Car Size & Dick Size

[headbang8]

Car marketing is part of my job, and when I first joined the LPSG several years ago, I wrote a scientific opinion on this subject. If memory serves, it went something like this...

ED x V x K = P
ID x O

Where:

P = Penis size (or for a woman, ovarian intensity)
ED = Engine displacement
V = Top speed
K = Stylishness (constant)
ID = Immediate depreciation of car when you drive it off the lot (generally an inverse relationship with value for money)
O = Obviousness

Now class, let's fit Luke's 1985 Monte Carlo into the equation. Beefy engine, fast off the mark, groovier than the equivalent Bel Air, holds its value well in the used car market, and not obvious at all. Hey presto, Roy is revealed to be hung like a donkey. Or at the very least, an Impala.

ON the other hand, if we put a Porsche into the model, we find that though it has a decent engine displacement and a huge top speed, it's so look-at-me obvious, and such dismal value for money, that we cannot measure the Porsche owner's penis with even the most advanced scientific instruments.

For those of you who don't own a car, that (obviously) reduces the obviousness to zero. Which means your dick stretches to infinity. Enjoy!

What do I own and drive? Well, I own a 1994 Land Rover Discovery, (Aegean Blue, 3990 cc V8i 4dr AT non smoker uncut) which I bought when less than a year old. That means some other idio....er, the previous owner copped the bulk of the depreciation. And since it's not as obvious as a Rangie or Escalade, the equation reveals me to be dashingly hung. No?

The previous owner was adoctor, and he said that though the car made his dick feel bigger, it was just a placebo.

(And before you scoff at an urban dweller needing a diff lock to get over the speed humps in the mall parking lot, I take it off-road extensively, and used it in some severe winter environments.)

But alas, the car is in Australia in my fag hag's garage. It would have been ridiculous to try to ship it when I moved to Tokyo, and owning a car in New York is expensive lunacy. Any Australians want to buy a Land Rover?

 

[madame_zora]

I was so excited to find a category for my car- Batmobile! I drive a 78 Thunderbird, the old one with retractible light covers, and it's black- looks quite a lot like the Batmobile. Thanks for thinking of me.

No dick, and I don't think I'm compensating for my tits.

 

[B_RoysToy]

EnglishGentleman and Windtalkerways: Thanks for your replies which have compensated me for my membership fees. Now, if only I can get you to help me get started, I'll be more than happy to attempt such feats. Is there any type of apparatus you could recommend for use in training this appendage the techniques of driving? I don't want to endanger the lives of anyone while he's learning, you know.

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

I drive a silver '99 Dodge Viper RT/10. (that's the roadster version, not the hardtop)

I checked Batmobile on the survey because a lot of people call it that...

and when someone tries to be clever and insinuate that I'm compensating for something with the car, I just point out the fact that I also wear a size 17 shoe.

 

[B_horribleperson]

i have a 2004 Acura TL
a 2005 Ducati 999s motorcycle
and a 2005 Ford crown victoria police car (because im a police officer)

 

[windtalkerways]

You're sweet, Roy'sToy! :smile:

I'd say take your vehicle out to some
back roads, put some sunscreen and
a cool pair of shades on him, then let
him have a go...if he get's a little
distracted, you may have to cuff him
to the wheel to keep him on track!:wink:

 

[B_RoysToy]

You're sweet, Roy'sToy! :smile:

I'd say take your vehicle out to some
back roads, put some sunscreen and
a cool pair of shades on him, then let
him have a go...if he get's a little
distracted, you may have to cuff him
to the wheel to keep him on track!:wink:

Thank you so much not only for the suggestions, but also for your awesome compliment, windtalkerways. I don't foresee any problem with applying sunscreen to him, but coming up with the shades gives me pause. I'm trying now to work out a 'tent' type shelter to shade his fairly prominent slit, mainly because of his sensitivity to the bright sunlight. The frame encircles his shaft right below his head's corona and the wire supports extend up to hold the lens from an old pair of sunglasses. This seems to remain stationary unless too much throbbing shakes it to the side, requiring me to center it again, but since he'll be doing the driving I'll be able to manage. As for getting him cuffed to the wheel that's going to take more thought before we make our virgin voyage. Again, thx for your interest and instructions, you're sweet!

 

[Pappy]

I drive a silver '99 Dodge Viper RT/10. (that's the roadster version, not the hardtop)

I checked Batmobile on the survey because a lot of people call it that...

and when someone tries to be clever and insinuate that I'm compensating for something with the car, I just point out the fact that I also wear a size 17 shoe.

Which proves absolutely nothing. Shoe size does not indicate dick size.

As I have stated before, I drive a 1998 Madza 626LX, not pretentious but comfortable. Nicely appointed and still practical. Roomy but economical.

 

[BuddyBoy]

2005 Chrysler 300C V-8 5.7L Hemi. Has to be one of the most comfortable cars I've ever driven, and surprisingly a lot more poop than my old '86 Mustang Convertable.

Of course, I do have a miniscule dick.:tongue:

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

since I guess some people aren't clever enough to understand the joke... the point of giving my shoe size is a joke. If they're going to ask if I'm compensating for something with my sports car and think that they're being witty in doing so (they're not, almost everyone makes this connection) I like to retort with some equally asinine and untrue stereotype... but one that works in my favor in this case. Both stereotypes are stupid, but they cancel each other out. Not trying to PROVE I have a big dick... just that they're idiots.

