Can you tell someone is gay?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by woskxn, Feb 6, 2005.

  1. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    So one of the topics made me think of this.

    At first the thought of people saying that they could tell someone was gay was kind of rude, it suggest we are all alike in a certain way. But I have noticed it to be kind of true, but not to that degree.

    There always seems to be ONE thing that gives it away but not MANY things like people seem to think. Like suggested by many, its not MANY things that give it away. No all gay people dont dress well, no not every gay guy wears makeup, no not every gay guy has a feminine voice, no not all gay guys walk a certain way but what I have found is that there is always ONE thing that usually does. Its ONE of those things. There are other things as well. Gay guys for most part do have a certain look (I dont mean physically) but just an acting a certain way.

    What do you guys think?

    (BTW, not saying there are not guys where a lot of things give it away)
     
  2. lacsap1

    lacsap1 New Member

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    Generally, you cannot tell whether someone is attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex by the way they look or act. Don't forget that the gay aesthetic has penetrated also into the straight culture that it's getting harder and harder to tell some one's sexual preference. In Old times wearing pants was decreed unseemly for a woman, while machos of the Roman Empire as Caesar went around in long robes. Standards of masculinity and femininity keep changing and are different from place to place, culture to culture. Besides, there is no way to tell, from surface impressions alone, what another person's sexual orientation is.

    Here in the Netherlands we now have the Fox tv show, PLAYING IT STRAIGHT!
    The dating show, about a straight woman who must pick a straight suitor out of a group of gay and straight men, what easily proofs that you can be fooled.
     
  3. txquis

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    What you should say instead is that *some* people have the one thing about them that makes you know, but not all do. That is just a fact to be accepted.
    In addition, and this is the fact to be wary about....sometimes you might see that *one thing* on the list that you mentioned....and the person ends up not being gay at all. What then?

    Again, i will use coworkers as an example. I am gay ,and think i have good "gaydar"...i am looking for very subtle things, not the obvious ones...and i thought i had (we'll call him) Jim pegged. I just knew he was gay...in fact, i found out he wasn't, never was and never will be...and i just saved myself from asking him out at the time. whew.

    I think it is very naive to think that every gay people have *something* that gives them away.
    Yes, some have a whole list of things, including their own mouths telling you that they are...
    but others are a complete surprise, in every way.
     
  4. jonb

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    Oh, hey, lascap. PIS is actually just a ripoff of a Bravo show, Boy Meets Boy.The big difference is that the orientations have switched; a man's choosing among these men, and the straight guy gets money if he's the last one.

    Reality still bites.
     
  5. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    If you read what I said, I mentioned what you think I had not.

     
  6. Freddie53

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    i think that you are wrong that there is one thing that always gives gay men away. What I think is true that there is a certain persona that all gay men will exude if you know what to look for when they are interested in someone and want that person to know. This is true for straight people as well. Seeing young people, I could tell when a boy or a girl was struck on someone. It is the same for gays. But I don't think that this persona is going to show up all the time, certainly not in the checkout lane at Wal Mart. Only when the attraction vibes flowing between two guys is flowing is this going to be noticible. It also can be discerned when I guy is going after another guy. And the people around can tell.
     
  7. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    I think the generalization of knowing who is homosexual just by certain demeanor, the way they walk, talk, etc, may just be more conjecture than actual fact. I've known of a lot of guys who I never whould've guessed they were gay, and their sexual preference didn't surprise me at all nor did it make me think any less of them.
     
  8. zzorus

    zzorus New Member

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    Again, i will use coworkers as an example. I am gay ,and think i have good "gaydar"...i am looking for very subtle things, not the obvious ones...and i thought i had (we'll call him) Jim pegged. I just knew he was gay...in fact, i found out he wasn't, never was and never will be...and i just saved myself from asking him out at the time. whew.

    I think it is very naive to think that every gay people have *something* that gives them away.
    Yes, some have a whole list of things, including their own mouths telling you that they are...
    but others are a complete surprise, in every way.


