Cheated On My Wife

[marriedperv]

Posted this on another thread about secrets and realized that it was the first time I had mentioned it to anyone. Kind of felt therapeutic so I thought I would start this thread to get some more focused feedback. To add some context I've been with my wife for 11 years and we have been married for less than a year. I was about to turn 21 when we met.

Last month I cheated on my wife for the first time. Had a trainer come on site at work to train some new hires on a new contract. I wasn't expecting what showed up. Cute, smart, sexy little 26 yo girl from one of our other offices, I'm 32 by the way. I was instantly attracted to her. Took three days of working together before we slept together at her hotel after dinner while I was supposed to be "working late". We met up nightly until the training was over and she returned home. She's single, very much a workaholic and dedicated to her job so she has little time to date or meet new guys outside work. We have been keeping in touch over the phone and online and I have a trip planned to meet her again.

Honestly, she is the woman I have imagined myself being with for a long time now. She is independent, intelligent, educated, a professional and sexy as all hell. As I mentioned, I met my wife young and I lost interest in her years ago. I stay with her for my child's sake. If things evolve into a serious relationship between us I am filing for divorce and shared custody.

 

[D_Peter_Fitzinwell]

be prepared to pay major child support and and a messy divorce...not worth it !

 

[marriedperv]

be prepared to pay major child support and and a messy divorce...not worth it !

If I win shared custody I will not be required to pay child support.

 

[deleted817802]

The new woman sounds great, but take it from one who knows: the grass always looks greener on the other side, and the passion and lust of sex with someone new will eventually fade as well. If your wife and you are not connecting on many levels, it could be time for a change; but if it is primarily sexual chemistry with the new girl, beware, especially when it comes to making a life altering decision after only one month of limited exposure to someone else.

 

[xmarksbreakdownx]

be prepared to pay major child support and and a messy divorce...not worth it !

Fully disagree.

If being with your wife is no longer making you happy, you need to leave her. "Staying for the kids", does not help any. All that means is that your kids get to see their parents in an unhappy marriage.

It may be too late now, but from what I've read I feel like you "settled down" too quick. Being in the same relationship since you were 21 didn't give you the time to "get the crazy out" during your 20s like most people do before getting married.

I do not agree with you cheating, but if you're no longer happy, it's time to make a change. Maybe not with the woman you cheated with, but surely not to stay in a marriage you're unhappy with. History will repeat itself, and that will make no one happy.

 

[554279]

Fully disagree.

If being with your wife is no longer making you happy, you need to leave her. "Staying for the kids", does not help any. All that means is that your kids get to see their parents in an unhappy marriage.

It may be too late now, but from what I've read I feel like you "settled down" too quick. Being in the same relationship since you were 21 didn't give you the time to "get the crazy out" during your 20s like most people do before getting married.

I do not agree with you cheating, but if you're no longer happy, it's time to make a change. Maybe not with the woman you cheated with, but surely not to stay in a marriage you're unhappy with. History will repeat itself, and that will make no one happy.

This is probably spot on IMHO. Ten or twenty years from now it will only be worse. Do not put off the inevitable.

The only thing I would add is before you make the same mistake twice (which I believe is thinking with your dick) you probably need to take some time before you dive into another relationship and figure yourself out.

 

[D_Ty_Le_Knott]

You just mentioned the girl is dedicated to her job and doesn't want a serious relationship. I'm pretty sure that just gave you your answer, she's more interested in her career. Also, if your wife finds out you cheated on her she will most likely get custody, most marriage's that end in divorce the wife gets the kids. At least that's my experience with my parents...

 

[Countryguy63]

Sorry, but I'm not sure what disturbs me the most? The fact that you sound proud of what you've done, or that you are actively planning it again.

You're not happy in your brand new marriage? Fine, leave, get out. But no one, and I mean NO ONE deserves to be cheated on!!

 

[marriedperv]

You just mentioned the girl is dedicated to her job and doesn't want a serious relationship. I'm pretty sure that just gave you your answer, she's more interested in her career. Also, if your wife finds out you cheated on her she will most likely get custody, most marriage's that end in divorce the wife gets the kids. At least that's my experience with my parents...

Well, we are both equally dedicated to our careers and it isn't that she isn't interested in a serious relationship, she just hasn’t had the opportunity to connect with someone. She went straight from HS to college then right into work for the last 4 years.

 

[marriedperv]

Sorry, but I'm not sure what disturbs me the most? The fact that you sound proud of what you've done, or that you are actively planning it again.

You're not happy in your brand new marriage? Fine, leave, get out. But no one, and I mean NO ONE deserves to be cheated on!!

It may be a brand new marriage; however, it is far from a new relationship.

 

[D_Ida_Ho]

Have you asked your wife what she thinks about your marriage? She might feel the same way you do.

 

[deleted300444]

In situations like this.....

If you could close your eyes ane imagine what you wanted..needed..desired..what would it be?

That is the answer.

We should always help those we love. Not hurt them intentionally. However, chabge, growth, happens. Although difficult, it requires courage and honesty.

 

[Sklar]

Another fine example of heterosexuals keeping the sanctity of marriage intact.


Sklar

 

[Betty_Cocker]

A female perspective here. These are important points that you've made.. Give serious thought to each one.

