Can't Cum

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by jonglobe, Mar 13, 2011.

  1. jonglobe

    jonglobe New Member

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    Hi, I'm an 18y.o. straight guy. I can quite easily make myself cum when masturbating, but when it comes to sex I really struggle.

    My current gf is my first sexual partner. During foreplay and sex, I get hard and I feel aroused but it doesn't last very long - even when she's masturbating me, or giving me a blowjob, I seem to feel less hard than if I'm just 'going solo'. It seems to be worse during penetrative sex, as I just partially lose my erection within a matter of minutes.

    I have no problem making her cum, but I just can't cum from her. I can masturbate with her, but it seems to be more effort and more difficult than if I'm just by myself.

    Is there anyway to fix this? I'm worried she may feel that I'm not attracted to her/she can't please me, which certainly isn't true!

    Thanks.
     
  2. TexasJeb

    TexasJeb New Member

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    I am a 36 yr str8 guy who had a similar problem when I was your age. You may want to try to stop masturbating for a while at least. It looks like you may have trained yourself to cum one way and now you have to try train yourself to new ways, if you want to have an orgasm with your g/f during intercourse.

    Let yourself get good and horny young dude . Don't relieve it. When you get together, make your sex slow, sensual and take time to savor it. Holding back from jerking off plus not building your anxiety is likely to make ejaculation happen. If you find your trying too hard by going at it like a piston, that can actually cause a numbness sometime. A hippie expression from the 60’s is, “make love not war”. Don’t rush.
    The most important thing is that you really care about your g/f. If you’re missing a former g/f (that was my problem at your age) then that can make you sex life complicated and cluttered with ghosts from the past. It may be that you may still be missing her and comparing her with your new g/f. Sometimes it’s best if the ghosts of old g/f’s are exorcized before going into a new sexual relationship. Make sure that your current g/f is not someone you feel ambivalent about although you say you care for her. That could be another feeling that may be impeding your ability to have ejaculate during sex. You may still be missing your ex g/f and although you care for the current one she may not be sexually compatible for your needs.

    It can be good to do what you’re doing, and satisfy her orally or manually, but without putting pressure on yourself. You certainly sound as if you are doing both really well. I think that this sort of love making will help train yourself back to being able to cum in any way that you choose.
     
  3. D_Billy_Buttram

    D_Billy_Buttram Account Disabled

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    I had a very similar situation with the first girlfriend I had sex with. I agree with TexasJeb, it'll really help if you stop masturbating as much, thus building the sensitivity during sex. The key for me was to be patient. It took me having sex with her a few times before I could cum from penetrating her. Once I "trained" myself then it became a lot easier. I was never able to have a quickie with her, but she didn't seem to mind that fact haha. Another idea is that, I'm not sure if you're using condoms, but if you are try switching and trying different kinds to increase sensitivity.

    Good luck!
     
  4. arktrucker

    Gold Member

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    I agree with the two guys above and want to add one more thing. Maybe you're trying too hard to cum. Obviously you're able to bring her to climax so that shouldn't be an issue to think about. Relax and enjoy what you are doing. If you cum good but if you don't cum you haven't 'failed at sex'. Its good to cum but its not and shouldn't be the be all end all for a relation ship.
     
  5. J_D_C

    J_D_C New Member

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    I think this might be caused from anxiety to perform sexually for your partner. I've had the same problem when I was younger and I still kind of do with new partners, but the only thing I can say is just relax and enjoy the moment.
     
  6. thirtyseven

    thirtyseven New Member

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    I think its what they all said up above. What you might want to try is.. dont masturbate for a week and then ask your girlfriend to do it for you. show her how you like it done because obviously everyone has preferences. Show her how to make you feel good, your way... just with her hands not yours. That way she won't have to think she's turning you off. But of course, relax and just have fun with it. Takes practise. You'll get there! <- pun intended.
     
  7. jonglobe

    jonglobe New Member

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    Thanks for the replies!

    My g.f. is the first g.f I've had, so there aren't any hangups about exes etc. I am going to hold off from masturbation however - I don't do it often, but I have been masturbating for about 6 years so I can easily see that I may have 'trained' myself to cum in a certain way.

    I will also try and take it slower and let anticipation build up, hopefully that will help too!
     
  8. Pdawg

    Pdawg New Member

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    Agree with the others... Maybe the subject line should read Can't Cum Having Sex, because you can cum, right? Give it a break, it will happen...
     
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