Can you fuck a man you don't respect?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Kaye Throttlebottom, Mar 13, 2010.

  1. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    We've all been disappointed at one time or another. Yet when it gets to that point when you lose respect for someone - can you have sex with him, if you don't respect him.

    Do you have that muscle to use a man to get off - if you don't respect him or have lost respect for him?
     
  2. petite

    petite New Member

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    No. But I have lost respect for a man immediately afterward.
     
  3. SandyLuvs

    SandyLuvs New Member

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    If it's casual it doesn't matter if I respect him or not. In an ongoing relationship - no respect = no pussy.
     
  4. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Nope. If I lose respect for somebody - or never respected them in the first place - then I have no interest in sex with them. Even if they just wanted a 1 night stand.
     
  5. petite

    petite New Member

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    In a relationship, I don't have sex if I'm mad at him. I just can't. I'm not capable of having "angry sex" at all.
     
  6. AlteredEgo

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    I don't know. I never met someone I liked for whom I had no respect. To me, this question equates to, "Could you have sex with a man even if you didn't like him?" The answer to that question is "No!"
     
  7. RawDog

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    Ok, I'm curious... How and why?

    I mentioned my ex this morning (the crazy bitch) and I didn't think I had that "angry sex" in me, but I almost did that when she told me she fooled around with another guy when she went out of town the week before. I don't know what was worse, her fooling around or how sick and twisted I almost became that night.

    It still haunts me. Not one of my proudest moments.

    Excellent answer!
     
  8. petite

    petite New Member

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    Oh god, I don't know if I have the courage to share this story... It's very embarrassing and I was treated very badly and felt like a fool. Like most people with a strong sex drive, I have a serious weakness for very attractive people. I knew that gorgeous player from the time that I was 18 because he was a member of our friend's group. We had a few knock-down drag-out fights over his behavior with women, the only person I've ever had fights like that with that I wasn't actually sleeping with. I actually told him off once in public in front of an audience of at least 30 people, something I've never done before or since, and he really deserved it. For years I watched him treat women terribly. Then he had a serious girlfriend and moved in with her. He was very serious about her and I thought that he was a changed person. He told me he was considering asking her to marry him. They were together for 2 years before she was unfaithful to him and split up. As you can tell, at this point we'd known each other for a long time. At some point we both ended up being single and hanging out really frequently. After a few weeks of hanging out with each other about every other day, one night we slept together. Immediately afterward, Dr. Jekyll was replaced with Mr. Hyde and he coldly informed me, "If you had wanted us to be friends, you shouldn't have slept with me." I didn't speak to him again for at least 10 years. I still have no idea what happened. The man was damaged.
     
  9. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    What's wrong with what he said? Maybe I'm missing something contextually?
     
  10. petite

    petite New Member

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    He didn't say it "nicely" he said like, "Fuck off, I'm done with you. Get out of my house."

    And what's wrong with sleeping with a friend and remaining friends? I've done it a lot. In fact, I'm still friends with the majority of my ex-boyfriends, or at least friendly acquaintances. He was being an asshole. It's simply not acceptable to sleep with someone and then act like that immediately afterward, even if you aren't interested in remaining friends.

    I actually talked to him recently. He's still a jerk and the person I'm most ashamed of having slept with.
     
    #10 petite, Mar 13, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2010
  11. badgirl22

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    In a word...no.

    There has to be a connection of some sort for me and I'm not talking about *love* - if there is a lack of respect there certainly is no respect. Respect however is subjective and what I consider a lack of respect may be very different from the next person. I may tolerate some things one person does but would not tolerate the same things with a different person. It's difficult to know what is going to constitute a lack of respect in my book but I certainly know it when I experience it. There are just way too many options available to have to deal with someone I don't respect.
     
  12. invisibleman

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    If you don't like a man...you don't like him. But that doesn't mean that the guy isn't worthy of getting sex and love from someone. I am not telling you to mercy fuck a man. But I will say that the same criteria you use to judge...they can judge you with different or the same criteria with equal scrutiny. Respect is a two-way street.

    I like a man who is gonna be honest with me. If he doesn't respect me because I disappoint him. I don't want to be involved with him. I am not Superman. I am not a genie in a bottle that you rub and you get three wishes for a better life either.

    But he isn't gonna continue disrespecting me because I am a disappointment in his eyes. And I am not going to be his friend either. Some can't respect you as a lover but want to be a friend afterwards. I don't bother with any of that. He can fuck off in all respects.







     
  13. invisibleman

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    It sounds like that guy set you up.

    You embarrassed him in front of his friends by telling him off (because he deserved it). He probably was totally sore about that.

