Cheating Dad

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by prince_will, Jan 14, 2008.

  1. prince_will

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    what do i do in this situation?

    my dad has cheated on my mother before, and this even resulted in a lovechild which my mother knows about, but stuck with him anyways. My mother doesn't know i know about him, and my father knows i know, and even tries to discuss it with me on occasion. he speaks about him sometimes when we are both alone, but he never tells me how it happened.

    and now, he's doing the same shit again with another woman. he goes away frequently "on business", i've read texts from him to her, and vice versa, plus, he's even had the gall to have her in the car with me once but he's never admitted to having any relations with her. after the car ride, he said "don't tell your mother". also, he calls her, and you can immediately tell who it is by the change of the tone of his voice to a more loving one.

    i've even checked his camera on occasion (which he is heavily protective of) and seen images of them away in Florida together, and even with her son. i even checked one of his bags to see a picture of this little boy over a picture he had of me which really, really hurt.

    he's screwed up because ALL the men in his family do the same shit, including his brothers and his father. i just don't know what to do. i can't really tell my mother because it would destroy her, but i hate what he is doing.

    he even almost got caught once by my aunt. (my mum's side of the fmaily knows) the woman was in his car while he was driving and my aunt followed behind him, but drove off as soon as she thought she was noticed, which lead to a very vicious denial from my father and a heated conversation with my aunt on the phone...

    i do love my dad. don't get me wrong. he's a nice guy sometimes, and always helps us out when we need him, but my respect for him has greatly diminished..

    anyone with advice or facing anything similar?
     
  2. ActionBuddy

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    Yeah, get out of their house and live your life in a way that makes you feel proud of yourself. Pronto!
     
  3. Principessa

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    Damn! That really Sucks! I've never been in that situation thank God!

    I think you need to let your dad know, that you know; and you are not cool with it. Inform him that you have no desire to meet these women or their children and that his covering your picture with his bastrd's pic is unacceptable.

    On second thought, that is way easier said than done. :redface:

    I have no idea what you should or can do. It's a most untenable situation. :frown1::mad: Feel free to vent here often.
     
  4. swordfishME

    swordfishME Member

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    This is your father's life and he can lead it whatever way he chooses to do so. You say he has done this before and fathered a child and your mother knows about it? Well, it seems to me that she has made her choice and it is to look the other way

    You have every right not to agree with what your father is doing but there is nothing you can do about it except move out of his house and refuse to have contact with your half-siblings. I know that is hard to hear but everyone has a right to live their life according to their own wishes as long as it is within the law.
     
  5. B_andyo

    B_andyo New Member

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    ... my family is like that ... and I dont want to be like that, I am loved by a precious person! :)
    my grandad had a son with another women been with my grandmother.. I was talking to him the other day and he say had sex with like 150 women.
    my uncle on the other hand 1500 women... which he lost count.. he used to collet panties and my grandma told me she found him over a hundred of panties that he collected in less than a year ( he was truly popular fucking so, may be true...)

    My other uncles are about the same but less in the # of women.. my dad is the same... we talk about women since he is not with my mother anymore but I have asked him and known many women that he had dated and he has been with about 60 women in like 7 years. Or maybe more he doesnt even know. ( his penis stat I would guess about 5-6 inches) soft he is about 2.5-3 inches. sometimes 3.5 if that matters.. :)
     
  6. jason_els

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    Will, please listen closely.

    There are a few dynamics going on here.

    Your dad is looking for you complicity as a form of tacit approval.

    You need to tell your father that the position in which he is placing you is unfair. If he's going to cheat on your mom then you do NOT want to know about it because it divides your loyalties. It places you in an ethical quandary.

    My father did this with me too and I cut it off immediately. He was seeing a Playboy bunny and gave me the old wink wink nod nod and I told him that it was unfair because I loved my mother and knew she would be hurt by this. He's looking for your tacit approval of his affairs and it is wrong of him to put you in this position.

    Take a stand. Tell him straight out that if he does have girlfriends that you do not want to know about it because it makes you an enabler by proxy and it's unfair of him to do that to you. Get separated, get a divorce and then fine, date who you want to.

    Do not play his game. Opt out of it entirely by telling him how you feel, not son to dad, but man to man. You love your mother and your dad may well too, but it serves no purpose for you to be party to a relationship that damages the nature of their marriage.

    As to the child of the previous romance, don't hold it against him. He's your half brother and not responsible for how he came into the world.
     
  7. Manbap

    Manbap Member

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    Somehow, I feel like most married men cheats on thier wives/girlfriends. Some are very dumb in doing it and will eventually get caught. Others are smart and knows how to get a way with it if is only occasioal cheating.

    Men are MEN ... we should change the definition of "man" in dictionaries!
     
  8. B_andyo

    B_andyo New Member

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    lol true...

    I havent cheated on my gf though...
     
  9. B_andyo

    B_andyo New Member

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    dont have to.. she completes me
     
  10. Damian Johnson

    Damian Johnson New Member

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    Dude!

    You wont want to hear this but im speaking from the same experience. Its your parents business dude n you got no right to interfer. Just like you wouldnt like your dad or mom getting involved in your business - same with you and them.

    You dont know what you mum really knows - or might choose to turn a "blind eye to" - dont underestimate her intelligence, or her ability to make descisions to ignore what is unpleasant to see.

    Also, if you dad has done this before, the fact that he stays with your mom clearly shows that deep down he knows where his bread is buttered.

    Relationships are not just about sex - and your very wise mother clearly knows this.

    DJ
     
  11. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    BINGO! on Damian's post!!!

    He's so right.

    Don't get involved and do not let your dad get you involved either. One huge truth I've learned in life is stay out of other peoples' marriages and that means anyone, including your parents. People will frequently try to suck you in but there's no way you can be objective. Just stay out and tell your parents that and stick to your guns.
     
  12. Damian Johnson

    Damian Johnson New Member

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  13. ManlyBanisters

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    I have to agree with Damien and Jason.

    My parents both have had other people in their lives over the course of their marriage.

    My father was by far the more proliffic offender and also used me as a kind of confidante when I knew my mother was at least partly aware of and hurt by his actions. I told him it was none of my business and I needed him to respect that. He got that and backed off.

    I have since discussed this all with my mother and she was even more aware of his cheating than I thought at the time. She had had an epiphany at one point in their marriage when she worked out that she could live with his behaviour because it didn't make her in any way a lesser person or less loved - he was committed to her on a level that never happened with the other women and she was able to accept that and stay happy.

    Hopefully this is where your mother is at - but regardless it is not your responsibility nor your problem. Try to make your father understand that and leave you out of it.
     
  14. SpoiledPrincess

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    I also agree with Damian and Jason, your father's trying to get your approval. Like they said I'd tell him that you didn't approve of his behaviour and you don't want to know what he gets up to and you don't want any part of it, when it comes to your half brother that's a difficult one, it isn't his fault but by having contact with him you'd probably be forced into having contact with the other woman, again that's also difficult, it might not be a very nice thing to have an affair with a married man but we don't know the circumstances of their affair and he might well have told her he wasn't married but she doesn't owe your mother any loyalty while your father most certainly does.
     
  15. prince_will

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    thank you all for you beautiful posts. it has helped me alot on seeing different views on the situation and people who have also been through something similar. speaking about this is hard, not only because it's such a difficult situation, but for the longest time, i haven't been able to tell anyone about this. i have lots of good friends, but no one that i would fee comfortable sharing this with. This is why i love LPSG. it gives me a chance to say the things that i can't, plus, the support and the people here are truly awesome, in every sense of the word.

    i have to get ready for class now, so i'll be back in a bit, and when i get back, i'll respond more in depth to the posts.

    and one thing i wanted to clear up: the woman now who my dad is cheating with, (the one with his picture over mine) her son is NOT his love child. that is another woman and another child entirely. i have no idea who his mother is, and i have also never met my half-brother even though my dad will sometimes give little hints about the boy asking about his brother and sister (i have an older sister).

    i just can't see him because i'd feel like i'll be betraying my mother, who knows about him and wants nothing to do with him, and has also tried to not let us know of his existence. i know i can't hold it against him, but i find it so hard to get the strength to go and see him....
     
