Can comparing ruin friendships ?

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View_From_Below: deleted duplicate posting.  [don't know how it came to be.]  

second edit:
rats. when i deleted what i thought was a duplicate posting (top of a new page) it turned out to be only one posting, but showing up on the bottom of one page and again on the top of the next. So now it's gone completely. I'm even mentioning it because it's a strange bug in the program and others might make the same mistake.

VFB

 

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sudas: I also don't understand why your friend should be intimidated. The only time he should feel intimidated is if your relationship involves sex.

Maybe he thinks he's in a pissing contest with you.
Maybe his girlfriend asked him to ask you and he doesn't like her reaction.
Sometimes swingers or wife-swappers have a problem when the same sex is larger (breasts or penis) or more orgasmic (or capable of giving more orgasms). This results in a natural selection, making swingers disproportionately well-endowed.

I believe the well-endowed have an advantage for attracting crotch-watching, easy women. But sometimes one with the standard model can better understand, smooth-talk, and sexually pleasure a less-forward woman. Meanwhile the guy with the larger penis is shy and inexperienced. In this case the confident guy has no problem regarding size of his friend.

Now if you bring it up all the time, whiz with the door open, or whip it out at parties or something then you are what's known as insufferable.

 

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jackinman: [quote author=bih20 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#18 date=08/28/03 at 08:41:16]
Now I mentioned before that this guy told me he was intimitaded by me. I dont get this part. First off, this was way before the penis size ever came about. So I dont see how a friend can feel intimitated just like that. Sometimes, he even seems uncomfortable or nervous talking to me.
Is this normal between friends ? What can he feel intimitated by ?

I could even see it maybe by being intimitated by another guy if its someone you dont know, but we know each other very well.

I still dont know BTW if we are ok with the penis difference thing. I mean we talked, laughed, but its really hard to see if its an act or not.

[/quote]

Well bih20, maybe you can help us out a little as to why he may be intimidated.....are you better looking than him, are you more muscular than him, do you own a nicer car than him, are you smarter than him, do you attend a better school than him, is it easier for you to get dates.....
.........so on and so on... situations like those makes some people uncomfortable.
I know what you're going though buddy, because I've been in you shoes many times. I've had many friends over my life time that have been intimidated by me, and in the end, it always turned out to be their low-self esteem.

If he's a real friend he'll stay with you, if not, oh well, it'll be his lost. I'm glad to hear that you're talking at least, maybe he'll come around.

 

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bih20: I was hoping you guys had the answer to that.

Basically, i'm the jock and he's the really good student.
I'm not a bad student either, average, about 70% student, while he is in the mid 80's, more.

We play a lot of sports and I can play any sport really well.

Now as I wrote this though, just remembering back and he said this even before we really started playing sports or anything.

Looks wise: I think both of us are fairly good looking.
I am taller and more athleticly built. He is fairly short, very skinny but still fairly good looking though.

So I really dont know.

The looks could be it since this was said way before we saw the differences in sports, penis size or anything else.

My question then is why ?

Is it normal to feel intimitated by another friends looks ?

I mean I dont see why. You might be intimitated by girls for the obvious reasons but you should be comfortable with your friends.

Thanks


BTW, We are both 18, and we are single. So no swapping or anything going on.

 

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jackinman: [quote author=bih20 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#23 date=08/29/03 at 08:01:30]
Basically, i'm the jock and he's the really good student.
I'm not a bad student either, average, about 70% student, while he is in the mid 80's, more.

We play a lot of sports and I can play any sport really well.

Now as I wrote this though, just remembering back and he said this even before we really started playing sports or anything.

Looks wise: I think both of us are fairly good looking.
I am taller and more athleticly built. He is fairly short, very skinny but still fairly good looking though.

So I really dont know.

The looks could be it since this was said way before we saw the differences in sports, penis size or anything else.

My question then is why ?

Is it normal to feel intimitated by another friends looks ?

I mean I dont see why. You might be intimitated by girls for the obvious reasons but you should be comfortable with your friends.

Thanks
[/quote]

Yes it is normal and very common for one guy to feel intimidated by another guys looks. As to why....well, that's not so easy to answer. It can be many many reasons. You mentioned that you think both of you are fairly good looking, well he may not think so. He's probably gone into his low self-esteem and jealousy mode. I don't know how close you two are, but if this is bothering that much than just try and talk to him face to face. Confront him with your concerns and see what he says. I'm pretty sure you have more important things going on in your life right now that has bigger concerns. He needs to deal with those issues not you. You just go on being yourself and don't change for anybody.

