Celibacy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by salinger, Dec 7, 2006.

  1. salinger

    salinger Member

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    My first topic. Feel free to applaud.

    It's a given that no one really knows me here. I've IM'd and PM'd with a few folks but I've still kept myself pretty close to the background. I try to keep a low profile. It's how I roll. Now, for whatever reason, I'm going to make a post about personal shit. I think partly because know one knows me well enough at all to be anything other than objective so it might make for some interesting feedback. Suppose we shall see.

    I have decided to be celibate for a period of six months. In this time period I will also not drink alcohol or do any other substances that could be deemed narcotic in nature. I'm about a month into this and so far it's been going pretty swimmingly. The only change I've really noticed is I don't seem to want to go out as much anymore. There doesn't seem to be much point, which is part of the reason I wanted to do this in the first place.

    Some background - I'm 27. I've been sexually active nearly half as many years and I went from some fun experimenting and serial cheating in high school, to being a full on whore for sex in college and after. It helps that I don't really make a lot of choices on who I will or won't sleep with. I can find something attractive in nearly everyone I set my eye on, one of the benefits of being a slut for both genders. The problem is that I haven't had a serious relationship in quite some time. Actually, that's not entirely the problem. The problem is more that I haven't been remotely interested in a serious relationship in quite some time. I've been fine with random hookups and occasional sustained hookups over a period of weeks or months. Then I get bored and move on. I've had a lot of fun but there's been something completely empty in all of this.

    If I wasn't interested in hooking up for a evening, then getting bombed was always on option. More emptiness. I have a lot of friends but it's fairly easy for me to isolate myself from them for weeks on end because most of t hem are in relationships. I was telling one of them the story of how I hooked up with these two guys in one night and I was just so bored with the story. I had fun, but I didn't care much at all after the condoms came off. I made a joke about taking a break from sex and was told that I wouldn't last a week and then I realized that my reputation might be in conflict with my intentions. Then I realized I didn't know my intentions, what I wanted, and that's when I realized I needed to figure that out.

    I'm searching for clarity and so I'm ridding my mind/body of all influence for an extended period of time. I want to figure out what I want - in life. In between bouts of that, there will be an enormous amount of masturbation and, as all signs are pointing to, internet use. It's no coincidence I've posted more in the past week than in the past three years combined.

    That's my story. Celibacy. Anyone tried it? Stupid idea? Pointless? What are your thoughts?
     
  2. pasarefun

    pasarefun Member

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    I can not think of any reason that all of us would not think highly of you for doing what you think best. You can be proud that you have a plan and I hope that you can be strong enough to go through the entire 6 months of your quest. All of us can think of a time when we were looking for the quick lay or just drinking to get drunk. At the end of your time, will you want to continue it? Or will you decide that since you have been good for 6 months, go and get drunk and laid on the same night? It is up to you to live your lief as you see fit and set goals to obtain.
    Let us know how you are doing and how we can help, even if it is only kind words and encouragement.
     
  3. davidjh7

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    I actually think, given what you have said, that you have a good idea. You are taking a break from activities that you used to enjoy, but now find mundane. You want to have some time to yourself, to have some introspection, and set some personal goals without having others unduly influence you or your behavior. The only caveat I would say is, while having the goal of six months is good, because you are setting goals, don;t get overly worried about that particular timetable. Instead, maybe set the goal of "When I have cleared my head, and found some of the answers I am looking for, and truly WANT to do it again, THEN I will do it, without any guilt:. That way, you resume activities you find fun, when they are fun again, and not before, and not after. Only you will know if six months is too long, or not long enough. Good luck on your quest--you are having one of those moments of personal growth, and I wish you the very best on your journey!
     
  4. swordfishME

    swordfishME Member

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    Welcome to LPSG...

    You should be really proud of yourself for deciding that you have a problem and you want to do something about it. Do not worry about wether it is the right or wrong approach, but just that you are doing something that YOU think will help you get solutions to the emptiness that you feel from being drunk and having one-nighters. I agree with the poster above that you should not worry about the time limit of your no-sex and alcohol rule. Just do it long enough to where you feel that you have achieved your goals from it. I wish you the best of luck!
     
  5. fortiesfun

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    David is one hell of a smart guy. Whenever I get to a thread that he has already commented upon, he has already said what I wanted to say only better than I could say it. This one is no exception. Listen to him.

     
  6. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    This could be one of those moments in life that determines who you become. Imposing a rigid time element, though not essential, is a good idea because it disallows backsliding. From what you have written, it seems you have quite a bit of introspection ahead of you. I hope you love what you discover. John
     
  7. Gisella

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    Hey Salinger..finally you are writting!:tongue:

    I do find very cool your moment and wish you the best!

