Can't get off

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by apih-, Jul 2, 2011.

  1. apih-

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2008
    Messages:
    5
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Us
    Verified:
    Photo
    Hey guys. So I have had sex with a few people now, but no matter what no one can seem to get me off. Not from a bj, hj, or anal. Has anyone else had something like this?
     
  2. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,031
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    If you can get yourself off when you jack off, you're probably just tense or nervous. Mentally try to get youself to relax.
     
  3. funguy3

    funguy3 Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2009
    Messages:
    171
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    dude, i have the same problem. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and same thing - no matter what he's doing, or has been doing, I need to step in at the very end and finish myself, with his help. It's really discouraging for us both, but we're blaming it on the array of medications I started taking a few months back which affected sexual performance drastically at the time.

    Have you been able to identify what it is you can do better? For me, it's speed and grip.. he just can't do it like I can.
     
  4. open501s

    open501s Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    645
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Agree. I had this problem.

    I called it "cum shy". I was open about it and just accepted it.

    Over time I got over it and can cum with others no problem...

    Just take advantage of it and tease your self and who ever you are with for long sessions ;)
     
  5. gert123

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2006
    Messages:
    99
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Johannesburg - South Africa
    Verified:
    Photo
    Funguy3, you said it! " he just can't do it like I can. " i also have that same problem, as I have been jerking off for so long now, but had very little interaction with others, sexually. open501s has a very good suggestion, and just accept it, and tell your BF that. Nothing to be ashamed of. It is just how it is. I am much better now, and other people can get me off. Just relax and try that it not be an issue, and then one day, it will just happen.
     
  6. UKPianoBoy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2011
    Messages:
    290
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    67
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Hertfordshire, Watford
    Verified:
    Photo
    It is a matter of proper stimulation and complete attraction.
     
  7. OhWiseOne

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,493
    Albums:
    10
    Likes Received:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida
    Verified:
    Photo
    Gosh if I know never had the problem. I will say cumming is only the period in the sentence. Enjoy reading the sentence if you get my drift.
     
  8. erratic

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    4,410
    Likes Received:
    287
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    Bingo!

    Of course, some people are legitimately just hard to get off. That's fine. Some people need a lot of foreplay. Also fine. Some people, like me, need a lot of foreplay and still take a long time. That's fine, too. In my experience, the sooner people come to terms with these things the sooner they start having amazing sex. On the other hand, one of my first boyfriends had, shall we say, an overzealous circumcision and as a result his sensitivity level was a bit low. That wasn't the problem though: To compensate, he used kung-fu grip when he beat off, so getting him to come was a bastard until he started easing up on himself.

    If, when you masturbate, you don't use lube and/or are manhandling your junk you might consider easing up on the clutch, as it were. Meanwhile, do remember that some men would happily trade places with you. Listen to your body.
     
  9. kayman

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2010
    Messages:
    799
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    61
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta (GA, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Yeah, I have this issue as well, but as OhWiseOne said, I do very much enjoy the sex because I love feeling of being penetrated by someone I like.
     
  10. Something_Else

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    Love your phrase, cum shy haha. Because it captures what happens to me too!

    I think - as what many have touched upon - is relaxing and being in the moment with your guy.

    I think having a strong bond or connection and knowing that there isn't any pressure to cum (or how to cum or where to cum helps in that regards). Just being able to be cool with your guy, and you'll relax a bit - and if it happens great; if it doesn't, you still shared an intimate connecting moment with your guy all the same.

    For me, I think my 'cum shyness' developed from sexing women primarily before guys. With women: there's (a) flirting, then (b) foreplay, then actual (c) sex; so, learning to have sustainability throughout is a necessary skill. You can't explode too early because she won't be able to enjoy - depending on your refractory period.

    So learning how to stay hard and view sex where your woman is able to reach climax was the primary and biggest concern. I think that contrasts with being with a guy. Guys are cool if you cum early or late.

    Maybe spend more time just flirting/foreplay without the sex and see if that helps any. Remember every body is wired differently, so you may have to take a bit more time to find out each other's erogenous zones and how to build the passion from there.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted