Celebrity Big Cock Jokes

Discussion in 'Celebrity Endowments' started by LoneWolf9, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    Here are some Milton Berle big cock jokes from my Guide:

    * His friend comedian George Burns belonged to the same Hollywood club, and his locker was next to Berle's. Burns said things such as: "Milton Berle is the only man who could get a standing ovation for taking a shower." He also wrote: "Milton went out with everybody from silent film stars to Marilyn Monroe. You'll notice I use the phrase 'went out', but that's not exactly what I mean, because I do a clean act. Think of a train going into a tunnel. And based on Milton's reputation, this train was so popular with the passengers that he couldn't keep it in the station."

    * Phil Silvers, another club member, encountered Milton Berle in the rest room. As he stood next to him at the urinal, he looked over and said: "You better feed that thing, otherwise it's likely to turn on you."

    * According to actor Dick Shawn: "I didn't have my glasses on when Milton Berle stepped into the steam room and opened his robe up. It looked like he had a small child hiding between his legs, until I put my glasses on and found out it was his cock."

    * At the Hollywood club one day Milton Berle and Forrest Tucker were there, and men started betting money on who had the biggest cock. Milton said: "No way, this is silly. I've been through this before. We're all men here." Jackie Gleason said: "Aw, come on Milton, just take out enough to win."

    * Saturday Night Live writer Alan Zweibel recalled: I learned early on that he was the guy with the big dick, the biggest in show business. So I started writing big dick jokes about him. Now fast-forward a few years and I'm in Milton Berle's dressing room at Saturday Night Live. He's sitting on a couch behind a coffee table and he's wearing a very short kind of bathrobe. Somehow I just say to him: "You know, it's so weird that I'm here talking to you, because for years I was writing jokes about your dick." He says to me: "You mean you never saw it?" I said: "Uh, no, I don't believe I did." Then he said: "Well, would you like to?" And before I had a chance to say whatever, he parts his bathrobe and he just takes out this--this anaconda. He lays it on the table and I'm looking into this thing, right? I'm looking into the head of Milton Berle's dick. It was enormous. It was like a pepperoni. And he goes: "What do you think of the boy?" And I'm looking right at it and I go: "Oh, it's really, really nice." At which point Gilda Radner opens the door to the dressing room, and this honestly happened! She opens the door to his dressing room just in time to see me looking into his dick saying: "Yeah, it's really, really nice." I tell Milton: "I'll talk to you later", closed the door, and left...

    * Milton Berle died at age 93 in 2002. At the Friars Club memorial roast Freddie Roman remarked: We are here to honor Milton Berle, who passed away on March 27th. On May 1st and May 2nd, his penis will be buried.
     
  2. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    Also from my Guide:

    Elvira, the TV hostess, stated in a radio interview that she couldn't walk and had to go to the hospital for stitches after being fucked by Tom Jones.
     
  3. dcw4

    dcw4 Member

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    I had a very embarassing incident regarding a joke I told:

    I was at a diner/coffee house, sitting next to the cash register,

    telling a friend some "black man" huge penis joke, when I turned

    around Bill Russell who was the couch for the Seattle Supersonics at time,

    standing there, giving me the most evil glare ever!

    I learned my lesson, I guess a racist joke, is a racist joke.

    dcw4
     
  4. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    Steve Cochran had a cock over 12 inches long and was Mae West's lover. She said, "Talk about an appropriate last name. He should have spelled Cochran with a K."
     
  5. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    Here is my complete Guide entry for LBJ, because it's all hilarious:

    Lyndon Baines Johnson: LBJ had the biggest cock of any American president, and would show it to anyone who asked. When running for the Oval Office he said things such as, "Gentlemen, I have a hard-on for the presidency." He was fond of intimidating his subordinates with his monster "trouser snake" and loved showing it off. His cock was named "Jumbo" and he would chase secretaries around the office with it. Men were shown in to meet him while he was sitting on the toilet, so they could see his cock hanging into the bowl and snaking down his leg when he stood up to pull his pants on. LBJ would make reporters strip first and get into the White House swimming pool, where he'd talk to them. Then would come his "un-veiling" of the Largest Cock in the modern world and he would give an interview to the "little people". When swimming nude with others, he would shake his horse cock at them and say, "If any of this gets out, you're finished." He said, "I don't trust a man until I have his pecker in my pocket." During a press conference in Thailand, LBJ exposed himself to reporters outside a washroom and said, "Don't see 'em this big out here, do they?" When some reporters were pestering him about why the US was in Vietnam, he became exasperated, unzipped his fly, pulled out his cock and said, "This is why."
     