    If I may..:redface: while you are detoxing your body please do eat healthy and opt for the organics and whole foods..if you are short in the money, it seems that even Walmart starting selling it in very affordable prices..yep! And keep moving your body as hiking go to mountain tops and beautiful sceneries, learn the breath techniques that goes on in many relaxing methods...go swim, go to nature, choose great readings and so many things that enlight inside us...

    I do feel very excited for you and your detox celibacy fase...:smile:

    :hug: hugs to your body, mind and soul!
     
  8. salinger

    salinger Member

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    I already eat well, although I would sooner stop eating rather than shop at Wal-Mart. I hike pretty much every weekend. I'm in good shape with the only bad things going in my body being every thing I'm giving up. Thanks for the comments, folks.
     
  9. Gisella

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    ops..you live in organic paradise land, California...lol. Where I live most organics are not cheap and comes from your state...

    Anyways...best wishes.
     
  10. Vestigial

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    Celibacy? I'm still trying it. :|

    To me it's more a problem than anything.
     
  11. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I applaud you. I haven't had a lover in a few years now by choice. I have reached the point in my life that I want to make love not just have sex. Meaningless connections mean nothing to me now; they leave me feeling empty. I guess that I learned to truly treasure myself, and I know it's worth waiting for that someone special.
     
  12. AlteredEgo

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    Celibacy always leaves me clearer, and more internally focused, better able to accomplish goals. well, once my body gets used to it, anyway. I've been celibate this time since mid-summer, and I don't even masturbate that often anymore. I used to be good for 2-3 times a day! Now, it's 2-3 times a week. I still have an active libido, it's just... I don't need to. Now it's not to relieve horniness, but just part of some me time. Well. I notice that when i am celibate, people seem to feel like my celibacy is something I'm doing to them, as opposed to for myself. You know, the handful of booty calls youu keep on speed dial. They feel personally rejected, though I've explained it a million times.

    I think overall, you will find this to be rewarding beyond measure. Good for you.
     
  13. rob_just_rob

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    I went through a celibacy "phase", I guess. It wasn't in response to any particular event - I was just tired of the dating scene and generally not feeling sexy. That went on for a few months - until eventually it stopped being about my not being interested in sex or orgasm, and more about not breaking the "streak" :rolleyes: Finally I masturbated and that was the end of the "streak", and eventually, I started to date again.

    I applaud your attempt to go through a cleansing period. I imagine your mind will be occupied with different thoughts than before.
     
  14. davidjh7

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    Thanks, guy! :smile: That's me--all heart, no dick...:tongue:
     
  15. salinger

    salinger Member

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    I really should've given this a sexier title if I wanted more responses. To update, it's been over a month. I wouldn't say I'm going through withdrawel, but I'm definitely horned up. I'm certainly jerking off more. I still go out but sometimes I've opted to stay home rather than hit a club knowing I'm going home alone. I also think I'm getting hit on more, but that might be because I'm saying no. I need a hobby. Thank god I just got a Wii.
     
  16. Vestigial

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    Definately a good way to recover clarity,...

    ...relationships, however brief, can begin to blur everything...



    Since I can just sink into myself and explore the universe within (ever wished to stare into the void?), I generally just use 'hobbies' to keep myself sane.

    I enjoy alot of stuff... nature especially, and I most definately do miss it (I like running across beaches, across broken rock formations, mountains, rockclimbing and all the good stuff). As for human society... though my empathic abilities can goad me into confrontation, people are usually too intimidated to do anything but avoid me. There is another kind of confrontation that really plays havoc with me though...


    Lust. And i've locked myself in this room until I regain some control.

    Celebacy from physical approach if you will ;)
     
  17. SoFla8

    SoFla8 New Member

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    I spent 18 months being a total slut after my divorce in 2000. One morning I woke up and realized that night after night of meaningless sex was becoming a bore. Not boring sexually! Boring spiritually and emotionally.
    Basically I've had sex once since 2002. That was in April of last year and only because I lost a bet. (for another thread) Dont get me wrong. I miss sex, but not enough to do it without there being something more than lust involved. Anyone can go out and get laid.
    My past holds me back from real relationships. My heart doesn't know what my brain does when it comes to women and relationships with them. Being a single dad since 03 doesn't make me a "babe magnet" either. :cool:

    I think celibacy is a good choice...if you're doing it for the right reasons. Personally it's done me a lot of good and I'm kinda proud that I'm not such a slut. :biggrin1:
     
  18. Gillette

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    Good for you. This sounds like a very healthy experiment.
     
  19. rob_just_rob

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    If you still feel the need to jerk off... how is that affecting the quest for clarity of mind that you're seeking?
     
  20. Lordpendragon

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    I don't see the logic RJR. I find my mind more clear if I am not being distracted by my horniness.

    For me Salinger - with a history of being a slut at times - it is as everyone is saying, a personal development thing. Whoring it is great :redface: at some times in your life and not at others. I suspect that you may well come through simply as more discerning and perhaps more open to longer more attached relationships.
     
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