Can Heterosexual Guys Love Each Other?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_HungSpermBoy, Nov 5, 2005.

  1. B_HungSpermBoy

    B_HungSpermBoy New Member

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    I haven't been online here for a while b/c I've been busy with school, but since I was I was involved in similar discussions, I wanted to start this thread.

    Do you feel that heterosexual guys can actually love, care about each other, and be affectionate with each other despite the issues of homophobia and competition?

    I've got a lot of support from people of this site about my other questions in this area, so I thought I'd just go for it, and ask this in a more direct way.

    Thanx.

    Jeff

    [​IMG]
     
  2. jonas_n_hard

    jonas_n_hard New Member

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    I think its possible. Love doesn't have to be about sex, and I believe there's many kinds of love. Since I'm Bi you might not count my opinion so I'll try to give the opinion of my straight mate.

    We've been friends for a very long time, its always been a bit competetive and we're always known to have very public play fights. We went on holiday together, I was trying to get my ex-girlfriend to come on the holiday and she wasn't buying it - so the mate came instead. Problem was - only when we checked in to the hotel did I rememeber that I'd booked a double bed and hadn't changed it! The mate didn't seem to mind. When we came back after a night of really heavy drinking I was wasted. Very wasted and went to the bathroom to be very sick. My mate was very sympathetic and caring and said that I needed a massage to make me feel better. After a while I was feeling a little too good, and as I didn't want to cross that friendship line told him I was getting turned on. Surprisingly he suggested I loose the trousers and boxers! we ended up jacking each other off and having oral sex most of the night, and again the next morning when we were both sober. As we started I set out the rules as I was really nervous about freaking out my friend 'no kissing, no oral, no anal' - and he initiatied breaking every one of them! - and here's the thing - he told me that he loved me - right in the middle of it all! I didn't answer back as I was really trying to keep my sexual feelings seperate from my friendship love for him. The next day was a bit weird and we talked about it (we were on a long road trip) and he said he didn't ever want to do that again... and we haven't.

    This friend I consider 100% hetro and I know it was a big thing for him to say he loves me - he's not that sort of guy. so - there's your answer - I think its possible but can be a bit confusing for the hetro male, in my opinion!
    Oh - and becuause its 'this' forum - this friend was the most well hung man I've seen in the flesh! [​IMG] So its ruled out the typical "I've got a bigger dick than you' type macho banter!

    Jonas
     
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Absolutely. A man who hasn't had a friend that he loves like a brother has missed out on true friendship.
     
  4. spl98006

    spl98006 New Member

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    Yeah, I think it's possible. But it takes a while to build up, just like any true form of love.

    As far as the whole competitive thing - maybe what helps build that kind of friendship / brotherly love is shared competition. In other words, the two of you competing together, against a common challenge.

    That challenge need not be another person. When I went to college, I majored in a very tough department. I had a good friend that I met in my first week of freshman year who wound up majoring in the same subject as me. We spent a lot of time studying together and helping each other out, class after class, semester after semester - in addition to hanging out and doing all the usual buddy things. By senior year, I realized that I loved him - not in a sexual way at all (I didn't even think of myself as gay back then) - but in the way you described, because we had grown up together and had these shared experiences.

    This happens in warfare all the time - and yeah, I know that's a sensitive topic for you, but it's also the one where I've most often heard of this kind of bond between straight guys happening. Soldiers in the same unit who have been through combat together, looked out for one another, maybe even saved each others' lives, will develop the kind of love for each other that you're talking about.

    I remember reading a story about a bunch of guys who came back from France after WW2 with a bottle of cognac. They all made a deal that the last one alive would get to open & drink the bottle. If I recall correctly, after the 3rd-to-last one died, the other two agreed to open it and share it with each other. This was 50 years later...

    It may also be an age thing, come to think of it. Those soldiers and my college buddy and I were all in that 18-22 age bracket... maybe that's just the age at which guys are most able to form those kinds of relationships with each other. I remember going to my college's Reunions last summer and seeing my cousin's class, who were celebrating their 40th Reunion, partying like they were undergrads again, and thinking, wow, that's some serious bonding.
     
  5. B_Jeremy

    B_Jeremy New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Pecker &#064; Nov 5 2005, 09&#58;14 PM) [post=358473]Quoted post[/post]</div><div class='quotemain'>
    Absolutely. A man who hasn&#39;t had a friend that he loves like a brother has missed out on true friendship.
    [/b][/quote]


    I&#39;m an only child so this rings true to me, some of my buds I&#39;ll love like brothers till the day we die. We&#39;re close and we know it.
     
