Can men and women be "just friends"?

Fred90

Loved Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2018
Posts
1,737
Media
0
Likes
544
Points
113
Location
New York (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
That was the question this man posed to college students at Utah State University. It's a rather funny video. I believe they can be "just friends", but it's much harder for young adults then older adults, in my opinion.

 

IntactMale

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 29, 2006
Posts
2,757
Media
17
Likes
7,907
Points
493
Location
Asheville (North Carolina, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
That was sort of funny. But in all seriousness, yes, men and women can be just friends. Some of my best friends are women, though most of them are lesbians which kind of clears some things up.
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,791
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
That was sort of funny. But in all seriousness, yes, men and women can be just friends. Some of my best friends are women, though most of them are lesbians which kind of clears some things up.
That was hilarious. But I agree with you, I think men and women can be friends. I’m pretty sure my male friends do not want to hook up with me. Even the straight ones. (But I’m not asking.)
 

IntactMale

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 29, 2006
Posts
2,757
Media
17
Likes
7,907
Points
493
Location
Asheville (North Carolina, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
That was hilarious. But I agree with you, I think men and women can be friends. I’m pretty sure my male friends do not want to hook up with me. Even the straight ones. (But I’m not asking.)

Just for my curiosity, if you did find out that one or some of your male friends were interested in you in that way, how would that make you feel?

I do think that men and women can be friends without other stuff getting in the way, but I have been in a situation in which I wanted to be more than friends.
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,791
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
Just for my curiosity, if you did find out that one or some of your male friends were interested in you in that way, how would that make you feel?

I do think that men and women can be friends without other stuff getting in the way, but I have been in a situation in which I wanted to be more than friends.
Probably uncomfortable. I’d likely distance myself from him. Unless I was secretly harbouring a crush, and then ‘yay’. But more than likely, uncomfortable.
 

IntactMale

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 29, 2006
Posts
2,757
Media
17
Likes
7,907
Points
493
Location
Asheville (North Carolina, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
Probably uncomfortable. I’d likely distance myself from him. Unless I was secretly harbouring a crush, and then ‘yay’. But more than likely, uncomfortable.

Cool. Thanks for the feedback.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LaFemme

stustu

Legendary Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2008
Posts
1,116
Media
0
Likes
1,722
Points
268
Location
Florida (United States)
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I think the interview tape was spot on.
Woman can see themselves having straight male friends.
Man see the relationships very different.
Woman can have a best male friend if he's gay.
Straight male can have a best female friend if she's gay.
But a straight man and straight female - very likely to end up in bed,
and then somebodies going to get hurt -
 
  • Like
Reactions: Fred90

IntactMale

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 29, 2006
Posts
2,757
Media
17
Likes
7,907
Points
493
Location
Asheville (North Carolina, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
I think the interview tape was spot on.
Woman can see themselves having straight male friends.
Man see the relationships very different.
Woman can have a best male friend if he's gay.
Straight male can have a best female friend if she's gay.
But a straight man and straight female - very likely to end up in bed,
and then somebodies going to get hurt -

I would be willing to bet that the straight male and straight female combination results in "ending up in bed" far less often than it staying platonic, usually despite the guys wishes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: twoton

stretch8888

Legendary Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2017
Posts
518
Media
0
Likes
1,790
Points
213
Location
Vancouver (British Columbia, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
This was always a topic i found interesting in a way ever since i first saw "when harry met sally". Throughout high school and my teens i had many female friends that i never slept with, never even tried, one of my best friends was a total knockout yet nothing. Then sometime around my early 20s things changed i started keeping a smaller group of friends, still had many female "friends" however given time spent together I'd consider them more so acquaintances, since then [10yrs] I've noticed the female friends that I've spent any significant amount of time with in many cases ended up in the bedroom, the ones that didn't were ultimately short lived friendships and we went our separate ways. The ones that did end up leading to the bedroom, some were mutually casual, some involved feelings either mutual or one sided. Its one of those questions that i think ends up being too simple of a question for an otherwise very dynamic situation with too many variables.
 

marriedasian

Legendary Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Posts
1,579
Media
1
Likes
2,021
Points
343
Location
Wisconsin (United States)
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
very much so can men and women just be friends.

the problem is when the man or the woman loses perspective of the friendship as a friendship-relationship and not a potential mate. the whole plight of "we started out as friends then i fell in love with him/her" is just all bullshit. the reason why that ever happens is because there was always attraction from day 1 and neither party just failed to execute on the attraction due to whatever reason (fear, professionalism, repressed the feeling, not sure about it, etc).

a lot of maintaining the relationship has to do with self-awareness. knowing what you want in a mate and not settling for what's in front of you. sometimes we will go after our "friends" because it's easy. c'mon, they're already right in front of us and we know them so let's just "take it to the next level"... big mistake! i can go on and on but i won't.

i personally have about a dozen or so girl-friends that are drop dead gorgeous but i see them as nothing more than friends. my guy-friends always give me shit for not hitting on them or why i'm not doing anything with them (and this was reality for me as well before i was married). i was fully aware of what i wanted in a woman and i wasn't gonna settle or deal with the headaches of it all. men and women are very complex creatures and most times all we do is focus on the good and not the bad. i chose to evaluate the ladies as a whole and if they didn't meet my girlfriend-wife criteria then they stayed in the friend zone and remained there since. many of them are very pretty and awesome eye candy but friends nonetheless and i won't cross that line.

it can be done if you are strong enough and independent enough as a person to know yourself fully in what you want and don't want in a friendship of the opposite sex.
 
  • Like
Reactions: strongmanxaf

jimmyjohn2018

Cherished Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2017
Posts
181
Media
4
Likes
340
Points
108
Location
Michigan (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I would say yes but I married one of my close friends... I still have other female friends from that group but I was claimed a long time ago before I worked the circuit. My other male friends, yeah they screwed all of them.
 
6

693987

Guest
That depends entirely on the individual. Some people don't seem to think with anything other than their libido. The gender of any of the people isn't the key thing. It's personality quirks and ability to be respectful that are the deciding factor. I have a pretty even distribution of male, female, and non-binary friends. They're across the spectrum as far as sexual orientation too. No issues.
 

halcyondays

Worshipped Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Posts
6,361
Media
2
Likes
10,359
Points
158
Location
US
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
All this video clip demonstrates is that the college-aged women interviewed are more selective about choosing men than the college-aged men interviewed are about choosing women.

Female mate selection is alive and well in ours and a million other species.
 

thick_

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 8, 2011
Posts
1,200
Media
124
Likes
9,766
Points
543
Location
Utah (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Yes they can, I have several women I have worked with or shared an interest in making glass art for many years, we are very good friends we go to breakfast/lunches/dinners together, I have been on trips with them. Some were married others were not. But the thing is we had something that we had a shared interest or worked together. Usually if it was outside of that my interest was in them.

Having said that I can’t say there is never a possibility of a friendship becoming more then just that. That is just unrealistic.
 

AlteredEgo

Mythical Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2006
Posts
19,176
Media
37
Likes
26,249
Points
368
Location
Hello (Sud-Ouest, Burkina Faso)
Sexuality
No Response
I think of friendship the same way I think of love. I see it as a verb, more than a noun. Friendship is a thing you do together. What defines these relationships isn't whether or not one or both of us find(s) the other attractive. It's whether or not we act upon any attraction we find, and whether or not we would still build and support each other without those attractions.