Cheaters/abusers

[dolfette]

give it time.

in a few yead you could be as bitter and jaded as i am!

 

[invisibleman]

I think that you are prone to cheating...don't fucking commit to any relationship whatsoever.
Be honest about it.

 

[freyasworld]

Freyasworld, where do you manage to find such a holier than thou self righteous sense of entitlement?

Jesus.

So sorry if I have offended you, I did not want to be self righteous, the footnote was meant to inject a little humour, as it is a difficult discussion topic to explain in a few words, but I stand by the 3 factors, Sexual desire, Love and Attachment are what makes a relationship. If you would like references then I can provide them. Also check out www.liarscheatsandbastards.com

 

[HiddenLacey]

Maybe there's something broken in me because no matter what happens or has happened I still like to think there are good people in the world.

 

[sbat]

Maybe there's something broken in me because no matter what happens or has happened I still like to think there are good people in the world.

Yup broken. They'll get to you in time, just sit tight:wink:

 

[HiddenLacey]

Yup broken. They'll get to you in time, just sit tight:wink:

lol i've had bad things happen in my past, I'm convincing myself to refuse to look at the future as though every person I meet is going to be the same. It's hard not to and I catch myself doing it, but I just don't want to be that person who lives in the past!:smile:

 

[Drifterwood]

Cheaters are not happy in their relationship so they look for elusive happiness elsewhere, there are 3 factors or emotional needs:.... Sexual desire, Love, and Attachment. Most people require all three to have a happy relationship, some will settle for only 1.

OMG, I nearly agree with Freya.

I think that there is another factor, respect, which may be what becomes attachment. However the point is that some relationships do work with only one or two of the three or four elements. Actually, I think that respect is the most important one, but that is a just a personal intuition.

Many people work wihout having all three, and they find ways to compromise if they want the relationship to last. I find these debates interesting because a lot of people get really uptight if someone compromises their lack of sexual desire or compatability for a partner by cheating, yet they would be perfectly happy if there was no love or respect. Each to their own I suppose.

And yes, I am saying that you can love and respect someone whilst having sex with someone else. Difficult concept eh?

 

[43698]

To forgive is god like and it is not inherent of human nature.

 

[B_hijack]

To forgive is god like and it is not inherent of human nature.

Wounds heal, but scars are for life.

I believe that if you don't forgive, then you have to carry that anger with you. It's exhausting and it ages you. I think that a great step in one's maturity is learning to forgive... but never forget.

One of the things I love about this sight is that there is such a deep intuition about the sexual nature of humans. We may not agree with everyone, and things can come across as personal at times. However, with an open mind, I have really learned Alot, about ALOT!!

Hell yeah.

 

[D_Vladimir Jurkov]

lol i've had bad things happen in my past, I'm convincing myself to refuse to look at the future as though every person I meet is going to be the same. It's hard not to and I catch myself doing it, but I just don't want to be that person who lives in the past!:smile:

You certainly ARE thinking the right way. Although the number of bad people outweigh the good, there are plenty of happy couples in the world. My parents are an example, and they know a good amount of happily (or at least on the outside they appear happy) married couples. It's very possible, but I can agree that it is easy to get discouraged upon meeting the bad apples. As far as "looking at the future...," all you can do is take it one person at a time. You have no idea what's in store for you, so just live in and enjoy the present. But there are good people out there. Finding them may take time and it can be a trial and error process. But giving up would be way less satisfying than believing and one day knowing that you have found the good one(s)

 

[D_Blanche Badabing]

I'm forever the "sunshine child", I like to believe in the better parts of human nature however this causes me to overlook a lot of other peoples faults. I've taken back someone who had repeatedly cheated on me and regretted it... Hoping that he would change (which he didn't).

Despite this I agree with petite I have never made and will never make ultimatum, as things are rarely black and white, also a threat isn't a way to start a healthy relationship. I don't let others walk over me and if my current partner cheated on me I don't think we would stay together but I'm not one-sided enough to have already made that decision not knowing the circumstances.

I have never cheated on a partner and I highly doubt I ever will. Even though I've forgiven people in the past, the hurt still remains and I wouldn't be able to inflict that pain on another human being.

 

[B_quietguy]

I'd forgive a one time cheater depending on the circumstances.

A repeat cheater? Nope.

An abuser? Never going to get a second chance! Before the abuser's ugly ass is out the door, I tell all my friends why so they know not to give him/her the time of day.

 

[cgoodness]

i think it is okay to forgive somebody for such an act. i did choose to forgive, but not forget. still working on issues, but stand by my decision proudly. everyone is entitled to become overwhelmed and confused which can cause a stupid bad mistake by anyone. outside factors are always a part of such betrayal. i think something can be wrong in a relationship even if its not the relationship and combined with not enough communication one of the people can lose themselves so to speak. the mind can be very complex. something can affect you and cause all sorts of unrelated changes in your behavior and this can go on for a very long time without knowing whats causing it. i believe in my case that i've been dealing with she became her own worst enimy. thoughts became infactuations and confusion then becoming completely lost. its easy to obsess and be stuck in a tunel vision especially if you try to figure out everything on you own.

it has cause me to grow way beyond what i even thought possible, wish i didn't have too, but i'm proud to be who i am now. i too got stuck on the sex side of things wondering what i couldn't provide. men, almost all men will go there first. i now have gotten to the point where i feel it has absolutly nothing to do with sex as far as my pain is concerened. it never will again should i have to live thru it again. the biggest factor for me is the lies. i can't feel safe with somebody i don't know. if there are lies then i don't know where they start or end big period..

there are other things that become big issues also like respect, and knowingly conducting in something that causes so much pain. these to me are horrible, BUT if you look at a situation, maybe you can understand the mind game and loss of self people are capible of if the situations are right and they try to work it out themselves.

forgiveness i feel is okay but through this there must be growth. you have to learn and accept your personal weaknesses and change your boundries, habbits and communication skills if there is hope in continueing on..

 

[alwaysguessing]

petite, PrincessTasha, submissivegirl - thanks for hinting that one day she might come back to me. But I doubt it because after I found this out I tried telling her that he is dangerous and all that. I didn't say or imply one bad thing about her, and she got furious at me. She even said "this has nothing to do with him" when I mentioned his previous drug habit and the way he lied to get her to return home (had his mom send her a picture of a mangled up car and said he was in the hospital in serious condition. Of course no such event happened.) She pretty much hates me because I wouldn't leave her alone when I found out she had went back to him. In my defense, I thought he was forcing her to stay with him. What I was trying to do is get her to tell me where she was so I could go get her and "free" her and the twins from him. And apparently my doing this, in her mind, is considered "stabbing in the back," and all she said is that I have no idea what it put her through. I asked her to tell me and she said "Don't worry about it."
Let me also reiterate that she honestly believes he has changed and that all the abuse and cheating is over for good. I doubt this, after he recently threatened the life of her brother in law and the way that he tricked her into returning.

Unless she admits to me that she has a serious problem for falling for him again, and that she is willing to seek the proper mental help, I don't think I would take her back.
But thanks for making me think it's possible that she will leave him. I just can't bear to imagine what sort of life the twins have ahead of them.

Run. This one will bring you nothing but anguish.