Can you lust after that which you protect/provide for?

Sagittarius84

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Lots of answers typically come up when describing "inherent" differences between men and women, not really going to delve into all those. I typically go about it thinking, in terms of propensity and potential, beyond impregnation and gestation, there isn't much that one can do that the other cannot..
Except when it comes to hetero specific relationships I've noticed a trend and wonder..I see plenty of examples of men, hetero, homo, or otherwise that can healthily start and be in a relationship, all while maintaining their level of sexual attraction to their partner whether they fulfill the role of protector/provider or protected/provided for.
I've seen plenty of lesbians seek out smaller, weaker partners and maintain sexual affinity for them while establishing themselves in the role of protector/provider of the household.
Now this is not a doubt that a hetero sexual woman can be the provider in a relationship, nor do I doubt the woman can be the physical protector..
What I doubt is that a woman can(or will ever look to)be both of these things and yet still maintain an enduring sexual attraction to the man she is protecting and providing for(again not denying her ability to be sexual to maintain the relationship)
Any thoughts or notable examples that buck this seeming trend?
 

Enid

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Uh, YEAH, it's kinda the tenet of a healthy relationship to me if we are both providing and caring for the other in the best possible ways necessary at any given time. As with anything, there's a give and take.

The idea that you cannot seems to emphasize outdated gender roles, IMO
 
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286798

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Thanks for posting something that requires a good ponder.

I am inclined to agree with the lovely Ms @Enid . I want to protect and provide for my partner, but maybe it's not always in the stereotypical male protector/provider ways. I'm attracted to beefy guys, but I will protect his heart like a MFer. Mess with someone I care about and I will unleash fury that's shocking from a kind soul like myself. I will provide a safe space for him to just "be", and make sure he's well fed and, ahem, satisfied. He'd best provide for me in similar ways. At times, I've provided more financially than he has, but that hasn't affected my sexual attraction.
 

SoaringSpirit

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Yes there are many examples, a woman can protect, provide & love her partner while maintaining a passionate relationship. Its what the relationship is based on. Is it a true friendship ? Or is one taking advantage in an unhealthy co dependent way ?
There really is no wrong or right, as long as both parties are in agreement & happy.
If the balance is OFF in any way...then he'll yes the 1st thing to go would be sexual attraction/desire.
Its a give & take. Being there for them as the are for you. My current & I are there for each other always. We have been through so much these past few years, but its only intensified our bond.
With my ex, he was true narcissist...& a once good attraction, turned off quickly after it became apparent he wanted a Mommy rather than a partner. Just my thoughts.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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Well, I am the provider. Neither of us needs to be "protected".

For the sake of answering the question, let's say my man somehow became incapable of physically defending himself. I have contemplated this extensively for quite some time before this thread was posted. If something were to happen and he lost the ability to physically defend himself the way he can now, I would absolutely be right there fuck there with him, guarding that sexy mother fucker until the end. His penis would not be neglected.
 
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918177

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I'm 5'2 and VERY easy on the eyes.

I attract, unfortunately, men who see my diminutive size and femininity as a reason
to get "protective".
My physical stature also seems to attract predators.
After all I SEEM harmless and unable to defend myself.........

I resent the implication.

I am not harmless.
I am not helpless.
I am not dependent.

At the first hint of that utterly infuriating paternalistic, patronising condescension
I'm gone.
 
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deleted924715

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Interesting question.

I have had a partner struggle with the idea of being out of work whilst I earned the money. I was happy to do it, he wasn't lazy or a shirker, it was through no fault of his own and I adored him. It was so frustrating because I knew that if we lived in a bubble he would have coped so much better with it. It was the idea that bothered him when he dwelled on it, where/how he was raised had drummed into him that the man provides and he lost confidence and became depressed. I offered to support him through university if he wanted to train for something new, but something in him couldn't let me. It became toxic because he began to resent our situation and I resented his resentment.

The money situation didn't bother me. What's mine is yours and you cut your cloth to suit your purse. We're both budgeting or both flush.

I don't know if I can answer the physical protector part. My 'type' is big and beefy, I've never been with a small, slender man. But I totally have his back. If he was, for example, injured in some way or became ill, I don't think I would fall out of lust. I just can't see it. A man who is laid back and not easily provoked is very attractive, but a man too feeble to have my back if I need him would kill my lust instantly.
 

LaFemme

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@SoaringSpirit brings up a great point. I need to know that I am an equal in a relationship and not playing ‘mommy’. There’s a difference. I will care for, provide for, protect, and defend my man with all the passion and fury of a mother as long as I am not playing mother to him. I will always have his back.

There are some guys who expect women to take care of them. I’ve been involved with one of them. He was a child. Life is too short to have someone who is less than a partner to you.

A man can be in a wheelchair, be dependent on welfare and still be an equal. It’s in his spirit and his fight to be independent and to be in a partnership with someone.
 

SoaringSpirit

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Well, I am the provider. Neither of us needs to be "protected".

For the sake of answering the question, let's say my man somehow became incapable of physically defending himself. I have contemplated this extensively for quite some time before this thread was posted. If something were to happen and he lost the ability to physically defend himself the way he can now, I would absolutely be right there fuck there with him, guarding that sexy mother fucker until the end. His penis would not be neglected.
My exact feelings !!! To our last breath !!!
 
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918177

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I have the opposite point of view.

I look at these posts about caring for an infirm partner and I know
they're 100 genuine, truthful posts.
They would genuinely care for their partners if they got incapacitated in some way.

I would not.
I don't have enough empathy, sympathy or self sacrifice in me
to do it.
I have no tolerance for weakness in whatever form.
I hate it in myself and I loathe it in other people.

I'd have to walk away.

I know myself and I'm 100% honest about who and what I am.
 

LaFemme

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I have the opposite point of view.

I look at these posts about caring for an infirm partner and I know
they're 100 genuine, truthful posts.
They would genuinely care for their partners if they got incapacitated in some way.

I would not.
I don't have enough empathy, sympathy or self sacrifice in me
to do it.
I have no tolerance for weakness in whatever form.
I hate it in myself and I loathe it in other people.

I'd have to walk away.

I know myself and I'm 100% honest about who and what I am.
There’s nothing wrong with that. At least you know that about yourself. And while I might despise the physical infirmities in myself, I have no issues in helping those I love with theirs. My love makes them family - I will do anything for family.
 
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918177

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There’s nothing wrong with that. At least you know that about yourself. And while I might despise the physical infirmities in myself, I have no issues in helping those I love with theirs. My love makes them family - I will do anything for family.

You have a family worth loving and THAT is a very fortunate thing.

Mine needs killing. With the quickness.
 

AlteredEgo

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Nobody eats in this house unlesninpurchas food, and prepare it. Is that not providing? I have always felt it was. I'm very protective of my partner. Sometimes I'm protecting him from too much junk food. Sometimes from a frenemy. Sometimes I'm protecting him from oncoming traffic. I think this OP just lacks perspective.
 
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