Can people change?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Osiris, Jan 22, 2008.

?

Do you think people can change?

  1. Yes

    36 vote(s)
    87.8%
  2. No

    5 vote(s)
    12.2%
  1. Osiris

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wherever the dolphins are going
    I think they can, but you have to give them the chance to change for the better.

    Just a thought.

    What say you?
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    Yes people can change if they want to, I'm all for giving people chances but you can only give someone so many chances before it makes a fool out of you. I often try to give newbies a hand on here if I see them starting off on the wrong foot, if I see a friend going wrong I'll tell her/him - but it's not my duty to personally supervise every step of how they put their life right, that's up to them, often they don't want to change, they want everyone else to change to fit in with them. Some friends misinterpret support, they seem to think of it as a blanket approval of anything they do.
     
  3. goodwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,804
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas
    Yes. Absolutely. I do believe people can change and change for the better. I know the the person I was when in my twenties is not a person I would want to know or be friends with now. With age and change of cirumstance I have been able to learn and know compassion, kindness, humility, patience and just an all around better understanding of people and where they are in their own lives.
     
  4. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,372
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    midwest
    some people change for the better and for the worse, unfortunately.
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    Do you think you can force change on someone Osiris or do you think it has to always be a personal decision or a natural development?
     
  6. ManlyBanisters

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    12,807
    Likes Received:
    8
    I voted Yes - but there is a 'but'.

    Just because they can doesn't mean they will, nor does it mean that they won't change back either.

    People can change within certain parameters - they can't be changed, they can only develop (sometimes with direction, help, guidance, call it what you will - sometimes without).
     
  7. Osiris

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wherever the dolphins are going
    They can only change on their own accord. You can help guide, but you can't force it. Often times the most well meaning guidance can strike as "overlording" people. I had to overlord my brother into rehab years ago. After that, change came on his own.

    It basically depends on the person how it works or doesn't work.

    Exactly spot on.
     
  8. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    Yeah I'd go along with what you and Manly said, I've seen people deliver ultimatums trying to force people to change, it never works well, they either change for a while then slip back or they change but harbour resentment and their improved behaviour in one area is compensated for by behaving badly in another area.
     
  9. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    12
    Well, if your question is actually "can people change bad behaviors to good ones" or "can asswipes actually become decent people," then the answer has to be yes. But they have to want to change.

    In a thread a while back, the question was raised about relatives you can't stand to be around. My response was, "if anyone, related or not, treats you like shit, it's because you allow them to." As long as someone is allowed to be an ass, they are likely to continue to be an ass. If that behavior is not tolerated, they either change or end up completely alone. Still, it's their choice.
     
  10. Osiris

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wherever the dolphins are going
    The hard thing is sitting back and waiting for the person to change without being able to help. Yes it is usually for the best that you sit back and let them sort it out, but you just want them to be their best right now. Like a parent with a child.
     
  11. Mr. Snakey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,702
    Likes Received:
    25
    Yes. I think life changes us for better or worse, In reality we are all forever changing in tiny little baby steps. A self inventory is a very hard but rewarding thing to do. Like a car that needs a lot of work. Working on one part at a time till its ready for inspection. Looking after that car is very important to stay on the right road life. After all that work to be able to sit in the drivers seat and honk the horn with a smile is great. Beep. Beep.:smile::wink:
     
  12. dong20

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2006
    Messages:
    6,130
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    The grey country
    Speaking generally I think while people can change their behaviour by concious action. I'm not sure they can change the basic ethos of who they are quite so 'easily'. In the same way I don't believe most people can control their emotions, merely their behaviour - by not letting their emotions control them.

    Of course there will be exceptions, and trauma (emotional and/or physical) can cause fundamental and possibly permanent personality changes but I don't think the latter was what the OP was addressing.
     
  13. Whopper-lee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2006
    Messages:
    1,602
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    80
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA - Southern boy
    Yes ...but must be willing!
     
  14. Osiris

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wherever the dolphins are going
    Good point Dong. If you believe people are intrinsically good, then there is really no need for them to change that aspect of who they are. "bad people" are, as you say, usually the result of a trauma of some sort and the bad behaviors manifest as sort of a coping device
     
  15. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2006
    Messages:
    4,005
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Boston,Mass.
    No he can't change.I think the person I'm refering to, is just so enmeshed in that bad behavior cycle of Look at me,help me,fuck you if you disagree!
    I don't think he sincerely wants change, just wants to be noticed by any means available.
    Perhaps when {severe} mental illness is an issue,you can't see yourself as others do. Not only mental illness but drug abuse,sexual abuse and other issues people suffer from. Even immaturity!
    When I was using, I didn't think I was hurting anyone, but myself,though
    this was'nt true, I never could see that. My mind was so clouded by a certain way of thinking,immaturity and drugs {heroin}that I was entrenched in behaving "thuggishly".It was the way everyone else acted around me, so I became "them" and not myself anymore. If that makes sense!
    It wasn't until I started not wanting to be sick,that I started to change for the better.
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  16. Axcess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,648
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Yes and no , that depends of many internal and external factors on the persons. Sometimes circumstances that we don't have control shape our lives.
     
  17. Osiris

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wherever the dolphins are going
    I love you cigarbabe. :biggrin1:

    This poll was actually sparked mainly out of what I posted to my blog (Voices from the past), but you make a point and based on that...


    You changed and you wanted to change. If someone who is mentally ill wants to change or somehow figures out they need to change, can't they get the help? And would it be wrong to think that the reason they do not get help is either because others mandate it of them or they are just plain scared? My father was a parnoid psychotic at the end of his life. In those lucid moments, he did check himself into the psych unit for evaluation.

    I still say all can change whether it be a simple choice or an epiphany.
     
  18. nick22ca

    nick22ca Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Very good question/poll. I didn't vote, but I think this is probably one of the fundamental questions about the human question.
     
  19. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2006
    Messages:
    4,005
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Boston,Mass.
    I wish every one, could get the help they deserved,but that isn't the reality of the world I live in. I did read that blog,but you know who I had in mind,duh!
    I think a whole lot of us can't afford healthcare,and to that end,there must come some sort of resolution.In this way, some of us can't control external forces, that rule our lives,sadly.
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  20. Osiris

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wherever the dolphins are going
    I know girl. I also know that our health system fails those it professes to help. I saw guys in the VA just being sedated for no good reason. I was proud when my mother changed that policy and brought on real psychiatric care in her hospital.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted