Certain Closet Case.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Hipsteria, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. Hipsteria

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    So, I'm openly gay and I go to college where I live right off campus; so that means super partying. I meet a lot of guys, and I'm really outgoing. Guys seem to get...gayer when they drink? I don't know, but let's just say most of the people that I've hooked up with are "straight". Also, straight guys who consider themselves homophobes or something are always really comfortable around me because I guess I don't really have the stereotypical gay qualities.

    There is a specific guy that I've made out with on a couple different occasions, and I actually really like him. I don't see him much when I'm not around partying, but he is a very sweet guy and always tells me how much he likes me. I've only made out with him at parties where we pretty much know everybody. The other night we were at a bar and I went to make out with him, and he pulled away.

    All of his friends are convinced he is just a closet case and needless to say, I'm confused. I've told him that I've liked him often and that seems to make things more hot, but I don't even know how to describe this situation properly because it's so strange. The sad part is that this is not the first time this has happened. I feel like I'm always toyed around by "straight" guys. Why can't people just be fucking comfortable and accept themselves?

    Hopefully you can get the gist of it, but has anyone had problems like this in the past? Or any advice? Should I just stop pursuing him and leave it up to him for when he is more comfortable?
     
  2. lvsxy808

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    Yes, alcohol does relax one's inhibitions and lets a person do what their id wants them to do but their superego is telling them not to do.

    But of course the main question should be - why are you bothering with "straight" guys, whether they really are straight or not? Find yourself a nice sexy openly gay guy and you won't have these problems.
     
  3. Hipsteria

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    I understand what your saying, but I guess I just sort of get hooked on the attention and get attached. not to mention all of the relationships I've been in with actually gay men have been AWFUL. I mean awful beyond belief, probably just rotten luck. not even the sex was good.

    But I'm a social work major myself, so I understand people very well, I just don't understand relationships...
     
  4. guynmn

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    I knew many guys like you described while I was in college. It was more acceptable to make out with a dude or do other "gay" things under cover of "I was so drunk" even if they really didn't have a sip of anything. At parties they could always claim drunk to str8 friends and save face. Can be very frustrating to have a guy be so sweet and attentive turn to distant then back again at the next party or in private. I played this game with a hockey player. He was the nicest guy but it drove me insane he Would turn off at the drop of a hat. Some guys can deal with the relationship onthe sly. I could not.
    It can be the same after college but most of these guys are married and not trying to have a relationship.
    If you really think about it this is not a real relationship. They are using you to satisfy bi/gay urges and you are using them as a psuedo boyfriend at least emotionally. It is rather safe feeling because on some level you both *know* it is going nowhere except to bed. Protects them from really being bi/gay (self identified) and stops you from another "bad" gay relationship.

    The str8 living but curious (or way beyond curious) in private or drinking set easily gravitates to cute gay boys. It's up to you if you accept it for what it is and keep seeing unavailable men or stop hooking up with them thinking it will become more.
     
  5. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    This guy sounds like he is conflicted, the reason he reacted the way he did was because he isn't fully comfortable with who he is and he probably isn't sure what he wants. It may be confusing for you but I'm quite sure it's more confusing for him. He will blow hot and cold because I am sure his feelings about members of the same sex to-and-fro, if you catch him on an off day he will react differently. If you don't want to put up with this sort of thing then you should move on and try not to get involved with sexually conflicted guys. He may be straight, he may be bisexual or he may be gay, if you think he is worth it then you will stick around to find out. This is all just part of who he is, as mentioned above if you want someone who is sexually confident about who they are then you need to look for a different type of guy. Guys who may or may not be straight are emotionally confusing because they give off mixed signals, you're not the first gay guy (and wont be the last) to fall for someone like that. It seems like a mystery because it kind of is.
     
  6. Brick7

    Brick7 Active Member

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    So were you in a gay bar or a straight bar? That could make a difference. I know lots of gay guys who never make out in a straight bar.
     
  7. Charles Finn

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    right save it for the back room
    lol
     
  8. Charles Finn

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    see Romanovsky & Phillips Closet case
     
  9. Hipsteria

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    I'm familiar with Romanovsky + Phillips, yeah. But it was a straight bar, I guess.

    I thank you guys so much for your input, and I really appreciate it. I think I decided I'm going to leave it alone. It really isn't worth it, the only time he wants to hang out is when we are fucking, which would be cool if I didn't care about him...but I do. He is like a prime member of an entourage I've established.

    So that's it, I'm going to stop having sex with him unless he is ready to be a little more comfortable, I'm not expecting hand holding, or kisses on the cheek wherever we go, but to at least acknowledge my presence. It's just so easy to fall for a guy like this because of regular insecurities.

    This is going to be tough, though... He's got a killer cock and really takes it so well, haha. Hopefully my eyes will be bigger than my cock. so I can keep myself from sleeping with him. :D
     
  10. B_patrickmcc

    B_patrickmcc New Member

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    Im a college guy too, and very comfortable with my bisexuality. But you have to remember that a lot of guys our age are still unsure about themselves and their sexuality, and while a couple of shots can lossen the inhibitions, it is still a big step to confront same sex curiousity.
    I also have a majority of straight friends, who have no issues with my sexuality, probably because I also have no overt gay tendencies, and I never hit on a straight guy. If he is curious, then I let him decide if he wants to pursue something, and if it happens great, if it doesnt great.
     
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