, it won't be a problem. until then, let him deal with it on his own.
    he could very well be intimidated by your size, it has happened to me many times, but if he is a friend who doesnt really care, he wont be so cought up your size. regardless, he has stuff he has to deal with, and not so much yourself.
    if you are personally comfortable with showing yourserf, go ahead, but be careful that a large flaccid cock (like mine) can be met with disdain and jealousy. i have tried to keep myself hidden in the majority of scenerios but have managed to become obvious without my wanting it.
    what i have learned most is to become comfortable with yourself and not worry about what others are saying/feeling. in your case with someone who is embarassed with himself...either let him be, or be yourself around him in full confidence. it is his issue about his size that has become the problem, not yours.
     
  3. Imported

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    Ineligible: [quote author=bih20 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#0 date=08/25/03 at 11:03:46]At first he was saying that he was small, not sure if he was joking, then I said I was 8' or so.

    Then he said his was about 6.

    Could be true.[/quote]
    I would guess he is rather less than 6.

    It can be a difficult thing for some people to adjust to. He may have thought of you and he as equals, and now he finds that in one area you are not - that can be a bit of a blow. Be nice to him and give him time to get used to it.
     
  4. Imported

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    Dantesco: On the other hand: if he's the kind of "friend" willing to throw away a friendship over a little thing like a couple of inches, do you really want to hang on to him?
     
  5. Imported

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    bigcock: No, I told my friend my size and he told me his and we just high fived each other and were happy were both above average. He's 8 to mine 9 1/4 and he's my best friend and it didn't ruin are friendship...when you can share something like that I realize that are friendship is truly the best, especiallywhen there's no hating going on!!!!!! So to answer your question, no I don't think so!
     
  6. Imported

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    jackinman: No it should not bih20. If that's what happening between you guys, then try to find another friend. This guys has some serious issues that he needs to deal with.
     
  7. Imported

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    gigantikok: I never tell any of my friends about my penis size. The one friendship where I did make that mistake was ruined. It just makes things odd when they shouldn't have to be. It makes things akward.
     
  8. Imported

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    H8Monga: I don't know why people end or make friendships so awkward just because someone has a larger or smaller penis. If I knew any of you here before this site and you told me, nothing would change. I like you as a person and if you're a true friend, nothing should come between you unless it's a major event or crime.
     
  9. Imported

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    gigantikok: See, but that is because your friendship with us formed AFTER you knew of our penis sizes. If anything, that is a REASON it formed. I mean, we're all here talking on a large penis forum, aren't we? However, many many many friendships (in fact, MOST) don't get started because of penis size.

    To find out your friend is hung like a mammoth can be akward, I can see it from the other person's viewpoint. I can't really explain why it would make things akward, but for alot of people, it would.
     
  10. Imported

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    prepstudinsc: I don't know Gig...I've gotsome friends who have seen my dick, some have seen it soft at the gym, a few have seen it hard jacking to a porno together. I'm bigger than all my friends are, it doesn't bother them. I just get teased about it, good naturedly, but they also tease for wearing size 14 shoes. At least in my circle of closest friends, we know more or less how big each other is, and it's no big deal. We like each other for more important character traits, such as intelligence, personality, talent, etc. The dick size doesn't matter and it's not a competitive thing, either. It's just one of my physical attributes, just like the fact that I have dark hair or that I have to wear contacts. I've got one friend who is the same age as me and has very little hair on the top of his head. I've got another friend who is prematurely grey at age 30. I tease them about that, they tease me about my dick. It's all in good fun, nothing malicious about it, nothing that any of us lose sleep over. If my friends were shallow enough to be jealous to the point of breaking off a friendship, I think I'd be better off without them.
     
  11. Imported

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    View_From_Below: [quote author=Ineligible link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#2 date=08/25/03 at 17:15:00]
    I would guess he is rather less than 6.

