Can Straight And Gay Men Be Friends?

Bayslap2

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History indicates it’s not possible. There is a long history of violence that straight men have imposed onto gay men. Growing up, straight men had an irrational hatred of gay guys. They all wanted to kill gay men. Because of that reason, I never really had a straight male friend. I only know them as the bullies, as the homophobes, as the enemy because they always behaved that way.
 
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1225108

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Yes of course we can. Why not?

That does not mean a straight man should like all gay men. And a gay man likewise isn't obliged to like all straight men.

The only fucking difference is exactly that: the variety of what we like. The only basic difference is the person (either men, women or both) we feel sexually attracted to and sometimes fall in love with.

Having said that, personally I'm more agreeable and open to possible friendships with people who don't think in labels and categories so much. We all do to some extent but to say "
straight men had an irrational hatred of gay guys. They all wanted to kill gay men
" about every (straight) man on earth is a gross generalisation.

I am sorry to hear that like me you've encountered hate and bias on account of being homosexual when growing up but there are also quite a lot of nice people out there. The trick is to find them and to stick with them.
Good luck!
 

OKCLane

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Given that 97% of the US male population identifies as heterosexual I don’t know how it’s possible not to have straight friends. Even if we quibble over 97%, we can agree that there are a hell of a lot more straight than gay men.
I’ve been out for decades so my circle of gay friends is quite large. However, I belong to social, professional and volunteer organizations that have nothing to do with sexual identity.
In my gay circle not many guys like sports so when I attend sports events it’s with straight guys; who I consider to be friends. I’ve gone out to dinners (with my husband) with them and their wives. No one cares that I’m married to a man.
I live in Oklahoma where all 77 counties voted red and it’s a damned conservative state. I just heard that we were third for Trump in margin of votes.
I’ve been treated poorly once and that business closed quickly so they were probably dicks to everyone. The whole marriage debate that was equated with Armageddon was a big bunch of nothing. In fact I had an HVAC guy out the other day who didn’t even know it had been legalized and laughed it off. I learned that he is VERY Catholic but he said to me, “why should I care who you marry?”
I’m sorry your experience has been negative but keep looking, there are plenty of good men out there.
 

Bayslap2

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Given that 97% of the US male population identifies as heterosexual I don’t know how it’s possible not to have straight friends. Even if we quibble over 97%, we can agree that there are a hell of a lot more straight than gay men.
I’ve been out for decades so my circle of gay friends is quite large. However, I belong to social, professional and volunteer organizations that have nothing to do with sexual identity.
In my gay circle not many guys like sports so when I attend sports events it’s with straight guys; who I consider to be friends. I’ve gone out to dinners (with my husband) with them and their wives. No one cares that I’m married to a man.
I live in Oklahoma where all 77 counties voted red and it’s a damned conservative state. I just heard that we were third for Trump in margin of votes.
I’ve been treated poorly once and that business closed quickly so they were probably dicks to everyone. The whole marriage debate that was equated with Armageddon was a big bunch of nothing. In fact I had an HVAC guy out the other day who didn’t even know it had been legalized and laughed it off. I learned that he is VERY Catholic but he said to me, “why should I care who you marry?”
I’m sorry your experience has been negative but keep looking, there are plenty of good men out there.

I think I’m going to do what you did and find that network of gay friends.
 
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1225108

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I don’t think it is. There is such a long history of violence that straight guys committed against gay guys. Growing up, I never saw straight men being friends with gay guys. I only saw them bullying them.
Actually it is when you kling to idea that all heterosexual men are alike.
That's just as stupid as saying all gay men are the same..

I sympathise but you really need to get out into the world and find some positive life experiences mate. There are no guarantees but with a little luck you'll be happy.
 

Bayslap2

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Actually it is when you kling to idea that all heterosexual men are alike.
That's just as stupid as saying all gay men are the same..

I sympathise but you really need to get out into the world and find some positive life experiences mate. There are no guarantees but with a little luck you'll be happy.

I only need gay men in my life. That is it. I never had that.
 
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I only need gay men in my life. That is it. I never had that.

Friends who are also gay as well are important. It's nice the have mates you have this in common with.
Bisexual mates are also cool.

IF the one that talked me into joining this site would Text me WHEN he can fucking take a break from working on his tan in Southern Africa that is...
Men ! *Ugh* :cool:
 

hotbtminla

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I have several people I invariably refer to as my best friends; 3 are men and all of them are straight. These are best friendships that have been rock solid (I’d do anything for you) for 20, 15, and 6 years respectively.
 

Bayslap2

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I have several people I invariably refer to as my best friends; 3 are men and all of them are straight. These are best friendships that have been rock solid (I’d do anything for you) for 20, 15, and 6 years respectively.

i never had that. I remember being afraid of them and trying to get away from them. You have to understand that for me it’s such a foreign concept because my environment didn’t allow it. I’m starting to realize now how fucked up my life was living through that.
 

sundancer

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All my friends are straight or bisexual. Its not that I have tried to exclude anyone. I came together with a group of people due to our common interest in motorcycles, engines, movies, social issues or something else. We bond due to the common interests of the big head, and not with the little head. I can't imagine being friends with someone simply due to a similar sexual interest. It doesn't seem that a friendship based on sexual similarities would last. . My group of friends are long term friends, where we have been friends close to 20 years. The group doesn't change, not for lack of wanting new friends, its just that I haven't met anyone lately who I enjoy spending time with.
 

Marcbow

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Of course straight guys can be friends with gay guys ....
My best mate is as straight as they come but when I’m feeling down I know I can call on him for a quick cuddle and a pick me up his wife says if only he loved her 1/2 as much as he loves me she’d be happy.
I’m the only gay guy in my group of 8-9 friends and not one of them have a problem with me been gay are shy away from sharing a bed when away on lads weekends are stag party’s
 

OKCLane

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I think I’m going to do what you did and find that network of gay friends.

Don’t limit yourself to only gay people. I think we learn and grow the most from people different from ourselves.
If you like animals, volunteering at the shelter will feed that need, help animals, AND introduce you to new people! You may just find yourself making friends.
Join Kiwanis club. Find a need and fill it. Hospitals. Nursing homes. Your elderly neighbors. And sure, seek out gay causes, but don’t expect every gay person you meet will automatically be your friend.
My grandma used to say, the past is a guidepost, not a hitching post. Don’t let a difficult past hamper your future.
Best of luck my friend.
 

SamMann75

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Where it's the original poster from? A lot of the responses seem to come from USA/ European perspectives, which is great but may not represent his life's situation.

Me, I'm the most conservative catholic in my state, easy to say I'm from the liberal northeast of the USA.

Politically, i say stay out of my bedroom, stay out of my home and stay out of my gun closet.

I have a group of friends, we are all close, we are watching the game and drinking at least twice a week and always at each other's houses otherwise. Yes, we are mostly straight, but one of our good friends has been openly gay for over 2 decades. He brings boyfriends to events and holidays. No one cares, he's our friend. It's not like he's trying to date us or fuck us or anything. People get to attached to preconceived notions of labels. I never refer to him as my gay friend, this is probably the first I've referred to him that way ever.

I get whole lot more shit about being conservative then he's ever got about being gay amongst our group.
 

Tight_End_SC

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I have a straight bud that knows I am attracted to guys. He has heard about some of my activities (general stuff not personal details about other guys) and is cool with it. I am also totally OK that he is completely hetero and have heard his stories also. We are good friends and have been there for each other when we needed support. This is just one example. I have many straight friends actually and when we interact, nothing sexual is there... just pals and good conversation.