  6. panthera

    panthera New Member

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    Of course it is possible. Heterosexuality is not nearly the incredibly rigid code of conduct which it has come to be in the US, but merely a description of a form of sexuality. Outside of the absurd corset which American men are forced into there is a whole range of behaviours possible and natural.
    Just look at the amount of between physical contact between straight men in southern Europe (a place where machismo makes the Mexican version look limp wristed) [​IMG] .
    Or all the sagas of comrads taking great risks to help each other.
    I had no idea that there were so many different ways to "be" until I had travelled for a while.
    One thing I have noticed. I know of many straight men who have very close gay friends over here in Europe; something I seldom saw in the US. Could imagine this is tougher there then here.
     
  7. jonb

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    Once you understand just how many types of emotions we classify under &#39;love&#39;, then, yes, he can.
     
  8. prepstudinsc

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    Not only CAN we love other guys, we SHOULD love other guys. It doesn&#39;t have to be a sexual love, we should have a friend that is like a brother that we can love in a "filios" way. It&#39;s healthy and natural. Society has told us it&#39;s wrong, that we need to repress our emotions. I think that&#39;s all garbage. Humans need to have bonding with others and friends can and should be intimate on non-sexual levels.
     
  9. 14x8thck

    14x8thck Member

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    Absolutley I met my best friend when we were both four-teen years old. That summer we went to visit friends of my family in Denmark. When we wer six-teen we went to the 1976 Olympics and had a blast we both liked the same events. Taht was the first time I saw greg Louganis on a diving board and said to myself what a talent and deffinetly gay. When we both left for College at 18 he went to Penn State and I went to University Of Penna. miles apart. We met the morning that we were to leave smoked a joint and told each other how we felt about our friendship. We both told each other that we loved each other and when we drove away to go back to our own homes we later tod each other that we were dying inside. I remeber it vividly, and on the radio was a song that to this day still makes me cry sometimes. Chicagos song "Wishing you were here".
    A bit more than 25 year later we still talk twice a week visit even though we are on oppisite coasts and can still almsot finish each others sentences. When we say " SO LONG" after a visit we always give each other a huge hug and kiss each other on the neck. The friendship has endured because of honesty, being and treating each other like equals and mutual respect. I wish that every man could drop there gaurd and be able to be open to share the intimacy of a great friendship. He has always known that I was gay and nothing has ever happened betwen us. i was his best man at his wedding. We have slept naked in the same bed together and joked around about it, worked out together, gone skinny dipping and anything else that two good friends could have possibly done over a lifetime.
    I would feel a great loss if I knew I could not pick up the phone just to say hello&#33;

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Wave

    Wave Member

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    Anyone can love anyone in a platonic way if the conditions are right, which include trust, admiration, appreciation, reciprocity, honor, virtue, benevolence, and lack of fear. It&#39;s a beautiful thing and much of the world&#39;s literature and mythology is occupied with the subject.

    "Greater love has no man than this: that a man lays down his life for his friend."--Jesus
     
  11. B_HungSpermBoy

    B_HungSpermBoy New Member

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    These have all been cool posts to my thread. I&#39;ve spoken on this group about my best friend. We&#39;ve known each other since we were in grade school. We&#39;re both from families where we don&#39;t have brothers, so I think we adopted each other as brothers when we were pretty young & our friendship has continued now that we&#39;re in college. I sense an intense emotional connection with one another that sometimes feels like we&#39;re twins. Like we know what each other are feeling. Thanx for the comments.
     
  12. jonb

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(prepstudinsc &#064; Nov 6 2005, 09&#58;09 PM) [post=358783]Quoted post[/post]</div><div class='quotemain'>
    Not only CAN we love other guys, we SHOULD love other guys. It doesn&#39;t have to be a sexual love, we should have a friend that is like a brother that we can love in a "filios" way. It&#39;s healthy and natural. Society has told us it&#39;s wrong, that we need to repress our emotions. I think that&#39;s all garbage. Humans need to have bonding with others and friends can and should be intimate on non-sexual levels.
    [/b][/quote]
    Very true. It&#39;s the old saying, "Bros before hos.", meaning that your friends are more important than a relationship.