    It can be a difficult thing for some people to adjust to. He may have thought of you and he as equals, and now he finds that in one area you are not - that can be a bit of a blow. Be nice to him and give him time to get used to it.[/quote]

    And Gigantikok wrote:
    Ineligible and Gigantikok have it right. I think that for friendships most people gravitate to people like themselves--not exclusively, of course, but generally. For many guys, therefore, it can be a real shock to discover that your friend, who you thought was just like you, is in fact notably superior to you in what most consider the ultimate symbol of masculinity. It's difficult to handle, I suspect, for two reasons: one is the literal inequality itself, the fact that your friend has this very desirable attribute and you don't; and the second is the embarrassing sense that maybe your friend-picking skills are flawed--you thought the two of you were "alike," resonated together, etc., and yet you never knew he had this physical advantage. [In time hopefully, as Ineligible says, you can realize that all the personality traits that link you as friends are far more important than this physical attribute, even with all the social advantages it can convey. But this can be a hard shock, so it may take a while. And some guys can never get over it, even though they want to and try to.]

    And finally-- I concur with Ineligible's delicate statement "I would guess he is rather less than six." In my experience the degree of difficulty in accepting the discovery of the "inequality" of your friend is directly proportional to the difference in size. If you're six and he's seven, probably no big deal. But if you're four and you learn that he's nine, well, that's tough to discover about someone you thought was "like" you.

    VFB
     
  12. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    [quote author=View_From_Below link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#10 date=08/26/03 at 19:59:32]I think that for friendships most people gravitate to people like themselves--not exclusively, of course, but generally.  For many guys, therefore, it can be a real shock to discover that your friend, who you thought was just like you, is in fact notably superior to you in what most consider the ultimate symbol of masculinity...[/quote]

    I wholly agree that people tend to embrace others who can relate to their own experiences, cultures, hobbies, and so forth [hence, the "like" attracts "like" social view]. It's so much easier to find common ground that way. And likewise, I like befriending individuals who have little in common with me because, if it all works out, I'm getting exposed to quite the new perspective through said person.

    If you befriend someone on their similarities, that's one thing, but to hold something like dick size which is out of a guy's control against him... that doesn't seem very fair to me. 'Cause let's face it: To some degree, people can control their passions in life, their self-expression, exuberance, or diminish or support their own personality traits. (I'm direct with people; whether I project that "directness" as honesty or as belligerance, that's dependent on me.) Guys don't get much of a say in their dick sizes -- unless you resort to PE, but that's a whole 'nother topic in and of itself.

    So, that said, if someone disliked or disagreed with me for my personality traits, I could accept that because I'm willingly in full possession of those faculties. I can control my expression as a person, but I had absolutely nothing to do with my dick. If I'm hated for something I can't control -- off to the mist with them, I guess.
     
  13. Imported

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    View_From_Below: [quote author=DeeBlackthorne link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#11 date=08/27/03 at 07:59:01]

    ....but to hold something like dick size which is out of a guy's control against him... that doesn't seem very fair to me....Guys don't get much of a say in their dick sizes ...  If I'm hated for something I can't control -- off to the mist with them, I guess.
    [/quote]
    Dee, I agree. You're right of course that guys have no say in whether they're winners or losers in the size lottery, and whatever they have should not be held against them.

    It's interesting that you assumed that the emotion of the smaller guy toward the larger one would be hate. I would have assumed that the emotion would not actually be directed negatively at the larger guy--because as you said, we all know that one's size is a crap shoot -- but would be more diffuse. The smaller guy would I suspect need some distance, some time, to come to terms with this new reality, this new inequality between friends. It may be hard to be around the lucky friend for awhile, being "reminded" all the time, until you figure out how you feel about it all. Envy is very likely. I'm not sure about hate.

    Hmm. Now that I think of it--if you think the emotion of the smaller friend toward the larger would be hate, what would you think would be the emotion of the larger friend toward the smaller?
     
