Understood. I thought it was more one sided than usual coming from you. I should have known you weren't just seeing one side of it, but there's so much negativity out there about it, I think I jump into defensive mode automatically.
That's cool! :smile:
I should have written a disclaimer to make it clear that I wasn't criticizing just anyone who is into BDSM to avoid this sort of misunderstanding, and to avoid biasing anyone who doesn't know much about BDSM who reads what I wrote.
Agreed. There have got to be a few. On a less extreme level you see plenty of so-called 'Doms' who think 'yay, this BDSM stuff means I get to have total control over a chick and she'll do anything I want' and don't get what it's really about at all. They scare me quite enough. But their presence indicates the presence of more extreme forms of the same kind of thinking.
I've noticed those guys! Yeah, there are a few of them. I think most of those guys are just sexist jerks who don't get it at all.
No limits is fucking terrifying. That means they can literally do ANYTHING and you've given consent. Gives me the heebies.
Not everyone in the community plays responsibly and it gives me the heebies, too! I've noticed a certain social phenomenon on FetLife that probably contributes a lot. There seems to be a culture of machismo amongst the masochists and submissives, a competitiveness about who will go further, who trusts their top more, who will play in riskier ways, etc. I don't know why anyone would feel like it's a competition to be the most extreme, but it seems like a lot of subs think it is.
I agree. Even in my fantasies there is someone I know and trust involved and PRESENT at all times (although I might not know he is present). Once total strangers are involved, logic-brain comes into play.
That's really good to hear! I knew that you weren't the type to make unintelligent choices about how you like to play.
It's sort of like having sex without a condom. We might find it more satisfying, but there's enough real risk involved that we should be thinking with our head instead of our genitals.
Good analogy! Yeah, I agree. Unfortunately, not everyone wants to play responsibly.
I like the term 'consensual rape'. Mine really are 'rape' fantasies, but there definitely needs to be consent . . . and limits . . . and a safety net of some kind.
I totally agree!
Thank you for writing such an in depth post. You did a fantastic job describing both sides of BDSM and 'consensual rape' (ie. the side I do and the side I DON'T like to think about). It's reminded me that there really are bad sides that should be thought about and talked about, not just pushed aside to a corner of my brain for thinking about only when necessary.
Oh, thank you!
It's hard for me not to think about the bad side when I've run across some of the images and writing on FetLife that I have. Maybe I'm being unfairly critical, but some of the things that people write and the photos that they have displayed have disturbed me and TheBF.
Remind me to tell you about "fake snuff film" guy some time.
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