    I totally agree- though it's been worse for me in that X ( andY) co workers have been totally straight . One in particular was very effeminate in some respects. the way he spoke, the way he rolled his wrists. Yet he saw himself as being very butch.( it may have been a disguise: I really have no idea).


    The ultimate contrast occurred when I attended a football game( an extremely rare event for me -another friend was the captain of a team;) and I found that this effeminate friend was the commenator. He invited me into his commentator's stand, and then made very suggestive comments about some of the players.

    Yet he always, and I also mean in all ways, presented himself as a very straight man. I really think he was 100% straight , yet the first time I met him, I thought he was 100% screaming queen. But at the football, I thought he was 150% gay-yet I soon learnt that he would have been mortified to know this.
    I really had no idea of his sexuality, though on one level he had seemed so obviously gay ( and after a few months of a totally non sexual friendship when I had decided that I did not like him anyway, I was absolutely not interested in finding out any details).


    I suppose the moral is: you can't easily tell!

    zzorus
     
  9. Freddie53

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    I think that what we are beating around the bush about is when a romance starts to develop between two gay guys. I suspect they know it, the world knowsit as well. Just like when a man and a woman hit it off, everyone can see it.

    This is the part that I think you yourself and others can see. That is all. And a very discreet gay guy may hide this romance for a certain guy completely until the right moment in time.

    It is not in the actions fo a gay guy by himself, but only when he is giving out come on signals to another guy. Sure that is what romance is about and it doesn't matter whether it is gay or straight, many folks will pick up on it.
     
  10. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    My gaydar must suck - because I am wrong most of the time...Most of the guys that I am really good friends live and dress in a very "metrosexual" lifestyle and are straight...I mean I have one friend who is what I would call a gay straight guy...Everyone thinks he is gay when they first met him especially the way he dress and dances - but this guy is definitely straight - but very flirty w/guys or girls - it just his nature...And I have had a straight friend who gave no indication or did I ever even slightly think was make a serious pass at me while he was pretty fucked up - like kissing me and another like that while drunk grabbing my hand and putting it on his dick - and other than those incidents w/those guys only happened once w/them...But the only real openly gay friend I have is very masculine and he only dates masculine or straight looking guys - and he tells me how he tells if someone is gay is by eye contact...I mean he says he looks for a guy looking or staring at him longer than normal...He actually took me to the mall and that is the first time I noticed that - most of the time when I am in the mall by myself - I am in my own world and don't notice anything...
     
  11. jonb

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    One thing I've noticed is that background correlates with gaydar; when I lived in South Dakota, white guys had horrible gaydar. Here in California, their gaydar is generally better, unless you're asking about a Chinese woman, in which case they have a record of false negatives.
     
  12. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I think where I live - it is so hard to tell so most of the time I hear guys and girls make statements like I don't care or anything but are you gay...
     
  13. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    Sometimes it's easy, sometimes its not. Some "gay-acting" people are actually straight, and vise-versa. No one has really figured me out yet, (though rumors have spread since before us kids knew what gay meant, I was it, and that was that. Not that I'm totally flaming gay, I can get turned on by both sexes, I just lean more toward guys. Like it's been said, it totally depends.
     
  14. Onslow

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    When I start drooling over a guy it's usually the first give away.

    Most people have no idea about me unless I say something about my sexuality. This holds true even when I'm somewhere with Ray unless we're in a more intimate moment which is rare. Before you all jump to conclusions, it has less to do with the conservative nature of our community (which is surprisingly open to same sex relationships) than it does with my inability to show affection in public. It's just not me, I don't come from a background of openly displayed affection. Add to this that I can discuss sports along with all the stats, team histories, past owners etc. I dress rather conservatively, I have usually worked in blue collar jobs. Put it all together and I seem like one of the most hetero guys in the state. Oh, and the biggie-----I've been known to vote Republican.

    As for me, I can never figure it out. If I think he's gay odds are he's not and vice versa. I have learned the best thing I can do is just take each person as they are and stop trying to pre-label them because peeling those labels off can be painful (especially when you rip out the hairs).
     
  15. headbang8

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    You're right, woskxn, there IS one thing I look for to tell whether a guy is gay...my dick up his ass. That's about 95% accurate.