    Western culture focuses on individual advancement so much that agape, storge, xenia, and philia are thrown out the window, except when they&#39;re convenient. (A politician might invoke agape or xenia to justify imperialistic policies, or storge to distract from those same policies.)
     
  13. LuckyLuke

    LuckyLuke New Member

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    To address the thread topic question... "yes".

    A famous example is the friendship of Montaigne and La Boetia. Allan Bloom addresses this specific topic in his last book "Love & Friendship". A brilliant and ground-breaking book.

    These are two accomplished gentlemen who quite emphatically &#39;loved each other&#39; more than any other, yet the relationship cannot be construed as anything but &#39;non-sexual&#39;.

    Btw, Montaigne is the author of "The Spirit of the Laws", a major contribution to Enlightenment thinking.
     
  14. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I agree with the guys who say it is possible....I didn't think it was until probably the last 2 years....I hang out with a group of 10 straight guys and it is weird because I am not use to (straight) guys being so loving and expressing that....I mean these guys always hung and even kiss on the neck and tell how we love each other everynight....I mean if I didn't know these guys so well, I would swear they are hitting on me....Weird all these guys would be considered really good looking but it not really a competition thing between us....It is really understood if one of us likes a girl first, the others do everything they can to help our bro out....It is great for me because I grew up in a family that wasn't very affectionate so I see what I have been missing....And it is crazy because I think we have all gotten a little too comfortable with each other because we are all a little too touchy feely with each other, stripping in front of each other or casually taking pisses in front of each other, but everyone is so comfortable with their sexuality that it works and all our lady friends are cool with it....

    Prime example that threw for a loop the other day....I had these jeans but never paid attention that I have a bulge in (which I consider myself average), but my male friends kept playfully brushing their hand against the bulge laughing how noticeable it was and grabbing my arse all night....Crazy thing is because I know how close we all are I didn't even think anything sexual of it at all....It could be that everyone in the group is so cultural diverse and either European or very world traveled so all these guys are a little eccentric which I love....American male can get caught up in the macho perception they feel they need to keep up....

    Funny we have had this conversations recently that we are all too close and jokingly that we are all gay but just not into having sex with guys....These guys are the most genuine, sensitive and caring guys I have ever met and with their looks, success and wealth - you would not think they would be....So I am a huge fan of close hetrosexual male relationships....I feel closer to some of these guys than my own brother....I mean we have made pacts that no matter what how lame or non-masculine a problem that you want to talk about, no judgements will be made and we have to be there for each other no matter what or when....I mean one my friends is having female problems and I stayed home from work because he asked me to hang out with him all day because he could stop thinking about this girl and couldn't go to work....That is the kind of friends we are....As crazy as I thought he was for getting so much into a chick as his was, I respected his feeling and he knows we are always there for each other....
     
  15. Matthew

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    Het guys definitely can and do love each other despite the "homophobia and competition" as HSB put it. But I bet it feels even better and more fulfilling if you can develop a form of love that transcends homophobia, competition and the other fucked up shit that society teaches us should be part of men's friendships.
     
  16. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    That's so true and even though it is kind of weird, it is really nice to have a tight bond with a male....I mean we guys have exposed all our insecuritities to each other and respect each other more than ridicule....I am still kind of getting use to it but love that I can call up a friend anytime and they will be there for me and be supportive....It is much different than talking to a girlfriend....
     
  17. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    Here's my story... I sponsored a few exchange student years ago and one of them came from Germany for one year high school stay in the US. I was about 35 at the time and he was 18. We got along like father and son for the year and there was NEVER EVER anything sexual during that time. We've remained friends since then (15 years) and grown closer and closer. I came out and he stood by me and loved me unconditionally. I've stood in his wedding and was there when his grandfather died. We have talked openly about this and concluded that we do, in fact, love one another. Still no sexual contact either. My friends think it's the best thing they've ever seen that two men can be so close to one another. He tells people that we meet together that he loves me. He's completely at home in his skin - something most straight men cannot claim.
     
  18. fortiesfun

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    That's very cool. Well worth reviving an old thread for.
     
  19. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    It's sad that western society has put so many boundaries on male friendships. In some countries, they can walk arm in arm. When they meet, they hug, and kiss each others cheek. I wish we were more free like that. I know I could use a whole lot more bear hugs.
     
  20. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    I've told heterosexual male friends and family members before that I loved them and had that sentiment returned. Hugs were sometimes involved.
     
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