Celibacy

The Dragon

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Posts
5,767
Media
0
Likes
51
Points
193
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Have anyone else ever reached a point where they made a conscious decision where they had just become so sick of pointless sex that it was just better to go without?
But there gets a point where after the rush and charge of the sex dies down. There is that inescapable emptyness that comes over you, even before your heartbeat returns to normal and the sweat has a chance to dry.
It's a bleak feeling.
Has anyone else ever reached that point and does it end?
 

bentos

Experimental Member
Joined
Oct 25, 2006
Posts
58
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
153
Location
jolly ol England......guvnor
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
i had it breifly where as soon as you finished it just seems utterly pointless and shallow. The way it stopped for me was i found a girl i loved and so every bit of physicality meant something. Thats all i can tell you based on my experience.

i hope you do beat it though because its one of the worst feelings in the world.
 

Gillette

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 2, 2006
Posts
6,214
Media
4
Likes
95
Points
268
Age
52
Location
Halifax (Nova Scotia, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Here.

Been about 15 months now. Had that feeling of bleakness with a few. The ex was unique in that rather than feeling bleak immediately afterwards I would be angry before we even finished.

Sex with someone who isn't worth my time isn't worth my time.
 

Principessa

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2006
Posts
18,660
Media
0
Likes
135
Points
193
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
OMG! Are you mad, woman? :confused: If you stop having meaningless sex male hearts will be breaking across 7 continents! This could throw off the world financial market!
tee hee hee I kid, :tongue:.

Have anyone else ever reached a point where they made a conscious decision where they had just become so sick of pointless sex that it was just better to go without?
Yes, I never had a lot of meaningless sex. That's not my style. I tend to be a one man woman. :redface:


But there gets a point where after the rush and charge of the sex dies down. There is that inescapable emptyness that comes over you, even before your heartbeat returns to normal and the sweat has a chance to dry. It's a bleak feeling. Has anyone else ever reached that point and does it end?
Of course it ends. :rolleyes: I reached that point maybe 11 years ago. It was after sex with an FWB. We had known each other since high school and had 'hooked up' whenever we were both not in a relationship. I never felt bad about it, until that last time. The foreplay and sex were good, as we knew each other well. Sex had become a bit like a well orchestrated mambo. :wink: Yet as he got up to throw out the condom I knew I could never be with him again. I couldn't allow myself to have sex with another man I didn't truly love. It was as if my insides had become a vaccuum and I was hollow inside. :frown1:

Of course that feeling ends. It ends when you realize that you are worth more than that. That you need more than a man like that is capable of giving you. It ends when you realize that empty sex is no better than empty calories. One may damage your physique; but the other damages your soul. It ends when you learn to love and value yourself as more than just a sex object.

This doesn't have to mean celibacy and a vow of silence. :tongue: You just need to focus on what you need in a man rather than just what you want. There is a difference between a need and a want. You may want him to be 6'4" with muscles and blue eyes; but what you need is an intelligent, fun man who is gainfully employed and good with children. When you encounter a man who possess' the qualities you need there will be no empty feeling following or during sex.:cool:
 

The Dragon

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Posts
5,767
Media
0
Likes
51
Points
193
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with my libido.
I'm still masturbating twice a day and having cyber sex, but I can do without physical sex.
I'm very much in the same boat as Gillette.
 
D

deleted3782

Guest
I quit having any sort of sexual contact last June when my ex moved out of town. Since then, Ive flirted a little, but no action to speak of. Ive had a few offers that I've not followed up on, in fact I am pretty clear with people I meet socially that I'm not interested in more. I suppose I just feel empty about it all. I can jack off if I need to reduce sexual tensions (been doing that almost daily for the past 10 months). I'm sure the dry spell will break one day if the right person comes along. In the meantime, I sort of find solace in maintaining my individual identity and stoic disposition ... but in reality it does feel very pretty bleak (shhh dont tell anyone!) especially on weekends and holidays. In spite of that bleakness, its just not worth it to hook up with anyone...I'm not that desparate...not yet...haha.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
108
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
after coming out of a long term relationship i decided i needed time alone.
it started off with 6 months but ended up being 3 years.

and i don't regret it. not one iota.

the energy i put into getting to know myself, instead of getting to know a few more men, was well spent. and when i was ready, i knew what i was looking for. my mr right is now making me very happy.

if you do it, think of it as empowering. you're making a commitment to yourself. pamper your body, explore your mind and come out the other side a happier person.

my two pence worth.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
108
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
oh, and if you really want to do this?
don't fret over those who say you're crazy or it's a waste.
what's right for you is what's right for you and they have no right to try to impose their values on you.
 

D_CountdeGrandePinja

Account Disabled
Joined
Feb 4, 2008
Posts
9,541
Media
0
Likes
182
Points
133
Sexuality
No Response
TO EXWHYSEE, I know what you mean; I enjoy my solitude but there are times when you just want to be with someone other than your body -

if you are ever in So Fl - give a nod - have a good day - keep smiling.
 

D_Kaye Throttlebottom

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2008
Posts
1,536
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
123
I have never found comfort in "a bird in the hand..." mantra.

Pleasure is not love. We are wired needing love and spend forever trying to substitute our wants in place of what we need.

I liked being celibate, it gave me the chance to focus on the things that I really wanted to do, instead of forever compromising and taking up the guy's interests in my life.

If someone is questioning that you aren't interested in sex, they aren't listening to you, they are daring you to prove them wrong.

It's frustrating for sure though, when you think about all the other dynamics that are at work when you are physical with someone you love and that loves you.

Their smell, the way they go to bed on their back and wake up on their side because they spooned you in the middle of the night or woke on top of you. The way they hold you. The annoying morning bathroom rituals with the freaking q-tips (Dude are you trying are trying to find a g-spot in your ear with that thing?)...Getting up in the morning before you woke up, cause he remembered the fresh onion bagel that you like at the bakery (even if it gave him a chance to sneak a cigarette...you knew...but he didn't know you knew...lifestyle changes are tough). I remember more about those things ... aside of how big his cock was or that he cycled and had a lot stamina. You remember that he got pissed off at wastefulness, preferred boxed wine because it wouldn't go bad before a bottle would if he hadn't finished it by himself.

All of those things are important, not as much as whether someone knows how to mechanically push your pleasure spots and make you spasm or not.
 
D

deleted3782

Guest
TO EXWHYSEE, I know what you mean; I enjoy my solitude but there are times when you just want to be with someone other than your body -

if you are ever in So Fl - give a nod - have a good day - keep smiling.

Thanks man. Oftentimes its nice to be near someone, just to be near someone. Sex isnt always a requisite. I've been at the other end of the spectrum, caught in a relationship that is toxic and felt just as "bleak" and alone.

It cuts both ways ...
 

Hand_Solo

Sexy Member
Joined
May 21, 2007
Posts
2,307
Media
0
Likes
52
Points
183
Location
Thela Hun Ginjeet
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I've had sex twice in the last year and a half, which is about as close to celibacy as I'd ever want to come, far closer in fact. It's made me pretty miserable.