Cheating boyfriends = cheating husbands?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by eyescream, Jan 31, 2010.

  1. eyescream

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    I was chatting with a male friend of mine yesterday and we were talking about marriage and cheating.

    I told him that I might not be capable of being faithful if I were to get married. He told me that he feels he's the faithful type.

    He also told me it's important to put myself in my partner's shoes (i.e. would I be okay with my husband cheating on me? If not, then why would I cheat on him?).

    Here's the twist though: I've never cheated in a relationship no matter how compelled I was. He on the other hand, is in a relationship and he's been cheating on his girlfriend.

    Is there anybody in here who cheated on their partner when they weren't married yet and then after marriage you remained faithful to your spouse?

    I believe talk is cheap, if you're the type who would cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend then you're probably the type to cheat on your husband/wife.
     
  2. madforfood

    madforfood New Member

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    i was out at a nightclub with my boyfriend, but we'd had a row that day and he was sulking. He wouldn't dance with me, but I was determined to have a good time. I'd dressed up for the evening with a short black skirt, black lace hold up stockings - and no knickers. I began to dance when a good song came on. A man joined me and began to dance with me. He groped my arse - he could see I liked it. Slowly he moved me towards a darker corner of the club, and I willingly submitted. I could see my boyfriend still at the bar refusing to enjoy himself. The other man backed me into a dark corner, still dancing with me. He slid his hand up my skirt, and to his delight, his fingers went straight into my wet cunt. He finger fucked me hard and I came. He smiled at me and walked away, licking my cunt juice from his fingers. now we are even he cheated on me last year was i wright or rong to be honis i think i will be ending it with him tomorrow i have wasted three years with him sod him xx
     
  3. eyescream

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    That's a hot story. Sorry to hear he cheated but yeah you deserve better, I guess you're now even.:smile:
     
  4. invisibleman

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    I was cheated on. I was disappointed in him. Very much.

    I honestly can say I don't have ANY control whatsoever over any man cheating on me. So maybe, I should take a strategic approach about it. I probably shouldn't expect that I am the only one in every relationship. I should really be selfish and think of my own concerns.
    If he can find someone...why couldn't I do the same?



     
  5. Principessa

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  6. Fleur

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    I don't think it's impossible that someone could be monogamous after being a cheater. It might be unlikely to some or hard to do, but it's possible.

    I believe that people can reform and change their behavior if they want to work at it. We're not entirely animals.

    I would not rule out marrying a man with a past of cheating, even serial cheating if there were all the components of a healthy relationship, honesty, trust, communication, intimacy etc.

    Everyone has a past, who am I to judge which past is reformable and which isn't.
     
  7. killerb

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    I wouldn't trust a cheater to suddenly become faithful just because they recited some wedding vows...

    and i don't personally know anyone who ever stopped cheating...they may have taken a pause, but eventually they were right back at it...
     
  8. Fleur

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    Me neither...saying some words for a few minutes wouldn't make anyone suddenly become faithful.
     
  9. eyescream

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    I completely agree with you.

    I think many people expect marriage to be this huge thing, when it's a commitment just like any other.

    Cheating for some is also like any other addiction. Sort of like a smoker telling you "okay, I'll stop smoking on Sunday".

    Come Sunday most will be like "ok, whatever."
     
  10. Jojo51623

    Jojo51623 Member

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    I am someone that is faithful, however I have indeed been cheated on in the past. I was hurt but at the same time very turned on and the more I thought about it, the more it turned me on. He was definitely an overall better looking guy than me. He also made her very happy, something I guess I couldn't do. When she was with me she was depressed a lot and never really smiled in pictures but when she got with him you could see she was happy and had a real smile.
     
  11. Drifterwood

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    You can spend times of your life sleeping with ten people a week and other times being monogamous.

    Monogamy is not a moral issue to me, though to many, Americans in particular, it seems to be. There is total monogamy, emotional monogamy, genetic monogamy, sexual monogamy and social monogamy. These suit and work for different people at different stages in their lives. Of course if you take a simple moral view, then you are likely not to understand the subtleties of the human sexual condition.

    I am only talking about hetero monogamy. And let's not forget that the latest research suggests that women cheat more than men.
     
  12. Ethyl

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    I don't think it should ever be a matter of either/or unless you submit yourself to a relationship where the other person requires you to be monogamous. You can practice fidelity and still be in an open relationship if that is what both people want. It's usually frowned upon by society and still seen as cheating by others which is why you don't hear about it much. Some people can do it and some can't.
     
  13. eyescream

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    I completely agree with you. I think I'm probably the type who would cheat on a husband for a bit of fun. But at heart, I'm extremely a one-man woman.
     
  14. surfgar0393

    surfgar0393 New Member

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    you don't have to be in your grandparents marriage. define what marriage is between you and your partner. maybe it will include some sex with other people, maybe not. just don't limit yourself to live the marriages you've seen in the past. Unless of course you're extremely religious, then the church will set the rules for you.
     
  15. helgaleena

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    The issue of cheating versus faithful is one of honesty, not how many people are involved.

    He is a cheater because he is lying to the girlfriend, not because he is spreading himself around. If the girlfriend knows all about it and still keeps him, then he is not cheating.

    But it is dishonest not to be upfront about what he is doing. He's leaving it open to lie to her about any number of things, his finances for example, if he is a liar about his sexuality.

    That is why you are able to be faithful when in a relationship yet say you would want to include others if you married. It is because you are honest and he is not.
     
    #15 helgaleena, Feb 1, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2010
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