    In our newly-metrosexual world, every other cliche doesn't apply. If it ever did.

    A woman once remarked to me that she never suspected I was gay until I told her, but "now that you mention it", she could see some gay mannerisms. Like what, I asked? "Oh, you know..." she struggled, "things in general."

    I wrote in another thread that I once made a conscious effort to improve my gaydar, which, as a late blooming gay man left a lot to be desired. I looked closely at all my male friends for the telltale signs; too many unvoiced s's, too many "fabulouses" and "divines", a cigarette held in the v-shape between middle and index fingers rather than pinched manfully between index and thumb. When I decided that all five of my uncles were gay, I gave up.

    That said, is there such a thing as gaydar? I think so, but it doesn't involve mannerisms.

    Men, gay or straight, are sexual predators. We weigh up everyone who happens to fall into to the right gender for us as a sex object. We can't help it.

    Women know the feeling only too well. "I felt so violated! He was undressing me with his eyes!" Well, like duh. He's programmed that way.

    Over the years, I've become better at picking up when I'm being checked out, and less self-conscious about doing it myself. The lingering eye contact that subconsciously decides whether any attraction is mutual, is a real giveaway. Much more reliable than lisping, drag or a Bette Midler CD.
     
  16. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I agree w/Onslow about the initimate in public thing - I am not really into it...This girl I use to date always wanted to make out w/me in public...Don't get me wrong I do not mind a little kiss but full on making out is too much...My roommate and his girl friend really go at while I am sitting in the same room in a chair or right behind them...I think it is kind of rude especially when I am talking to him or sitting behind them watching tv...
     
  17. BobLeeSwagger

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    Don't co-workers always seem like the perfect examples? There's a guy in my office who, from Day 1, I just assumed was gay: very polite, soft-spoken, nice, passive, talks to women more than men. I didn't care either way and really didn't put much thought into his orientation. Eventually I learned that he was married to a woman and last year they had a baby. I suppose this doesn't necessarily mean he's not gay, but I'm not going to bother questioning it. I noted that I mistook effeminate for "gay-acting," which of course aren't mutually exclusive.

    On the other hand, there's another guy at work who's about as masculine-looking as they come: ex-military, black belt, gruff voice, rides a Harley, married with three sons. And yet he has this funny habit of calling women in the office "girlfriend" in that hip, gay kind of way. Obviously not all gay men say that, but he's the only straight guy I've ever heard say it. I find it hilarious and I've asked some of the women in the office about it. They agree that they've never heard a straight guy say it that way. It seems more likely that this is just a quirk of his because if he's gay, he's so far in the closet that it's more like a bunker, complete with the weapons arsenal of Michael Gross' character in "Tremors".

    Seriously though, it's my belief that a very large proportion of gay men don't act very gay at all, "straight-acting", as they say. Considering how many people live in gay-unfriendly parts of the United States, I have to believe that large numbers of homosexuals living there make an effort not to "act gay." I have no evidence to back this up, just a hunch and some anecdotal evidence. My $0.02, worth every penny.
     
  18. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I totally agree w/you...I had guys who I thought were totally straight make a pass at me...
     
  19. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

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    Ya know, one thing I have learned is that whenever you put a stereotype on to someone it is gonna be broken, so I try not to assume anything anymore. Being in theatre I have had those stereotypes broken SO many times. No, there is no way to tell if a person is of one sexual persuasion or another. Sure there are generalizations but they are just that and not all people are going to fit into them.
     
  20. jonb

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    How to tell if a guy's gay? Take this test:

    Section 1: Add one point for each of these.

    Does he fail to voice his S's?
    Do his clothes always match?
    Does he spend an inordinate amount of time at the gym?
    Does he hold his cigarette between his second and third fingers?
    Does he enjoy musicals?
    Does he say "divine" often?
    Does he use "girlfriend" in the vocative case often?

    Section 2: Add ten points for each of these.

    Does he like to suck dick?
    If so, does he like it more than sex with a woman?

    If he gets more than twenty points, he's gay.
     
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