1. You dated 10 yrs before you married a woman that you had "already lost interest in." (The marriage should hae never taken place... kids or no kids.) THIS is enough for a divorce. IF you truly do not love your wife (which you didnt' say... you just said you "lost interst")
2. You met a "fireball" at work. Turned your head (didn't take much according to your comments about your relationship.) Dick jumps out of pants! Three whole days? Good grief what took so long? (sarcasm there in case you didn't get it)
3. Yes, you sound very proud of the fact that you have cheated on her (I don't care how old you are... this "cockiness" shows a level of immaturity.)
4. You don't want to leave your wife "unless things work out with this woman." (Are you afraid of being alone? Or do you want/need an excuse?)

Someone already made a point about cheaters getting custody. Don't think she won't know about the other woman.. She may already know (and we women can play it cool when we want to.)

If you want to leave her, don't wait on a full fledged affair to leave. You are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. You are infatuated with this spitfire of a girl. I have a feeling that if she travels for work, you will end up being cheated on, just as you are cheatng on your wife. It is a truly blind person who cannot see what you are headed for. She doesn't have time for a relationship? But she has time for a good fuck on the side when she travels. If you end up with her, you stay home, and, knowing how you met, become jealous and suspicious of every trip she takes. If you are looking for an excuse to leave your wife.. whoa buddy, this is the wrong excuse!


I think you are in trouble and need to sit down and consider all the issues. You need to talk to your wife and express your feeings about the relationship. If you feel you are growing apart, she needs and deserves to know. (And she may feel the same way.) True.. if you are unhappy leave your wife NOW. The child will be 100% better off. 50/50 shared custody is almost impossible to obtain (not saying you can't but it's hellamess to work out with the children.) Better to get primary custody or at least liberal visiting ... and I'd put big money on you not getting anything you want out of this if your wife finds out there is another woman.

Just sayin........

 

[danimal32]

Only you can decide what you want to do. The only suggestion that I would make is that you don't go directly from wife to co-worker. It sounds like you haven't been able to experience many other relationships, if you and your wife separate, take some time for you. Don't go from the frying pan to the fire and find yourself in this same situation again.

 

[Infernal]

You're only a month into this and you're already thinking about a future with someone who really doesn't have time for a serious relationship ? You're thinking with the wrong head. If you aren't happy in your marriage, you owe it to your child to at least try to fix it before you put the kid through a divorce. Breaking the vow you made to your wife, and child, usually carries a large price tag. Is that piece of ass worth the price ?

 

[ShannonH]

I'm sorry you've been in a miserable relationship for so long, but you really cannot justify what you're doing. If you're in a relationship where you've explicitly set the expectation of sexual monogamy, cheating is a form of abuse. When you are non-monogamous with someone you sleep with, there's an implied risk of STI transmission, meaning both parties are aware of the risk and take it willingly. If someone believes you couldn't introduce an STI because you're not with anyone else, they're not making an informed decision about their own body.

I really don't know why you married someone a year ago if you were already feeling like you didn't want to be with them, but what's done is done. It doesn't sound like you have any future with this other woman, but it does sound like you want to sleep with people other than your wife, so you've got to figure out what you want. I wouldn't go to couple's counselling right away, but individual therapy is a good option. You really need to understand your own motivations for being in this situation before you can make a decision about the rest of your (and your child's) life.

 

[BillyD]

I got involved in a love triangle like this through work. Without getting into too much detail, I wasn't married but was with the girl about 7-8 years when I had a work fling. I ended up with the girl I had the fling with, but now looking at it, it should've never happened and I'd wish I stayed with the first girl. I'd give the advice to just drop the fling woman, it's not worth it. You're just thinking with lust right now, not a clear way to think.

 

[D_Budd_Hert]

He has already cheated on his wife and is now a member of LPSG ....Hmmmmmm ?entering the chatroom looking for ladies who will cam for him . He is thinking with his dick and doesnt seem to care about how his wife feels .... He told me they were drifting apart and her looks are headed south ....way to love Ur wife man ! Yeah I'm divorced as well but I'd never put my wife or kids thru the piggotry level Ur on ....... I wont wish U good luck but hope all goes well with her . I'd love to see assholes like U lose everything just cuz Ur thinking with Ur dick and no one else ......Good Day to U Sir !

 

[deleted356736]

I can't understand marrying someone you don't have feelings for 10 years after living together. Be that as it may I have had several affairs myself, and mostly with married women (who were obviously having affairs behind husband's backs). Indeed I am in a relationship with two married women now.

My wife is a lovely woman and we get on well together in many, many ways, but sexually she's not got it and never will have it. We have lots of mundane, average sex. Married woman number one is a few years younger than me with younger children and she gets on well with her husband, but sexually he doesn't do it for her either. Married woman number two is a couple of years older than me and like me her children have grown up. Sexually her husband doesn't do it for her either (there's a lesson here for those men who smoke by the way: both husbands smoke and both husbands are having sexual difficulties). Married woman number two has a few other issues with her husband and I suspect that it's not a happy relationship. But being the age she is, it's going to be hard to divorce and split the property down the middle and start again, especially as she has been the main money earner. It's going to be even harder to split her substantial superannuation down the middle. So for the moment it's me for sex and the intellectual stimulation she misses out on at home, while married woman number one lives in another city and we catch up every now and then for sex.

Don't know what all this proves except to say that life can be complex and compatibility in sexual and all other ways is a hard thing to find in one, single individual. Good luck to those who have but for those who haven't, like most of us, there is the choice of misery or taking action while we still have age and ability on our sides.

And for men, give up on the smoking. Sexually you will fail, and when that happens you may never know what your wives will be doing behind your backs.