Can i trust my boyfriend?
- Thread starter silvergirl
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Your b/f. Lives in another country. He's married. The maid is throwing it at him.
He's cheating with your, Now! Can he be trusted there is not question. All the red flags are waving. You're one of those flags.
He's cheating with your, Now! Can he be trusted there is not question. All the red flags are waving. You're one of those flags.
Internet Chinese Whispers!
The OP isn't married.
Her boyfriend responded in a Facebook thread made by another guy, OP read her boyfriend's response and now wonders if she can trust him as he implied that he'd bang a maid if given the opportunity.
Although his response, when taken at face value, would seem to indicate a willingness to indulge in something on the side, there's no actual evidence or proof that the OP's boyfriend has actually cheated on her.
silvergirl, we can offer advice and opinions based on common sense and personal experience or we can tell you what we think we would do if we found ourselves in that situation. But the trouble is, whatever we say or think will generally also be based on the information you give.
In a relationship, you don't often talk to people on forums about how awesome everything is when it's going perfectly. So, when something goes wrong and you're not sure how to deal with it, you offer up only the facts relating to that particular situation.
Example:
"Can I trust my boyfriend?" - Here's a list of reasons as to why I don't think I can.
Understandable, but it puts him in a negative light right from the start because we know nothing else about him other than what you've told us and, from what you've told us, it's unlikely that anyone will tell you "Oh, he sounds lovely. You have nothing to worry about".
Consider your relationship as a whole, everything that it's been and could be. Where do you see it going? Where do you want it to go? Put aside the current feelings of doubt and suspicion, how do you honestly feel about him?
In terms of trust and honesty, the subject of the pictures that you have on this site has already been brought up and you might want to think about that in relation to words, actions, implications and the behaviour of both you boyfriend and yourself.
In your words -
That says quite a lot.
What happens if you reverse that situation... Say that your boyfriend joined this site, saw your pictures and asked you about it. Would he be totally and completely fine with the answer "I put them up before we started dating." Or would he be feeling as you are now and wondering if you were playing around with the guys on this site?
Action - Your boyfriend says, on the Internet, that he'd bang a maid if given the chance.
Inaction - You didn't remove your pictures here when you started dating him.
Personally, I'd consider both of those to be examples of your boyfriend and you wanting to indulge aspects of yourselves that you wouldn't necessarily do when offline or to each other. Does he normally go around telling people that he'd casually fuck maids and do you normally stick naked pictures of yourself up around the neighbourhood?
If the answer is no, then there's obviously a difference and a reason as to why those things are more acceptable online.
Implications - By joining in the thread and agreeing that he'd bang a maid, your boyfriend is doing practically the same thing as you are by leaving your pictures up here.
He joins in with a thread on Facebook to display his virility to his peers and you display your impressive feminine attributes on a site where guys really appreciate that kind of thing.
I'm presuming that, in a way, you're both getting the same thing out of what you're doing. He gets an internet brofist for being manly and, if you're not looking for hook-ups, you get to have your physical attractiveness confirmed when anyone here shows an interest in you based on the pictures.
It would seem somewhat unfair and hypocritical to judge him for something when you are both behaving in a similar fashion. Bearing in mind that one of the potentially problematical and quite large dissimilarities is that he was a guy posting in a thread made by a guy about a pretty typical male subject whereas you're a girl with a boyfriend, who has naked pictures up on a website with a very specific user base.
Trust and honesty can be tricky things when you have standards, expectations and boundaries that you apply differently to others than you would to yourself.
Discrepancies aside, you said that he asked you to be his girlfriend rather than being friends with benefits even though you would have been fine with that. I think there's a big distinction between the two and if he asked that of you, it would point towards him wanting something a little more serious and perhaps committed.
Also, if the thread he posted in on Facebook came up in your news feed, then it's pretty damn public and unless he's totally clueless as to how Facebook works, he should realise that you might have seen it. Maybe he wanted you to see it in the hope that you'd surprise him by dressing up as a maid and offering him a raunchy cleaning session.
Maybe he didn't care about you seeing it because it was a throwaway remark, made in the spirit of masculinity and he has no intention whatsoever of actually sleeping with anyone else. Or maybe he does need to learn about privacy settings.
I don't know, no one here knows and the only way you'll find out is to ask him.
So, it's your choice now whether you want to bring up the subject or leave the whole thing alone because one casual remark made on an extremely public website would be an horribly small thing to have a possible disagreement over.
Hope it works out well for you : )
The OP isn't married.
Her boyfriend responded in a Facebook thread made by another guy, OP read her boyfriend's response and now wonders if she can trust him as he implied that he'd bang a maid if given the opportunity.