  6. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    English composer Andrew Lloyd Webber is "very well endowed" but not attractive. His wife was asked on the Jonathan Ross TV show what she saw in him. She replied, "He had a big dick." When Graham Norton said it must have been like "being with the ugliest kid on the playground", she responded, "Yeah, but with the biggest Willie."
     
  7. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    Eddie Murphy has an uncut dick over 9 inches long. In his "I Spy" movie he is asked about 007, and he replies, "How about double O nine and a half? If you get my innuendo." He admitted in a "Playboy" interview that his dick has a bend in it, and has joked that his dick is "as straight as a pretzel".
     
  8. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    In his autobiography horse-hung David Niven mentions that his cock shrunk with age. He hosted the 1974 Academy Awards show on live TV and Robert Opal streaked naked across the screen. Niven deadpanned, "Probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings." (In fact Opal was hung like a horse and ran a porn store in LA where he was murdered.) When Niven was filming "The Pink Panther" in the Italian Alps, his cock became frostbitten. He was advised to soak it in alcohol, so he retired to the restroom with a glass of whiskey. Another guy asked him about it, and Niven replied, "I always give it a drink now and then."
     
  9. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    Aristotle Onasis had a cock 10 1/2 inches long and over 7 inches around, veiny with an abundance of foreskin. On his yacht his bar stools were covered with whale penis skin, and he enjoyed telling guests they were sitting on the the biggest dick in the world.
     
  10. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    You've probably read this one:

    Ava Gardner said of Frank Sinatra (11 to 12 inches of cock) : "There's only ten pounds of Frank, but there's 110 pounds of cock."
     
  11. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    On the Howard Stern show James Woods was asked, "James, is it so big that when you get aroused you get lightheaded?" Woods replied, "Howard, when I get aroused YOU get lightheaded."
     
  12. Cochranfan4life

    Cochranfan4life New Member

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    i've heard about LBJ being well hung. i've always thought he was hot. How thick is he?
    He swims nude? hot!
     
  13. jewboy8

    jewboy8 New Member

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    He really doesn't do much of anything anymore.
     
  14. Cochranfan4life

    Cochranfan4life New Member

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    I know. I still thought he was hot.
     
  15. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    This thread is for JOKES. DCW4 mentions something that is NOT funny, something that RUINS these jokes. Some jerk didn't like DCW4's joke, and DCW4 assumes he did something wrong. NO, the asshole just didn't have a sense of humor. His race was irrelevant, other blacks would have laughed. There is no "lesson" to be learned, except that jokes are like sex: some people get it and some don't.

    Then there's all this stuff about LBJ being "hot" and "doesn't do much of anything anymore". Who gives a shit? Where are the jokes about celebrity big cocks?

    The reason I posted celebrity jokes about big cocks is for my research purposes. I had hoped you LPSG members would post some info or leads I could use for my Guide. Instead there's the ususal vacuous nothingness. I have lots of jokes about celbrity big cocks, but I'm not going to post them where they don't belong. So far it seems they don't belong on LPSG
     
  16. LoneWolf9

    LoneWolf9 Member

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    Josip Broz Tito, the dictator of the former Yugoslavia was "notoriously well-endowed". One of Tito's enemies spread rumors that he was castrated and wore women's underwear. Tito attended a meeting of military leaders wearing a skimpy bathing suit that revealed his huge cock. He said, "Will you please ask the captain why he thinks I am a lesbian?"
     
  17. dcw4

    dcw4 Member

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    I guess the reason why it has stayed with me all these years is this:

    Have you ever seen Bill Russell?
    I didnt want to piss HIM off!

    dcw4
     
  18. tbnd_95678

    tbnd_95678 New Member

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    While appearing on the TV show "Dallas", Christopher Atkins (who appeared many times wearing nothing but a Speedo) was asked by producers to "stop stuffing my swimsuit...which was kind of funny to me and flattering."
     
  19. BigDikkedGuy

    Verified Gold Member

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    How do u guys figure out all this stuff
     
  20. BigDikkedGuy

    Verified Gold Member

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    like what magazine or how do u search and try to figure out what might be the size of someones dick?
     
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