Caring for your parents

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Apr 6, 2008.

  1. Principessa

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    Caring For Your Parents is a 2 hour documentary on PBS. I caught it one night last week; but they will probably be re-running it the rest of the month. It can also be seen in its entirety on the PBS website.
    As the population ages, many adult children are grappling with an unprecedented social, cultural, economic, and personal revolution as they transition into the primary caregiver role for their aging parents. Produced, written, and directed by award-winning filmmaker Michael Kirk, Caring for Your Parents is a moving two-hour special that draws much-needed attention to this universal reality.

    The first 90-minutes of Caring for Your Parents underscores today's struggle to keep parents at home, tensions between siblings, and the complexity of shifting caregiver roles through an intimate look at five American families. In the end, the documentary contends successful caregiving requires one primary ingredient‒love.


    Immediately after the 90-minute broadcast, medical correspondent Dr. Art Ulene leads "A Conversation About Caring." This half-hour panel discussion offers concrete advice and guidance on how to start the conversation‒often the most difficult step in caregiving.

    Caring for Your Parents is a Kirk Documentary Group, Ltd. Production for WGBH Boston. The executive producer is Laurie Donnelly. Major funding is provided by Harrah's Foundation. Additional funding by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, a private corporation funded by the American people.
    I think everyone should see it. Even if your parents are still working and physically fit, it brings up topics you should prepare for just in case.

    As one recently thrust into the role of caregiver to aging parents, I found it interesting and helpful. :cool:
     
  2. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    those fools chose to send me to college instead of saving for their retirement. they made poor a choice, and i don't see how that is a concern of mine.
     
  3. lucky8

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    dude thats a pretty dick thing to say. we're lucky to have parents that can afford to send us to college...i know a shit ton of people who don't have such luck
     
  4. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    when my parents do start aging and are in need of caregiving, i would definitely take care of them in their old age. i guess it's the asian-upbringing in me. besdies, i'd rather watch over them myself than send them off to a retirement home where i won't know how they'll be treated.
     
  5. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    i don't know you and i don't know how your relationship with your parents are. but please be grateful that they were able to provide a good education for you. some parents make sacrifices beyond our imaginations, just so their children can have better lives than they did.
     
  6. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Mine have enough money to afford to pay for a full time live in carers if anything happened to them, but really I couldn't care less if anything was to happen to them.
    The only way I ever speak to my parents is through our legal representives, and I haven't spoken "in person" with them in three years.
    Which suits me just fine.
     
  7. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    they clearly misjudged me
     
  8. lucky8

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    i hope this is the return of the duder
     
  9. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    sorry to hear that :frown1:
     
  10. unabear09

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    yeah really a dick thing to say....and mine haven't put a dime forth into paying for my college. I'm 25, my dad just turned 60 and my mother is 55, and I have already had to start providing care to them both. In 06, my mother had both of her hips replaced, and contracted msra staph infection, and ended up having one hip re-replaced, only to end up having to have everything removed completely. The staph was so bad, it started effecting her mind and she stopped eating and drinking. She was at the brink of death so many times....well I finally got her back to eating and drinking again, though in very small amounts, and the way I got her back to eating was to hand feed her. Well after a year and a half in the hospital and another 6 months in a nursing home, she finally made it home, and since my dad still has to work, I was left to help take care of her. which included cooking, helping her to the bathroom (she will never be able to walk again), and all of that other crap.

    well not long after she got home (she was still bed ridden and unable to do much of anything for herself), I took my dad to the dr. for some routine tests, and ended up having to take him to University Hospital at U of Alabama Birmingham, for emergency open heart surgery. Well after spending 10 days with him in recovery, I brought him home to live with me and I cared for him round the clock for 6 weeks, until he decided he was ready to go back home.

    So yeah, I never thought at the age of 25 I'd have to take care of my parents. But, its a burden that I have chosen to have, and despite the issues in the past I've had with my parents, I'd do it again, and I already know that in the not to distant future, my dad will end up living with me (my mom's terminally ill with something, and most likely will be gone by the time dad gets to the shape where he can't take care of himself). So I guess what I am getting at is that we never know when we will be called on to take care of the ones that raised us, so don't go around saying shit like you're not gonna take care of them, because unless you have a sibling to take your place or you're just a complete asshole, the responsibility of caring for your parents is almost inevitable......


    Josh
     
  11. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    i missed you, buddy
     
  12. unabear09

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    I am in the same boat with you kinda. I no longer speak to my mother (this is due to 25 years of physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological abuse) but some part of me still loves her, but I will never be able to provide care for her again, nor will I ever be able to have much of a relationship with her. Now I love my dad, and would (and have in the past) do anything for him.
     
  13. lucky8

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    too bad favre retired
     
  14. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    :crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying:
     
  15. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I will not become a nursemaid to my parents under any circumstances.

    There's enough money to provide for caregivers, and we already decided that when I settle permanently, or for a longer period, they will buy a place in the same neighborhood, maybe even next door. But not sharing a house. I would not feel comfortable with the role reversal.
     
  16. horneyoldguy

    horneyoldguy New Member

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    That is the most selfish statement I have ever heard.
     
  17. frizzle

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    I've always said when I'm too old to look after myself, use me as a firelighter :)
     
  18. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    It isnt easy but it is something I have dealt with for the majority of my adult life. Serial elder caretaking is not for sissies. We have a number of very unselfish members here on the board who are in the process or have been taking care of ailing parents for years. We should probably start a section just for that for folks to talk about it. I know it would help members who feel isolated frustrated and as though they are all alone in this situation .Our country did not adequately prepare for the record number of seniors who are now beginning to flood the rolls. Long term health care came when many of our parents were alread beyond the actuarial tables. If any one wants to talk about their experiences I am game. You can PM me. In fact the interesting thing is that most of the moderators if not in the midst of elder caretaking right now have been in the recent past. So we do understand.
     
  19. snoozan

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    Well, your first statement is rather shitty but it's somewhat mitigated by your second paragraph. Still, though you can hire visiting nurses and other caregivers, it will never replace the good it will do you and your parents to care for them in their old age.

    I care for both my mother and my grandmother, and the last two years it's been one health crisis after another. It's a pain in the ass and very hard, but both of those women gave their children and grandchildren more of their lives than anything else. How can you not give that back?
     
  20. unabear09

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    this post truely warms my heart. thank you for posting this naughty. I am definately in an unique spot in my life....I'm 25, and have already had to provide care to both of my parents (see my earlier post), and I have been living with my elderly grandmother for the last 5-7 years and providing round the clock care for her. She's still independant for the most part, but cannot live by herself anymore (she's very prone to fall, leave things in the oven to long....typical stuff you'd encounter with an elderly person). It is a difficult position to be in, as I am financially dependant on her, just as she is dependant on me for her care. Not only that but it is also very painful to watch someone you love so much go down hill like that. I am doing this for her ,in a sense, to partially repay her for helping raise myself and my brother. I don't know where I would be if it weren't for her....no wait, I would....I'd be in a hell of a lot worse shape than I am now. I would love to see a section for those of us who give care to others. you hit the nail on the head about the lonliness and isolation part....I find it so hard to tell people my age and older (30's and early 40's) about my situation....many people (even in my family) think that I am there with her to bleed her dry and to keep from moving on with my life and being independant and all of the stuff... i.e. I'm basically a leech.... As a matter of fact, I have lost friends in the past due to it, and have found it hard to keep friends. But I made a promise to my grandmother that I would stay here with her until she dies. All I want for her is for her to be able to die in here on home in peace, with dignaty. Josh
     
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