Can some gay men think they are straight for their entire life?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jovial, Apr 2, 2009.

  1. Jovial

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    Do some gay men live out their entire life (to 70+) thinking they are straight without realizing they are gay?

    I can see how some might realize they are gay and be to fearful to come out to anyone, ever. But is it possible to never realize that you are gay, kind of just repress the feelings and not think about it too much? Or after 60+ years will anyone with gay feelings realize it?

    (And I'm not talking about guys that do sexual acts with men but think of themselves as straight.)
     
  2. Principessa

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    :rolleyes: Are you trying to tell us something Jovial? :confused:

    FWIW: I don't think the fact that you love looking at and playing with your own penis makes you a closet gay. :cool:
     
  3. Bbucko

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    :popcorn:

    Do go on...
     
  4. MisterMark

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    I can't imagine that a man living in today's modern world would not recognize that he is gay, although I suppose anything's possible. I would bet, however, that this wasn't the case 50 years ago. Because homosexuality was so strongly discouraged in society - you could easily wind up in jail just for going to a gay bar - most men could probably convince themselves back then that they were straight, even if they had fleeting homosexual thoughts.
     
    #4 MisterMark, Apr 2, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2009
  5. dj30905

    dj30905 New Member

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    I agree with MisterMark on this one. You did mention repressing homosexual thoughts. I believe that all people have thoughts at least once in their life. Not all act on it. Sometimes those thoughts will eat away at you. Sometimes they won't. It really just depends on the person. It could be possible for a guy to start to have thoughts when they are young and supress them til later in life. Everything that is in your head that you try to supress will eventually come back to haunt you later, and when you're older you tend to ponder things a lot more. That may be when those old homosexua thoughts may come back.

    A possible explanation would be a guy may be curious, but then suppresses those thoughts because he's afraid he may be gay (especially because being frowned upon in his society) when just curious. Later in life, he thinks them again and convinces himself he is gay, but may just be curious since he hasn't tried anything. He could then try something later in life and realize he is gay or just bi.
     
    #5 dj30905, Apr 2, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2009
  6. Bbucko

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    There was a time in the late 70s and early 80s when I knew several men who came out late (ie: over 50) and who were grandfathers. To the last, they all described their lives before coming out as a "lie".

    I can understand confusion, and I can understand societal pressures to marry and have children. But I cannot understand being a fully self-aware adult man and not know which gender you find more sexually attractive.
     
  7. houtx48

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    just look here all the 100% str8's that are big ol queens, not to mention any names.
     
  8. MisterMark

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    What's your definition of a "big ol queen", and how can you tell who's a "queen" from reading posts on a message board?
     
  9. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    No one can really explain how other people's minds work and why they do the things they do. However, I think it is entirely possible for a gay man to live his entire life "straight" - meaning a wife, kids etc. Whether or not he is aware of this is down to the individual person - some people may realise at some point and come out, others may take it to the grave.

    I am sure that there have been gay people who have lived their entire lives as straight and never really realising their attraction for men, it sounds possible but who really knows?
     
  10. Steve26

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    I definitely agree with this, and would add that it's important to consider the strength of the label "homosexual" years ago as compared to today.

    Back in the bad old days, homosexuality was widely viewed as a major pathology, even by medical professionals. I don't think it is overstating matters to say that back then, homosexuality was probably as widely reviled as pedophilia, incest, or bestiality is today.

    Under those circumstances, I imagine any man with healthy self-esteem would be reluctant to label himself, even in his own mind, as a (gasp!) homosexual.

    Steve
     
  11. amygdala

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    Never underestimate the power of the (non-fully self-actualized) human psyche to suppress that which it thinks is wrong, unacceptable, unwanted or "evil." Although I tend to think that those are the ones who eventually "explode" late in life and start kidnapping, torturing, raping and molesting.
     
  12. Beachboy19

    Beachboy19 New Member

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    I wonder when we are gonna move on. We are in the 21st century.
     