  16. Damian Johnson

    Damian Johnson New Member

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    Dude - you must lead your own life, not your parents. You must put yourself first, as well as be thoughtful to them. Regarding your half brother - do YOU want to see him? If you do, then do it. If you don't, then dont. However if you want to see him you should even if it does upset your mother a little bit. As I said to you at the beginning - its your life you must lead. Ultimately your family is who looks after you and who has shown you love and support - and if this is your mother then perhaps dont see him. But as before, try NOT TO TAKE SIDES between your parents - keep out of their battles, issues and politics - and if they try to get you involved, be strong and bat it back to them. :smile:
     
  17. allmale

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    Time to move out and start living your own life.
     
  18. D_Herin_Ghan

    D_Herin_Ghan Account Disabled

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    I'm just going to give you an anecdote here on my life, and go back to lurking because I have dealt with a similar situation as you. I'm not going to give you advice on this because each situation is different, but know that just because others agree with a certain form of advice...it does NOT make it right.

    My parents were married for 20 years. Everthing was perfect for 19, until he started gong on "business" trips which would last longer than they should with his former assistant, now current busness partner whom he is dating in the open. I caught my Dad red handed and confronted him about it. He denied and denied until I basically forced a confession out of him with hard evidence. My Mom had been suspicious about it, and in the back of her mind she probably knew at this point as well. My father straight faced lied to his own son multiple times. A man who can do that is a pathetic, sad, person. A person not worthy of my respect, regardless of whether he brought me into the world or not.

    Anyway, I took my Dad's denials and cheating ways as a complete lack of respect for me, my Mother and my family. My junior year of high school my parents separated, and like the deceitful bastard that he is, my Dad blamed my Mom for everything; he called her an unfit Mother, sic'ed a high priced lawyer on her and screwed my Mom, my brothers and I out of some serious money that he makes with his business partner. I am the only one who can investiagate his earnings reports, since it was part of their marital agreement that my Mother could not (huge red flag right there). I plan to take what's mine the minute I leave PSU, but that's besides the point.

    The relationship I have with my father is utterly pathetic. It's completely one sided (I do not have any respect, and a minute amount of love left for my father). When a man has a family, he has a responsibility to set a precedent and an example for his kids...the only example he has set is to show the men in my family what NOT to do to a family. He had the American dream, and he blew it on a slut with a big bank account. My Dad and I have come to blows twice, and twice I've put him on the deck, which only further dsgraced him in my eyes. I have a lot of vitriol reserved for him, and he is still relatively clueless to all of it. What makes it worse in my situation is that he has a relationship with her two sons, one of whom I have also come to blows with for opening his mouth about my personal life when he shouldn't have. Basically, I grew up not liking the kid, and now my Dad dates his Mom...and the kid has a fucking mouth on him. My Dad knowing all of this; knowing that I never liked him, knowing that he openly talks shit about me..still let's the kid talk. He's never told him to shut up once.

    What you do in your situation is your own business, but I believe that the way I handled myself was with dignity and out of respect for my mother and my brothers. I answer once or twice a month if he's lucky, and other than that...no real relationship. A man who can rip a family apart and lie his way through it is a piece of shit person, and not the type of person I want to associate with. You do as you please, it's your life. If it bothers you that much, do something about it. Call him out on it if you wish. If it affects you emotionally, IT IS YOUR BUSINESS.

    Cheers.
     
  19. B_Lightkeeper

    B_Lightkeeper New Member

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    Sorry about your situation. The thing that bothers me about your dad's extra affairs is the chance that he may contact aids or a sexually transmitted disease and pass it on to your mom. Whether they are still intimate or not, your mom should insist on his using protection. How she is advised to do so, is a problem.

    Good luck!
     
  20. B_ajaxgayguy7

    B_ajaxgayguy7 New Member

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    Whats going on with your parents is their business, not yours. If you mother knows about it then what business is it of yours? Do you know the whole story of what is going on between your parents?
     
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