"Can't We Just Be Friends?"

[IrishGirl]

It is interesting that the women who have responded did not find themselves able to make the transition but men were.

I can only speak for myself, but I found that with age the ability to separate my heart and emotions from my vagina came rather naturally.

I have been with the same man for 23 years, but we have had several breaks in our relationship. Sometimes for a few weeks or even months, and once for almost 2 years.

When I was very young (teens and twenties), I had sex only with men I had intense feelings for. Like a lot of very young women, I sometimes did it because I felt it would lead to the feelings being mutual if they weren't already.

By the time I hit my 30's, I was able to have sex with men just because I found them attractive, but sometimes it still didn't feel quite "right". It bothered me on occasion because on some level I felt I should be expecting something more to go along with the sex I was having with men I wasn't in a relationship with.

When I was in my early 40's, I had a disastrous relationship with a 25 year old man. The sex was fantastic, but everything else was excruciating. After we broke up, he called me and said something along the lines of "I'm not sure how to say this but I jerk off twice a day thinking about you (insert various sex acts) -ing me and I agree with you that it's never going to work between us but if you aren't seeing anyone I want you to know that if you ever want to (insert various sex acts) again, I can be there in less than 5 minutes".

It was at that exact moment that I realized there are much worse things in this world than getting fucked silly by a hot 25 year old with no strings attached. From that moment on, I haven't had any issues with it whatsoever :biggrin1: .

 

[Principessa]

Irish Girl, you are my hero!
Our dating histories are somewhat similar. I hope this means I get to have hot sex with a 25 year old guy soon. :tongue:

As for being just friends with a boyfriend after the relationship ends . . . no it's never happend. I'm with Greg Behrendt on that one. He has a book called, "It's called a break-up because it's broken."

njqt466

I can only speak for myself, but I found that with age the ability to separate my heart and emotions from my vagina came rather naturally.

I have been with the same man for 23 years, but we have had several breaks in our relationship. Sometimes for a few weeks or even months, and once for almost 2 years.

When I was very young (teens and twenties), I had sex only with men I had intense feelings for. Like a lot of very young women, I sometimes did it because I felt it would lead to the feelings being mutual if they weren't already.

By the time I hit my 30's, I was able to have sex with men just because I found them attractive, but sometimes it still didn't feel quite "right". It bothered me on occasion because on some level I felt I should be expecting something more to go along with the sex I was having with men I wasn't in a relationship with.

When I was in my early 40's, I had a disastrous relationship with a 25 year old man. The sex was fantastic, but everything else was excruciating. After we broke up, he called me and said something along the lines of "I'm not sure how to say this but I jerk off twice a day thinking about you (insert various sex acts) -ing me and I agree with you that it's never going to work between us but if you aren't seeing anyone I want you to know that if you ever want to (insert various sex acts) again, I can be there in less than 5 minutes".

It was at that exact moment that I realized there are much worse things in this world than getting fucked silly by a hot 25 year old with no strings attached. From that moment on, I haven't had any issues with it whatsoever :biggrin1: .

 

[JustAsking]

It's worked for me. I'm on good terms with most of my ex-gfs.

Yes, so am I. Two of my high school sweethearts were at my wedding and our families have been in contact with each other ever since (30 years later).

 

[Ethyl]

I'm friends with my first ex but we'd been divorced for years before he contacted me again right after Christmas last year. Enough time had passed that we were able to tie up any loose ends with plenty of objectivity and forgiveness. We married too young and the relationship was too tempestuous...we were a bomb waiting to detonate. Now we're seeing how much we've grown individually and there is a great amount of respect for the other. It's not the usual situation but I feel fortunate that we've become friends again.

 

[No_Strings]

Well, I haven't been in a great deal of relationships, but none of them resulted in a 'split' rather they just ended by mutual agreement.

I've always stayed on great terms with my ex's, one of them is among my true best friends and has been since we ended.

I believe, that if a sexual relationship doesn't work out, then it was just misjudgement - two people connected in a way that perhaps good friends would, and it gets confused for a sexual connection. When the relationship ends, it's when people realise that it's not meant to be a sexual thing, but I don't think connection should then be severed.

 

[karmen]

. . . . . . I believe, that if a sexual relationship doesn't work out, then it was just misjudgement - two people connected in a way that perhaps good friends would, and it gets confused for a sexual connection. When the relationship ends, it's when people realise that it's not meant to be a sexual thing, but I don't think connection should then be severed.

I agree with most of this statement. People do get into relationships that they shouldn't get into. But for a typical relationship, I do believe that an attempt to remain friendly is possible. I feel even more strongly if the relationship happens to have been of a long term.

Sometimes no matter what, the other person isn't interested, or the new lover is threatened by your being in his/her life or sometimes the friendship just faaaaadddddeeesss away.

Hugs and Kisses,

Karmen

 

[tiff86]

Me too! I have not been able to stay friends with any exes, although I only have 2 exes. It's just really hard, especially if they want to get back together. Both times for me I tried to stay friends but finally had to make a clean break.

If there is anyone out there that has found a way to just be "friends" with an ex-lover or someone that you've had a deep crush on? I need advice. How do you handle all those pent up sexual feelings when you meet with the ex as friends? How can a relationship which revolved around sex turn into a friendship with no sex?

I've always found this to be damn near impossible so I usually have clean breaks. Usually I need to no longer feel any sexual attraction to be friends. What has your experience been?

 

[98264]

were still friends but im still fuckin him
LOL i loose and win good sex

 

[ddazndd]

Did you become friends first then began to find attraction on the other person or is it the other way around?

 

[98264]

well it was complicated i had a bf at the time , he kinda moved into my life we became friends, then after i split iwth the bf he persued me
well LOL he was persuing me while i was with my bf
we dated for a short time, then he wanted to remain frineds
and i couldnt help myself
im just a slave to the cock i suppose

 

[earllogjam]

I've found a semi-solution to this dilema - I'm just communicating via email. That way I can't see him, still keep in touch, remain friends and no sexual feelings to act upon. Voila. I do still have licentious thoughts.

 

[karmen]

Karmen,

Thanks for your heartfelt advice. I am still trying to find a way to remain friends with someone whom I have a deep crush on but I think deep in my head I want to rekindle the sex part of our relationship - not a good premise for friendship. We suggested maybe going for a coffee or taking a walk together but I'm afraid of the awkwardness of the whole situation and both of us feeling like never seeing each other again. I'm just going to have to approach this as a new chapter in our relationship and take some small steps. Fooled around and fell in love. I feel that I'm clinging onto something that is already gone but my heart just won't believe it so I'm going for friendship.

You are very welcome. Good luck to you and I hope this situation turns out well for you.

Hugs and Kisses,

Karmen