Again I hope it works out for you buddy, if not don't worry about man, your 18 years old and you have a whole life ahead of you, enjoy it man.

 

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Longhornjok: I can see how maybe he would envy you, but if he literally is avoiding you now because he knows your penis is 2" bigger than his, then he, as they say, has issues. It's an interesting question, though. I wonder if he would have reacted the same way if he learned your IQ was 10 points higher than his. Actually, probably not, since Marilyn vos Savant is the only woman who would care.

 

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aj2181: I totally understand why your friend would feel that way. I think that it comes down to the asumption that bigger is better, an asumption that so many make. I think that he shouldn't base his self-worth on that and shouldn't take his "averageness" out on you by avoiding you, that's not cool.

In high school I played on the basketball team with many of my friends and we all saw eachother in the showers. It wasn't long before they started making comments and jokes about me, and it wasn't long before my size became public. Some guys had a problem with it and some didn't. That's just the way it is.

If your friend has a problem leave him to it. Lifes too short to worry about silly stuff like that.

 

[jonb]

[quote author=Longhornjok link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#25 date=08/29/03 at 22:10:01]I can see how maybe he would envy you, but if he literally is avoiding you now because he knows your penis is 2" bigger than his, then he, as they say, has issues. It's an interesting question, though. I wonder if he would have reacted the same way if he learned your IQ was 10 points higher than his. Actually, probably not, since Marilyn vos Savant is the only woman who would care.  [/quote]
Or Maria Montessori.

Most psychologists actually don't care about IQ any more. Ever since Cyril Burt's hoax, it's become taboo.

 

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meathose10: [quote author=DeeBlackthorne link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=0#16 date=08/27/03 at 21:30:41]

I don't know about that.  Although some of the larger guys on here demonstrate their intelligence, wit, and charm extending beyond their genitalia, I don't think I'd give that credit to every hung guy out there in the world.  

[ I hate to use Meathose as an example, but since he's pretty outspoken and proud of his own size...]
Feel free - smirking or not. You know , maybe I've had unusually positive reactions overall to "being a winner in the size lottery" as VFW puts it. When friends discover my size - and make no mistake , I DO enjoy showing them (in my shy , inadvertant way...) - I generally meet with a kind of emotional thumbs-up response. Usually some version of "Damn!" with a headshake and grin. I feel congratulated , not scorned. And I have never had a friendship suffer because I'm a great deal more endowed than a another man. If anything, the intimacy such obvious disparity brings about just by it's blunt reality can lead to a deeper male bond. Guys want to know what it's like to weild so much cockflesh. So we all gather round the campfire and I entertain them with my round the clock fucksploits......
No , no....I'm a little self-conscious about this boastful reputation I seem to have acquired. I'm proud I'm well-endowed. It feels good having all this weight tug down from my groin. I like it. And so do plenty of others. But it's not at all like I swagger about lording it over all those who fall beneath me in The Great Penis Size Heirarchy. It's just there.

Alright.  I'll try to play along here.

Imagining myself as an averagely endowed guy who happens to run into Meathose at the gym or something, I know my eyes will avert toward his meat and, more often than not, we'll probably play that "looksie" game, hoping that he won't catch me looking.  On first impressions, you never know how a big guy will react to the stares; last thing I want to do is to provoke him.  But in the meantime, sneaking a peek hardly arouses me or titillates me.  Sure, he's way bigger than me, but I'm not into guys like that, and...

(moving on.)

[Since Meat has demonstrated that he likes the attention and that he's willing to put on some exhibitionism for the little guys out there, he's indulging my curiosity.  In fact, judging from his perspective, I'm almost willing to assume that, in showing off the goods, he's knowledgeable and satisfied in being an object -- an entertaining fantasy for those men who don't have what he has swinging between his legs.]
Yep. If I enter a crowded steamroom with my thick flopper I'm well-aware of the wide-eyed appraisals. Some guys stare openly , others do that guilty sideways glance thing. Oddly , the guys with the smallest penises seem to be the most admiring and least threatened. Those of average size seem to show distress.

I'm trying the quote thing for the first time. I'm going to post this and see if I did it right before I go on...

But in acting that way, provided that I'm insecure with my own endowment (and who wouldn't be seeing his size?), I think it's more prone to awakening feelings of inadequacy, distemperment... yes, envy...

Not that more supportive reactions aren't possible -- I remember the thread mentioning the LPSGer who wanted to admire his big dick buddy than scorn him.  I think a supportive little dick is much more uncommon, though.  In that stead, men seem especially competitive when it comes to their bodies, and since a man's appearance has such a strong correlation with his masculinity per societal dictations.  There's no way to be a real man than to best your peer -- if you have bigger muscles, if you can drink more, bed more women, last in the bedroom, swing a huge cock, etc.

Big dick guys, even if they have an ego about it, are perpetually blessed with possessing that big phallus masculinity.  What they haul around for some is a titillating pleasure, a stupendous fantasy come true, something to awe/admire, even fear.  I don't know; maybe people expect big dicked guys to have an ego and that that expectation becomes standardized to those men.  They don't care, and regardless, the big dick is a treasure.  Average Joes will hardly know what that feels like -- that perpetual awe.  

That said, I think the big guy has an easier time of it because, even if he doesn't cultivate a good personality to back up his endowment, there is someone out there who will always want him for that object and nothing more.  And should he get his needs fulfilled in the process, more power...

[/quote]

 

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meathose10: OK. I'm an idiot. Sorry. I was trying to quote PARTS of Dee's post - didn't mean to just quote the whole thing...

Feel free to quote me though Dee ,smirking or not. You know , maybe I've had unusually positive reactions overall to "being a winner in the size lottery" as VFB puts it. When friends discover my size - and make no mistake , I DO enjoy showing them (in my shy , inadvertant way...) - I generally meet with a kind of emotional thumbs-up response. Usually some version of "Damn!" with a headshake and grin. I feel congratulated , not scorned. And I have never had a friendship suffer because I'm a great deal more endowed than another man. If anything, the intimacy such obvious disparity brings about just by it's blunt reality can lead to a deeper male bond. Guys want to know what it's like to weild so much cockflesh. So we all gather round the campfire and I entertain them with my round- the- clock fuck and sucksploits......
No , no....I'm a little self-conscious about this boastful reputation I seem to have acquired. I AM proud I'm well-endowed. It feels good having all this weight tug down from my groin. I like it. And so do plenty of others. But it's not at all like I swagger about lording it over all those who fall beneath me in The Great Penis Size Heirarchy. It's just there. But I do I enjoy the admiration. Sometimes to the point of involuntary arousal . And I notice other guys get that way too - like yard dogs.
And hell , now that you mention it , I DO like the thought that I might be entertaining a fantasy for guys who don't have what I do slung between their legs.
When I enter a crowded steamroom with my thick flopper I'm well-aware of the wide-eyed appraisals. Some guys stare openly , others do that guilty sideways glance thing. Oddly , the guys with the smallest penises seem to be the most openly awed and least threatened. Those of average size seem to show distress. Which brings me to thoughts of envy.
I think there are two types of envy - the resentful , angry kind based on lack, or fear. And desirous envy, which shows itself as wishful and encouraging. I've had a few friends who some would say had 'inferior penis-size'. But our friendships were never damaged by this fact. Luckily for me they were not bitter because " their friend has this very desirable attribute and they don't", as I think VFB wrote.Instead , my size was the springboard for a great deal of humor and a sort of back-slapping envy. I felt like a hero. Yep, I've got a big streak of exhibitionism in me , but it has never run anybody off. No one bends the voyeur's arm. (And it's not like I wag the thing in baby strollers...) If someone isn't interested I wouldn't even know , would I?

I could write a while on this one , and probably will, but I'm bummed about the quote thing and it's late - hopefully I didn't make the same mistake twice. Thanks Dee - Food and Fuel for thought.

 

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awellhungboi: You're not an idiot, meathose, it just takes some practice. (Hope y'all don't mind if I post offtopic for a second)

If you want to quote multiple times, hit the 'quote' button on the post you want to refer to. In this case I'll use your last post, meathose.

You'll see in the text box something that looks like this:

quote author=meathose10 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#29 date=09/01/03 at 00:29:06

in brackets.

Cut n paste this handy tag into wordpad, and then just use it after typing quote. Close with /quote (both in brackets)

So you can do this, cutting and pasting relevent sections from the person you're quoting:

[quote author=meathose10 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#29 date=09/01/03 at 00:29:06]
 
  Feel free to quote me though Dee ,smirking or not. [/quote]

Then, here would go whatever you wished to add. In my case, usually pointless word play.

Then just repeat the tag

quote author=meathose10 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#29 date=09/01/03 at 00:29:06

with the quote brackets

[quote author=meathose10 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#29 date=09/01/03 at 00:29:06]
    Thanks Dee - Food and Fuel for thought.[/quote]

And voila! I think Dee might have written a clearer faq about this in the administrative section, as well. So don't be bummed. I played around with it for a while before I figured it out.

(Oh, and p.s. you make some good points in your post!)

 

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bih20: Just an update for you guys:

I'm at the point right now where I dont care anymore.