Although his response, when taken at face value, would seem to indicate a willingness to indulge in something on the side, there's no actual evidence or proof that the OP's boyfriend has actually cheated on her.
silvergirl, we can offer advice and opinions based on common sense and personal experience or we can tell you what we think we would do if we found ourselves in that situation. But the trouble is, whatever we say or think will generally also be based on the information you give.
In a relationship, you don't often talk to people on forums about how awesome everything is when it's going perfectly. So, when something goes wrong and you're not sure how to deal with it, you offer up only the facts relating to that particular situation.
Example:
"Can I trust my boyfriend?" - Here's a list of reasons as to why I don't think I can.
Understandable, but it puts him in a negative light right from the start because we know nothing else about him other than what you've told us and, from what you've told us, it's unlikely that anyone will tell you "Oh, he sounds lovely. You have nothing to worry about".
Consider your relationship as a whole, everything that it's been and could be. Where do you see it going? Where do you want it to go? Put aside the current feelings of doubt and suspicion, how do you honestly feel about him?
In terms of trust and honesty, the subject of the pictures that you have on this site has already been brought up and you might want to think about that in relation to words, actions, implications and the behaviour of both you boyfriend and yourself.
In your words -
That says quite a lot.
What happens if you reverse that situation... Say that your boyfriend joined this site, saw your pictures and asked you about it. Would he be totally and completely fine with the answer "I put them up before we started dating." Or would he be feeling as you are now and wondering if you were playing around with the guys on this site?
Action - Your boyfriend says, on the Internet, that he'd bang a maid if given the chance.
Inaction - You didn't remove your pictures here when you started dating him.
Personally, I'd consider both of those to be examples of your boyfriend and you wanting to indulge aspects of yourselves that you wouldn't necessarily do when offline or to each other. Does he normally go around telling people that he'd casually fuck maids and do you normally stick naked pictures of yourself up around the neighbourhood?
If the answer is no, then there's obviously a difference and a reason as to why those things are more acceptable online.
Implications - By joining in the thread and agreeing that he'd bang a maid, your boyfriend is doing practically the same thing as you are by leaving your pictures up here.
He joins in with a thread on Facebook to display his virility to his peers and you display your impressive feminine attributes on a site where guys really appreciate that kind of thing.
I'm presuming that, in a way, you're both getting the same thing out of what you're doing. He gets an internet brofist for being manly and, if you're not looking for hook-ups, you get to have your physical attractiveness confirmed when anyone here shows an interest in you based on the pictures.
It would seem somewhat unfair and hypocritical to judge him for something when you are both behaving in a similar fashion. Bearing in mind that one of the potentially problematical and quite large dissimilarities is that he was a guy posting in a thread made by a guy about a pretty typical male subject whereas you're a girl with a boyfriend, who has naked pictures up on a website with a very specific user base.
Trust and honesty can be tricky things when you have standards, expectations and boundaries that you apply differently to others than you would to yourself.
Discrepancies aside, you said that he asked you to be his girlfriend rather than being friends with benefits even though you would have been fine with that. I think there's a big distinction between the two and if he asked that of you, it would point towards him wanting something a little more serious and perhaps committed.
Also, if the thread he posted in on Facebook came up in your news feed, then it's pretty damn public and unless he's totally clueless as to how Facebook works, he should realise that you might have seen it. Maybe he wanted you to see it in the hope that you'd surprise him by dressing up as a maid and offering him a raunchy cleaning session.
Maybe he didn't care about you seeing it because it was a throwaway remark, made in the spirit of masculinity and he has no intention whatsoever of actually sleeping with anyone else. Or maybe he does need to learn about privacy settings.
I don't know, no one here knows and the only way you'll find out is to ask him.
So, it's your choice now whether you want to bring up the subject or leave the whole thing alone because one casual remark made on an extremely public website would be an horribly small thing to have a possible disagreement over.
Hope it works out well for you : )
...well, play the game back with him...if he can go out and have girlfriends who do not know about eachother or cheat and so on...well what's stopping. I mean hell, you're on a big cock site, go find a couple big cocks to keep in your back pocket and put him on the back burner for a while.
Apologies if anyone else has pointed this out, and I might be stating the obvious, but have you thought about how your bf would feel if he knew you were a member of a forum exclusively devoted to guys with big cocks? I mean, I don't know what your motives are for being here, but I would have thought that general relationship advice and support is not your primary consideration. Perhaps you're just curious, or you just like to look at pics, but I bet my bottom dollar he would jump to conclusions and have visions of the guys on here pulling a train on you.
Bottom line is, people adopt fantasy personalities on the net, so speak to him, in person, if possible and see what he has to say for himself.
Good luck.
Bottom line is, people adopt fantasy personalities on the net, so speak to him, in person, if possible and see what he has to say for himself.
Good luck.
Enid
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