Cheating or Not???

[Diesel2215]

No sure what to think!! Maybe I'm just stupid!!
On Saturday we were visiting at friends, you know having a good time shots of tequila so on and so forth. I was chatting to my best friend and my wife was seeing to my friends wife who obviously had too much to drink. Next thing my wife comes out almost in tears telling me we had to leave.
The story unfolds as follows. My wife was getting her friend settled in bed when things turned weird. At first her friend tried to kiss her and told her that she "loved" her (not sure what that meant!) my wife kept on trying to avoid her friends advances. Eventually she gave in a bit and one thing led to the other and she kissed her friend. The reason why my wife was so upset is that she kissed her back. (I kissed a girl and I liked it:biggrin1
She was upset because she felt she was cheating on me. Is this cheating? I kept on reassuring her that I was not upset (all guys fantasize about this kind of thing) She seems more upset than I am.
I would appreciate any feedback.


Cheers

D

 

[Duke13]

i'd constitute it as cheating, everyone has their own opinions on the matter. but if it doesn't phase u, it really shouldn't be making her so upset. but might i say, you have a really sweet woman there(and no, not for kissing some drunk lady)but for having such a good conscious

 

[Nala]

In my opinion it's not cheating.

I've experienced the same with a male friend of us. It happened only once (I made sure it wouldn't happen again), but I felt upset about it, because the kiss felt good and did turn me on. It was my own response that was most bothering. My husband wasn't upset about it, just like you.

Things like this happen, I think it's cheating when you follow up on the kiss or search for situations like these. If you don't initialize and stop the situation before it's going out of control I don't think you're cheating.

 

[Xcuze]

Who cares? The only one that needs to worry about her cheating is YOU. You obviously dont, indeed u seem turned on by it! So whats the problem?

You should go kiss a male friend, then youre even.

 

[crescendo69]

It was a mild case of cheating, but it was confessed and forgiven.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

It's not cheating unless its with a guy...

I am joking (kind of) but how would you feel if she had kissed a guy?

 

[Diesel2215]

i'd constitute it as cheating, everyone has their own opinions on the matter. but if it doesn't phase u, it really shouldn't be making her so upset. but might i say, you have a really sweet woman there(and no, not for kissing some drunk lady)but for having such a good conscious

Thanks Duke. She is a honey!!!!

 

[Diesel2215]

It's not cheating unless its with a guy...

I am joking (kind of) but how would you feel if she had kissed a guy?

That to me would be quite different!! Don't know why! Maybe i don't feel threatened by her!!!

 

[wonderland]

I don't feel it was cheating. If my BF gave his drunken friend(someone that was coming on to him) one kiss I wouldn't consider it cheating.

 

[Diesel2215]

I don't feel it was cheating. If my BF gave his drunken friend(someone that was coming on to him) one kiss I wouldn't consider it cheating.

It wasn't one kiss according to her!

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

That to me would be quite different!! Don't know why! Maybe i don't feel threatened by her!!!

Same here. I think it would be that way for a lot of guys. I had a girlfriend "just kiss" some guy and it put me right off her.

I wish I could get a girlfriend who would make out with her best friend. The best friends are usually hot too...

 

[Xcuze]

Yawn. Just as I suspected, its turning into a STR8 GUYS WITH LESBIAN FANTASIES THREAD. Masquerading as a genuine problem!

Ho-hum.

 

[Diesel2215]

Yawn. Just as I suspected, its turning into a STR8 GUYS WITH LESBIAN FANTASIES THREAD. Masquerading as a genuine problem!

Ho-hum.

Believe what you want!!! No reason to waste your time or mine!!!!:frown1: Yes it is was a fantasy but never thought it would happen in real life or how I should have reacted!!

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I kissed a girl and I liked it!!! Not cheating, did your wife think the same thing when she was sober?

 

[StraightCock4Her]

Slap the shit out of your wife. If it can happen with a girl it can happen with a guy.

Frankly, I'd consider leaving her. Not because of the kiss but the fact that it was without permission.

 

[ledroit]

Believe what you want!!! No reason to waste your time or mine!!!!:frown1: Yes it is was a fantasy but never thought it would happen in real life or how I should have reacted!!

Diesel, this is not cheating. Cheating is when you try to get something going on the side, either an open ended sex thing, or an open ended romantic thing--or when you decide to do either outside your relationship, with one or a series of people, w/o telling your partner.

Drink was involved. These are close friends of yours. Things happen.

The important thing now is your wife. You can earn yourself huge brownie points by not getting threatened or freaked out, and not going all territorial monster on her.

Tell her you you're interested in her, nobody else. What does she think? Has she ever kissed a woman before? Why not encourage her to talk with the woman about it? Process things a little bit? See what's going on?

You have to be generous with her since you love her. You have to be focused on what's best for her. What's best for you is to have a good, open, trusting relationship with her, and complete integrity. Is her friend more bi- than she realized? Was it some emotional thing? Is your wife extremely hot and irresistible? There are all kinds of possibilities, but the only two people who really matter in all of this are you and your wife. Period.

If you love her, you have to want what's best for her and you both. For that to happen, you have to get to know her. All of her. Including whatever this means. I guarantee you she will love it if you use this as an opportunity to get to know her better, and as an opportunity for her to reveal more about who she is, even if that includes a little more bi- than she realized.

You can live with that. All kinds of people live with that. My best friend is bi-, and deals with it just fine. So do I, even though I wish he were gay. I know the feelings he has for me, so does he, and so does his wife. But he loves her more, and loves women more than men. Both of them know I am committed 100% to their marriage, just as I know my friend is committed 100% to a close friendship, but only a friendship, with me. The rest is not difficult at all. It just requires communication and honesty, on all sides.

The rest is richness.

 

[3664shaken]

Seriously people, one Kiss is not cheating, especially if you feel guilty afterwards, get over it.

 

[Diesel2215]

Ledroit thank you for all your wise word. Sorry I am only responding now. I have been away for most of this week.
Thank you for all your comments good or bad!!!

Hope to hear from some other view points, but this basically is sorted. I do encourage her to be adventurous (with me:biggrin1 so I do not blame her. I love her with all my heart and I know she does to. I think it was a spur of the moment thing and nothing that she would investigate on a regular basis. We have been married for 11 years and I guess as Ledroit said, we are still getting to know each other.

Thanks again


D

 

[B_andyo]

I just think its weird.. It may be cheating since maybe she discovers she is into women and leaves you. ( this happens a lot)
Then again if it was a one time deal then you shouldn't worry. Then again nothing is guaranteed that it will be one time.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

i'd constitute it as cheating, everyone has their own opinions on the matter. but if it doesn't phase u, it really shouldn't be making her so upset. but might i say, you have a really sweet woman there(and no, not for kissing some drunk lady)but for having such a good conscious

Your absolutely spot on Duke. :wink: Also the reason she may be feeling so upset is because she did enjoy it. The guilt within herself that she did enjoy it.