Cheating is wrong....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by PYBIMA, Oct 21, 2009.

  1. PYBIMA

    PYBIMA New Member

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    But, I have been in a relationship for 20 years, things have gotten old after so many years, as well as I have a huge sex drive and my partner doesn't. I have never cheated and know my partner would never want a 3 way or open relationship. But, I have to tell you, I am getting so hot and bother all the time lately and I usually JO when my partner doesn't want to have at it, but even the JO is not cutting it any more. Plus, my partner is on the average size and I am a bottom who constantly wonders what a large one would feel like, I feel so terrible for these feelings, but they keep getting stronger.

    And, I am going on a business trip next week and I doubt any one would hit on me, but if they did I don't think I would be able to control myself.

    Can any one share any experiences or thoughts or advice.

    Thanks
     
  2. Rubenesque

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    Re: being curious about bigger, wouldn't a dildo suffice?

    I would suggest not cheating, if you've been together 20 yrs one would assume you have a connection that goes beyond sex. I guess you have to decide losing him would be something you could live with if he ever found out.
     
  3. Mule

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    The best - but certainly not easiest - course of action is to tell your partner these things and decide together on how to handle the situation. Either you split up or come to a mutually amicable solution.
     
  4. PYBIMA

    PYBIMA New Member

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    The thing is I don't want to split up and he is very set in his ways and the minute I brought this up he would say there is the door. So either way I lose.

    Oh well, no one said life was easy.

    By the way Mule, AWESOME DICK!
     
  5. PYBIMA

    PYBIMA New Member

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    Of course, I have tons of fantasies. Like a closted married guy forcing me into a compromising situation. Married guy would not want anyone to find out and I would feel guilty but possibly the chances of getting caught would be less.

    Wow, I have really thought this out.
     
  6. No_Strings

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    How sure of this are you? Is casually mentioning some sort of polyamorous scenario to gauge your partner's reaction out of the question?(Assuming you haven't already.)

    If you feel about this so strongly, you might consider discussing it from the angle of 'what can we do to make both of us satisfied?'. If your partner genuinely cares about your well-being and the difference between a purely sexual relationship and a loving relationship are thoroughly explained, it may not be nearly as much of an issue as one might fear.

    "Poly" should never be a dirty word, whether it be for one night or a lifetime; especially if you pursue active means to include one another as much as possible within your/their comfort-zone. Indeed, it may be arranged that your partner isn't physically involved at all but has accepted what you feel is a desirable situation to pursue. Making sure that one's partner is fulfilled should hopefully be a critical component to a relationship. :smile:


    And remember; the action itself that you perform is never what's cheating. The deception is. :wink:
     
    #6 No_Strings, Oct 21, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2009
  7. PYBIMA

    PYBIMA New Member

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    I appreciate all the comments very much. No Strings, wow that sounds great, but he would never go for it, he would tell me to hit the road, he feels, how he feels.

    I guess, I will just have to sacrifice my urges for our relationship. I know there is no way around this. :(

    True, it is the deception!
     
  8. Mule

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    So your options are 1) deceive him or 2) leave him.

    Option 1 is no good if you have any respect for him, so you have to decide if your desires are more important than your relationship with him.

    Thanks!
     
  9. Beanie

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    well it would seem that you have thought long and hard about this and it is clear that you have these desires but in no way want to hurt or go against your partner in anyway, a very difficult situation indeed.

    well, for starters, if you have already noticed that your urges have gotten stronger and what used to work just simply doesn't cut it, then i think its safe to say its going to get worse before it gets better. and although you say that your partner wouldn't listen to what you had to say on this, and obviously i dont pretend to even know your them at least to the degree that you do, but people can surprise you, you dont actually know the outcome until youv tried it...

    good luck with it all thought.
     
  10. Beanie

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    he would just tell you to hit the road that plain and blankly? does he care about you and your feelings so little that it would be as simple and black and white to him? its obviously you care deeply for this guy, other wise you would not of started this thread and would not still be together after 20 years, but your in a relationship, not a dictatorship.
     
  11. widenine

    widenine New Member

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    It's damn interesting to hear the female take on this one. I'm dealing with neighbors who separated two months ago for the second time in Five years. On each ocassion, the wife plotted and planned her careful departure over few months. This time she told her husband that she was off to walk the dog and never returned. He tracked her down through her family and found that she had flown to another state to start over.

    Last week, it appeared that amends have been made and she may be returning home to be with him. Then they had a conversation about the first time she left, five years ago, and she confessed that after leaving, she fell into a relationship with a guy that she met while alone at a movie. He walked up to her and asked her out. The relationship lasted, she said, for two months. The whole time she was talking and kind of dating her husband and deciding if she wanted to get back together.

    Now... here is where the help is needed. She swears to her husband that during the two months, the man would come to her new home/condominium and that they were never intimate. She says that they would sit on the sofa and watch movies. They never laid in bed to watch movies, he didn't kiss her accept to say hello and good bye on the cheek, there was no touching private parts directly or indirectly. She says, not everyone thinks that way. But she met her husband long ago and they had intercourse on the second date, on his sofa.

    Personally, her husband and I believe she fucked the guy, probably many times. I believe they had full-out oral and penetrative sex and that the relationship fell apart. She's older than the guy and he got what he wanted and split over time.

    If she had told him this, he would have believed her and still took her back. Now she's coming home and this "lie" is looming over the relationship. He had never cheated on her until she told him about this guy. Then he met a women and fucked her in his bed.

    Note: She told him that she wasn't wrong to see the guy because they were separated.. she had moved out. She believes she was wrong for not telling him during the five year period that they've been back together. And Now that she's planning to come home, she's pissed because he won't say if he's getting laid in her absence. Go figure.


    Ok..women... and men. Is she lying? What is your gut?

    Note also that she and her husband were not having sex for over a year when she left. She wanted it but the husband lost interest. They had intimacy problems and planned to get help.
     
    #11 widenine, Oct 21, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2009
  12. PYBIMA

    PYBIMA New Member

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    Has anyone here ever cheated? What happen?
     
  13. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    First I feel the language you're using is screwed up. "Cheating" is such a terrible word for the whole thing. If you have needs that your partner can't or doesn't want to help you with, then it's time to be honest about where the real problem lies. Certainly not with you. You need to tell you partner very clearly about your needs and see what happens. To me living this lie is worse than any "cheating". Your partner is keeping you from fulfilling your humanity. It's time for a heart-to-heart...now!
     
  14. B_a new long one

    B_a new long one New Member

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    Well with 37 years of marriage under my belt and being bi sexual and my wife overly sexual, we have had a great sex life. Many threesomes where she gets a great deal of sex from 2 of us while I can get aliitle bit of a man. We are open to each other in what we want , like and would like to try. The 1st time I suggested getting anal sex, she used a didldo on me, the next time she watched a good friend enter me, while shee sucked me off. Thank god for a good open minded woman. By the way we raised 5 kids through all this
     
  15. latinluva

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    Do it, you'll be doin him a favor. You don't have kids, your not married? Right?, tell him what you want and are feeling and if he can't handle it, do what ya gotta do. Just be very safe.
     
  16. latinluva

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    That's a great marriage and a great woman. You truly are blessed. It's so easy when ya got a partner that wants you to be happy and give that back in return.
     
  17. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    i think be honest with him.

    Say that you want sex, and he is not fulfilling your needs. If you cheated on him, without telling him how you feel, he obviously wouldn't take it well.

    Try bringing it up with him, since anything in a relationship which is causing stress/strain to either party should be brought up and discussed.

    Also, why doesn't your partner have a high sex drive? Is it how he naturally is, or has it died down lately? If it's the latter, he should probably see a doctor, in case something is wrong.
     
  18. beachbum1971

    beachbum1971 Member

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    When one person has a high sex drive and the other doesn't there are problems. The person with the low sex drive may have health problems or be depressed o just have a lower libido. The person with the high sex drive feels unloved, starved for attention, and starts to look at other ways to be satisfied. Communication is key or you will obsess thinking about it. Reevaluate this from the standpoint of not just sex, but why your partner is not concerned that you are not fulfilled. Does this carry into more than just sex? Is your partner selfish? If you can't work out your frustration you may find yourself doing things you would have never thought you would do. Figure it out and then make a conscious choice, not one in the heat of the moment.
     
  19. Principessa

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    You're kidding me right? This is a big dick site. Everyone here has a high sex drive. :naughty: Of course people have cheated. :rolleyes:
     
  20. drac

    drac New Member

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