  14. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Sorry for the assumption. I only framed the response that way since, as Bih told us, after trying to joke about the difference, the friend couldn't deal with the reality of it, it seemed.

    But, the way I see it, envy hardly represents this ambiguous middle ground between "I love my big dick buddy" and "I hate him to the very core 'cause he's got a huge schlong." Envy's a pretty negative term, too, isn't it? Envy involves a strong degree of jealousy toward another for what they have, and in this case, it's an uncontrolled, unforeseen, but hardly avoidable large penis.

    Of course, here's to hoping that it wouldn't matter since, as lots of us have pointed out before, there's so much more to our states of being than what we have in our pants -- no?

    To answer your question... hmmm. Well, from personal experience, I really don't have much of a reaction. On the one hand, it's partial expectation -- I know my size is well about the statistical average and that, per definition, it's rare to find someone my size or larger in the world. On the few times, I've actually dropped trou in front of the guy, I was so amazed that he was comfortable in doing so that I really wasn't thinking, "I'm _____ inches bigger."

    But, it's the same thing when people say "Damn! That's huge!"; after a while it doesn't really faze me. I'm proud of what I got and I'm grateful for it, but I dunno.... worshipping your larger friend for what he didn't lawfully gain on his own accord (i.e. his dick), no thanks. Leave me off that pedestal.

    I guess the biggest challenge for most huge guys is to remain grounded about it instead of getting an ego on steroids.
     
  15. Imported

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    awellhungboi: edit

    I had a post here, but upon reflection, I feel it wasn't really germane to the direction the topic is headed, or to points others have made.

    So, since I can't delete it, all I can say, is please stand by, we'll resume our regularly scheduled topic right now.
     
  16. Imported

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    View_From_Below: [quote author=DeeBlackthorne link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#13 date=08/27/03 at 17:59:04]I guess the biggest challenge for most huge guys is to remain grounded about it instead of getting an ego on steroids.[/quote]
    Absolutely. And the biggest challenge for most small guys is to remain grounded about it instead of getting an ego shriveled and defeated.

    Envy isn't as negative or corrosive as hate, but it isn't optimal or desirable, and it can eat you up if you can't somehow control or neutralize it or force yourself to treat it as part of a much bigger canvas.

    But it isn't hard to understand why envy is a natural response, is it? Is there any doubt that (except in the case of the pathologically huge) big dicks are a major plus for their owners in terms of social interactions with both men and women?

    It has been my impression (on this board as well as elsewhere) that well hung men will often express scorn or disdain for a smaller guy if he shows any sign of envy, like he was some kind of defective personality for not being instantaneously well balanced--whereas, given the society we live in and its values about size and desirability, it ought to be completely understandable that envy is going to be a big part of the mix. The task for the small guy is not to let it dominate the mix, and to find a healthy path toward self-esteem. The task of the large guy is to respect that struggle as real, and not be contemptuous of it just because he personally has no self-esteem deficit around this issue.

    I completely agree with you that difference in size "shouldn't" matter as much as it does, and that all of us have so much more to our personas than our dick sizes. Large or small, we all want to be appreciated for our whole selves. (Large guys want to be appreciated for other than the body part in question. Small guys probably would love to have the experience at least once of being pursued precisely for that body part! :-[ There are very few reverse size queens in the world... and pointing that out is one of the easy ways of debunking the stupid politically-correct notion that "we are all differently but equally attractive.")

    Back to the two challenges at the top of this posting: are they equally difficult? Honestly--I think it 's harder for the small man in this society to go from negative to positive than it is for the large man to go from super-positive to positive. But maybe they are equally difficult, and I just can't see beyond my own experience. What do you and others think?
     
  17. D_Martin van Burden

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    [quote author=View_From_Below link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#15 date=08/27/03 at 20:03:29](Large guys want to be appreciated for other than the body part in question.  Small guys probably would love to have the experience at least once of being pursued precisely for that body part![/quote]

    I don't know about that. Although some of the larger guys on here demonstrate their intelligence, wit, and charm extending beyond their genitalia, I don't think I'd give that credit to every hung guy out there in the world.

    I hate to use Meathose as an example, but since he's pretty outspoken and proud of his own size...

    Alright. I'll try to play along here.

    Imagining myself as an averagely endowed guy who happens to run into Meathose at the gym or something, I know my eyes will avert toward his meat and, more often than not, we'll probably play that "looksie" game, hoping that he won't catch me looking. On first impressions, you never know how a big guy will react to the stares; last thing I want to do is to provoke him. But in the meantime, sneaking a peek hardly arouses me or titillates me. Sure, he's way bigger than me, but I'm not into guys like that, and...

    (moving on.)

    Since Meat has demonstrated that he likes the attention and that he's willing to put on some exhibitionism for the little guys out there, he's indulging my curiosity. In fact, judging from his perspective, I'm almost willing to assume that, in showing off the goods, he's knowledgeable and satisfied in being an object -- an entertaining fantasy for those men who don't have what he has swinging between his legs.

    But in acting that way, provided that I'm insecure with my own endowment (and who wouldn't be seeing his size?), I think it's more prone to awakening feelings of inadequacy, distemperment... yes, envy...

    Not that more supportive reactions aren't possible -- I remember the thread mentioning the LPSGer who wanted to admire his big dick buddy than scorn him. I think a supportive little dick is much more uncommon, though. In that stead, men seem especially competitive when it comes to their bodies, and since a man's appearance has such a strong correlation with his masculinity per societal dictations. There's no way to be a real man than to best your peer -- if you have bigger muscles, if you can drink more, bed more women, last in the bedroom, swing a huge cock, etc.

    Big dick guys, even if they have an ego about it, are perpetually blessed with possessing that big phallus masculinity. What they haul around for some is a titillating pleasure, a stupendous fantasy come true, something to awe/admire, even fear. I don't know; maybe people expect big dicked guys to have an ego and that that expectation becomes standardized to those men. They don't care, and regardless, the big dick is a treasure. Average Joes will hardly know what that feels like -- that perpetual awe.

    That said, I think the big guy has an easier time of it because, even if he doesn't cultivate a good personality to back up his endowment, there is someone out there who will always want him for that object and nothing more. And should he get his needs fulfilled in the process, more power...
     
  18. Imported

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    H8Monga: *overhears conversation... turns... walks away...*
     
  19. Imported

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    bih20: well I went out with a bunch of friends, including this friend, it was kind of a strange situation at first, but as time went on it got better and better. We actually had a lot of fun.

    Now I mentioned before that this guy told me he was intimitaded by me. I dont get this part. First off, this was way before the penis size ever came about. So I dont see how a friend can feel intimitated just like that. Sometimes, he even seems uncomfortable or nervous talking to me.
    Is this normal between friends ? What can he feel intimitated by ?

    I could even see it maybe by being intimitated by another guy if its someone you dont know, but we know each other very well.

    I still dont know BTW if we are ok with the penis difference thing. I mean we talked, laughed, but its really hard to see if its an act or not.
     
  20. Imported

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    throb919: Maybe I just don't get it. I read what y'all are saying and your points are well-made. For me, it's the same whether it's a friend or a stranger at the gym:

    My self-esteem is not affected by the size of YOUR penis.

    I don't see how your (maybe even w-a-y) bigger dick could affect our friendship. If we're friends, I'm not likely to see it in action or marvel at the magic tricks it can do. And if you tell me about your sexual exploits...so? It's still your dick doing your thing. Great! Attaboy! How can that possbily make me feel insecure or inferior...? If you're a stranger at the gym, other than possibly giving you that often-discussed-hereabouts appreciative nod, how is your big dick of any real consequence to me? I'm more likely to admire the hard work you've put in on your muscles, and as suggested above, that's a real accomplishment.

    Intimidated by your dick? Sorry, I just don't get it.
     
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