    So when you finally hooked up with the guy...he treated you like shit all because of that incident of you telling him off in front of a bunch of people. He remembered all that and he is giving you what you gave him but in a worse way.

    He never intended to be friends...he wanted you to feel like shit.
     
    #13 invisibleman, Mar 13, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2010
  14. petite

    petite New Member

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    It's possible I guess, but those two incidents happened four years apart! And we had been friends the entire time. It seems like an awfully long time to wait for revenge.

    No matter how the story is explained, the guy is damaged. Badly damaged.
     
  15. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    I'm under no illusions...and more often than not - it is my experience that men hold women to a higher standard of beahavior than they do for themselves.

    My question about respect isn't about lying or cheating. It can be something as simple as not looking out for your best interests aside of his own...or if you look out for his, but he doesn't swing for the fences with regard to yours.

    That point when you recognize that there might be love or attraction, but you don't respect him. Or the alternate, you don't respect someone on the onset because of his behavior but given opportunity - you'd "suck his balls in a Burger King parking lot."

    I'm not talking betrayal, but rather when you have lost respect or admiration... or you simply feel a spark, can you act on that and treat it as sex, nothing more.

    For myself, I'm not capable of it on the onset, yet I've stayed in a relationship, to be long-suffering - to hang in there it will get better, etc. when in my gut I've violated my own rules and resent him. You may have sex but it feels like a transaction. You split up. You're horny later...do you go there?

    I have once and it was a disaster. I can't go back there and I don't think I can fuck a man I don't respect, b/c I know I'd walk all over him - not out of spite, but for my own self-preservation. Maybe it would be clearer if I said I cannot respect a passive man, no matter how sweet he might be, if he is a pushover, I just can't go there. Alternatively I can't respect a man that puts himself first all the time and no matter how horny I am, I can't go there.

    Yet I think women will put up with a lot when sex is there. So I ask the question, can you fuck someone that you don't respect?
     
    #15 D_Kaye Throttlebottom, Mar 14, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2010
  16. Smooth88

    Smooth88 New Member

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    As a man generally I dont think I could have sex with a women I did not respect and I damn sure wouldnt have sex with a women I didnt genuinely like as a person and at least somewhat cared about.
     
  17. petite

    petite New Member

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    I backslid for years with my first love, but just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean that I don't respect someone. Sometimes it's just not meant to be. I thought that I was emotionally strong enough to handle it. He was an amazing lover and we were great together, but it just extended the pain of the breakup for years while I harbored the illusion that we would eventually end up together, which I knew he also frequently thought, but it wasn't going to happen. We're still friends now even though we rarely ever speak to one another, distance and different lives and everything. I definitely respect him.

    I completely understand what you mean about your sense of self-preservation. If I had more then I wouldn't have kept backsliding at all.

    Except that threesome was memorable and wouldn't have happened if I wasn't backsliding all the time. I don't regret that. I've thought about that so many time over the years. It's a great memory!
     
  18. B_crackoff

    B_crackoff New Member

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    Err, no offence, but I know from experience that the women that slag you off the most, find you sexually attractive - it's a way of getting attention that I didn't understand when I was 18, when the girls who mocked me most always came onto me in a quiet moment!

    Why would you sleep with him if you completely found him obnoxious?

    But the past IS the Past!

    You were a rebound, he always remembered what you said. It is that simple.

    You wouldn't be with your fella now otherwise:smile: It's a good thing!
     
  19. petite

    petite New Member

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    Golly, you do say a lot of nonsensical things, don't you? You must be really young. You seem to think you know a lot about a lot of things, but my experiences contradict your opinions.

    Despite what happens in movies and on TV, I was not attracted to him when I told him off for talking trash about a very nice woman I knew that he slept with during one of our parties in front of 30 people. That infuriated me and he deserved being told off. It's the only time I've ever done something like that, and I'm not the sort of person who makes a scene, but he already created the scene, I just responded appropriately. I definitely didn't want to jump his bones. And the best result was his next target was my best friend's little sister and as a result she didn't sleep with him, thank god. And he was angry with me for about three weeks, but he never did it again in front of me!

    I said that I thought he had changed because that was four years earlier and his more recent relationships seemed to be full of genuine affection for women and I thought that his womanizing behavior when he was a teenager was because he was a horny and dumb teenager and that he had grown up. I seriously thought he had changed.

    What the hell are you talking about "rebound" for? This happened years before I even met TheBoyfriend. These two things have nothing to do with each other.
     
    #19 petite, Mar 14, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2010
  20. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    oh gawd no. i have standards and i wouldn't fuck anyone i had no respect for, especially when i was single and casually dating.
     
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