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

2005 Chrysler 300C V-8 5.7L Hemi. Has to be one of the most comfortable cars I've ever driven, and surprisingly a lot more poop than my old '86 Mustang Convertable.

Of course, I do have a miniscule dick.:tongue:

you were surprised that you got more bang for your buck with a Hemi V8 than your '86 Mustang?? c'mon.. even if it's in a luxury car... it's still a V8 Hemi. The 1980s was a dreadful decade for sports cars... with a few rare exceptions, they were ugly, underpowered and slow. Mustangs certainly didn't escape that trend, and in fact continued being weak up until the GTs came out last year.

 

[B_Hickboy]

I drive an arrogantly shabby 1989 Isuzu Trooper with no back seat in it. It has a 4 cylinder engine from a tractor, manual transmission, 4 wheel drive, and will pull a railcar up an icy telephone pole in reverse.

I use it to carry my backpack and flyfishing gear.

 

[Rikter8]

Now class, let's fit Luke's 1985 Monte Carlo into the equation. Beefy engine, fast off the mark, groovier than the equivalent Bel Air, holds its value well in the used car market, and not obvious at all. Hey presto, Roy is revealed to be hung like a donkey. Or at the very least, an Impala.

ON the other hand, if we put a Porsche into the model, we find that though it has a decent engine displacement and a huge top speed, it's so look-at-me obvious, and such dismal value for money, that we cannot measure the Porsche owner's penis with even the most advanced scientific instruments.

Ok Lets test your Marketing VS Mechanics.

Luke's 85 Monte Carlo with a 305cid carbureted V8 may not be the snappiest thing off the light, especially with a 3.42 rear axle (or around there). Now for top speed, if he dropped that rear axle down to a 3.08 or around a 2.77 or so, that would easily blow that porche off the road at the top end.

Hopefully Luke has yanked that 305 and put in a 350, or 400, fuel injected, or bumped up the carburetion with a Nasty Lopey Cam.

Be afraid Mr. Porche...Be very afraid

 

[Rikter8]

Mustangs certainly didn't escape that trend, and in fact continued being weak up until the GTs came out last year.

Im not a Ford Man....And their presentation of the new mustang at the auto show proves why I will never be. They never had decent power.
My Trans Am has more HP and torque than the new mustang, and its 4 years old.

The 80s generally were low compression motors. Intentions were there, but the smog rules kept companies low key.

One whom had cash could easily trash the stock crank, pistons, heads and upgrade to high compression units, (Or low if you were doing forced induciton), and Voila, instant Horsepower Monster.

Id rather buy a Used 84 Olds Cutlass 442 or a Monte SS, than ANY new car theyre selling today.

Oh... Im average size, and I build my cars because I enjoy the horsepower and torque, not because of my Penis Size.
This is mellow, compared to how I like my cars/trucks.

 

[ithacaviking]

I drive an electric car :smile:
www.think.no

 

[D_alex8]

I drive an electric car :smile:
www.think.no

Yes, but do you have an electric cock as well?

 

[BuddyBoy]

you were surprised that you got more bang for your buck with a Hemi V8 than your '86 Mustang?? c'mon.. even if it's in a luxury car... it's still a V8 Hemi. The 1980s was a dreadful decade for sports cars... with a few rare exceptions, they were ugly, underpowered and slow. Mustangs certainly didn't escape that trend, and in fact continued being weak up until the GTs came out last year.

Yup, I was surpised, mainly because what I knew about cars could have been written on the head of a pin. I didn't even know what a hemi was until I started driving one. The thing I really love is the way the 300C goes from and 8 to a 4 when just maintaining highway speeds. I do a chunk of highway driving and get great gas mileage for a V-8.

 

[D_Cliebert_Chodechoker]

I have no car, and yet I own a penis.
The stereotypes are all obviously true.

BWAHAHAH that was great! I thought this thread was a joke at first, but it wasnt I drive a small honda, u know what they say the smaller the car the bigger the c**k in that case i drive a tricycle around town, and my dick gets stuck inbetween the spokes LOL

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

Im not a Ford Man....And their presentation of the new mustang at the auto show proves why I will never be. They never had decent power.
My Trans Am has more HP and torque than the new mustang, and its 4 years old.

I'm not a fan of Mustangs in general either, at least nothing that has come out in the last 30 years... but you have to admit the Mustang GT is at least a better car than what they had been producing.

As for the Ford Motor company in general... also not a big fan... but the Ford GT (not the Mustang... the reimagined GT40) is an amazing car. As far as stock performance goes its hard to find a better value out there...

since I don't know anyone who owns a Ford GT I'm afraid I can't comment on what ownership of the vehicle means in terms of penis size.

 

[cooliorox]

you were surprised that you got more bang for your buck with a Hemi V8 than your '86 Mustang?? c'mon.. even if it's in a luxury car... it's still a V8 Hemi. The 1980s was a dreadful decade for sports cars... with a few rare exceptions, they were ugly, underpowered and slow. Mustangs certainly didn't escape that trend, and in fact continued being weak up until the GTs came out last year.

Gotta argue with ya there.....i own an 03 GT, and IMO, since they switched the heads on the GT's, theyre almost as good....the only difference between the 04 and the 05 GT is the added valve per cylinder....of course I humbly bow to you and your viper....thats my dream car. :smile: How'd you get your hands on that sweet piece of machine?