He doesn't message me when we are on MSN or anything and then acts all normal and puts on an act when we are together somewhere.

I know for a fact he is using another one of my friends just for his brain.

Like this other friend would ask him to go to a movie with him and he would repeadetley say no.
But this guy would always copy work because my other friends always get perfect in everything he does.
So most of this guys marks are a result of my other friend.

There is just no respect there.

For a long time I have always been fair and most of my other friends have been the same way.

When we aren't meeting one on one but just chatting over MSN, my other friends and I will message each other, not caring who it is, just to check on what we are doing and if we are ok, thats what friends do, but not this guy.

I'll message a friend one time, and then another friend remembers that and next time I come on they message me and ask me etc.

This guy seems to only message me and my other friends when he needs something.
BTW he was a loner before I met him and introduced him to all my other friends and then he became friends with them to.

Anyways thanks for the help guys. This guy obviously had problems way before this, not sure exactly what, but the penis size thing may have made it even worse.

 

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jackinman: [quote author=bih20 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#31 date=09/03/03 at 15:37:40]Just an update for you guys:

I'm at the point right now where I dont care anymore.

He doesn't message me when we are on MSN or anything and then acts all normal and puts on an act when we are together somewhere.

I know for a fact he is using another one of my friends just for his brain.

This guy seems to only message me and my other friends when he needs something.
BTW he was a loner before I met him and introduced him to all my other friends and then he became friends with them to.

Anyways thanks for the help guys. This guy obviously had problems way before this, not sure exactly what, but the penis size thing may have made it even worse.
[/quote]

Thanks for the update bih20 and I'm glad you're going to move on. He was a loner and now he's a freeloader, so forget him buddy.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I don't know. At this point, I feel bad for the guy. I think he's beating himself up too much over things he can't control, and the tensions thereof seem to spill over a bit too forcefully into his relationships with people.

It's a good thing that you're refusing to involve yourself in a pretty destructive and unfulfilling friendship; I don't think anybody could handle something like that for too long. He's still young and I hope that this distance will make him a little more self-aware, or at least open to self-examination. People can nag on him or push him away as much as they want; he won't get it until he's ready to perceive himself that way.

In the meantime, and I know this sounds a little self-depricating -- but maybe he needs to find another average Joe in the dick department and maybe that'll relieve some insecurity. Maybe he'll meet another seemingly frustrated or isolated guy and they'll bond over something. Comic books. Who the fuck knows.

 

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jackinman: [quote author=DeeBlackthorne link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#33 date=09/03/03 at 22:23:26]I don't know. At this point, I feel bad for the guy. I think he's beating himself up too much over things he can't control, and the tensions thereof seem to spill over a bit too forcefully into his relationships with people.
[/quote]

I'm with you Dee, in a way you have to feel a little sorry for the guy. He's probably going to have many problems with relationships later on and will become a loner again.
But bih20 is doing the right thing, just move on.

 

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meathose10: Other men appraise a guy with an exceptionally large penis. Always. ("I really didn't notice." being a particularly amusing lie...) It's too bad certain men let this superior size effect them psychologically. Like bih20's friend. Easy for me to say maybe , but again - I have enjoyed good friendships with guys that are less than sufficiently endowed. I think the most common statement I hear involves the buddy flat-out wishing he had my size. It is said without resentment - just stated as fact.
I was thinking there is often a tug-of-war as regards huge endowment between intimidation and appreciation . If a guy compares, he could feel intimidated , lacking , not as much of a man. But the one who says "I wish that was mine" is voicing admiration. To admit that , I think, shows he is accepting of his own smaller size and can appreciate the extra weight his friend is hauling around. The intimidated guy keeps quiet - but obsesses. He thinks: "It's unfair!" The admirer says : "That's impressive!" and moves on.
How much 'enlarge your penis' spam do you guys get? Bigger must be more desirable. I know I get plenty of attention. And sure , Dee , I'm willing to be objectified. For a while anyhow. I know there's more to me than a big dick. And I won't shame the size queen. Ever. Even you , Dee , use expressions like "big phallus masculinity" and "the big dick is a treasure......perpetual awe."
Oh ,how I love that gulping awe!
And if my size sends a pal running , so be it. I am certain it involes his issues. I'm sure as hell not pointing my finger between his legs and guffawing.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

[quote author=meathose10 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#35 date=09/04/03 at 21:34:47]Even you , Dee , use expressions like "big phallus masculinity" and "the big dick is a treasure......perpetual awe."[/quote]

Of course. I think I would be lying if I didn't realize that, to some effect, that mythos about men and masculinity is a standard holding true even today. The dick is a literal measuring-stick that "separates the men from the boys," makes someone a "real man," makes (women) fall to their knees in approval. Yeah, the good lot of us know that that's simply a social construction -- tying masculinity to the phallus, that a dick isn't what makes a man as such. But again, if large dicks were more commonplace or even if society didn't make such a grand deal of it, we wouldn't react that way. And we wouldn't have people like Bih's friend react in such strange and upsetting ways.