  13. pomaus

    pomaus Active Member

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    ask cliff richard lol
     
  14. houtx48

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    you don't think people type gay? i think it's possible to tell a big ol queen a mile away.
     
  15. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think we all delude ourselves to some degree. But I also think for the sake of argument you're saying there's such a thing as a 100% gay male and also a 100% straight male. I don't think people actually exist as 100% anything. I think guys ( and women too) have different needs and desires at different times in their lives, so homosexual tendencies might be more pronounced at one time than another. I also happen to believe that a lot of sexuality is based on emotional needs, and whether we acknowledge it or not, we may have the desire to be closer to women than men on a general basis in our lives but that homosexual desire may still be there however insignificant.
     
  16. MovingForward

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    I think if you never act on those feelings then maybe. Can you know you are gay without ever being with a man. I had sex with a woman 1 time, and that pretty much let me know that I was indeed gay and not even possibly bi
     
  17. MisterMark

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    Great observations, Jon. I've been having similar thoughts along these lines lately.

    Although my physical attractions are almost exclusively for other guys, I don't think my emotional attractions are anywhere close to being exclusive to men. I almost think that I should call myself "emotionally bisexual". I don't think this is unusual, either. When I look at how many straight guys have relationship problems with their wives, I wonder: "Would they have even married a woman if it hadn't been for their sexual attraction to women?"
     
  18. MisterMark

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    I would say "definitely". Otherwise, if being with a man is required to know that you're gay, then being with a woman would be required to know that you're straight. I think the vast majority of people know what they're attracted to. They don't need to have sex with one gender or the other in order to validate their sexual orientation.
     
  19. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    Society and parental experiences create a great deal of how we perceive ourselves and our life and even our orientation. I have a cousin who is in fact gay. He is now in his early 60's and married a lesbian as a cover. His Father, now deceased was an alcoholic. When this fellow became Drum Major at his High School back in the 1960's his Father instead of being proud of his son's accomplishment, beat the kid into a bloody pulp because: "All Drum Majors are faggots!!!"

    This cousin was exempt from the Draft because of injuries sustained in a severe automobile accident in his mid-teens. To get away from his Father and to prove he was "a man" as his Dad would have wanted he enlisted in the United States Army only to be sent to Viet Nam.

    In Viet Nam he unfortunately had every negative experience possible including having the barracks where he was sleeping at the time attacked by people throwing grenades. He was not injured, but one of his best friends was killed in that incident. He watched a 10-year-old kid try to shine the shoes of another soldier. The kid was wired with explosives and both the child and the soldier were killed when the explosives were detonated from a remote location.

    My cousin returned from Viet Nam with severe alcoholism and drug addiction. He was in trouble with the law several times over the alcohol and he was hospitalized numerous time for alcohol treatment.

    The last time I saw him was over fifteen years ago. At the time I was open and out and trying to enter a relationship. My cousin was so nervous at seeing me and how I was living that it was very sad.

    His Sister and I had been very close. Before her own death on a fishing boat accident off the coast of California, she had told all the stories of being in therapy with him trying to then just save his life. His homosexuality was well known in therapy and because he had been beaten so many times by the Father figure he never could accept himself for who or whom he really was.

    The last 30 years of his adult life have been living in denial of absolute facts and he has managed to survive that way. A friend of mine had seen him in a picture and mentioned that he had been seen in an Orange County, CA gay bar multiple times.

    I never knew what to do for him to help him, so I have always just given him his space and wanted him to have some happiness from life.

    Yes, there are people who for various reasons never acknowledge who they really are and achieve the happiness they deserve.
     
  20. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I shared some of this stuff on another thread some months ago, and I found out about a certain term that interests me. It's called "bi affectional". To me this means that a person can have emotionally intimate relationships with women or men. I definitely fit in that category. It doesn't mean that I want to have sex with both genders equally but rather that I can care about certain people deeply, which has nothing to do with their gender. It was a surprise to me that it's been labeled at all.
     
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