Celibacy in marriage

[Hand_Solo]

Coming up on sixteen years of marriage, celibate for a year and a half now. Just needed to vent and didn't know where else to do it. Sorry, I'm miserable. Make sure if you get married you have compatible sex drives.:frown1:

 

[trackdude]

I guess you chose that username for a reason.

 

[Hand_Solo]

I chose it for several reasons, but yeah, pretty much so. =(

 

[MickeyLee]

trackdude we were all thinking it. we just sorta agreed not to say anything. didn't you get the memo?

ml

 

[voyeuristic]

Damn, that's sad - an awfully nice cock going to waste there.

 

[MickeyLee]

so Mr Hand_Solo. ya love her or just don't wanna lose the house?

for true. is there a reason for the cut off? or she has just lost the flicker of the flame?

ml

 

[Joseph]

Well don't know how it'll look when I'm married, but that's a part of it all.

In some marriages Celibacy is something both partners wants, while in others both want it to be open. So cases where just one wants an open one seem not too rare... I used to be against open relationships, but I notice they do have a lot of good things, but they requires a lot of trust.

I had to break up with my last girlfriend, cause she wanted an open relationship. I just didn't feel able to stand the thought of my girl having sex with another guy... I also wouldn't feel ok doing it with another girl... I was ready for a compromise by allowing both of us sex with people of the same gender (she was pretty bi like me), but she wanted to be free, so we just stay friends now.

You want an open relationship, for you it may be like the greatest thing in the world, but your partner might not like it. So I advice you to make the best out of this situation............. yeah that's the best tip I can give, sorry!

 

[CALAMBO]

guy...life is way to short to live this way, unless you allow it...do something about it...yes easier said than done...vent as needed.

 

[kansascityhung]

Hand,

I'm in the exact same boat you're in. My wife hasn't been in the mood for sex in a year. She has a whole raft of health issues that may get fixed soon, but in the meantime, I am fortunate to have some buddies who enjoy getting off with me.

Some would call that cheating -- but I have no interest in "other women" so to me, it's simply a recreational aspect. Some guys get together and work on old cars or play rugby, some guys like to get together and shoot a load. I fall in that latter category.

I know it's tough, but I'm trying to persevere. Too much at stake with kids, etc. to give up completely on the marriage...ball's in her court (or in friends' mouth).

KCH

 

[Hand_Solo]

so Mr Hand_Solo. ya love her or just don't wanna lose the house?

for true. is there a reason for the cut off? or she has just lost the flicker of the flame?

ml

I love her. I've had other offers, but I love her. I'm not sure what the deal is. She's on meds, not happy with her own body, not open to communication. Sorry, I just needed to blow off some steam. Feel like I'm stuck in a fucked place where I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't, and I guess I'd rather be damned if I don't, not that it's much of a choice.

 

[Joseph]

If your really "stuck" (even if that's a harsh word) , I do repeat, make the best of it. Don't give up.

 

[MickeyLee]

Mr Hand_Solo - have y'all gone the therapy road? if she is unhappy and ya are unhappy there might be things ya can to improve ya situation. love is all well and good and trying to do right is admirable. life is short and chances to be happy are fleeting. if things don't change want to do might have to turn into need to do for you.

ml

vent away, brother. i would be punching walls, kicking puppies and cussing nuns a blue streak after a year and half.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

Hand,

I'm in the exact same boat you're in. My wife hasn't been in the mood for sex in a year. She has a whole raft of health issues that may get fixed soon, but in the meantime, I am fortunate to have some buddies who enjoy getting off with me.

Some would call that cheating -- but I have no interest in "other women" so to me, it's simply a recreational aspect. Some guys get together and work on old cars or play rugby, some guys like to get together and shoot a load. I fall in that latter category.

Now this is just interesting.

 

[Hand_Solo]

ML, after a year and a half, I'm pretty much just broken. Before that it was almost another year, and that was a shitty handjob in a motel in Portland where she couldn't even be bothered to stop watching the tv. Ironically, on top of all that, except for some fit issues, sex is pretty fantastic, so it's even more of a loss. I guess I've just reconciled myself to it. If I could cheat, I would have already.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

This is sad. Very sad. I think you could cheat...if you wanted to. Everyone can cheat.

Edit: Not suggesting you cheat though....just saying.

 

[Hand_Solo]

I swore an oath when I married her. I've respectfully turned down offers in the midst of my woes just because it seems morally wrong to me. Maybe I just need to adjust my thinking and adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to where my cock has been. It's certainly not getting any use at home. Seems a shame to let it lie fallow forever.

 

[voyeuristic]

This is getting really personal, and I don't wanna elaborate much more, but I was in a largely sexless relationship for over five years, and I would do anything to have that intensity back. Sharing my life with my truest love was more important than what we were missing - and that's saying a lot, considering my libido.

Now I am getting laid fairly regularly, but none of these people give a fuck about me. I gotta say, I miss the companionship a helluva lot more than I ever missed the sex.

 

[Hand_Solo]

Voyeuristic--you're pretty damn well gorgeous. How anyone could keep his or her hands off you is a mystery to me, but then again, lots of things are mysteries to me.

 

[voyeuristic]

Well, it's a bit more complicated than that - the nutshell version is that I fell in love with a woman but ultimately realized I was less same-sex oriented than I initially thought...so our intimacy consisted more of affection than sex.

The amount of heartbreak involved on both of our parts has been staggering and horrific, but she was the person who ended things.

I would give anything in the world to be a lesbian, so I could do justice to my heart. Anything. If there was a magic pill, I would swallow it in a heartbeat. Women love deeper and harder, my emotional relationships with them have been far more gratifying, and they've been far less judgemental of my body (hair, tits, etc.) than men ever have. My opinion of men is not very high right now, and as I plunge back into the dating world, it just keeps getting lower and lower. The sweet guys are boring and vanilla as hell, but the good fucks don't seem to ever want to hang out with me outside of the bedroom. I want to believe that there are possibilities outside of these two extremes, but I've yet to come across them.

Sorry, voyeuristic is sick with the flu and all of her nerves are at the surface and she can't seem to restrain herself today and is weeping while she writes all of this.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

Voyeuristic--you're pretty damn well gorgeous. How anyone could keep his or her hands off you is a mystery to me, but then again, lots of things are mysteries to me.

I think the problem is that they can't keep their hands off her - but maybe they need to put their hearts on her too?