But don't get me wrong, Meat. Those phrases reflect social standards. And sure I might give that affirmative nod to another hung guy, but it's not a big deal.

[quote author=meathose10 link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#35 date=09/04/03 at 21:34:47]And if my size sends a pal running , so be it. I am certain it involves his issues. I'm sure as hell not pointing my finger between his legs and guffawing.[/quote]

Thankfully so... of course, you could be that jackass who prances about the locker room, dick flopping, and telling the other guys they wish they had that much horsemeat.

I wouldn't go so far as to insist that every well-endowed men everywhere demonstrate enough psychological sensitivity to not harp on their own size or to expose themselves in a way to make the little guys feel bad for what they've got. Truth is, that's not very feasible; we all (usually) get naked in the locker room and see each other, and unlike Gig., it may not be feasible or very efficient to just hightail it out of the room, stink on the way home, and shower later. Those examples are quite the un-norm.

But, hell, if these insecurity issues keep reforming themselves in men across the board -- it makes me wonder how long it will take for them to realize that size doesn't matter. Granted, you'll always have those people who insist on 8 or more in the sack, and that's fine; that's your choice. But I keep hearing more women admit, and quite readily so than otherwise, that size, while it's a nice benefit, isn't a prerequisite.

And the after-effects?

How far will women (or men) have to go to prove their own sensitivity to their mates?

 

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meathose10: I think size matters more to men than women. I've seen women wince at the prospect more than a few times....Our OWN size matters , at any rate. Fuck, I'll be honest - I DO think bigger is better. Hopefully I'd think size didn't matter if MINE didn't matter. And I'm not one of those jackasses yapping outloud about his huge cock. (Except here , lol...) I never say a word about it. Ever. I don't need to.
What do you think VFB meant by "pathologically huge"? Cracked me up.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Hmmmm. Maybe the "pathologically huge" guys get such a strain from having a grossly large and unmanageable/infeasible endowment, that there's no way in hell to get any sense of joy about it. It would be a dick on elephantitis, I'm guessing. Or some of these 14", 15", 16", 17" guys around here.

But you said something that gave you way, that "size wouldn't matter if MINE didn't matter." Why should yours matter? Or mine? Or most of the guys on here? We don't have to entertain people with the 'size doesn't matter' line because we don't have a size issue to worry about; we're big, end of story. Joe Schmoe with a 6er doesn't get that "innate blessing," I guess you could call it; he lost the crap shoot.

But you're right -- the size thing seems to affect men more than women. Hell, women have plenty other things to be concerned about, sexual attraction included. What's worse is that we can't do a simple appraisal of a vagina. There's no "how big it is," and the only way you're studying its depth in any depth (pun city, mwa hahaa!) is if you're in the sack. Women come as a "full package" for appraisal, and not that men don't, but rather that women have a disproportionately critical gaze placed upon them.

 

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H8Monga: [quote author=DeeBlackthorne link=board=relationships;num=1061835166;start=20#38 date=09/04/03 at 22:45:38]Hmmmm.  Maybe the "pathologically huge" guys get such a strain from having a grossly large and unmanageable/infeasible endowment, that there's no way in hell to get any sense of joy about it.  It would be a dick on elephantitis, I'm guessing.  Or some of these 14", 15", 16", 17" guys around here.

But you said something that gave you way, that "size wouldn't matter if MINE didn't matter."  Why should yours matter?  Or mine?  Or most of the guys on here?  We don't have to entertain people with the 'size doesn't matter' line because we don't have a size issue to worry about; we're big, end of story.  Joe Schmoe with a 6er doesn't get that "innate blessing," I guess you could call it; he lost the crap shoot.

But you're right -- the size thing seems to affect men more than women.  Hell, women have plenty other things to be concerned about, sexual attraction included.  What's worse is that we can't do a simple appraisal of a vagina.  There's no "how big it is," and the only way you're studying its depth in any depth (pun city, mwa hahaa!) is if you're in the sack.   Women come as a "full package" for appraisal, and not that men don't, but rather that women have a disproportionately critical gaze placed upon them.

[/quote]

I lost the crap shoot! Shoot! Crap!

*gives Dee thumbs up for that reply*